Thursday, December 20, 2007

Flirt

Probably my last post til next year – happy holidays, everyone!

I really should be packing for my trip – but I’m such a procrastinator when it comes to packing. It takes me hours – I need to research the local weather, figure out how many casual / dressy items I’ll need, determine what kind of “active” clothing I’ll need (will there be swimming? Hiking? Snorkeling?), remember to pack the iPod charger, cell charger, camera battery charger, local adaptor… I’m exhausted just thinking about it!

It’s been nearly a week since TC went out of town – we exchanged a few messages and e-mails, but only managed to connect on the phone today. He sounded strangely distant, and when I asked if everything was OK, he gave the old chestnut that he was tired. I still have that nagging feeling that he’s having doubts about us – but since I’m about to go out of town as well (for a few weeks), I need to just hit the “pause” button and accept that there’s nothing I can do right now.

Actually, I’ve had a bit of a distraction from TC of late. I have a good friend who has fabulous parties on a regular basis – at one of these parties about a year ago, I met one of her guy friends (let’s call him Flirt) who I thought was quite cute and charming. I also met his girlfriend at that same party, so needless to say, I immediately wrote him off as potential date material.

Fast forward: about a month ago, we ran into each other at another party, and he seemed, well, quite flirty. I learned that he and his girlfriend had broken up, but as I had heard stories about his amorous exploits on a recent vacation, I just assumed he was flirty with every woman he encountered. (Not that I would have taken him up on any potential offers anyway, as I was quite happy with TC).

Post-party, Flirt sent a few flirty messages (aka, Superpokes) via Facebook – I “Superpoked” back with more chaste messages. I must admit, the attention was somewhat flattering (even if it seems like he flirts with everyone) – especially in light of not feeling so much attention from TC.

Fast forward a bit more: another party, this past weekend. Flirt was there – TC was not. Flirt was definitely noticeably flirty. He’d pull me close in a group picture, he’d make sure I had a drink, and in a self-timer picture, he planted a big kiss on my cheek. I must admit, the attention was quite flattering. However -- even if I were single, I don’t think he’d be boyfriend material – but it was a fun, innocent distraction from my TC angst.

It should be pretty obvious on these pages that I really want things to work out with TC. But would it help to cushion the blow a bit if I had a (possible) fling to fall back on if we were to break up? Maybe. Let’s not think about that right now.

Happy Holidays! Here's hoping for less angst on these pages in '08!

Friday, December 14, 2007

See you next year

Had a lovely, romantic time with TC last night – but now I won’t see him until next year – actually, our next date is set for a month from today.

I have my big exotic trip coming up, and while I know I’ll have a blast, I’ve been a bit bummed about not the thought of not seeing TC for almost 3 weeks. Well – he just found out a few days ago about a big business trip he needed to go on this week. He left today, and he’s not coming back until the end of next week, after I leave for my trip. So much for that final, romantic weekend I'd been looking forward to!

This was a mentally draining week. Earlier in the week, I went from not really “feeling the love” from him to being convinced that it was over between us… mainly on the basis of his not calling and e-mailing as regularly as he normally did. Maybe it was a combination of a bad dose of PMS, stress from work and lack of sleep, but for a day or so, I got on the crazy train and couldn’t find my way off. Many supportive e-mails with wonderful friends were exchanged (thanks, everyone!), and they really helped me put things in perspective.

Thanks also for the advice here as well. Trust me, in my head I know I need to just relax, and stop overthinking this, and stop trying to predict what might happen with us. I wish it were as easy as that.

I’m in a better place today, and will do my best to stay here! Actually, this time apart might even be good for us – sometimes it’s good to be in a situation where you’re missed. This will certainly be an amazing time for me – a new country to explore, a new culture, some time spent with my parents. I’m excited for the adventures that await me!

Saturday, December 8, 2007

That little voice (again)

I’ve been too busy with work and holiday parties to dwell much on TC (thankfully!). But now that I actually have a moment to stop and unwind? I’m fluctuating between not “feeling the love” from him and realizing that I really have nothing to worry about, that all this angst is unfounded.

One example of not “feeling the love”: he mentioned that he might be going to New Orleans for the next Mardi Gras. A part of me felt a bit “harrumph” – it would have been nice to have been asked to go along. (even though I can’t because of a work conflict… that’s besides the point!)

Then there’s the other side: I just realized that I saw TC three times this past week, all fun nights: my company holiday party, a belated birthday gathering I threw for myself, and a night out with just the two of us being goofy, playing pool and ping-pong before going for burgers. Would he continue to hang out not just with me, but with my friends AND co-workers if he wasn’t enjoying this?

I know I really should just enjoy the moment… but if I have this nagging little voice in the back of my head, how much should I acknowledge it? I’m sure it’s there for a reason. I’m sure a big part of it is self-preservation. After playing the dating game for so long, I’m so happy to finally be dating a guy who I really adore. I’m just scared of having the rug pulled out from under me.

I’ve seen a therapist in the past, but stopped a few months ago because of trouble with insurance. I’m switching to a new insurance plan next month, so it might be good to start seeing a shrink on a regular basis again, and get to the root of this.

Wow – I just looked at a calendar and realized that next weekend will mark three months since my first date with TC! Many people consider the three-month mark to be the “make or break” point. Maybe this means I’ll start feeling more secure if we make it past next week…!

Hm. The question now is, do I point out to him that a celebration is in order, since we have an “anniversary” approaching? (I would be absolutely gobsmacked if he brought it up!) Or save such celebrations for future, more significant “anniversaries”? Methinks the latter.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Wait and see... blah blah blah

In an e-mail exchange about men and relationships with my very wise friend M, she wrote:

Sooner or later everyone gets married and has kids; but does everyone get to have an interesting life? So I take the latter as my goal and figure the former will probably take care of itself.

Love that… I’m going to try to make that my new mantra. Though to be honest, I’m not really sure if marriage and kids are guaranteed for me… but really, are there any guarantees in life?

TC update: not much communication this past week, and I was a bit disappointed when he had to cancel our mid-week plans (though he had a good reason – long work day, blah blah blah). However, we had a wonderful night out last night – went to a friend’s performance, then out to dinner with her and a group of extended friends.

It hit home what a wonderful guy TC is when one of the other guys in the group, P, kept finding something to kvetch about: “this bar is too noisy!” and “we really shouldn’t leave that big of a tip!” Funny sidenote: I had a Match date with this guy P about 3 years ago. Just that one date… that was more than enough. (In the years since, our paths have crossed a few times, as we have a few friends in common).

********
I’m always telling myself that I just need to “wait and see” when it comes to relationships, yet I generally find it hard to put that into practice. Well – shocker of shockers – I think I’m finally in a place where I’m OK with the waiting and seeing.** It certainly helps that I have a busy month coming up – lots of parties to attend (some with TC, some without) – and a big, exciting trip planned for later this month into next. **(at least for today -- let's see how long this streak can last!)

Speaking of… this is the same trip that I had asked TC to meet me on (why the hell can’t I write that sentence in correct English? Feel free to help me here, someone). Anyway – he told me today that most likely, he won’t be able to meet up with me on said trip. No problem – that would have been fun (and quite interesting, in terms of the “relationship”), but I know I’m going to have a fabulous time anyway.

Looking forward to tonight: drinks out with CJ – we haven’t done this in a while, and we have lots of dishing to catch up on!

*** ps: I know I shouldn’t read into this, especially since I finally convinced myself that I’m in “wait and see” mode: last night, Performer Friend told us about another show she’s planning for the spring. Later in the night, TC told me that he’d really like to catch that next show. The old me would have read this as him telling me “I’d like to catch that performance in the spring… with you… which means I see us together beyond just today and tomorrow”. But the new me? Just says (to herself) that we’ll just wait and see.

Is this mantra getting monotonous yet?

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Perspective

Thanks again, everyone, for your words of advice and support. I’m truly grateful for this little blogging community, and the feedback we give each other! So again… thank you.

I’m a planner. I do a lot of planning for work, ironing out every minute detail, needing to know what’s going to happen for this particular project, when, how, where, etc. And I love it. I’m often the planner involving social events with my friends as well. (um… control issues much?)

As my friend CJ often reminds me – you can’t plan relationships, no matter how hard you try. There’s no roadmap. You can’t predict what’s going to happen next week, or next month. All you can really know is, are things going well today? And do you still want to date each other beyond today? I’m trying hard to keep this in mind.

After the “talk” with TC the other day, I was worried that things would be a bit awkward between us, and decided to step back a bit. I was relieved when things seemed completely normal from his end – he e-mailed me the next day, saying that he was looking forward to our upcoming plans for next weekend, but was I free to get together before then?

Day by day.

I didn’t write about this earlier, but there were other reasons why I got overly emotional after the talk with TC the other day. Yesterday was the four-year anniversary of the death of a close family member who died way too young – a terrible, unexpected death. His death happened the day before Thanksgiving that year – and naturally, every family Thanksgiving since then has been emotionally charged. (I can’t even type this without my eyes watering up).

After that traumatic experience, I developed a new philosophy on life: don’t sweat the small stuff. After experiencing the worst grief I’ve ever felt in my life, I realized that (short of another close friend or family death – perish the thought) nothing else could ever be that bad. When people moan about flight delays or traffic or not being able to get into the “restaurant of the moment”? Please. I scoff at those “problems”.

Granted – I guess I’m sounding hypocritical, as I’m clearly not coming across as being as Zen-like as I claim to be. As I’m writing this, I’m realizing that I need to apply this philosophy towards my situation with TC. For now – for today – I should consider myself lucky that I’ve met this wonderful person – for as long as it lasts.

And if it doesn’t last? So be it. I’ll always have my network of wonderful friends and family. (though I really do want to fall in love, possibly get married, possibly have a child)

Again… day by day.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

The ups and downs of the birthday weekend

Why does this have to be so fricking complicated?

