Things are feeling really good with Capt Awesome -- "really good", as in, I think I'm not going to date anyone else at the moment. I just can't get to know other guys when I really want to get to know just one guy in particular.
This was pretty evident on my date with Smooch the other night. I warned him earlier in the day that I was getting over a cold -- this was somewhat true (I seem to have had a mild cold for the past few weeks) -- but I mainly wanted to establish that this would be a relatively nookie-free night. (note: not sure what YOUR definition is of "nookie" -- in this case, I'm just referring to kissing)
I'm sure he sensed something was different -- it just wasn't as comfortable and easy as it had been on our two previous dates. Who knows - things might have been different if we had carried on dating consistently after our first date in the end of August. But it just is how it is. So.
Capt Awesome and I have been emailing and texting every day. We have a fabulous, long date planned for tomorrow... and he has already invited me to a party next week.
AND... I did a bit of cybersnooping, and discovered two things:
1. he took down his Jdate profile -- wow!
2. we're not Facebook friends, but he has no privacy settings up, which means I can read his wall, check out his pics, etc even though we're not FB "friends". In one status update, he wrote that he was having a particularly good week -- when a friend inquired about that, he responded that work was going well and he'd "met a new girl".
I'm just feeling giddy and smiley about him right now. And if I hear from Smooch again? I'm not sure. Do I tell him that I've met someone? (perhaps a bit premature) Or do I tell him that work / life is too busy right now, and maybe we can touch base in a few weeks? Hm. Will cross that bridge when I get to it. (interesting sidenote: it just happens that Smooch wrote to one of my friends on Jdate this week -- of course, he has no idea that she's my friend. Coincidence.)
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Brace yourself
In rough chronological order -- updates on the dates from the past few weeks. (I DID manage to have a social life in between episodes of "Mad Men"!)
Mr Cool: To recap: we'd had a great first date, with some back and forth followup, before he disappeared. I was disappointed, but quickly got over it -- I simply resigned myself to the fact that this sort of thing happens all the time.
Well -- surprise, surprise -- two weeks after I last wrote to him, he wrote back: he was very sorry that he'd lost touch. He had moved out of his place, and it turned out to be quite taxing. He's currently working in Another Country for a month or two, and wasn't sure when he could see me again -- "probably not til next year". He said he'd had a wonderful night with me, but it was a shame we met at such a crazy time in his life, and could we please stay in touch?
I took my time in writing back -- sure, let's stay in touch. Meanwhile, I still think it's rather lame -- if you like someone, you CAN find the 30 seconds to respond to their text message. Not giving him any further thought at the moment, but if / when he comes back, depending on what's going on in my life, I'd maybe -- MAYBE -- see him again.
Smooch: we have our third date tomorrow night. We're averaging one date per month (he was just out of the country the past few weeks, but did a pretty good job at staying in touch). I think it may have a bit of a "first date" feel, it's been that long... but there's also someone else on my mind at the moment... that would be:
Captain Awesome: (date #142) We've been out four times now -- he's a great guy. So why is there some part of me that's holding back? Details to come soon -- but first, the other dates that didn't progress further...
Date #143: Tom -- not his real name, he just looked like a "Tom" to me. Took me to a jazz show on our first and only date -- quite generous of him. Perfectly nice guy, just no spark on either end. He wrote a followup email saying as much a week later.
Date #144: Elvis (as in, Costello - not Presley) Smart, quirky guy -- just lacking a certain sophistication. It's hard to describe this without sounding elitist, so I'll just leave it at that. Saying that -- for some reason I felt that he's someone I could have as a friend. We'll see if that happens.
Date #145: the Sourpuss. I think he cracked half a smile in our 90 minutes spent together. Reminder to self: ALWAYS talk on the phone first to get a pulse on the guy before a date! (we kept missing each other, and the date was arranged via email and text)
Date #146: Kojak. A rare NON-internet date -- we met at a party, where we shared many mutual friends. We had our second (and last) date tonight, watching the World Series in a bar. I was excited about him at first because it was a nice change to have met someone where there was actually a personal connection -- but it just wasn't enough. Nice guy, a true gentleman, but the vibe just wasn't there.
