Tuesday, May 15, 2007

After sex... now what?

Note: this post has some excerpts from comments from the past few days. Just wanted to have it all in one semi-coherent, handy post. This is similar to Cute Jewess’s post on juggling – as she mentioned, we’ve been e-mailing each other about this of late.

As I wrote earlier, I had a lovely night (and morning) this past weekend with This Guy, with plans to get together next weekend (this week is quite busy for both of us). He’s not much of an e-mailer or caller, but certainly makes up for that in face time – very smart, funny, polite (and have I mentioned, quite sexy?).

So now I’m in limbo.

I can’t help but wonder what will come of this – my usual impatient “wanting to read the last page of the book”. Will this be a casual FB situation? Could he become a boyfriend, or will he disappear onto the mysterious bus? It doesn’t help matters that he has a three-week-long business trip coming up, followed by my own business trips this summer.

I know myself -- in this early stage with This Guy, if I didn't have other guys to half-focus on, I'd certainly drive myself crazy waiting til the next time I'd see him. I have no interest in sleeping with anyone else. Most likely it will be my usual merry-go-round of first dates that don’t lead to a second. (Then again, I do have one of those rare second dates this week, with T-1000. Anyway…)

Such is dating life in New York. From what I’ve heard from international friends (English, German) when you start dating someone in their home countries, it’s assumed that you’re just going to see each other.

Here in NY, assume the opposite.

My experience has been that you’re both dating other people until you have “the talk” that states that you’re exclusive – especially since online dating has become so mainstream. And even when you might think you’d be in an exclusive situation – eg, seeing each other every other day – you just never know.

Last summer, I dated BikeRacing Guy. We saw each other a few times a week (he lived just a few blocks away) and right from the start I had no desire to date anyone else. After about three months I brought up the “are we exclusive?” talk, and discovered that while he hadn't actually dated anyone else, he still wanted the option to do so, and still kept his J-date profile active. Not surprising, we broke up soon after. At the three-month mark, I feel that if you're not ready to TRY being exclusive, there's just no point.

Another reason to multi-date (early on)-- and I HATE that I have to think about this: I'm in my mid-30s, and I do have to consider that I'd like to find someone to possibly marry, possibly have kids with. Have to be as time-efficient with this as possible. I wish I could meet a guy and date him exclusively for him for X amount of time til we get to know each other... but I just don't have that kind of time. Tick, tick...

So getting to know a few guys at once seems to be the best plan for now, knowing that as we get to know one another, one of us may slip by the wayside. (shrink discussed / approved!)

Saying that... I realize it could still take YEARS (if ever) for me to meet a guy with whom I'd want to start a family. Suffice to say, I'm open to adoption.

Oy vey – this is getting too heavy. Here’s a little levity: http://www.cuteoverload.com/


a&v said...

Fingers crossed for This Guy! And . . . I hear ya on everything else.

r. partygirl said...

check your gmail! ;)