Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Date #69: Brooklyn Guy

Lunch with Brooklyn Guy (BG) -- we'd had good phone chemistry, and enough to talk about over lunch. But no vibe, and we both knew it. When I offered to split the check, I really meant it. He couldn't say goodbye fast enough.

However -- lunch was great! It was at a cute little downtown restaurant that's way too packed at night (they don't take reservations, and you can easily wait over an hour for a table) -- but lunchtime was mellow and perfect.

After a whirlwind week, I'm now going on dating hiatus, as I'll be out of town for a week. So looking forward to a relaxing vacation in a sunny land.


OK, this is just plain sad. This was a reply e-mail from a 30-something year old guy. I could understand if English was his second language, but no, he's American:

"yes im new to this so i guess i should add more stuff.. its not easy writting about yourslef... But thanks for the complement... im sucker for a great smile as well.. hows th french going? i have taken an more lesson since ive reutrned from france this past summer but i wil lstart them again in january so i will be better preprared next year....

so you meantioned i didnt say much.. lol ok.. what would you like to know.... :)"

"I've got the vibe that ya need!"

Really... that was the subject in his e-mail. They forgot to give out an award at the Oscars last night: Best Creative Bullshit Artist. This is classic -- you can't make this stuff up.

"good looking, smart, funny, sexy, funny, seriously whats a beau woman like u with such a killer charming smile doing single? i mean u dont seem the kind who needs match.com @ all.

a little abt me, im a part time model/actor, full time 9-5 data analyst @ major financial co, teach kickboxing once a week and I DJ every month or 2 in south beach miami. I know it sounds like a busy schedule but its really not, which is why I sometimes get into more trouble than needed, kidding, guess since i dont have my special someone im looking too keep occupied instead of wasting time, after all that someone can be any part of the world.

what do u think?

im looking for someone who can be a best friend kinda thing, someone i can trust and talk abt anything, no head games or lies, someone who speaks their mind without giving a ass abt what the other person thinks and ofcourse someone with a charming smile, so far u seriously have the best one ive come across. im pretty laid back kinda guy, i do have my crazy moments too but then again who doesnt right? anyway if you are still interested then feel to contact me either by email or messenger. on [blahblah@bullshit.com] take care beautifull ;)

p.s. theres a lil saying i had heard once but never really believed it till i saw your pic, and mind u im not saying this to impress u but, non c'e nessuno bello come te, it means there is no other as beautifull as u ;)"

This SCREAMS "cut and paste" form letter... anyone else get this one??

Blog technical question

Anyone out there know how to do this?

As you can see, my posts tend to be a bit long and rambling -- does anyone know how to just post the first paragraph or so, then provide a link where the reader can access the rest of the post?

I've seen this on other sites, and I've consulted the "help" section, to no avail.

Any techies out there?


Monday, February 26, 2007

Date #68: Czech Doc

Tonight: wine and apps with Czech Doc at a new, buzzing downtown restaurant.

My re-connection with CD was rather random: we e-mailed a few times about a year ago, but never met. In an e-mail frenzy about a week ago, I dug through old forgotten e-mails, and looked up some lost connections, including him. He was surprised to hear from me after all this time, but was happy to meet up.

He's certainly smart, and very cultured... but I just felt that there wasn't that "click" that you have when you share commalities with someone. Saying that -- I'd give him a second chance. We discussed getting together again later next week, after my upcoming trip.

However -- I'm not sure what to make of this: when the bill came, I did the polite thing: he reached for his wallet, and I offered to split it. To my surprise, he said, "Sure, OK." So we both plunked down our credit cards. And I saw that he left quite a meager tip.

Uh oh. Always a turnoff -- I'm a former waitress, and always feel the need to leave a generous tip (unless the service is terrible -- not the case here). Sure he's European -- but he's been living in the States over half his life, long enough to know better.


Would love to hear your thoughts: Ladies, what's your feeling on a guy who says OK to splitting the check on a first date?

And guys, would you say yes to a woman who offers to split the tab?

... and this is why I prefer to just go for a coffee or a drink on the first date...

"that is so crazy!"

New e-mail from some Joe Shmoe on J-date: (in reference to one of my pics)
"that is so crazy have you been to Maccu Picchu in the Andes? that is crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Me, and only a SCRILLION other tourists! How craaaazy!!!