Date #147: Opie. New to NY, his "gee, whiz", wide-eyed personality just didn't do it for me. Actually, it was quite painful for this cynical New Yorker -- the words "fucking agony" keep appearing in my mind during our brief brunch date.
Back to Captain Awesome - we have plans in place to see each other this weekend. Just the thought of him makes me smile -- and recalling all these other lame dates is certainly helping to put things in perspective. I'm just not getting that immediate giddy feeling that I had for Teen Crush and New Guy -- maybe I'm just more cautious these days?
More to come!
** note: his blog name came from some Mad Men-related blog. I just loved the name.
Mr Cool: To recap: we'd had a great first date, with some back and forth followup, before he disappeared. I was disappointed, but quickly got over it -- I simply resigned myself to the fact that this sort of thing happens all the time.
Well -- surprise, surprise -- two weeks after I last wrote to him, he wrote back: he was very sorry that he'd lost touch. He had moved out of his place, and it turned out to be quite taxing. He's currently working in Another Country for a month or two, and wasn't sure when he could see me again -- "probably not til next year". He said he'd had a wonderful night with me, but it was a shame we met at such a crazy time in his life, and could we please stay in touch?
I took my time in writing back -- sure, let's stay in touch. Meanwhile, I still think it's rather lame -- if you like someone, you CAN find the 30 seconds to respond to their text message. Not giving him any further thought at the moment, but if / when he comes back, depending on what's going on in my life, I'd maybe -- MAYBE -- see him again.
Smooch: we have our third date tomorrow night. We're averaging one date per month (he was just out of the country the past few weeks, but did a pretty good job at staying in touch). I think it may have a bit of a "first date" feel, it's been that long... but there's also someone else on my mind at the moment... that would be:
Captain Awesome: (date #142) We've been out four times now -- he's a great guy. So why is there some part of me that's holding back? Details to come soon -- but first, the other dates that didn't progress further...
Date #143: Tom -- not his real name, he just looked like a "Tom" to me. Took me to a jazz show on our first and only date -- quite generous of him. Perfectly nice guy, just no spark on either end. He wrote a followup email saying as much a week later.
Date #144: Elvis (as in, Costello - not Presley) Smart, quirky guy -- just lacking a certain sophistication. It's hard to describe this without sounding elitist, so I'll just leave it at that. Saying that -- for some reason I felt that he's someone I could have as a friend. We'll see if that happens.
Date #145: the Sourpuss. I think he cracked half a smile in our 90 minutes spent together. Reminder to self: ALWAYS talk on the phone first to get a pulse on the guy before a date! (we kept missing each other, and the date was arranged via email and text)
Date #146: Kojak. A rare NON-internet date -- we met at a party, where we shared many mutual friends. We had our second (and last) date tonight, watching the World Series in a bar. I was excited about him at first because it was a nice change to have met someone where there was actually a personal connection -- but it just wasn't enough. Nice guy, a true gentleman, but the vibe just wasn't there.
Date #147: Opie. New to NY, his "gee, whiz", wide-eyed personality just didn't do it for me. Actually, it was quite painful for this cynical New Yorker -- the words "fucking agony" keep appearing in my mind during our brief brunch date.
Back to Captain Awesome - we have plans in place to see each other this weekend. Just the thought of him makes me smile -- and recalling all these other lame dates is certainly helping to put things in perspective. I'm just not getting that immediate giddy feeling that I had for Teen Crush and New Guy -- maybe I'm just more cautious these days?
More to come!
** note: his blog name came from some Mad Men-related blog. I just loved the name.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
My new boyfriend.
I have a new boyfriend, and he's been occupying nearly all my free time these past few weeks. His name is Don Draper.
I was a bit late to hop on the Mad Men phenomenon -- but once I did, it was full steam ahead. Netflix couldn't get the DVDs to me fast enough -- I had to start downloading them from iTunes. Every night, I was sucked into the goings-on at Sterling Cooper. On weekend days, entire afternoons were devoted to the latest drama between Don and Betty.
FINALLY, I'm caught up! I watched all three seasons in as many weeks, and I'm relieved to have my life back. I did manage to have a few real-life dates in the meantime -- updates to follow soon. There's even one guy who has my attention more than the others (besides Don Draper, that is -- our relationship has nearly run its course, as this season is about to end).