Backing up: had a fabulous pre-birthday night out with Best Friend on Friday. At one point, wonderful guy friend “4” joined us for a drink – there was lots of talk about TC, as well as 4’s new almost-girlfriend. After 4 left, he texted me a beautiful message: “(LV) – I mean this sincerely. (TC) is lucky to have you. You are a wonderful person. For that matter, Best Friend and I are lucky to have you too”.

What an amazing birthday gift! Having wonderful, supportive friends – I felt / feel truly lucky.

Then there was last night: TC had cut short his Thanksgiving out of town with his family to spend my birthday with me. He brought me to a fabulous restaurant (I’d had a sneaking suspicion that we’d be going there), and we had a wonderful, decadent dinner, complete with wine pairings. I knew it was a huge splurge, and was touched that he thought to take me there.

The restaurant was right near his apartment, so it was easiest to go back to his place. I don’t know why – I never sleep well at his place, and last night was no exception. I tossed and turned and got maybe 3 hours of sleep.

I've been feeling lately that I need to have a bit of a talk with him -- take a temperature of where we are. Ugh -- it's always so hard to start these talks! Nerve wracking. We were sitting on his couch drinking coffee this morning, and I finally blurted out that I've been enjoying the time with him, and he's always struck me as an honest, straightforward person... and I just wanted to see what he thinks about where we stand.

He said that he loves spending time with me, and while he has no interest in dating anyone else right now, he's not sure what he’s looking for at this time. He feels that a lot of aspects of his life are in limbo (not his exact words... but you get the gist) – he’s in a strange place re: his career, and feels that he needs to work on himself right now.

I'd had the feeling that he wasn't 100% into this, but actually hearing it was still hard. Don't recall how we wrapped it up... something along the lines of, glad we talked... let's continue to be honest with each other, etc. Still -- I couldn't help but feel somewhat rejected.

After the talk, we grabbed bagels and took a walk in the park - it was beautiful and sunny out, and relatively mild. Under any other circumstances, it would have been a wonderful, romantic moment. Instead, I was on the verge of tears. I finally said I should be going home, and it took all my strength to not cry on the subway -- I burst into tears the second I stepped into my apartment, and am still putting a serious dent in a big box of tissues.

Ugh. I feel so sick about this right now. I know we've only been dating 2½ months, but I've felt more optimistic about him than I have about any other guy in a long, long time. It doesn’t help that I’m physically exhausted from lack of sleep... maybe that's contributing to my feeling emotional and dramatic.

UPDATE: after writing all the above (and consulting with some wonderful friends), I just had to call him and talk this through some more. The one question that I hadn’t asked earlier was, did he see potential with us? I brought this up – and felt reassured when he told me that, yes, he does see potential. And while he admitted, “I’m not sure where I am right now” – he still wants us to date exclusively, and see where this can go. We had a little bit of a laugh at the awkwardness of the conversation, but he re-affirmed his good-guy status when he told me to talk to him any time I had lingering questions. A guy who wants to have the awkward talks? Even though he’s not sure “where he is”? Still a good guy.

I’m exhausted. Time for a nap.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Birthday

I have a birthday coming up this weekend – having conflicting feelings about reaching this age (somewhere between mid- and late-30s), more on that later.

In the meantime… looking forward to celebrating with Best Friend tonight, then TC tomorrow! Both have surprises planned for me.

Best Friend and I always plan a special surprise for each other’s birthdays – she’s already told me that tonight’s theme will be a “blast from the past”. I’m guessing we might visit some of our old haunts – we used to be quite the party girls, staying out past dawn every weekend – besides that, I haven’t a clue!

Tomorrow night, dinner with TC – a few weeks ago he asked if I wanted to know where we were going, or if I preferred to be surprised. (how sweet of him to give me the option!) I opted for the surprise… but I have a feeling that we might be going to a restaurant that we recently discussed and said we both wanted to try. But I could be wrong!

For now… time for a little disco nap to prepare for tonight…

Sunday, November 18, 2007

In a happy place

My first night with TC in over a week was a mellow, lovely, wine-filled evening, just enjoying each other’s company. There’s something special about that first hug and kiss when you haven’t seen someone in a while – it just feels like a deeper, more meaningful embrace.

At one point I was telling him some story about my trip, when he interrupted me to say, “you’re really pretty!”. I smiled and got a bit flustered – but felt myself glowing in his compliment.

I eventually got up the nerve to ask if he’d like to meet up with me on my upcoming trip next month (I was so nervous!) – and while I expected him to say there was no way he’d be able to make it, I was pleasantly surprised when he said he’d think about it! He has to check with work first. He actually has some distant family in that country, family he hasn’t seen in many years. So yay for the “maybe”!

This led me to think – if he comes on the trip, chances are, we’ll spend some time with my parents there. Probably best to introduce them before the trip – which would mean the big Meet the Parents moment would happen sometime next month. How daunting! Luckily, I don’t have to think about this just yet… will wait to see if he’s on board for the trip, then worry about it.

Not that there's really anything to *worry* about... my parents are fun, wonderful people, and there's no doubt that they'd adore TC. It's just such a big step, meeting the parents for the first time. It states loud and clear that you're serious about this person.

Anyway... no need to think about this at this moment!

As far as my ongoing insecurities about “us” -- one thing I need to keep in mind: a while ago, I re-read old journal entries from when I first started dating Kosher Guy (which turned into a four-year relationship), and found myself wondering why I was so angst-ridden about him early on… why not just relax, and enjoy the new-ness of the relationship? I have to remind myself that about TC. Enjoy these early days. He’s giving every indication that he’s enjoying this as well – and he seems like a very honest, straightforward person.

I’ll continue to keep my guard up – but I have to remember not to get antsy if one of his e-mails isn’t as romantic as the previous one, or if we go a day or two without talking.

Good news! My weight is down to a new recent low – as of this morning, it’s 131.6! Big huzzah! Before my most recent business trip, I felt huge – bad PMS, not paying attention to the crap that I was eating, no time to go to the gym. In the few days since I’ve been home, my usual, um, "healthy" appetite has diminished somewhat. If I can get below 130 before the holidays, I’ll be ecstatic!

Friday, November 16, 2007

She's back!

My, it’s been a long time since I’ve posted! Most recently, I was away on a business trip – it’s SO nice to be home, sleeping in my own bed.

Things continue to go swimmingly with TC – while I was away, we stayed in touch by e-mail, with just one phone conversation (I was out of the country, so e-mail was best). Early in the trip, I was having a difficult time with one of the people I was working with, and vented about this in an e-mail to TC – his response was so sweet and supportive that I’m still feeling warm and fuzzy re-reading it.

After sending his words of support he added:
Wishing you a successful, fun, exciting, lovely trip. I think you are all of those things.

What a sweetheart! I can’t wait to see him this weekend.

Despite his lovely sentiment, I still can’t shake this feeling in the back of my mind that this is too good to last, and the other shoe will drop soon enough. I can’t figure out if I should try to bury that feeling altogether, or just acknowledge it and keep it in check.

Hm.

In other news: I have a big trip planned for next month – I’ll be with my parents for a week during this trip, and was planning to spend the rest of the time traveling alone (which I quite like doing). I’m considering asking TC if he’d like to join me on that leg of the trip – I think I’ll ask him this weekend. If I had to guess, I think he probably won’t be able to make it – it’s halfway around the world, a rather expensive flight, and he might not be able to take the time off work. But if he can…? That would be an amazing, special trip together.

Watch this space for updates!

Friday, November 2, 2007

New addiction

While I’m not quite “feeling the love” like I was in the beginning with TC, it seems that we’ve plateau-ed into a comfortable, level, “let’s see what happens as we continue to get to know each other” place.

We got together a few nights after my cocktail party, and rehashed the night – he said he really liked everyone, and could tell I had a wonderful, warm group of friends. I didn’t mention that my friend S had told me that it seemed that TC was “was gazing with admiration your way for much of the night”!

More fun plans coming up with him this weekend. Normally I find myself taking the reins when it comes to planning (I do this often with friends, family… and generally, dates) – I don’t mind, and actually enjoy doing it. But when TC talked about this weekend's plans… and went ahead and not only researched, but also booked everything? He won some serious points in my book.

In other news: I resisted for so long, but finally signed up for Facebook. Who knew this would be so addictive?! Not only have I uncovered old friends and past work colleagues, but I’ve enjoyed sending “plants”, having my “zombie” fight other friends’ “vampires”, and “throwing sheep” at friends. Yes, I’ve turned into a 15-year-old boy. This phase had better pass, stat!

Monday, October 29, 2007

Happy Monday

I’m happy to say… I *think* TC and I are back in the Good Place!

I had an intimate little cocktail party last night with TC and a dozen of my dearest friends (both guys and girls). He had met a few of them before, so I wasn’t completely throwing him into the (friendly!) fire.

I was in a bit of a tizzy as I flitted about pouring drinks, prepping food, greeting new people. TC is the perfect party guest – he has no problem chatting with new people, while checking in with me every so often and helping out. When I saw that he was washing dishes at one point (unasked)… well, I couldn’t help but fall in “like” with him just a little bit more.

We didn’t have a chance to have much alone time, but that should come in the next few days. It was no surprise that my friends thought he was a lovely guy – he liked them as well.

As is often the case with these parties, it was a blur, and I felt that I didn’t have a chance to talk to each person as much as I’d like. However, it was a (re)confirmation that I’m very lucky have a group of fabulous friends – who (thankfully!) like my cooking.

As for TC – I can’t help but think that he wouldn’t have spent a whole evening with my friends if he didn’t see “us” continuing. For now, I’m OK with letting my doubts of the past week go by the wayside. Here’s hoping…!

Friday, October 26, 2007

Stupid insecurities

I feel like I’ve gone from happy and optimistic about TC… to insecure and doubting.

He’s been away for work all this week, and he barely e-mailed and didn’t call once (I left him a message midweek). This is quite a departure from his last business trip, when we e’d just about every day and talked a few times during that week.