Note: this is coming from a guy who claims to have a Master's degree from Yale.


Then there was another guy who simply wrote "yawn" in the body of the e-mail. WTF??? Why bother??!!

Date #53: Marathon Man (digging into the archives)

Marathon Man (MM) and I seemed doomed from the start -- and yet, we wound up dating nearly four months. Have you ever dated someone you knew was absolutely wrong for you, and you knew it would never go anywhere... but maybe he's just sweet, or good for your ego (in this case, he was super-flattering, unlike the ex, BikeRacerGuy), so you keep him around anyway? It's like junk food: feels good at that moment, and you know it completely lacks nutritional value -- til one day you wake up, and realize you need substance, and can't do the junk food thing another minute.

First date with MM: sake bar -- he's a half-hour late, couldn't find it due to obscure Japanese signs. He takes the hot towel offered by the waitress, places it over his face for an unusually long time.

Me: Are you OK?
MM: No -- I've had a really rough week at work, etc.
Me: Maybe a drink will make you feel better -- let's order some sake.

As I look for the waitress, I can see that MM is still looking stressy.

Me: Do you want to just call it a night? (NEVER thinking that he would accept my offer, especially after I shlepped to midtown in the rain!)
MM: Yes -- right now I just want to be sitting naked on my couch, watching the baseball game with a beer, instead of looking at this shi-shi menu that I can't understand. (and yes, there was English translation next to the Japanese on the menu)


We leave, take the subway together -- chat a bit more, he's de-toxed a bit, actually seems like a decent guy. Still, I'm thinking, sure, let's get together -- NEVER is good for me, is never good for you???

He IMs me two days later, very apologetic about what happened. I asked how he was feeling -- he said he's actually feeling a bit depressed. The previous day was his birthday, and he said that as he's getting older, he's just not "functioning" the way he did when he was younger.

By this time, I was convinced that he was conducting an experiment for a magazine or talk show (where are the hidden cameras?) -- it would be titled, "HOW MUCH WILL WOMEN PUT UP WITH?". Out of curiosity, I agreed to go out with him again, though I warned him that I was doing so against my better judgement.

Our next date was shockingly good: dinner, movie, wine bar, lots of smooching on the street, another bar, more smooching on the street (it was a beautiful, mild October night), smooching in the corner of another bar, pretending that if we didn't look at other people, they couldn't see our blatant PDA. It didn't hurt that he was quite cute, and seemed to have an excellent body -- he'd run something like 8 marathons and was obsessive about training.

I continued dating other guys, but after a stream of bad dates (including the guy formerly known as Good Date Greg -- info to come), MM was looking pretty good. He was actually quite sweet and considerate -- constantly told me that I was hot, and really seemed to think that, even though I don't have quite the athlete's body that he has.

After a few weeks, we started sleeping together -- and not only did he have NO trouble functioning, he was actually quite big (but not too big), and the sex was really good. Fun.

Unfortunately – I didn't find him particularly sophisticated or cultured (despite having attended an Ivy League university). He felt like a bit of a blank slate at times. There were times when I felt that I was struggling for conversation. And yet – he was sweet. Being with him was easy. Too easy.

When either of us were out of town for work, he'd write the sweetest e-mails:
For Saturday, sure, that place you mentioned sounds like a fun place to eat..... whatever you want. As long as I get to see you and resume our little kissing session...... I'm all for the canoodling, snuggling, smooching, cuddling, holding, giggling, hugging, massaging, nibbling, necking, caressing, whispering and other assorted things.

to be continued...

Date #67: Foodie Man

Brunch with Foodie Man (FM) -- twice this weekend, I've encountered that rarest of creatures: guys who look even better in person than in their pics. Maybe because they just don't obsess as much over their pics as I do mine? Anyway, he was quite good looking, great head of hair -- even though he's 7 years older than I am. (only recently have I expanded my maximum age... I used to cap it at 3, 4 years older).

Anyway -- the conversation went easily enough, plenty to talk about, including each of our respective past marriages. One thing that I noted and filed away: he seemed to have an occasional pessimistic streak. He used to live in London: hated it. He went to Machu Picchu: didn't think it was such a big deal (!!!). He runs regularly, but hates doing it on a treadmill.

It wasn't all negative, we definitely had some laughs and enjoyable conversation. But if this progresses, I'll have to ask him something that my therapist always suggests asking: "Is this you?"