One last tidbit of amusement:
A few days ago, I got a call from a number I didn't recognize. I didn't pick up. I then received this text from the same number a few minutes later:
Hi, it's Joe Shmoe from a few years ago. I have a crazy idea, and would like to discuss if you have an open mind -- if you know what I mean.
Background: "Joe" and I dated about 3 years ago (pre-blog) for a few months, but it was never serious. It just didn't have the makings of a great romance. (or even a not-so-great one, for that matter)
I texted back asking for details, and he said it was easier to discuss on the phone. I called him, more out of curiosity than anything else -- he said that he got married last year, and he and his wife have been talking about having a threesome, and would I be interested?
I laughed out loud, and sarcastically thanked him for thinking of me, but it just wasn't my thing. It's especially bizarre because he does NOT seem like the kind of guy who would be into that at all -- I recall that he was a pretty straight-laced, button-up kind of guy.
Check back in a few days for updates on Mr Cool, Smooch, a new guy I shall dub "Captain Awesome", and someone who will simply be known as "Sourpuss". (just one guess on how well that date went!)
I was a bit late to hop on the Mad Men phenomenon -- but once I did, it was full steam ahead. Netflix couldn't get the DVDs to me fast enough -- I had to start downloading them from iTunes. Every night, I was sucked into the goings-on at Sterling Cooper. On weekend days, entire afternoons were devoted to the latest drama between Don and Betty.
FINALLY, I'm caught up! I watched all three seasons in as many weeks, and I'm relieved to have my life back. I did manage to have a few real-life dates in the meantime -- updates to follow soon. There's even one guy who has my attention more than the others (besides Don Draper, that is -- our relationship has nearly run its course, as this season is about to end).
One last tidbit of amusement:
A few days ago, I got a call from a number I didn't recognize. I didn't pick up. I then received this text from the same number a few minutes later:
Hi, it's Joe Shmoe from a few years ago. I have a crazy idea, and would like to discuss if you have an open mind -- if you know what I mean.
Background: "Joe" and I dated about 3 years ago (pre-blog) for a few months, but it was never serious. It just didn't have the makings of a great romance. (or even a not-so-great one, for that matter)
I texted back asking for details, and he said it was easier to discuss on the phone. I called him, more out of curiosity than anything else -- he said that he got married last year, and he and his wife have been talking about having a threesome, and would I be interested?
I laughed out loud, and sarcastically thanked him for thinking of me, but it just wasn't my thing. It's especially bizarre because he does NOT seem like the kind of guy who would be into that at all -- I recall that he was a pretty straight-laced, button-up kind of guy.
Check back in a few days for updates on Mr Cool, Smooch, a new guy I shall dub "Captain Awesome", and someone who will simply be known as "Sourpuss". (just one guess on how well that date went!)
Thursday, October 15, 2009
It's surprising, but it's not.
Last time, I wrote that I'd had a wonderful date with Mr Cool. You know that feeling, when you're really "in the moment" with someone -- you find yourself thinking, wow, this could really be a good thing! This guy is fabulous! What could go wrong?
Which is why it's such a shock when that fabulous guy disappears. Even when you're used to dating in NY, and it happens all the time -- it's still a shock.
For a few days after the date, Mr Cool and I kept missing each other, leaving messages on each other's voicemails. I realized that medium of communication was proving difficult, so I last followed up with an email. Three days ago. That doesn't sound like a lot of time -- and check back with me in a week or so -- but I just have a feeling I'm not going to hear back from this guy. My gut usually tends to be spot on about these things.
Just to make sure -- maybe he didn't get my email?, as deluded people the world over ask themselves -- I tried one last ditch effort, and texted him this morning. Nothing.
Sure, I'm bummed. I also realize that you know nothing about a person after one date, and more likely, you're just subscribing to some fantasy of what you want this person to be. Saying that, I've been in a funk about this guy the past few days... but today I was thinking about the blog, and realized that posting about this would be my way of getting this out of my system. I'm feeling better already.
Is it some kind of karmic retribution that at the exact moment Mr Cool called for the last time, I was kissing another guy?