Yes, I know how busy business trips can be, blah blah blah… but if you really want to call or text, you’ll find the time to do it.

So many questions in my mind, as I try to think, did I do something to turn him off?
Maybe we spent too much time together last weekend?
Maybe some recent pics I sent him felt too boyfriend / girlfriend-ish?
Maybe he's simply lost interest?

Logically, I'm trying to think, a few days without him calling really isn't that much. But now I'm in "preparing for the worst" mode. Ugh. I can't help but think, just when I've finally met someone great... it's going downhill already. (“cue the violins, Drama Queen…”)

We have plans this weekend, will just have to take a temperature then. And if it does end? Yes, that would suck, but I have to remind myself – it certainly wouldn’t be the end of the world. Wish me luck.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Good advice

When I started this blog, I simply wanted to vent and share stories about how ridiculous dating in NYC can be… and to get feedback and advice from anyone who may be in a similar situation.

I’m in a slightly different place now. I know full well that it’s still early with TC – and one can only guess where this may lead -- but I’m in a happy place with him right now, and feeling optimistic about “us”.

When I wondered aloud about telling him about the blog, there were some pretty strong responses (THANK YOU for those, by the way!). Pretty much opened my eyes. True – just because a few close friends and a dozen or so strangers know about my recent dating history, does the guy I’m dating need to know? Would I want to read the equivalent of HIS blog, if he had one? (who knows, maybe he does…?) The answer to both of those is a resounding NO.

So not only have I decided NOT to share the blog with him (probably not ever)… I’ve also decided to put most of the posts from the past 8 months in the vault. Sure, I’ll have a laugh over them from time to time, but for now? I just don’t want or need to have them “out there”.

Wish me (continued) luck! Especially this weekend: we’re going to a party with quite a few of my friends, most of whom TC will be meeting for the first time. He’s met a couple of my friends in recent weeks (I’ve met some of his as well) – but this will be the first time so many will be gathered in one spot. He’s already told me that he’s looking forward to it – he’s a good egg. (ha! That’s an expression my grandma would have used!)

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Sunday weigh-in... and um, my "boyfriend" (???)

Good news: I managed to lose 2.4 lbs this past week, bringing me back to my most recent low weight of 132.8 – big celebration! (confirms that last week’s gain was indeed most likely due to PMS – thanks for all your knowing words of support!).

Now – got to keep this loss moving along. 130 is a big hurdle I haven’t crossed in years, so that’s my current goal – to jump that hurdle!

It’s been a fun weekend, with lots of TC time. We enjoyed a rather elegant dinner out last night, with both of us drinking a bit too much – wine pairings can be fun, but dangerous! But WOW, did he look dapper, all dressed up!

Towards the end of the night, in a slightly inebriated state, I asked TC how I should introduce him today – I was bringing him to an event where he was likely to meet some of my friends. At first he joked, what about “gentleman caller”? Or “lov-ah” – but you have to say it like that, “LOV-AH”! (yes, he's the joking type) He soon admitted that recently, in conversations with some of his friends, it felt natural for him to refer to me as his “girlfriend”, since we’ve already established that we’re only dating one another, and he’s “enjoying the progression of the relationship”.

As far as that last line -- at least I THINK that's what he said! I know he used the word “relationship”, and even in the moment, I found myself wishing I had a tape recorder so I could remember exactly what he was saying. Damn wine, doing fuzzy things to the memory!

Today at the event, when the moment came for me to introduce him to a group of friends (acquaintances, really), I quickly said, “This is my boyfriend, [TC]”. (I had to say it quickly, for fear that I'd choke on the words!) I’m not sure how much he remembered of last night’s conversation, but he didn’t seem at all fazed by the intro. I’m not sure if I’m really ready to jump into full “boyfriend / girlfriend” jargon (we’ve only been dating a little over a month), but I think if we ease into it like a warm bath, that will be the most natural way to go.

It’s been in the back of my mind: when / how to tell him about the blog? This blog has been an amazing source of catharsis for me these past 10 months – when I was having my most depressing and frustrating dating experiences, I found out through reader comments (and other bloggers) that I’m certainly not alone in these feelings. And I even made a Real Live Friend though our blogs, Cute Jewess.

I think I’ll know when the time is right – and it’s not just yet. TC is a pretty open-minded and laid-back guy (two of the many things I like about him)… and I sense that he’ll be nonplussed when I tell him about the blog. Eventually.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Happy day!

I had a feeling it was going to be a good night with TC when I received this comment from a stranger as I was en route to the restaurant where we were meeting:

Scene: I’m waiting to cross the street – near me is one of those eccentric types that make up the fabric of New York.

Suddenly, Eccentric Guy says to me, “Isn’t it amazing”… (pause… now I’m very curious to see what he finds amazing!)… he continues, “how nice you look!”

I burst out laughing, and I hope I remembered to say “thank you”. It gave me a rush of good feelings, and I had a big smile on my face as I continued to meet TC. I was feeling more confident than I had felt in days, wearing a flattering wrap dress that had garnered compliments at the office.

TC had a Friend/Colleague in town, and had asked earlier in the week if it was OK if he joined us for dinner, since it was the only night available to do so (and he also wanted me to meet said friend). No problem there – I tend to make a good impression on the friends, so I was happy to oblige.

As soon as I saw them, TC gave me a big kiss and hug hello, and I felt any nervousness dissipate immediately. I enjoyed dinner and conversation with the two of them, but was longing for alone time with TC.

It was a happy moment when, after dinner, F/C said he was going off to meet other friends, and TC and I headed back to my place. He admitted that while he was pleased that F/C and I had a chance to meet, he couldn’t wait to have time alone together – that he had missed me while he was away, and needed his “[Loverville] dosage”.

So – things are looking good right now. I’m still giddy about him, but also feel (in a grounded / rational way) that something very positive is happening here.

Tonight’s the night: I’m going to attempt to cook dinner for him! Ssh… it’s a surprise – he thinks we’re just meeting at my place, and winging it from there. Wish me luck! I’m having heart palpitations already…

QUICK UPDATE, the next day: dinner was a success! Well - I thought it was just OK, but TC really liked it. He seemed pretty excited to get a home-cooked meal -- that doesn't happen every day in NYC!

Monday, October 15, 2007

Nervous

Finally – TC will be arriving back in town late tonight, after having been away all week – and I’m nervous.

All signs seem to point towards things going well between us – we talked and e’d regularly while he was away, and while he wasn’t quite as romantic / effusive as he was in person, he did include a “miss you” at least once. But there’s a part of me that still feels that I should be prepared to expect the worst, that things might be different when we see each other again. Can’t explain it. I’m just afraid to get too excited about him.

I’m normally an optimist (too much so!), and generally don’t worry about things until I’m actually given reason to do so. It seems that having quite a bit of dating disappointment in the past two years has made me rather cynical – so unlike me. It’s a strange feeling – I don’t like it.

I think it’s not helping matters that I gained nearly a pound this week (didn’t write about it because it was too depressing!)AND I’m experiencing a wicked PMS. (hm, maybe the weight gain is because of that). In a nutshell, I’m not feeling my most confident.

I suppose the usual advice applies here – wait and see. TC and I have plans tomorrow night – wish me luck! (what to wear, what to wear??!!)

Friday, October 12, 2007

What's cookin', good lookin'?

(I know... cheesey subject line! Has anyone said that since 1972?)
It’s been a fun-filled week – a few nights out with friends, a dance class, a movie – but in the back of my mind, I’m counting down the days until TC is back in town. The wait is agonizing!

I knew it would be good for us to have a bit of time apart – after all, we spent half of last week together. I feel that we talked and e-mailed just the “right” amount this week – little enough to still have some time to miss each other, yet constant enough to still maintain a connection. We already have some fun plans lined up for next week.

This is big! I’m planning on surprising him by cooking dinner for him one night next week. I’m only an occasional, albeit enthusiastic, cook. Once I came up with the crazy idea to cook dinner, I got excited: researching recipes, thinking about what type of wine to include… so much criteria to consider! The meal shouldn’t be too heavy… not too labor-intensive (definitely don’t want to spend the whole night in the kitchen)… and certainly nothing that could induce, well, gaseous anomalies.

Any menu suggestions?

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Good news / bad news

First, the good: things are still lovely with TC (though, alas, he left town today, to be gone for a week).

Now, the bad news: I’m supposed to be losing a pound a week in my “10 in 10” plan… instead, I gained 1.6 lbs this week! Ack! Will have to plan fewer nights out with friends this week and spend more time in the gym, with more focus on healthier eating (I abhor the word “diet”). This is week #6 in the 10 in 10 plan – I started at 138, and as of today, I’m 134.4 – down a total of just 3.6 lbs. I took a challenging yoga class today, so that’s a good start. Still – I should have been down to 132 today, so I’m a bit disappointed in myself.

Back to the good news: things continue to develop with TC. I find myself replaying so many wonderful moments in my head from this past week: the way he looks at me... our lengthy discussions on politics/travel/food/our families... his kisses… (I miss his kisses already).

Knowing that he was leaving town this morning, I found myself wondering when I’d hear from him again, assuming he was going to be busy on this trip – he answered my (unspoken) question by calling me from the road. Just a simple gesture that made me like him even more.

Friday, October 5, 2007

TC update... and finally, the talk with UN

It's been a fabulous week -- spent lots of time with Teen Crush. Actually, I think we were teetering on the edge of spending *too* much time together, but he’s about to go out of town for a week. I sensed that we both were trying to condense in as much together time as possible before then.

And, well, all these events kept popping up: in New York, it seems that you always have a friend whose band is playing, or is giving a reading, or is in a play in a little black box somewhere downtown. This week I happily accompanied TC to see his friend perform, and he came with me to a similar event for my friend -- both of us meeting the other's friends in the process. This can be quite daunting, the meeting of the friends, but in both cases it was as smooth as could be. Even fun. My friend e-mailed me the next day, saying she thought he was a cutie (he is indeed!) and that we looked great together (I agree!).

