Monday, February 26, 2007

Date #68: Czech Doc

Tonight: wine and apps with Czech Doc at a new, buzzing downtown restaurant.

My re-connection with CD was rather random: we e-mailed a few times about a year ago, but never met. In an e-mail frenzy about a week ago, I dug through old forgotten e-mails, and looked up some lost connections, including him. He was surprised to hear from me after all this time, but was happy to meet up.

He's certainly smart, and very cultured... but I just felt that there wasn't that "click" that you have when you share commalities with someone. Saying that -- I'd give him a second chance. We discussed getting together again later next week, after my upcoming trip.

However -- I'm not sure what to make of this: when the bill came, I did the polite thing: he reached for his wallet, and I offered to split it. To my surprise, he said, "Sure, OK." So we both plunked down our credit cards. And I saw that he left quite a meager tip.

Uh oh. Always a turnoff -- I'm a former waitress, and always feel the need to leave a generous tip (unless the service is terrible -- not the case here). Sure he's European -- but he's been living in the States over half his life, long enough to know better.


Would love to hear your thoughts: Ladies, what's your feeling on a guy who says OK to splitting the check on a first date?

And guys, would you say yes to a woman who offers to split the tab?

... and this is why I prefer to just go for a coffee or a drink on the first date...


The Dummy said...

For me, I guess it would kind of depend. I'm pretty old fashioned myself, and have never let a woman pay on the first date. It'd have to be pretty far along the road before I'd let her, or if she was a feminist who insisted.

But then again, if I was dating someone new every week and had to think about the practicality of the expense, who knows, I'd probably let her pay for half if she insisted. But she'd have to insist. And usually the way things go it doesn't get that far. I just say I'll let them pay next time, and then not let them!

Loverville said...

Hey DD! (not so dumb, after all!)

Thanks for the comment. And I certainly don't "expect" a guy to pay for the first date -- but it does make a better impression. I can't help it, that's the way society is. I didn't make the rules.

Generally, if a guy insists on paying, I'll say thank you and offer to pay for next time, or pay for drinks at the next location.

BUT, if I have absolutely no interest in him, I'll be much more insistent about splitting the tab. (unless it's on the cheaper side, like two drinks, or two cups of coffee)

Cute Jewess said...

Oh, I expect the guy to pay on the first date. I know it's not very forward thinking of me, but when they give women equal pay for equal work, then give me a call.

And ugh, poor tipping is a huge sin! Boo.

James said...

I always pay for the first date and say if she want's to contribute she can pay the second date.

Anonymous said...

It sets a certain tone when the man pays for the first date. It's not a question of money, but rather of panache, elegance, generosity of spirit. Who wants to wrangle over dividing a bill with a near stranger? Hell, I'd rather treat him than go Dutch. We're not a married couple besotted with the nitty-gritty of our tax returns; we're on a date!

Anonymous said...

If you initiate the date, then I actually think it's OK to split. BUT because he has some means (not a starving student/artist/social worker) AND it was only wine and apps, then it was less OK. HOWEVER it's NEVER OK to tip cheap. That is one of the Big Red Flags.

But having said all that, a man who would let me pay on a first date, even if I initiated then politely offered - would probably not be a repeat date for me. Friend, OK, not date.

But I could not be friends with a cheap tipper.

acaligurl said...

i would not go out with a guy who did not pick up the tab. sorry call me old fashioned but no way. he should be wining and dining you. if he is a squinch now that isn't going to change. before i married the husband he wined & dined and wooed me! as it should be. :)

dgirlnyer said...

Did you ask to split the check? Did you have your credit card in hand? If so, it's much easier for him to allow you to pay for half. But if you ask politely, "may I contribute?" while he has the check in his hand, then it's much harder for him to say yes, and suggest an appropriate dollar amount. And regardless if I am into the guy, or can't wait to get away, I still think he should pay. What kind of impression is he making if he doesn't? A cheap one, I say.