I mentioned the Young'Un once before -- we'd been emailing and IMing for months, but always seemed to have conflicting schedules. In one very candid conversation, we even established that we probably wouldn't be a match -- he wants kids, I most likely don't -- but there still seemed to be an attraction there.
Earlier this week, we were IMing, and it came up that we were both free that very evening. We met for a few glasses of wine. We kissed. We IMd the next day along the lines of, "that was fun, but we should just be friends". End of story. (he was date #141).
There's some early communication brewing with a few new J-guys, but no one I'm really excited about right now.
Oh -- pleasant surprise -- Smooch has been emailing from the foreign country where he's currently traveling for work, even including some pictures of his activities. Some flirtiness in the emails. Something to look forward to, his return in a few weeks.
Which is why it's such a shock when that fabulous guy disappears. Even when you're used to dating in NY, and it happens all the time -- it's still a shock.
For a few days after the date, Mr Cool and I kept missing each other, leaving messages on each other's voicemails. I realized that medium of communication was proving difficult, so I last followed up with an email. Three days ago. That doesn't sound like a lot of time -- and check back with me in a week or so -- but I just have a feeling I'm not going to hear back from this guy. My gut usually tends to be spot on about these things.
Just to make sure -- maybe he didn't get my email?, as deluded people the world over ask themselves -- I tried one last ditch effort, and texted him this morning. Nothing.
Sure, I'm bummed. I also realize that you know nothing about a person after one date, and more likely, you're just subscribing to some fantasy of what you want this person to be. Saying that, I've been in a funk about this guy the past few days... but today I was thinking about the blog, and realized that posting about this would be my way of getting this out of my system. I'm feeling better already.
Is it some kind of karmic retribution that at the exact moment Mr Cool called for the last time, I was kissing another guy?
I mentioned the Young'Un once before -- we'd been emailing and IMing for months, but always seemed to have conflicting schedules. In one very candid conversation, we even established that we probably wouldn't be a match -- he wants kids, I most likely don't -- but there still seemed to be an attraction there.
Earlier this week, we were IMing, and it came up that we were both free that very evening. We met for a few glasses of wine. We kissed. We IMd the next day along the lines of, "that was fun, but we should just be friends". End of story. (he was date #141).
There's some early communication brewing with a few new J-guys, but no one I'm really excited about right now.
Oh -- pleasant surprise -- Smooch has been emailing from the foreign country where he's currently traveling for work, even including some pictures of his activities. Some flirtiness in the emails. Something to look forward to, his return in a few weeks.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Jim and Pam and dates #139 and #140
Did you catch Jim and Pam's wedding on "The Office" this week? I just watched it -- and I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I found myself bawling at the end. It was incredibly sweet -- and it hit home the fact that I really, really want to find that kind of love with someone. Yes, I know it's fictional. And yes, I know that no relationship is perfect. I'm just SO ready to meet someone amazing, and every so often, I just get tired of yet another failed date.
Whew -- with that rant over, let's recap the latest updates.
Date #139: Dr Foodie. Dr Foodie and I seemed to connect by email, then we had a very brief phone conversation -- he seemed a bit dry, but I was willing to take a shot. He was good-looking (in a clean-cut, boy-next-door way -- not my usual type), and the conversation flowed easily -- but there was just a certain warmth missing. When he said he had an early meeting and kissed me on the cheek goodnight, that pretty much sealed the deal that he wasn't interested. No big deal -- I would have gone on a second date with him, but wasn't exactly smitten.
Date #140: Mr Cool. While out with Mr Cool, I thought (for a second) about my date with Dr Foodie a few days earlier, and realized, "now THIS is what a great date feels like!".
Mr Cool was adorable, fun, funny, smart. And he seemed into me. We wandered all over the lower east side and the village, popping into one place for wine, then another for a bite. We eventually kissed. We walked some more. We flirted, we laughed. He texted me after we parted ways.
And -- he has texted a few times in the three days since that night, without making a suggestion of when we should see each other again. I'm trying really, really hard to leave this up to him, but I hate waiting.
I'm keeping in mind that despite a really fun night, and despite talks of next time, there's no guarantee that I'll see him again. That would be a bummer, but life would go on.
THIS sucks: even if I do see him again, sometime in the near future he's going to another country for a work project -- for a month.