And when he mentioned his friend who I have to meet, who is coming to town in a few weeks? I mainly heard the “in a few weeks” part – a not-so-subtle suggestion that he sees this as a good thing that he’d like to continue – as I do. (if that didn’t come across already!)

UN update: FINALLY, after days of left messages, we had “the talk” today. Cute Jewess urged me NOT to use the old cliché of “you’re a great guy, but…”, and I took her advice. After some small talk about how busy each of our jobs has been lately, I finally asked if he had a moment to talk, then nervously launched into my speech: while I’ve had a fun time with him, I just wasn’t feeling the kind of connection I was looking for. His response: he was very sweet and gracious – said he totally understood, that it wasn’t the sort of thing you could make happen. A bit more small talk – “we should still meet up to go biking one of these days, if you like” – and that was that.

He’s about to go out of town as well – he has a fabulous lengthy vacation planned. I actually could see us staying friends. After all, I liked him as a person – I just didn’t really feel a romantic connection between us.

SO glad that’s out of the way! Good dating karma is important. Well... just good karma in general.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Surreally good

Just a quickie post from work... will include more details soon (promise!) -- it's been a busy week!

Brief summary -- things are going REALLY well with Teen Crush. I've been having a fabulous time with him, and it's quite clear that he's into me as well. And -- this is big -- we've already discussed that neither of us wants to date anyone else right now*. I must admit, after our first few dates, I'd look at his Match profile to see when he had last logged on -- and saw that he hadn't logged on since the day after our first date. Whether or not that was because of me, it was still nice to see. I cancelled my own Match account yesterday.

Part of me is (of course) still remaining skeptical, waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's a bit surreal, this feeling of being very much into someone and knowing that he likes and respects me right back. Just trying to take it one day / date at a time.

* I still have to "officially" end it with UN -- we've been playing phone tag for the past few days. Surely he knows what's up, based on my "there's something I need to talk to you about" message. Still, I hate this kind of talk. Just want to get it over with.

More later!

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Sunday weigh-in / Teen Crush

Very good news on two fronts:
1. Today is my fifth week in my “10 lbs in 10 weeks” weight loss program – and I’m happy to report that as of this morning, I’m down 5.2 lbs! (started at 138, today am 132.8) Halfway to goal!
2. Spent more time with Teen Crush this weekend – details later, but for now I’ll just say that I’m really happy with the way this is going. Keeping fingers crossed…

Friday, September 28, 2007

You're a great guy, but...

Had another date with UN last night. The usual: nice enough conversation. But this was an eye-opener: we were kissing goodnight, and I realized that I felt NO physical attraction to him. (in the past it's been decent, but not exactly ragingly romantic) Not a good sign. Actually -- maybe this is a good sign. It makes it easier to realize that maybe we're just not meant to be.

Hm -- this may complicate things a bit: he invited me to a work function next week. I said yes, but I'm wondering if I should reconsider.

On impulse (maybe because I realized I had nothing to lose!), I brought up a "lite" version of the talk - and as I anticipated, it wasn't exactly relevatory. I told him that I've been having a nice time with him, and just wanted to get his take on things. He was like a deer in fricking headlights -- I could tell that this made him REALLY uncomfortable. He finally sputtered out that he hasn't really thought about "our future", but he's having a nice time, and thinks we've been doing the right thing in taking it slowly.

In case you’re wondering, why bother having this talk with him if I wasn’t sure how I was feeling? Well – if he seemed enthusiastic about me/us, that might have changed my mindset a bit, and I might have wanted to give him more of a chance. But as I suspected, that wasn’t the case.

So now that I've realized that I'm not really that into him, I've been wondering if I should end it now (probably), or keep him on the sidelines as I wait and see what (if) develops with Teen Crush. Hm, the latter option sounds a bit mean...? I mean, is it fair to UN to keep this going if I'm 98% sure I don't see anything there? As a friend commented earlier, I think I wasn't really that into him before, but I was trying to make it work because of all the "good on paper" stuff. He's a nice guy -- smart, considerate, well-traveled -- but there never really was that zing.

Teen Crush update. Now HERE was something different: we actually talked to each other on the phone in between dates. That's been a rarity for me of late. Not just a perfunctory call to plan the next date -- this was more of the "getting to know you / just enjoying talking to you" vibe. So far, I like what I'm seeing and hearing. Very much looking forward to the next date.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Wow

Another amazing date with Teen Crush -- I'm feeling too giddy and goofy to come up with my own words, so I hope Dating Trooper won't mind if I borrow this great description from when she first met Wine Guy:

One of those conversations that both of you can't even keep up with. You're dying to find out the next thing about each other and keep jumping from topic to topic like there won't ever be time to talk again.

Yeah -- it was like that.

That + amazing chemistry + his fabulous smile + a beautiful night + plans to get together again soon = one very happy Loverville.

Trying to stay grounded / cautious. But I must admit, I haven't felt this sort of connection with a guy in, I don't know... years? He seems pretty excited about this as well, as expressed in a lovely follow-up e-mail today.

I have a feeling "the talk" with UN may take a different direction than I had initially anticipated...

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Meet the friends / Sunday weigh-in

Had a fabulous time last night with UN and his friends – his friends really seemed to bring out the best in him. I think I made a good impression – there were good vibes all around, and the friends seemed to like me. (I definitely liked them) Oh, to have been a fly on the wall in the conversation that (maybe?) followed between them after I left!

Amore & Vino recently asked, “if UN weren’t being so standoff-ish, who would you choose?”. (between him and Teen Crush) Ack – no idea. It’s way too soon to tell. While I’m getting a very warm feeling from Teen Crush, we’ve only been out twice so far. And things have been moving extra-slowly with UN. Either of these guys could disappear at a moment’s notice – must keep that in mind.

My main fear? New York can be a very small pond at times. I worry that I’ll be out with one, and run into the other. True, there hasn’t been the “exclusive” talk, so we’re free to date other people. But I can only imagine that it would be “earth, please swallow me up now” awkward.

Sunday weigh-in / 10 in 10 update! Today is week 4 – and I’m JUST shy of losing 4 lbs (3.8 as of today: started at 138, and am now 134.2). Must step up the diet and exercise if I want to see a difference next week!

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Giddiness

Had a second date with Teen Crush, and I’m happy to say – there seems to be a mutual attraction there. Some drinks, some strolling, some smooching. Lots to talk about – not TMI, but he didn’t seem afraid to reveal a bit about himself. When he told me that he "felt lucky to have met a fun, beautiful woman”? I’m still smiling.

And best of all – before we said goodnight, he asked when we could see each other again. Plans are in place for this week, and I’m excited about spending more time with him. I’m bursting to divulge more about him (and the things I like about him), but since there’s always the fear of being “discovered”, I’ll have to leave it at that… for now.

Then there’s UN – we have plans tonight, but it looks like there will be no “talk”. He’s entertaining some out-of-town friends, and asked if was OK if they joined us – of course, I said yes. So, on one hand – he’s introducing me to friends, which is kind of a big deal – he could have easily just re-scheduled our night together. On the other hand? Now that I have this inevitable comparison to a guy who does indeed seem into me, UN’s slight standoffish-ness feels all the more apparent. But he really does have enough good qualities for me to want to keep dating him, at least for the time being.

The impulsive side of me would be happy to take down my Match profile and just date Teen Crush. The rational side of me has finally learned the value of taking it slowly (see: Smiles, July), keep my focus scattered… and play the old “wait and see” game.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

A good distraction

The day after my first date with the adorable Teen Crush*, he texted that he had a wonderful night, and was "really" looking forward to seeing me again. Very giddy-making indeed! After a few text exchanges, we set up a date for this weekend. I'm smiling now just thinking about him.

After what felt like an interminable wait, (a few days after our last date) I got a typically understated e-mail from UN. In the past, I think it's been about 50/50 in terms of who's initiated contact -- this time, I decided that it would be him, as a way of trying to gauge his interest. I shocked myself with my self-restraint -- either I'm getting stronger, OR I'm finding it easier now that there's another potential interest in the picture. So now we're in planning limbo, as we try to sort out our schedules and figure out when we can get together. I'm still planning to have "the talk"!


* Please note: I do NOT have a crush on a teenager! See previous post for blog name explanation.

*****
first date with Teen Crush:
Date #103: Teen Crush
When I was about 12 or 13 years old, I had my first crush ever, the son of some new friends of my parents, and he was just charming and adorable. Tonight’s date wasn’t actually that boy (imagine if he had turned up!) but looked enough like him that I did a double-take when we first met.

Some strolling, some wine – plenty to talk about, and I think I sensed a connection. At the end of the date, he told me he’d had a really nice time, and hoped we could get together again soon. Only a few hours together, and I sensed a level of warmth that I don’t think I’ve ever felt with UN. I know – it’s wrong to compare – but it’s unavoidable.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

UN update / dates 102 & 103 / Sunday weigh-in

Since I last wrote:

Another date with UN – feeling closer to him, and am liking him more and more, but it’s still hard to get a vibe from him. At one point he hinted that one reason he liked me was because I seemed willing to take it slowly. Well. With that on the table, it makes it much harder to bring up the “where are we? / what are you looking for in general?” talk. (This is the earlier cousin to the “boyfriend / girlfriend” talk – I think the three-month mark is generally a good time for that. Not quite there yet.)

Funny – I’ve had guys tell me on the very first date that they’re looking to get married and have kids (not necessarily with me, of course). UN is not quite that open. Do I need to know that at this time? I don’t know. But since that’s what I’m looking for, I think it’s best to be with a guy who is thinking along the same lines.

Looking at this from the outside, it’s easy to dismiss this as yet another case of “he’s just not that into you”. I think I’m being realistic in thinking that he’s at least somewhat into me. He’s respectful, calls in a timely manner, plans fun dates for us, and we have a lovely time together. Can it be that he’s just one of these guys who moves really slowly, and doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve? I really don’t get the sense that he’s a player – if anything, he’s a bit of a geek. (I mean that in a very positive way).