Anyway, the conversation seemed to be rolling along nicely, so after brunch we moved on to a cafe / bar for a few glasses of wine, where we sat closer and closer til we were kissing. And I must say... he was an excellent kisser! Times like that, my mind automatically wonders what "sexytime" would be like with him...

I already had evening plans (Oscar party), so we said goodbye at the subway with another very sexy kiss... and he took off rather abruptly. I'm going away soon for a week, so I won't be able to see him til the end of next week... we'll see if he's still around. Stay tuned!

Next dates tomorrow night and Tuesday lunch. Oh man, that's a record for me: five dates in five days. I'm certainly not bragging about it -- I truly believe that ANYone doing the internet dating thing could have 3 dates a day if they wanted to.

Yes, it gets tiring... and it can certainly get confusing (who did I talk about the Times crossword with?)... but I do believe that it's definitely a numbers game, and I'm playing the dating lottery.

UPDATE, the following day: he left a message to say he had a nice time, and let's try to touch base before we I head out of town -- "otherwise have a great trip, and I'll see you when you get back". Unexpected, given the brusque goodbye at the end of the date -- but sweet. I'm happy to hear from him.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Date #63: Senor Swanky

Since I'm new to this Wonderful World o' Blog, I'm posting info about the past 63 dates (over the past two years) sporadically. Some don't even deserve a snippet of a mention... but others are just so memorable, they're stories that need to be shared (eg, the guy with the Christopher Walken voice, and six degrees of "Pierre Vert / Pablo Verde").

All that (and more!) coming soon! But for now, I present to you -- Senor Swanky (SS):

Backtrack to October: in desperation for a non-asshole, I gave eHarmony a shot. After a few months of them sending me the worst matches ever (funny, I don't remember asking for 50-year-olds from suburban New Jersey...) I had written them off – thought their “300 points of personality” (or whatever) philosophy was a crock, and had actually just cancelled my membership. I really didn’t feel like going on yet another new, lame date.

BUT… something just clicked with SS – lots to talk about – he’s in the restaurant biz (I'm a foodie). From Spain originally, but has been living in the US since childhood. (speaks Spanish with a very very sexy accent). And just seemed like an amazing, cultured, smart guy.

This was the first first date in a LONG time where I came home with a huge, goofy smile on my face. Great chemistry... seemed smart and fun... and yes, we ended up smooching at the bar of the restaurant where we had enjoyed tapas and glasses of Rioja.

Date #2: late brunch followed by drinks at his local bar for the Super Bowl. I really don't like football, thought I'd earn some "cool chick" points -- he seemed impressed and appreciative that I hung in there.

The plan was to then go back to his place -- he had a favorite TV show that he Tivo'd that he wanted to share with me. Lots of smooching... lots. Things getting very sexy, very heated. I made it clear that I didn't want us to sleep together so soon... he agreed.

We fell asleep -- I barely slept -- not very comfortable trying to sleep in jeans! And the next morning, things heated up again.. and being very much in the moment, we had sex. I tried to rationalize: since it was the next morning, does that count as the next date? Whatever. I just got a really good vibe from SS, sensed that he was genuine, and we were obviously very attracted to each other -- the sex was VERY good.

That week: barely heard from him. He cancelled our Thursday night plans (he wasn't feeling well), and came over to my place a few nights later, where we ordered in Chinese food and half-watched the Grammys. Much less of a vibe. Semi-OK sex, and he stayed over. We shared a taxi the next morning (me to work, him home)... and that's the last time I saw him.

We had made plans for later that week, but he texted me to cancel, on account of family issues. End of story. And I was totally fine with it. I e-mailed him to let him know that I hoped everything worked out with his family, no response. (Rude!)

Once again... duh!... just a reminder to myself, and whoever chooses to take a little dating advice: NO sex too soon! MINIMUM of 4th, 5th date... but of course even longer is much better. Sure, sometimes a girl has her needs... but there's a huge difference between a vacation fling, and a guy you actually like, and would like to maybe, possibly, potentially have a future with. In my mind (now), SS was a vacation fling.

Next up at bat...

I'm very much inspired by Cute Jewess's blog! (THANK YOU to both Cute Jewess and Dating Dummy for the tips on links in posts!)

