Thursday, May 31, 2007

Baseball as dating / Date #86: Real Live Guy

Last night, went to a bar with a friend to watch the Mets game – she’s a HUGE fan, and incredibly knowledgeable about the game. I only know the bare minimum about baseball, but she filled me in on heaps of details: the importance of the batting lineup, technique, etc. It was quite an exciting game, going into extra innings, with the Mets finally winning.

At one point, the Mets had the bases loaded, but then the next batter struck out, and the inning was over. That reminded me of the frustrations of dating: you finally think you’ve met someone fabulous. Your bases are loaded = he has all these great qualities that you like. (I’m not talking sex here) Then, next thing you know – you’ve struck out. All of a sudden, he’s gone, and you realize you’re not going to “score” a great guy. I’m sure these analogies have been done to death, so bear with me here!

It was near the end of Fleet Week, and there were two young Marines at the bar, just dying to talk to some “real New York women”. What little cuties – well, one was quite cute, while the other got slobberingly drunk, and insisted on telling me repeatedly “I’m a plaffusssunal – I’m a Marine!”. He was trying to convey that he was a “professional”. Indeed.

It was quite an interesting stereotype reversal: my friend and I had our eyes peeled on the game, while the guys sat patiently next to us, vying for our attention.

Tonight – had a date with a Real Live Guy (as opposed to an internet date), someone I met at a bar last week while out with friend Dreena. [Cute Jewess, hope you don’t mind me borrowing your Real Live Guy reference! It’s so fitting.]

RLG was definitely cuter than I recalled from our first meeting. We had only e-mailed briefly since we first met, and hadn’t talked on the phone – so I had only the most basic information about him, whatever I could piece together from that initial conversation.

We had a bit of flirty banter over a drink, but I felt that the conversation stalled a few times. Still, I'd consider seeing him again -- we'll see if I hear from him. No "real" kiss goodnight, just a peck on the lips.

Remember Witty Banter? We had that wonderful date last weekend, and I drove myself crazy over the long weekend, wondering when I’d hear from him again – while trying hard NOT to think about him. I finally gave in last night, and sent him a light, breezy e-mail, mentioning a new bistro I thought he’d like.

He finally wrote back today. I was nervous about opening up his e-mail, bracing myself for the “you seem like a lovely person, BUT…” type of e-mail. Instead, I was happy to read that he liked my suggestion, and he’s swamped with work, but will call me once things ease up.

I think I have a problem. WHY do I do this, get so excited about a guy I barely know? On first sight, he fits this image of the kind of guy I’m looking for: the “right” looks, height, occupation, sense of humor – but really, the truth is, I’ve barely scratched the surface. (I'm careful to keep this excitement under wraps around the guy!)

Anyone got any suggestions for turning down the crazy, and NOT fantasizing about a wonderful life with this guy? (or any other seemingly perfect guy who comes along)


Anonymous said...

I know exactly what you are going through, as I used to do the exact same thing. I would play it cool in front of my friends when really I was dying to call or message a guy. I never lasted more then a day before giving in. And, while this lead to disaster, well maybe not disaster, but dissapointment anyway. But, I think that if it is in your personality to be like that then flaunt it. If guys get scared off then they really missed out. Cause there are lots of good guys out there who will appreciate some follow up from a hot girl!!

jgo said...

This probably wont help, but as a guy, I love getting followup emails and being asked out by a girl... one that I like that is. If I dont really like her or are unsure, it can seem intimidated or forward when they are too eager. But in those cases it probably wouldnt have worked out anyway, regardless of how forward they are.

Remember, dating is supposed to be fun. I know we all want to be done with it and just meet someone but try to enjoy it. Look on the positive side of things.

Cute Jewess said...

Oh, I think we all get excited about a good date, and anxious to see him again. How about let yourself anticipate the next date, but maybe try not to imagine past a month in the future?

acaligurl said...

lol i think we as women always imagine the future! we can't help it. i liked reading jgo's opinion.
there are guys who like follow up!!! i married one!!

Anonymous said...

The reality is that most of us are hypocrits when it comes to follow-ups. If you are head-over-heels, you'll want to hear back soon and regularly. If not, you won't. Same goes for initiating the effort but with greater risk because you can't predict how the party will receive your regular or sporadic communications. Such is the complexity of dating. I, like jgo, love it when I am pursued but only when it's by someone for whom I have an interest. Otherwise, I find that I may feel guilty or concerned that I made it seem like I was very interested. And, while I'll always try to nip these things in the bud, it's admittedly tough sometimes.

Personally, I think my single-ness is a partly a function of historically being too eager (and showing it). Then again, friends tell me that a partner who doesn't appreciate that zeal isn't right for me to begin with. Interesting paradox.

From "4"

bailey said...

I'm going to go a little bit further with the baseball analogy...imagine that if one out of three times something you thought might happen did,--then in baseball terms (and I'm talking being up at the plate at bat) you would be an ALL-STAR!! I don't mean that one out of three guys could be the "one". I mean it more like you listen to your intuition about how things go and you are correctly perceptive with a .300 batting average (30%) = ALL-STAR! I have only been reading your blog for a month or so and haven't done the full archives, but I think you get it right more often than not.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't get excited. Just don't put the proverbial cart before the horse.

Also, I think with all the dating you've been through,--it's understandable you get excited when one of the frogs may have a prince inside.

I'm a very forward person, but I've found in life I've had to be. I now contemplate on-line dating and how that may or may not work for me... I'm a fabulous plain-Jane and assume I'd have to do the asking out!

I think you are more of an ALL-STAR than you even know!!

jgo said...

Thanks acaligurl.

Also I think "4" said what I meant to say only better.

Loverville said...

Thanks for the advice, everyone! I think the best way for me to not think about WB for now is to keep myself distracted... some fun weekend plans ahead with friends will definitely help!

Trouble said...

I really think that you have to get to a point where you don't really give a shit, and you have enough guys potentially on the string that you don't put all your eggs in one basket and scare a guy to death with dreams of white picket fences.

But maybe that's just me, and maybe I have commitment issues, and don't feel safe unless I'm stringing 3-4 guys along at any given time, in which case you shouldn't listen to a damn thing I say.

I can't say for sure which is right.

Dating Trooper - Dating is Warfare said...

I'm going to use that annoying "T" word here...timing, timing, timing. You could really like a guy and all signs say he likes you back.So you show your eagerness with an email or phone call and he disappears. You're first reaction is to think he wasn't into you. But you have no idea what is going on in his world - another girl (or even two), work, family, or maybe he really wasn't into you. The point is, you don't know. But you were true to yourself. And when you keep doing that (without being a stalker of course) and the TIMING is actually right (you both are ready and looking for a relationship and actually like each other) then it will take off. But it won't ever take off if you don't stay truthful in your actions and keep yourself in the game -the baseball game of course (or maybe I would say "on the battlefield" - but you get the point).
I just wish getting in sync wasn't so goddamn difficult!!!