I'm definitely in two minds about this: the logical side says "it's OK to take it really slowly, and you DON'T have to know what his relationship M.O. is after only a month and a half! Just relax, enjoy his company, and take it date by date".

Then of course, the other side wants to be inside his head, is frustrated by the "taking it slowly", wants him to be more effusive about me, and wants him to suggest taking down his profile because he'd like to get to know me better.

With all this in mind, I’m wondering – do I really like HIM, or am I just sick of serial dating and he seems like a very good candidate for the role of Boyfriend?

Oh, that ongoing pesky inner dialogue!

In between dates with UN, I’ve been keeping myself distracted…

Date #102: Dapper Dan
Drinks with Dapper Dan, so named because of his very crisp suit and rather sophisticated (tho not haughty) airs. Easy-going conversation, he was a charming, fun guy. Peck on the cheek goodnight. I’d be happy to go out with him again, but won’t be crushed if I don’t hear from him.


Next time I see UN, I think it’ll be time for that little chat. If that scares him off? Well, better to know sooner rather than later. Wish me luck.

Some good news! If you recall, I’m in the process of trying to lose 10 lbs in 10 weeks – today is week 3, and as of this morning I’m down 3.6 lbs! (start weight was 138, and I’m now 134.4) Whoo-hooo!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Date #101: Muscle Man

I had my suspicions that Muscle Man and I would not be a match – we never had a chance to talk on the phone before meeting for a drink, and his e-mails weren’t exactly intellectual.

I wasn’t wrong. Though cute, and lives in my neighborhood, that definitely wasn’t enough. When I mentioned that I'd gone salsa dancing over the weekend, he asked, “that’s where you shake your ass a lot, right?”

Enough said.

Hm. I could never see UN saying something like that on a first date. I'm liking him more and more, but am cautiously keeping feelings in check. Not easy.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Sunday weigh-in – the weekend – UN

Sunday weigh-in, Week Two: 136.2, just a smidge over last week’s WI of 136 -- which evens out to a two-pound loss over the past two weeks. I’m shocked that I didn’t gain more – it was a very fattening week. Must be more disciplined this week.

Just finishing up a fabulous weekend, filled with biking, time spent with friends doing very New York-type stuff… and there was a lovely date with UN.

It’s still going slowly, but I feel like he’s coming out of his shell more and more. Each time I see him, I learn more things about him that I really like and respect. He’s very “good on paper” in terms of what I look for in a guy – and I’m enjoying the process of getting to know him beyond that. And I’m getting more signs from him that he’s enjoying this as well.

Dinner and drinks last night were followed by, ahem, coffee this morning. Next date planned for later this week.

Long weekend = not much energy to write more at this time!

Saturday, September 8, 2007

UN, you mysterious man, you...

Another date planned with UN this weekend – this is something like our 5th or 6th date, and I have a feeling a sleepover may be involved for the first time. Will have to see if it feels “right” in the moment.

I like him, but as I’ve written earlier, I’m having trouble getting a vibe from him. He’s certainly fun, funny, witty, very smart, and I enjoy the times I’ve spent with him – but he’s not the gushy type. Probably a good thing, in hindsight – it seems that the gushy guys who adore you quickly seem to disappear just as quickly. (Hello, Smiles…. hi, Big Smile, of Cute Jewess fame… ha, just realized the coincidence of the similar blog names for these guys!).

I know, I know… it’s good to take it slowly, and all that. Just give me a sign, dude!

Someone mentioned this to me recently: the main way to tell a guy is into you (early on) isn’t by what he says – it’s what he does, especially in how quickly he calls or gets in touch to plan the next date. UN has been (generally) pretty reliable in this respect.

The usual “wait and see” approach applies. (not easy for impatient me!)

Monday, September 3, 2007

Date #100!: Vanilla Man

Well – I tried.

In my efforts to only go on dates where a connection was established by phone, Vanilla Man thwarted my radar. He was very good on paper, had decent (yet not very clear) pics, and on the phone he was witty and charming.

In person – eh. He’d said he was my age, but he looked and seemed years older. I just found him so terribly uninteresting.

Walking home, I picked up Tasti D-Lite “frozen dessert”, as they call their low-fat product. I chuckled as I considered the comparison between the dessert and my date: bland, not a whole lot of flavor, and easily forgettable.

I think I’m going to go on dating hiatus for a while, with the exception of UN. I like him, but still mentally trying to take it very slowly.

Lots of fun plans with friends coming up over the next week (a baseball game, parties), so there will be plenty of worthwhile distractions from dating. Good.

After 100 first dates, I need a break.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Sunday weigh-in: Week 1

Today was my first full week on my new 10 in 10 plan – and I’m happy to say that I’m down two pounds, to 136! (start weight: 138) Granted – I got down to 136 after just 3 days on this plan, but after the fattening week I just had, I’m thrilled that I stayed at that number. It was a week of dinners out, bad bar food, movie popcorn and too much late-night grazing.

The pressure is on! Can I get to 135 by next Sunday? I’m certainly going to try!

Saturday, September 1, 2007

Date #99: Abs Guy

Ok – this is it – really, this time!

From this moment on, I will ONLY meet up with dates where there’s some semblance of a connection by phone first. I’ve been overly optimistic one too many times in thinking that even though there’s not much of a phone connection, it might be different in person. Newsflash: it never is!

Case in point: today’s coffee date with Abs Guy (so named because he’s showing off his well-sculpted abs in his profile pic). We first talked on the phone maybe a year or two ago – he didn’t recall this fact – and I clearly remember that we had no click at that time. He contacted me again recently.

Over coffee, it was quite apparent that there was no zing. We did the polite one-hour thing, then went our separate ways. So why did I agree to meet up in the first place, when I sensed that there was next to no chance of an in-person click? Maybe my usual Pollyanna optimism… the thought that it’s “only” an hour, and I was going to be in his neighborhood anyway… who the hell knows.

My New Month Resolution (since I don’t want to wait for the New Year): to ONLY go out on dates after we’ve had a chance to talk on the phone for at least 15 minutes – AND I sense there may be a connection. Hopefully by doing this, I’ll start getting exciting about meeting these guys again!

I don’t have any first dates scheduled in the near future, but I’ve been exchanging e-mails with a few new guys lately. The next first date will be my one hundredth first date since February 2005 – yikes.

Seems like the perfect time to change my approach to dating!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

It's official -- I don't like (formerly Sexy) Dork after all...

I really wanted to give Dork a chance – such a nice guy, despite apparent social awkwardness. Still – it was quite apparent that he liked me, which was flattering. I really wanted to try to like him… but as we all know, you can’t force these things.

Tonight was a final attempt – we had plans for a picnic along the river. Not an auspicious beginning, as I cringed when I first saw him: he was wearing a tank top and shorts – the kind of tank top you wear to go running. He seems to have a decent body (slim and lean) – but that’s not the point. You do NOT wear a tank top on a third date, even if you’re having a picnic!

As we sat and chatted, he gradually moved closer and closer to me… and I kept drinking more wine, thinking, hmm, maybe I could kiss him. After a while, I just wanted to go home. Totally not into him – officially. He walked me to the subway, and I debated saying something then, but thought I’d save it for an e-mail. He had to know.

Ah well. I’ll have to keep this in mind next time I’m wondering if a guy is into ME. If there’s any doubt? He’s probably not.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Date #98: Eh

I must get more selective in my screening process.

“Eh” and I had a few brief e-mails and a decent (but short) phone conversation before tonight’s date. During the date, we mostly struggled for conversation, seemingly waiting for the polite time of exactly one hour to pass before calling it a night. When we said goodbye, there was no pretense of seeing each other again – just a simple, “nice to meet you!”.

Coming up: another date with Sexy Dork – tho after the last date, I’m not sure if I feeling the “sexiness” from him that much. I’m on the fence about him as a potential boyfriend, but I like him as a person – he’s very sweet, smart and has a great personality. After tonight’s stilted conversation and general first-date-ness with Eh, I’m looking forward to the familiarity of Sexy Dork (or maybe just … “Dork”?). At the very least, we always seem to have plenty to talk about.

The most exciting part of my day: I got an e-mail from Witty Banter. (granted – this was in response to my e-mail to him yesterday, in a “hey, you never know” moment) To re-cap: WB and I had one date a few months ago, after a great e-mail / phone connection – I thought the date went swimmingly well. We exchanged a few e-mails after that, but one of us was always out of town, or buried under work.

I just couldn’t stop thinking about him – it had seemed that we’d had a great connection as well as lots of the same interests. Admittedly, he was my complete “good on paper” kind of guy.

My e-mail to him yesterday was breezy and nonchalant – I was very happy that in his response he suggested getting together. I’m trying to be logical – if he was really into me, he could have found time to contact me a while ago. So we’ll see if there’s another date – no expectations. Or at least trying not to have any expectations.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Date #97: Mr. Zzzzzzz....

Signs you’re on a lousy date:

· you hope you can escape in time to get to Whole Foods before it closes
· you fantasize about the singer in the band your date suggested you see together (oh man… those lips!)
· you start to write your blog entry in your head

Note to self: when potential date seems devoid of personality in e-mail and on the phone? No chance that he’ll be smooch material in person.

I knew I should have gone to the gym instead.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Weekend update / Sunday weigh-in

Had dates with both Sexy Dork and UN this weekend:

Sexy Dork: This was a first for me – I had to cut the date short because I wasn’t feeling well. We met for an outdoor concert, and planned to have dinner afterwards, but I was feeling so run down from a rough week at work, I had to call it a night before we even made it to dinner.

I also found myself a little less into him. I’m not sure if it was actually HIM, or a result of my feeling under the weather – I’d go out with him at least one more time to see.

He’s a really sweet guy – e-mailed me first thing the next morning to see how I was feeling. Also (I know this isn’t everything, but it helps) – he continues to be generous with the flattery. When we met up earlier in the night, he greeted me with an enthusiastic, “you look fantastic!”.