I saw that she had a running tab of guys she's currently writing to / talking to -- of course, I have my notebook as well, but sharing it with all three of you who are reading this is so much more fun!

Here's the latest rundown, as of Saturday night:
Blue Eyes: went out last night, no word back from him yet. I'd consider a second date, but not sure if I got that vibe from him.
Foodie Man: supposed to go out for brunch tomorrow, will see if I hear from him in the morning.
Czech Doc: plans for Monday night.
Hoboken Drummer: seems cool and funny ... a few e-mails back and forth, no phone contact yet.
Kibbutznik: one or two e-mails so far, no phone yet.
StreamOfConsciousness Dude: So named because of the way he wrote his profile... I liked it. He left me a message a few days ago -- I just haven't had a chance to call back. Maybe tomorrow.
Brooklyn Guy: left me a message yesterday, I'll call him tomorrow.

Oh man (indeed). A little too much going on right now. There's a part of me that thinks that going into overload like this may not be such a good thing -- it makes it hard to get excited about any one guy in particular.

But then again... if there was someone amazing, someone who made me go home with a big, silly grin on my face? It would be so worth having to sit through drinks with Boring Ben* or coffee with Egotistical Eric* to meet Really Great Greg.*.

* not his real name

Date #66: Dog Guy

It's pretty funny how I even ended up corresponding with Dog Guy (DG) in the first place: I was doing a search on J-date last week, and meant to click on one guy (not DG)as a "favorite"... but accidentally clicked DG. He apparently saw that I had clicked on him, and he wrote to me the next day.

I decided to give him a chance, and we had a longer-than-usual conversation the other night: about his dog, about relationships, work, etc.

The initial plan for our first date was for me to join him on a walk with his dog this afternoon -- I absolutely adore dogs, so this would have been a perfect first date. Instead, he was stuck doing some work today, so we agreed to meet for a drink tonight.

We met at a lovely downtown bar/lounge (my suggestion), a place known for its serious, old-school cocktails. DG was waiting for me as I arrived -- the first negative vibe I got was when he remained seated as I went over to say hi -- I even (half) joked, "Don't bother getting up!" I'm certainly not Ms. Manners, but this was such a common-sense gesture. I quickly sensed that he had no game.

The conversation was lukewarm... he hogged up too much of the limited legroom under the tiny table... and overall, just didn't strike me as a very smart/cultured guy. He DID have an excellent, thick head of hair though!

I used to wait tables, so I judge people on how they treat waitstaff. At this bar, it just happens that I had recently met the owner -- when we asked our waitress for our check, she said that our drinks were comped. Now -- rule of thumb is that when you get something for free at a bar/restaurant, the right thing to do is leave a generous tip, similar (or only slightly less) to the amount you would have spent anyway. DG put $5 on the table as a tip... now, this was quite an upscale bar, and leaving that amount was an embarrassment. I added another $10 to that, and we headed out -- said our goodnights, quick cheek kiss good night, and walked in separate directions.

The search continues! Two more dates (Sunday and Monday) before heading to sunny skies for a week of scuba diving!

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Date #64: Tom Hanks

Had a lunch date on Monday with "Tom Hanks" ... there was indeed a bit of resemblance there -- post his drag days on (what was the name of that 70's sitcom?), and pre-"Castaway".

Not terrible looking... and a semi-stylish dresser... AND had the very strong advantage of living in my funky downtown neighborhood.

But... the problem with this "Tom" was his voice. Strong, grating, slightly whiny Queens accent... I'll have to figure out a way to describe it -- feel free to give some examples: X meets X meets Woody Allen? Poor guy, I had trouble even looking at him!

Does that make me sound like a superficial bitch? Maybe. And I'll be the first to admit, I have my own flaws. I'm far from model-thin, and maybe that's a turn-off for some guys. Today's lesson: we all have our own shit to deal with. Me, I can't take a bad voice.

But oh, a nice voice? So so sexy. As in the case of Senor Swanky (date #63) ... his voice made me melt. But after four dates, he's now appearing on a milk carton near you. He's fallen off the face of the earth, after texting me the day after Valentine's day (a so-called Hallmarketing event that I was ignoring anyway): "sorry, need to cancel tonight, family stuff happening". No voice there, just text on my phone.

