And that’s that. Again.

I had “The Talk” with Good Voice. Seems that we might continue to see each other, but with no expectations.

Seemingly out of nowhere, right? Well… not so much.

Truth be told – I didn’t want to admit it here (or really to myself) – while I thought GV was a great guy, I never really felt that kind of feeling for him. I actually tried to create those feelings for him – after all, he’s a wonderful guy – sweet, smart, successful. I thought that I *should* have felt more for him than I was actually feeling.

In the beginning, I was swept up in the excitement of this cool guy – and the attention he lavished on me didn’t hurt either. As time went on, and the “new” excitement wore off, I started to see our differences more and more.

When we first met, he mentioned that he did want to get married again at some point, and he did want to have more kids. Somehow, we revisited this topic just before my trip… but now he was saying that he wasn’t sure what he wanted, on both counts. Oh. That, coupled with my lingering doubts about him – well, what the hell were we doing anyway?

We had a little getaway this weekend – in the back of my head, I felt this was “make or break” time. We had a nice time together, but it wasn’t exactly the warm, sweet vibe you want in a lovely setting like that.

After coming back, and after digesting the weekend for a bit, I had to bring up the talk. He understood. It was a friendly, civilized talk, and we're still going ahead with plans for a big group dinner with some of my friends this weekend.

So – that’s how we got here. And I’m 100% OK with it – a bit relieved, actually. I didn’t have quite the emotional investment I had with Teen Crush (almost forgot his blog name for a minute!), so I’ll be just fine.

And … seeing as I pre-paid for six fricking months of J-date just around the time I met Good Voice, I’m certainly going to get my money’s worth now! (though I just had a quick look, and I’m not really impressed)

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In other Guy News: had a platonic lunch with Cute Chef today. I mentioned him a while ago – he’s the chef / owner of the uber-trendy restaurant on my block – and I had the hots for him some time back.

Now we’re just in the Friend Zone, which is just fine. (oh yes, and he has a girlfriend now anyway!) He’s still a cutie, and we’re better off being just friends anyway. I don’t know if I could date a chef – the hours are crazy. (sorry, LKL, I know you’ll disagree with me! But I’m right!)

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Another update in the Guy Newsletter: Flirt e-mailed me yesterday, inviting me to his gig tonight (he’s a jazz musician). I just might go… it doesn’t hurt that it’s only about three blocks from my apartment. He also happened to mention that he’s newly single. Well – whattaya know…

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And this is neither here nor there, but I saw Minnie Driver on the street today. She looked radiant.

Puppy-Boy

My friends generally consider me to be an open, friendly social sort. Sometimes, a bit too much.

This was apparent this weekend: I was on the subway en route to a friend’s party. The guy next to me starts up a conversation, mainly about the subway delays, etc. He was adorable in a 20-something-puppy-boy way – seriously, if he were a dog, he’d be spinning in circles, chasing his own tail. I quickly dropped into conversation some info about a recent bike ride my “boyfriend” and I had taken… just so it was out there.

No matter. He still chats away, the sweet little thing. We got off at the same stop, where I was connecting to another subway line to meet a friend en route to the party.

I don’t know why, but next thing I knew, I had invited Puppy-Boy to accompany us to the party. He accepts. I figured, the party was bound to be filled with fun, cool, people… so what’s one more?

Met up at the next subway with friend E, who didn’t seem at all surprised that I’d found a new friend. Puppy-Boy continues to chat away (more chasing his own tail)… and we quickly discover that he’s a bit ADD-ish, hopping from one topic to the next.

At the party, Puppy-Boy quickly befriends everyone in the place, in his friendly, loud, goofy manner. The hostess, my friend Party Girl, asks if he came with me – I stammered, “um, yeah, he’s kind of a new friend”, thinking that if he were to burn the house down or steal the family jewels, it would be a bit embarrassing to admit that I’d picked him up on the subway a half-hour earlier.

Luckily, there were no major mishaps – actually, Puppy-Boy was quite handy with the grill, and did a great job keeping everyone’s plates filled. AND I spotted him helping to clean up, unasked.

If he were 10 years older, I’d consider introducing him to some of my single friends… but alas, he’s just a young pup…

I like big ducks and I cannot lie

(slightly tipsy post, but the story was so hilarious I had to share it right away!)

Met some friends for drinks tonight. Many drinks into the evening, and we're sharing online dating stories. J’s story was so hilarious, I made her repeat it for any friends who came along later in the night:

She had exchanged a few e-mails with a new guy, when he asked for her number. A few days later he texts her (note: texts, not calls), asking if she was free that night. Damned if she was going to be someone’s last minute plans (especially if he was too lazy to call!), so after a few exchanged texts, they made plans to meet a few days later.

Later that night, she gets another text from this same guy, asking, “Do you like big d*cks?” (verbatim, including the asterisk) As if his inclusion of the asterisk would make his query more polite, somehow?

After pondering for a while how to respond to this unexpected text, she finally decides that a short and to-the-point response was best: “Lose my number”.

The next day he texted her, apologizing (“I’m sorry, I was drunk!), and e-mailed a similar apology AND tried to call her (no message). Of course, she didn’t bother responding, smart cookie that she is.

****

After hearing this story, I (jokingly!) tried to play devil’s advocate: maybe he meant DUCKS? Like the guys in the big Daffy Duck costumes you see at Disneyland? Or maybe he meant DOCKS? We have some rather oversized docks here in NYC…?