Then there was the date with UN. I think UN is more my “type” (looks-wise, as well as personality-wise) than Sexy Dork is… but I’m having trouble getting a read on him. My overall feeling is, he’s acting more like a buddy than a potential boyfriend. We have lots in common, always have something to talk about. But he’s just not as warm as Sexy Dork is… and not nearly as generous with the flattery. Come to think of it, I don’t think he’s ever paid me a single compliment. He's not a hand-holding kind of guy... but things have gotten quite heated during our alone time (no sex yet).

Cute Jewess had the perfect advice: “you’re not into him too much to stop you from searching other dudes, but you’re into him enough to see what happens”. So that’s the plan for now. I already have a date planned with a new guy later this week.

Speaking of CJ: I had a fabulous night out with her and her kick-ass friends – we danced up a storm! As she said – they truly rock.

Oh! Today was my first Sunday weigh-in for my new 10 in 10 plan: I was down 2 lbs! Started at 138 a few days ago… today was 136. Yeah, I know – your weight can fluctuate as much as 5 lbs in a given day, so I shouldn’t take this lower number as gospel. But if it motivates me to keep going? I’ll take it!

Sounded like there were a few other potential "10 in 10"-ers out there... how was everyone's weekend?

Friday, August 24, 2007

Back on the weight loss wagon.

A few months ago, I created a plan for myself to lose 10 lbs in 10 weeks – and was incredibly pleased with myself when I achieved my goal. (though I still wanted to lose a few more pounds beyond that)

Well – as we all know, part of the challenge isn’t just losing the weight, it’s keeping it off. It’s been a hectic summer, with a few business trips… and some of the weight has crept back on. Not all of it – but about half. It’s been a combination of boredom eating in airports and long drives, and that feeling of “I’m in X location, and I really should eat the specialty!”, which tends to be something fattening. Even though I’ve ‘only’ gained about 5 lbs recently, it’s enough to make me feel a bit chubby and less attractive – not ideal in this crazy dating situation.

So – as of today, I’m starting a new “lose 10 lbs in 10 weeks” goal. My official weigh-in day will be Sunday mornings – I’ll post progress reports weekly. I’m now 138 lbs. Hoping to get to 128 by November 4th. I’d actually LOVE to get to 125 by my birthday, a few weeks later – what a great present that would be to myself! I haven’t been below 130 in a zillion years – might just have to give myself a great non-food reward once I reach that point. Perhaps a new pair of kick-ass shoes?

Got a few pounds to lose? Join me!

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Date #96: Sexy Dork (and more UN)

It’s been a fun-filled weekend:

Very good date with Cute Dork – who I’m now renaming Sexy Dork. He’s kind of goofy, kind of quirky and much cuter than I had expected – a nice package. He’s generous with the compliments, which is always a bonus (but he’s certainly not smarmy about it). We had a casual dinner, then several drinks, a bit of dancing (ok, not his strong point – but he gets an E for effort), and some very, very sexy kissing. Very. It didn’t go further than kissing, but my imagination ran wild.

I was happy to see that he e-mailed me today, saying he had a lovely time, and would love to get together next weekend.

However – there’s a catch. He told me on our date that he ended a serious relationship not long ago, and isn’t looking for anything serious right now. I’m glad he told me that – it’ll help with staying in the right mindset, knowing that it’s just fun. Cute Jewess asked me if I’m OK dating someone who doesn’t want to get serious – and for now, I think I am. Depending on if / how things develop with UN… maybe Sexy Dork could be that fling that I've been contemplating!

Then there was the daytime date with UN, biking in the park. I like him – he has a great sense of humor. At one point, we took a break, and I realized – he’s really cute! Not GQ / model / plastic cute – but “just my type” cute, nice smile, etc.

However, with UN I feel like I’m having a hard time getting below the surface. On my one date with Sexy Dork I learned more about what makes him tick than I have in several dates with UN. (family, relationships, etc) I know -- wait and see, and all that.

That’s pretty much been my dating mantra this year: wait and see. You don’t have to decide TODAY if you’re going to marry the guy. All you need to decide is if you want at least one more date with him. I tend to get ahead of myself – and having this blog has really helped me tone that down. I’ve been enjoying the process of laying it all out, and getting your feedback. So – thanks for reading!

Saturday, August 18, 2007

The roster is growing

After a few days of contacting new guys, and writing back to guys who had previously written to me, there are six new possibilities on the line. I use the expression “possibilities” very loosely – anyone who has tried internet dating probably knows that it’s easy to have a barrage of back-and-forth e-mails with a seemingly good connection, only to have the other person disappear on you.

For now, all these guys are still in the e-mail stage, with a few numbers exchanged – except Cute Dork, who I’m meeting for the first time this weekend. I’m using “Dork” in a positive way – he seems intelligent, in a nerdy kind of way. The kind of guy who would have just been a buddy in high school, but now I find quite attractive. But from our phone conversation, it also seemed like he teeters on the edge of socially awkward -- I’ll know more after our date. He’ll be Date #96 (for new readers, that means he’s the 96th guy I’ll have dated since my last serious relationship ended two and a half years ago).

Wow – 100 is just around the corner! The Century of Dating! Any suggestions on how to celebrate / observe this occasion?

Oh – UN is still in the picture. I’m seeing him as well this weekend, though it looks like we’ll only have a chance to have a daytime date. Not quite as sexy as nighttime, but still, a good opportunity to get to know him better.

Speaking of sexy – well, to be blunt – there’s been no “SexyTime” since This Guy back in May. And let’s just say, a girl* has her needs! (*rather, a 30-something woman) On one hand, I’d like to wait til there’s someone with whom it would be meaningful… on the other hand, I’m contemplating a fling. I don’t have a fling candidate right now… but I’m keeping my eyes open.

Who knows… maybe if things develop with UN in the coming weeks…

Sunday, August 12, 2007

UN / August

Good second date with UN last night. There’s some chemistry there, but not that strong instant “zing” that I had with Smiles.

I need to keep reminding myself – take it slowly, date by date. I know, I know… common sense, right? I tend to get impatient with these things. I like the zing, the giddiness, the high of being excited about someone. Just because I'm not feeling that with UN right now isn't necessarily a bad thing -- I'm just getting to know him slowly. (as I keep telling myself... I almost believe it!)

In the meantime, I need to work on setting up dates with other guys – there really aren’t any new contenders at this time. I IM’d with a new guy a few days ago and gave him my number – no call yet. Another guy who seemed promising is now out of town for the next few weeks.

And it certainly doesn't help that I have a few business trips this month -- actually, that DOES help. It helps me not obsess about dating as much!

Saturday, August 11, 2007

What to wear...

I'm trying to decide what to wear tonight for my second date with UN -- we're meeting at a cocktail lounge.

Options are:
1. cute tube top sundress I bought today. PRO: girly, very feminine. CON: not as slimming as option #2. Also, the top of this kind of dress always seems to need adjusting.

2. jeans with cute summery top that makes me look busty. PRO: slimming. CON: not as dressy / feminine as option #1. Also, on my first date with UN I wore jeans and a cute top... option #1 would look quite different.

Thoughts?
(I think I'm leaning towards the dress, but would still love input!)

UPDATE: I found another option -- flattering pants that I hadn't worn in a while (not jeans) and a slimming yet sexy (but not trashy) top. I just wasn't thrilled with the dress.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Date #95 + updates

I’m back after a few days out of town, with some updates:

Date #95: the night before I left, I had a one-hour drink with a guy I’ll call Mr. Maybe. I wasn’t overwhelmingly impressed, but he was a nice enough guy. I’d consider a second date, but only if he contacts me next.

Smiles: I left a message on his voicemail just before I went away, no reply. This is quite telling: before my previous trip, he asked me to call him when I got to my destination, so he’d know I got there safely. This time – nothing. Then…

A good friend of mine, also on Match, got an e-mail from Smiles via the Match website – he’s never met her or any of my other friends. She wrote back something along the lines of “thanks for writing – but you should know, you’ve been dating one of my good friends.”

He writes back: “Small world – who’s your friend?” She wrote back “Loverville”. No reply from him.

I think it’s safe to say he’s out of the picture. Not because of this incident (which I actually found quite funny – for such a big city, New York is a tiny place!) – but if it’s not working, it’s just not working. No harm done. It was fun while it lasted.

On the Positive Dating News front: while I was away, I considered writing to UN to plan our next date for this weekend – but I resisted the urge, thanks in part to advice provided by Cute Jewess (thanks, CJ!) to play it cool. I always feel the need to plan ahead, but suppressed that urge this time. After coming home, I found a message from UN, saying that he believed I was coming home that day, and would I like to get together soon? Hopefully I’ll see him this weekend.

Now – re: Smiles. I’m sure he senses as well that this is going nowhere – it’ll be interesting to see what happens from here -- as in, how will this end? Normally, I’d want to close the book by having “the talk” – but since I left the last message and haven’t heard back from him, I’m sure it’s safe to assume that his silence says it all.

But there’s that part of me that wants him to call or e-mail so I can refrain from responding to HIM. Immature? Maybe. But if anyone is going to be pulling the plug around here, I want it to be me!

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Date #94: Scooter

Scooter was so promising at first – he was very much a “good on paper” kind of guy. We met for a late drink, and after only an hour he mentioned that it was getting late for him. I got it. We walked outside, he kissed me on the cheek goodnight, and I think he said "I'll talk to you soon".

Here’s the clincher -- he then took off on his scooter while I stood there looking for a cab. NOT cool, dude. You know you're going on a date with someone who lives in your neighborhood? Bring the extra helmet, offer her a ride home. At least wait with her while she hails a taxi. He did neither. Asshat.

In other dating news: got a message from Smiles – he said he had a lovely time with me over the weekend, and while he had hoped to get together before my vacation, he didn’t think there would be time. No problem. I actually wouldn’t have had time to see him anyway.