Smooch update: the irony of Mr Cool telling me that he had this big international project coming up is that Smooch is also out of the country -- in his case, for three weeks. What's up with this?? Normally I'M the one leaving town!
As I mentioned last time, Smooch and I had a really fun second date. Then -- nothing for nearly a week, when he texted me that he'd been busy prepping for his trip, and he'd try to call me later. In the "Guys Are So Strange" department: Smooch called me one night, but didn't leave a message. I emailed him the next day, wishing him a good trip. He called the next night (when I happened to be out with Mr Cool) -- again, no message.
A very helpful reminder in this timely post by Moxie -- if he's not making much of an effort to get in contact, then he's not that interested. Period.
If he gets in touch when he's back in town, I'd be happy to see him again -- in the meantime, I'm not going to devote any mental energy towards him.
Whew -- with that rant over, let's recap the latest updates.
Date #139: Dr Foodie. Dr Foodie and I seemed to connect by email, then we had a very brief phone conversation -- he seemed a bit dry, but I was willing to take a shot. He was good-looking (in a clean-cut, boy-next-door way -- not my usual type), and the conversation flowed easily -- but there was just a certain warmth missing. When he said he had an early meeting and kissed me on the cheek goodnight, that pretty much sealed the deal that he wasn't interested. No big deal -- I would have gone on a second date with him, but wasn't exactly smitten.
Date #140: Mr Cool. While out with Mr Cool, I thought (for a second) about my date with Dr Foodie a few days earlier, and realized, "now THIS is what a great date feels like!".
Mr Cool was adorable, fun, funny, smart. And he seemed into me. We wandered all over the lower east side and the village, popping into one place for wine, then another for a bite. We eventually kissed. We walked some more. We flirted, we laughed. He texted me after we parted ways.
And -- he has texted a few times in the three days since that night, without making a suggestion of when we should see each other again. I'm trying really, really hard to leave this up to him, but I hate waiting.
I'm keeping in mind that despite a really fun night, and despite talks of next time, there's no guarantee that I'll see him again. That would be a bummer, but life would go on.
THIS sucks: even if I do see him again, sometime in the near future he's going to another country for a work project -- for a month.
Smooch update: the irony of Mr Cool telling me that he had this big international project coming up is that Smooch is also out of the country -- in his case, for three weeks. What's up with this?? Normally I'M the one leaving town!
As I mentioned last time, Smooch and I had a really fun second date. Then -- nothing for nearly a week, when he texted me that he'd been busy prepping for his trip, and he'd try to call me later. In the "Guys Are So Strange" department: Smooch called me one night, but didn't leave a message. I emailed him the next day, wishing him a good trip. He called the next night (when I happened to be out with Mr Cool) -- again, no message.
A very helpful reminder in this timely post by Moxie -- if he's not making much of an effort to get in contact, then he's not that interested. Period.
If he gets in touch when he's back in town, I'd be happy to see him again -- in the meantime, I'm not going to devote any mental energy towards him.
Friday, October 2, 2009
30 second update
Busy work day, so just a quick summary:
* I ended things with Insta-BF -- it was actually a rather easy, civilized conversation. He followed up with a very thoughtfully written email, saying he'd like for us to remain friends. I'd like that as well -- and I'm relieved that we had this talk.
* Had a second date with Smooch -- a really fun time -- good chemistry there. He texted me the next day that he'd had fun, and we should do it again soon.
Unfortunately, he's going on a long business trip next week -- for three weeks. I'm hoping to see him before he leaves, but am waiting for him to initiate those plans. Get cracking, dude!
* I ended things with Insta-BF -- it was actually a rather easy, civilized conversation. He followed up with a very thoughtfully written email, saying he'd like for us to remain friends. I'd like that as well -- and I'm relieved that we had this talk.
* Had a second date with Smooch -- a really fun time -- good chemistry there. He texted me the next day that he'd had fun, and we should do it again soon.
Unfortunately, he's going on a long business trip next week -- for three weeks. I'm hoping to see him before he leaves, but am waiting for him to initiate those plans. Get cracking, dude!
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Oy oy oy
I need to do something about Insta-BF soon. It seems like he's getting in deeper, while I'm sliding further away from him.
Time for a pros / cons list:
Pros:
* He's sweet.