But seriously folks! WTF is with some of these guys? Actually, we should be grateful for them, in a way, for all the blog fodder they provide.

And – they make normal guys like Good Voice look that much better.

The reunion

I’m back!

Had a wonderful trip – part business trip, part vacation – but I’m happy to be back home in my wonderful New York, all blooming and spring-like.

While I was away, I was in touch with Good Voice on a regular basis – mostly e-mail, a few phone calls, usually sprinkled with some “miss you”s. Had our reunion this weekend – sexy and passionate – but at the same time, I feel that we need to get re-acquainted with each other a bit. After all, when you’ve been dating someone for just a few months, a few weeks apart is a rather big chunk of time.

I’m doing my best to live in the present these days – not just with GV, but overall in life. Sure, a part of me is noticing that he doesn’t seem quite as effusive as he was in those early days – but part of staying in the present is keeping in mind that he has already asked when we can see each other again. We’ve also talked about taking a short out-of-town trip together soon. I just can’t shake that “waiting for the other shoe to drop” feeling that sometimes permeates my new relationships.

I did such a good job of NOT stressing about him these past few weeks while I was away – I really shouldn’t start now!

Hiatus

A few weeks ago, I wrote that I was feeling pretty confident that GV was quite into me – but it seems that now, he’s just not as effusive as he was then. Must stop overthinking things, and keep in mind that there’s bound to be an ebb and flow in a relationship – especially in a new relationship. (while paying attention to any potential warning signs!).

At the same time… this week, in a group setting, he (pleasantly) surprised me by introducing me to someone as “my girlfriend, [LV]”. It’s just that old “wait and see” game, isn’t it? I’ve never been good at that one – patience is NOT my strong point.

And now –we’re about to go on hiatus, of a sort. I’m heading out of town this week, to be gone for several weeks. On my last business trip, GV and I kept in touch regularly, so we’ll just have to see what this latest separation brings. We’ve already talked about planning another little getaway together when I return, so that’s something to look forward to.

In case I don’t have a chance to write from the road, Happy Spring, everyone!

The fear

Despite a lovely weekend with Good Voice – walks in the woods... cuddling in front of a fireplace, getting sleepy from the heat and red wine – I’m currently wrapped up inside my own head, and can’t seem to find a way out.

I feel that I’m getting “the fear”.

The fear that we may have too much of an age difference. The fear that I might start to really like him, but not vice versa. The fear that he may like me, but not vice versa. The fear that this might not work out, and I’ll have to get “out there” again. The fear that I’ll never find someone to fall in love with me again.

I know… way too much overthinking. By all accounts, this seems like it’s going well – we already have plans set for later this week.

UPDATE: while I was brooding and writing the above (it didn’t help that I had a massive fight via e-mail, text AND voicemail with an acquaintance today, and was in a crappy mood), my best friend D called to say she was having dinner and drinks with some friends nearby and I just HAD to join them.

Spirits are much better now. Perspective has been gained. At the moment, am able to just chill, and take this day by day. (emphasis on "at the moment")

When it rains, it truly pours

Good Voice updates for this week – brace yourself, some big developments here!
1. I took him out for his birthday (you knew that was coming)
2. I met his teenage son (I can hear a collective, “I didn’t know he had a son!”. Details to follow)
3. We’re going away for (part of) the weekend.
4. I’m really falling in “like” with this guy.

Starting with the birthday: he was wowed by the royal treatment we received at the cozy new restaurant I had chosen (my friend knows the owner, put in the good word for me). I partially ignored your advice, and had compiled a small bag of gifts – nothing extravagant – a book I knew he would like, as well as some silly, some kitschy little gifts. He was very touched by this – said the whole evening made him feel special. (I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy and smiley just thinking about the night!)

Other big development – meeting his son. I mentioned earlier, GV is a few years older than I am – and yes, he has a teenage son. On one of our early dates, I heard him talking to his son on the phone – the warmth and love in his voice was very endearing.

A few hours before GV and I were to go out for his birthday, he casually e-mailed me, asking if I’d like to meet at his place – and I could meet GV Jr., who would be there that night.

I immediately got so nervous, I developed a stomachache and actually felt a bit queasy for much of the afternoon (it’s a good thing I don’t get nervous all that often, since there’s the problem of this terrible side effect!). Lots of deep breaths as I took the elevator up to his place. And I met him – a sweet, good-looking, polite, just plain normal teenager. Some casual conversation about school and TV shows before GV and I left for dinner.

In the taxi to the restaurant, I told GV that I was touched and honored that he wanted me to meet his son. I really wish I could remember things as they’re said verbatim – in my nervousness it becomes a big blur – but he said something like, “well, that’s pretty indicative of how I feel about you”. Wow. (once again, I’m getting that lovely, giddy feeling as I’m sitting here typing, trying to recapture that moment!).

The next Big Thing: we’re going to a lovely B&B for part of the weekend, leaving tomorrow – our first time spending a significant chunk of time together. He chose the place, and I’m thrilled just thinking about it.

For the first time, I’m starting to allow myself to think, we may really have something here! He’s a wonderful, funny, smart, cute, vivacious guy – and he seems into me as well. I’m a little nervous about a longer-than-usual business trip I have coming up later this month, wondering what kind of effect a few weeks apart will have on our fledgling relationship. Will just have to enjoy the moments together until that time, and continue to hope for the best.