And I got an e-mail from UN, saying he was looking forward to getting together after my trip – that made me smile.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Date #93: Mr. UN

Had my first “first date” in a month – with Mr. UN (he’s very well-traveled), formerly known as H on the blog, briefly mentioned here.

We had initially planned to go out a few weeks ago, but I cancelled because I had to work late that night. I didn’t rush to reschedule at the time because I was so smitten with Smiles – but decided I needed to still go out with other guys (or at least make the effort to do so) to keep a bit of perspective.

Well – we had a lovely date! It wasn’t the five-hour booze-fest that my first date was with Smiles, which is probably a good thing. I recently discovered that the differences I have with Smiles are starting to bother me – and it just happens that these are some things that UN and I have in common. I’m going on vacation later this week -- UN and I talked about getting together when I get back.

Before saying good night, there was a bit of smooching with UN – and while he was a pretty good kisser, I realized that I’ve gotten used to Smiles’ kissing style. We just had good kissing synergy from the start. Am I going to hell for comparing these two? Probably. But I’m sure I was doomed long ago.

Oh yes – I kept my date with Smiles over the weekend. A nice, ordinary night – no relationship talk. Just rather… ordinary, in a good way. I’m not quite ready to stop seeing him just yet – I do still enjoy our time together. He’s a lot of fun, and has a warmth about him – but again, I’m becoming more and more aware those differences between us.

I asked a friend if she thought I should end things with him, since I’m having these doubts – her response: “if he wants to have the talk about getting more serious, by all means be honest. But I don't think you have to bring anything up -- you know he's not asking to be exclusive right now. I don't think you have a responsibility to "let him down easy" or anything at this point. Just go with the flow, and be honest.”

Sounds good to me!

And as I mentioned earlier – sometimes it’s better to be with an imperfect person than be totally alone. And this has been quite a lonely year for me – maybe that’s why I’m holding on?

Thursday, July 26, 2007

The wake-up call.

I have a feeling I’m not going to be seeing Smiles much longer.

We had a talk tonight – he was brutally honest, and said, amongst other things, that he sensed that I was more into him than he was into me, and that while he does like me, he wants to continue taking it slowly until we (maybe) reach a point when / if we decide we want to date each other exclusively.

Ouch.

This made me think: where can we possibly go from here? Now I’m feeling self-conscious about being too demonstrative. I think this is what happened: in the beginning, he came on strong. I followed his lead. He pulled back. I chose to ignore that he had pulled back, and kept pushing in his direction until he doused me with ice water and opened my eyes to what was really happening.

After I went home, I was in a bit of a funk about this – and it dawned on me. Am I really into HIM, or am I into the idea of having a boyfriend, a lover, a companion? I do have fun with him, and we have good chemistry together. However, there are some striking differences in our worlds that I'm only admitting to myself now: our lifestyles, our careers, just our lives overall. I know relationships are about compromise, and about embracing each other’s differences. But in this case, now that I’ve come down off my cloud, I’m seeing what’s really there. And it’s not what I want in the long run.

We have plans this weekend, and I’ll probably stick to them. But I’m planning on pulling back, staying a bit cool, just keeping my feelings in check.

In my last post, I mentioned that I was communicating with some new guys on Match – at that time, I was really just going through the motions. Now – I’m actively looking again. Might even have another new date this weekend. Wish me luck!

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Zen and the art of dating

Still having a lovely time with Smiles. Still taking it slowly. And feeling 100% OK with that.

After our second date, I was ready to cancel the Match membership. I was smitten. But now, a few weeks down the road, I’m feeling a lot more level-headed about him. (wow… could it be??! Have I managed to turn down the crazy, just a little bit?!)

I do like Smiles, and I’d like to possibly see this go somewhere. But first – we need to get to know each other. Slowly. And I need to think about how much I actually like HIM, and not just worry about how much he likes ME.

I’ve even followed my friends’ advice, and have been e-mailing with a new guy on Match, as well as a few old ones I’d lost touch with. Will I actually go out with any of them? We’ll see.

But this current arrangement has me dwelling less on both Smiles AND on any potential Match guys. Go figure. I’m as close as I’ve ever been to a Zen-like state of dating. At least for this moment.

And if this continues? That’s going to make for some pretty boring blog posts.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Go with your gut.

Looks like my gut was right about Smiles – tonight he admitted that he had indeed pulled away a bit this week. Our extra-long date last weekend had felt a bit too long to him, made even longer by spending the night at my place, when he would have preferred to have gone home. (As far as his canceling on our previously planned date, he really did have a work event.)

I’m happy we were able to talk about this – this kind of thing isn’t always easy to discuss. Too often, I’ve been in relationships where we both sense there’s a problem, but try to bury it – as if not talking about it will make it go away. What almost always ends up happening is that the problem festers until one of us explodes. If things continue with Smiles, this could be a good precedent – this “communication” thing. Go figure. Might be something to it.

In light of this talk, it just felt a bit strange to ask if he’s seeing anyone else right now. Too soon. My sense is that he really does want to give this a chance (as do I), and he certainly doesn’t seem like a player. I do notice that he logs onto Match rather regularly – and the fact that I know this means I’m logging in as well. Touché.

However – I did bring up the fact that I don’t want us to sleep together until we’ve established that we’re dating exclusively. He was in agreement with this.

In the meantime – we’re not sleeping with each other (yet). I think it might be a good distraction to arrange a date or two with other guys in the meantime (my friends advised this as well). Even if the e-mails back and forth don’t actually LEAD to dates (not unusual), the mere fact that someone else may potentially be interested in meeting me may be a good distraction from Smiles, and help me turn down the crazy just a little bit.

Would love to hear your thoughts on this. Do you generally feel it's OK to date other people until you have the "we're exclusive" talk?

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Overthinking things, as usual

I’m a bit nervous about Smiles – we were barely in touch this week, and he cancelled mid-week plans that we’d had – he had a work event that he’d “forgotten about”.

We do have definite plans for this weekend (he’s already called to confirm – good guy). Will have to take a temperature then. I think after four dates, it’s not unreasonable to discuss if we're presently seeing other people – right? I’ll just have to gauge how I’m feeling, what kind of vibe I’m getting from him, etc.

I want to be excited about him, but I’m afraid to get my hopes up. The usual conundrum! You know what “they” say: if you sense someone is pulling away? You’re probably right. Sigh.

Tonight will also be my first chance to ask him about his morning dash from last weekend. I think my approach will be to make a joke out of it and see what he reaction is.

In the meantime: I got an e-mail from H this week – I cancelled our date last week for valid work reasons, and told him I’d be in touch once my work load lightened up. He wrote to check in, to see if I was still buried under work. I think this weekend’s plans with Smiles will determine how I’ll respond.

Remember the guy formerly known as Hot Young Guy, who later morphed into Supreme Dickwad? He texted me one night this week, asking if I’d like to meet for a drink. At 2 am. Dickwad indeed! I decided that no response was the best response.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

A question... and another date with Smiles

I have a question for my fellow bloggers – especially those of you with similar sites to this one, venting about our dating lives.

Do you ever worry about your site being discovered by the guy you like? Of course I’m not using real names (mine, nor his)… and while I keep details sketchy, I’m still nervous about anything that could possibly identify this site as being written by me, about us.

In this case, with Smiles, I only have good things to say – but still, I wonder, if he were to come across this (admittedly, unlikely – but not impossible), would he be offended at having semi-personal details posted for all to read? If our relationship continues, at some point I’d like to share the blog with him – it’s been an important part of my life these past few months. (I remember being quite impressed when Dating Trooper mentioned that she shared her blog with her new guy). Writing this blog has been incredibly cathartic -- I’ve truly enjoyed virtually meeting other bloggers as a result, and even became "real life" friends with another (incredibly cool) blogger, Cute Jewess.

Anyway – on that note – Smiles and I had yet another wonderful date yesterday.

We drove out of town to go biking in the gorgeous countryside that is surprisingly close to NYC. I love biking, and it’s always a huge plus when the guy I’m dating is into it as well.

It was a perfectly gorgeous, sunny day – we sailed down lots of hills (he’s a lot more fearless than I am!), and huffed up other hills. After the ride, went for a swim in a local lake before drying off and going to the nearby town for a lovely dinner. There’s definitely a strong attraction between us, but it’s still a rather pleasant surprise when the GUY says he doesn’t want us to sleep together until we’ve had a chance to get to know each other better.

One of the best moments of the day: driving to town in the late-afternoon sun, surrounded by woods and dappled sunlight. We were both giddy at what a beautiful day it was, and at one point Smiles just looked over at me and smiled. It was a Moment. A lovely, romantic Moment that I want to hold on to, and keep replaying over and over.

After dinner, we lingered in the town for a bit before returning back to the city – stopped at his apartment, my first visit to his place. It was quite clean for a guy’s apartment – he confessed that he had cleaned up on the chance that I’d be coming by. Then back to my place – we hadn’t planned a sleepover, but he started dozing off while we watched TV, and we (I) thought it would be best for him to not risk driving while he was that exhausted.

It was a chaste sleepover, with him sleeping in shorts, and me in shorts and a tank top. I never sleep well the first time I have a new guy over, and this time was no exception. As a result, he was wide-awake at 8 am, while I still felt the need for another hour or two of sleep – he said, “why don’t I get going, so you can get a little more sleep?” and he left. The goodbye felt a bit abrupt, and I’m trying not to overanalyze it – trying to remind myself to look at the big picture (yet another wonderful date with a guy I like, who also seems to like me) rather than what could be a multi-interpreted moment (he wanted to leave quickly so I could go back to sleep – I was disappointed that he didn’t want to linger longer).

Sure, I’m neurotic and overly analytical. But writing it out here forces me to realize that, address it and keep it in perspective.

Follow-up to yesterday’s post, where I wondered aloud if I should consider a date with new guy, H. I’m just not feeling it, so I’m not going to do it. I’m enjoying getting to know Smiles too much right now. So I’m putting all my eggs in one basket (his)? So be it.