You never fricking know

My best friend Delia and I repeat this wise adage over and over again. It fits so many situations, as in:

"X and I had an amazing date tonight -- we had a great time, and amazing chemistry. But you never fricking know... he just might fall off the face of the earth." (oh man, if I had a dollar for every time this happened...)

"I really didn't feel like going out tonight -- but you never fricking know -- gotta give John a chance, he could be a great guy."

"So I didn't get a vibe from Mike on the phone -- but you never fricking know -- maybe we'll hit it off in person." Oh, but in this case, I DO fricking know... no vibe on the phone always equals no zest in person. It's been proven by scientists. And me.

Date #65: Mr. Blue Eyes

I absolutely did NOT want to go on a date tonight. I had a wildly fun, boozy night last night at karaoke with my best friend (let's call her... Delia) and her BF and another friend... which meant that I woke up at the ungodly hour of 6 am this morning and could NOT get back to sleep. That's my hangover curse... I'm forced to wake up and deal with my alcohol-fueled actions.

I was exhausted and cranky and felt bloated and fat and hadn't washed my hair in two days... but I knew it was too late to cancel. That would be bad form... I HATE when people do rude things like that. Like last weekend, when Mr. FOF (Friend of a Friend) e-mailed me the day before our date to say that he was going to have to cancel because "I'm not feeling super-motivated to date right now". Yes, he probably did me a favor... but still. At least have the balls to CALL me, not write that in an e-mail.

So -- I met Blue Eyes at a local tapas bar, after I got as buffed and prettied as I possibly could -- all black, very slimming. In one of those very rare instances, he actually looked BETTER in person than in his photo. While he's slightly outside my usual dating range (he's 7 years older than I am... I usually cap it at about 3, 4 years older)... he looked really good for his age.

We chatted for about an hour and a half... no huge revelations, but we were never at a loss for words. As we wrapped up, I considered asking if he'd like to go out early next week, before I go out of town for a week. But I held back... I wasn't getting much of a vibe from him.

And I sensed that, as he hailed a taxi, it seemed that he was doing the delicate "I'm-going-to-say-goodnight-WITHOUT-implying-that-I'm-going-to-see-you-ever-again" dance. Quite a complicated choreography! Like the tango... it looks simple, but it's hard as hell.

So we'll see... as Delia and I always, always say... you never fricking know...

Friday, February 23, 2007

More history...

In the two years since my last relationship, I've kept notes on every. single. guy. I 've gone out with. And I'm up to sixty-fricking-five. And to date, none of them have been potential serious boyfriend material. Or maybe I thought they were... but in those cases, I wasn't girlfriend material for them.

This of course begs the question... what the fuck is wrong with me? I've never gone out with so many guys, with such a high failure rate! True: I have learned a lot from past exes, and learned what's important to me, what I like, and what are the deal-breakers.

Things that are important to me (in no particular order):
* nice teeth
* being open about other cultures. The guy who told me he didn't like Peru because there were "too many poor people"? Um... no.
* not too serious... but not Mr. Stand-up Comedian either

And this may seem limiting, but I have my reasons: must live in Manhattan, or VERY close by, like Hoboken or the closer parts of Brooklyn. I automatically delete guys who write to me from Westchester or Long Island. That's just not my guy.

Learning from history

My last serious relationship ended two years ago this month (happy anniversary of single-dom, I suppose!). KosherGuy and I were together for four years, and while there was a part of me that thought we'd get married and live happily ever after in suburbia (even though I hate suburbia)... there was another part of me that questioned why I was with him.

He was the one who ended it, for complicated reasons I won't go into here... but it was somewhat a relief when he did. He met someone new six months later, proposed to her a year after that, and they've now been married for 3 months. There's a part of me that is still relieved that it's her and not me... but there's still that little bit of heartache.

Maybe it's that sentiment of "how can they find someone, when I can't?". Ever get that feeling? It sucks. There's a twinge of jealousy there. Other couples' relationships often seem so rosy from the outside.

And yet... I've already been in an unhappy marriage, way too young. I'm sure people thought we were that perfect couple. Oh man... if you find yourself questioning something / someone ... don't bury that little voice. Hear it out, take it for coffee, let it talk... because you'll regret it if you don't.


In the two years since my last serious relationship, I've been keeping a Word journal of my dating adventures via J-Date and Match... but finally realized, this stuff is meant to be shared!