* He dotes upon me.
* He's reliable.
* When we have schedule conflicts, he tells me that he'll be the luckiest man in the world if he can take me out to dinner that week.
* We have pretty good chemistry, though I feel that it's starting to wane a bit on my end.
* We met in a "real life" situation, and have lots of mutual friends.
* Very open communication -- though maybe a little too open.
Cons:
* He's unsettled -- he's in between jobs AND apartments right now. Currently crashing on a cousin's couch.
* He has a bit of an immature streak -- he has a tendency to mock other people. I've called him on this.
* other issues that I just can't go into here, of the "unsettled" nature. Just trust me on this.
* I'm going to sound elitist by saying this, but there's just a certain lack of sophistication. (and maybe I lack sophistication just by saying that -- so be it).
The other night, we were texting back and forth, trying to decide if we should meet at a mutual friend's party, or meet at my place and travel there together -- he mentioned that he wanted to come to my place first, because he wanted to talk.
Oh shit -- the talk! I was filled with dread -- really, were we going to have to do this right before going to a party together? Was he going to ask what I thought about "us"? I had a pit in my stomach for the next few hours until he arrived.
It turns out he was simply having some family issues, and just needed to vent to someone. Whew. But later, I realized that we really DO need to talk about "us", soon. I enjoy his company, but I'm not sure I see a future here -- meanwhile, he's already made references to birthday gifts he wants to buy for me, with my birthday being a few months away.
Ugh. I wondered about the feasibility of doing a gradual fade-away (don't initiate contact, take my time in replying, etc) -- but I think this situation will require A Talk after all. I have a very full week ahead with work and social engagements, so I'm considering having this talk over the phone. Face-to-face would be preferable, but I'm not sure we can get together before the weekend, and there's a chance we may both be going to our mutual friend's lake house over the weekend.
One of my social engagements this week is a date with Smooch. I'm excited to see him again -- our previous (first) date was over a month ago. His recent e-mails have been smart and funny, and I have a feeling our next date will follow along those lines.
Any advice regarding Insta-BF is most welcome. What would YOU do in this situation?
Time for a pros / cons list:
Pros:
* He's sweet.
* He dotes upon me.
* He's reliable.
* When we have schedule conflicts, he tells me that he'll be the luckiest man in the world if he can take me out to dinner that week.
* We have pretty good chemistry, though I feel that it's starting to wane a bit on my end.
* We met in a "real life" situation, and have lots of mutual friends.
* Very open communication -- though maybe a little too open.
Cons:
* He's unsettled -- he's in between jobs AND apartments right now. Currently crashing on a cousin's couch.
* He has a bit of an immature streak -- he has a tendency to mock other people. I've called him on this.
* other issues that I just can't go into here, of the "unsettled" nature. Just trust me on this.
* I'm going to sound elitist by saying this, but there's just a certain lack of sophistication. (and maybe I lack sophistication just by saying that -- so be it).
The other night, we were texting back and forth, trying to decide if we should meet at a mutual friend's party, or meet at my place and travel there together -- he mentioned that he wanted to come to my place first, because he wanted to talk.
Oh shit -- the talk! I was filled with dread -- really, were we going to have to do this right before going to a party together? Was he going to ask what I thought about "us"? I had a pit in my stomach for the next few hours until he arrived.
It turns out he was simply having some family issues, and just needed to vent to someone. Whew. But later, I realized that we really DO need to talk about "us", soon. I enjoy his company, but I'm not sure I see a future here -- meanwhile, he's already made references to birthday gifts he wants to buy for me, with my birthday being a few months away.
Ugh. I wondered about the feasibility of doing a gradual fade-away (don't initiate contact, take my time in replying, etc) -- but I think this situation will require A Talk after all. I have a very full week ahead with work and social engagements, so I'm considering having this talk over the phone. Face-to-face would be preferable, but I'm not sure we can get together before the weekend, and there's a chance we may both be going to our mutual friend's lake house over the weekend.
One of my social engagements this week is a date with Smooch. I'm excited to see him again -- our previous (first) date was over a month ago. His recent e-mails have been smart and funny, and I have a feeling our next date will follow along those lines.
Any advice regarding Insta-BF is most welcome. What would YOU do in this situation?
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