Saturday, July 7, 2007

Looking forward to more smiles with Smiles

I’m getting ready for my third date with Smiles – we’re planning a day-into-evening date today. I have a good feeling about this guy – it’s been a long time since I’ve felt this way. I have to keep reminding myself: Simmer down, girl! You’ve only known him a week!

Maybe this is a cliché, but it feels like so much longer – we’ve talked and e-mailed and texted between our dates. There have been a few little moments that made my heart go pitter-patter: he knew I was going to have a tough day at work yesterday, and he texted me in the morning to wish me good luck. When he picked me up for our second date the other day, he told me how beautiful I looked. (that’s especially meaningful: my last semi-boyfriend, last summer’s Bike Racing Guy, NEVER said anything along those lines, a huge source of contention). Smiles actually compliments me quite frequently – and I think he’s quite dreamy-looking as well.

I have to make a decision about this: I was supposed to have a date last night with a new guy, H – this was planned before I even met Smiles. I cancelled the day before because something came up at work (really!), but said we’d talk early next week to re-schedule.

So – do I give this other guy a shot? After all, it’s still early with Smiles, don’t keep your eggs in one basket, and all that. OR… tell him I’ve met someone and would like to see where it goes? OR just procrastinate, and tell him I’m swamped with work this week, or some other excuse like that… and buy a little more time while I get to know Smiles?

You know how they say to go with your gut (whoever “they” are). My gut (and the rest of me) doesn’t want to see anyone else right now. My gut doesn’t want to sit through yet another interview of a first date. My gut wants to cancel the online dating memberships and pack away the notebooks that remind me the little details about each guy.

But then my head (which overrides the gut) says – just go on today’s date with Smiles. Just enjoy it. Don’t overthink this.

For now – head wins. But my gut will surely make a re-appearance very soon. (better cut down on the pizza)

Thoughts?

Happy 7-7-07!

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Smiles makes me smile

Had a fabulous second date with Smiles yesterday. Will write details later... for now, I'll just say it was nine hours of laughing, more laughing, and some great snogging. Next date planned for the weekend.

Watch this space for further details!

Monday, July 2, 2007

Date #92: Sexy Older Guy

Almost forgot to blog about my last date – I guess that’s saying something about the impact it had on me!

Normally I’ll date guys up to about 4 or 5 years my senior… but when Sexy Older Guy wrote to me, he seemed so vibrant and interesting that I was willing to overlook the fact that he’s 11 years older than I am. I know – huge difference.

We had a perfectly nice afternoon coffee date, and I went home feeling that he was just a “maybe”. Maybe it was the venue – I’ve never felt a zing on a coffee date. Or maybe my opinion of him was colored by my great date with Smiles a few nights ago.

The conversation with Smiles was like a carnival ride (without the nausea) – always fun, rather non-stop. With Sexy Older, it was more like a slow horse and buggy ride… it would amble along, then pause… amble… pause.

Also – he wasn’t quite as hot as his pics. I guess that makes him “OK-looking Older Guy”. Eh.

Some good news about Smiles: he texted me yesterday to say he had a great time the other night, and was looking forward to next time. Very giddy-making indeed! Yet still staying grounded. Really.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Date #91: Smiles

This gets filed under the category of You-Never-Fricking-Know. Smiles had a decent-enough Match profile and not-bad pics, not exactly swoon-worthy – yet his initial e-mails made me laugh, so I decided to give him a shot, without expecting much. First phone conversation last week made me realize that we didn’t seem to have much in common -- but he was funny and feisty, and worth a one-hour drink. Who could have guessed that it would turn into a five-hour date, with some fabulous smooching?

Smiles is smart, funny, cute, a bit quirky, a great dancer and has an incredible head of hair. I tend to go for lawyer / finance types – he’s neither of those, which I’m realizing is just fine. We’ve already made plans to go for a hike later in the week – I can’t wait. (though now I’m stressing over the fact that I’m not sure I want him to see me with minimal hike-appropriate makeup just yet…)

Now for the part where I try to keep my giddiness at a manageable level – I need to enjoy the excitement and anticipation while staying grounded. Wish me luck. As always, I’m open to any suggestions.

Oh! He’s the first guy I’ve put on my “A” list in ages!

Meanwhile: I have a few other dates planned for this weekend: coffee with Sexy Older Guy, and drinks with Mr. Flashback. Eh. Wish I could just see Smiles again tonight…

Friday, June 29, 2007

Tag, you're it.

My first meme, tagged by London Girl! Four things about Loverville:

Four jobs I've had:
* ladies room attendant in a nightclub
* information desk assistant in college
* intern for a candidate for Manhattan Borough President
* scooper in a Haagen-Dazs shop (gained 5 lbs immediately)

Four films that I can watch repeatedly -- actually, I'm more likely to watch TV, so I'll list those:
* Arrested Development
* Sex and the City
* the Simpsons
* OK, one movie... Annie Hall

Four places in which I have lived:
* the Bronx
* Dublin, Ireland
* London, England
* Long Island

Four places I've been on vacation:
* Trinidad & Tobago
* India
* Honduras
* Vermont

Four sites that I visit daily (other than blogs):
* NY Times
* NY Magazine
* Google
* eGullet

Four of my favorite dishes:
* NY pizza
* chicken tikka masala
* felafel
* the gnudi at the Spotted Pig

Four people that I am tagging:
* Cute Jewess
* A Cali Gurl
* Dating is Warfare
* Amore & Vino

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Date #90: Semi-Local Guy

Thanks to those who commented words of support after my last (depressing) post. The dark cloud has lifted, and I’m feeling a thousand times better today!

Went to a fantastically fun BBQ yesterday, then had an impromptu date last night with Semi-Local Guy. SLG sent an initial e-mail the night before, asking if I was feeling spontaneous -- would I like to have a drink the following night? After a few e-mails back and forth, liking the sound of him, I agreed. He’s Semi-Local in that he lives in another city, but spends weeks on end in NY for work.

We met for a drink, and had plenty to talk about. More friend-ish than romantic – not really flirty – but still a nice time. I’d see him again. He’s going back to his “other” city today, but said he’d like to get together again next time he’s here. As always, we’ll see.

On my radar right now: a few B-listers, two of whom I’m especially looking forward to meeting, and possibly promoting to the A list: James Bond and Mr. H.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Date #89: Nearby Guy

Remember Hot Young Guy? His new name is Supreme Dickwad Number One, and he is officially OUT of the picture. Long story short: we got into a silly text-message spat today, which ended with him telling me “you’ll die single”. Ouch! How bitter and mean!

It put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. I know that only an immature oaf would say something like that, and I should just let this roll off me, but still – it struck a chord. Maybe it’s the PMS, but I’ve been feeling quite lonely these days. (I’m not trying to work the stereotype – I really do get a bit emotional this time of month). Last week I went to a work party, and it felt as though everyone was there with a significant other. I had a hard time enjoying myself because the loneliness just felt so palpable.

I should be happy that I had yet another first date tonight, this time with Nearby Guy – but I’m feeling quite the opposite. It’s frustrating that I had yet ANOTHER first date that will not lead to a relationship. NG was certainly nice enough, but I just didn’t have that “click”. I’m all about giving someone a chance, but when you leave the date thinking that you could never imagine yourself kissing the person? That says a lot.

Coming home from the date, however, I got a little lift: walking in the opposite direction, towards me, was a young guy sporting the “Jesus” look – longish hair, full beard. As we approached each other, I found myself thinking he was probably quite cute under all that hair. When we passed one another, he lifted his hand up in a little wave, smiled, and kept going. I returned the gesture, and we both continued in our respective directions. I don’t know why – it just struck me as one of those inexplicably sweet moments. Even thinking about it now, an hour later, is putting a smile on my face.
*************
I guess it’s a good thing that work is starting to get incredibly hectic. I’m going to be traveling a lot for work this summer, which will severely limit my social life, especially dating. On one hand, this is a good thing – I can try to lose myself in work for a little while. But I know myself, and I know what my thoughts will drift towards as I’m alone in bed at night, trying to fall asleep.

Supreme Dickwad / Date #89: Nearby Guy

Remember Hot Young Guy? His new name is Supreme Dickwad Number One, and he is officially OUT of the picture. Long story short: we got into a silly text-message spat today, which ended with him telling me “you’ll die single”. Ouch! How bitter and mean!

It put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. I know that only an immature oaf would say something like that, and I should just let this roll off me, but still – it struck a chord. Maybe it’s the PMS, but I’ve been feeling quite lonely these days. (I’m not trying to work the stereotype – I really do get a bit emotional this time of month). Last week I went to a work party, and it felt as though everyone was there with a significant other. I had a hard time enjoying myself because the loneliness just felt so palpable.

I should be happy that I had yet another first date tonight, this time with Nearby Guy – but I’m feeling quite the opposite. It’s frustrating that I had yet ANOTHER first date that will not lead to a relationship. NG was certainly nice enough, but I just didn’t feel that “click”. I’m all about giving someone a chance, but when you leave the date thinking that you could never imagine yourself kissing the person? That says a lot.

Coming home from the date, however, I got a little lift: walking in the opposite direction, towards me, was a young guy sporting the “Jesus” look – longish hair, full beard. As we approached each other, I found myself thinking he was probably quite cute under all that hair. When we passed one another, he lifted his hand up in a little wave, smiled, and kept going. I returned the gesture, and we both continued in our respective directions. I don’t know why – it just struck me as one of those inexplicably sweet moments. Even thinking about it now, an hour later, is putting a smile on my face.
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I guess it’s a good thing that work is starting to get incredibly hectic. I’m going to be traveling a lot for work this summer, which will severely limit my social life, especially dating. On one hand, this is a good thing – I can try to lose myself in work for a little while. But I know myself, and I know what my thoughts will drift towards as I’m alone in bed at night, trying to fall asleep.