Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Guys -- what NOT to do

Desperation is SO not sexy.

After a few e-mails with "Chandler" (he resembles Matthew Perry a bit in his pics), I gave him my number. I noted that after he left one message, he tried to call me less than an hour later -- dude, what's the hurry?

Finally, after a bit of phone tag, we got to talking, and I found out that he was visiting family in California, and wouldn't be back in NY for another two weeks. After chatting for about 15 minutes, I told Chandler that I had to get going -- had plans with friends shortly after.

Him: OK, I'll call you tomorrow.
Me: (puzzled, since he was still going to be out of town for a few weeks) Well -- I have a busy weekend ahead of me, let's just try to touch base during the week.
Him: When's the best time to reach you? Afternoon, evening?
Me: Just try me whenever...
Him: Should we talk Monday night? You'll be around then, right?
Me: (getting exasperated) Well, I think I have plans... let's just talk soon, OK?

Next day: he sends an e-mail with three more pics, saying these were "more recent" pics of him. (so why wouldn't they be on his profile?)

And here was the clincher: he told me that he had showed his mom my profile, and I seemed like a very nice person.

Dude -- too much info. This is SO over, even before it's begun. Could this BE any more of a turn-off?

Perfect advice from Cute Jewess:
Danger! Danger Will Robinson! Abort! Abort!

Had another encounter with Hot Young Guy tonight, 18 hours after saying good-bye from our first date last night. I was in a bar with a few friends when he joined me/us. I made the introductions and we had a drink with the group before going off to grab a bite on our own. This is HUGE -- I generally don't introduce new guys to my friends until we're a bit further down the road. But since HYG will probably just be my summer fling, why not?

Why do I think he's just a summer fling, you may ask? A few reasons:
* I get the vibe that he dates quite a lot -- and he said that he hasn't had a serious relationship in several years. (oh wait... that sounds like... um, me)
* He's a few years younger than I am.
* I just sense that we're in different "places".

OK, I know I'm not articulating this very clearly. Let me just put it this way: it's just a gut feeling.

And yet? The chemistry -- wow. The attraction is quite strong. I have a feeling that sex with him would be pretty rockin'-- but I'm going to try to hold out for at least a few weeks. We made plans to get together again later in the week.


jgo said...

Yikes. That is very intense. That would totally scare me off as well. Usually ill tell someone I am dating that I told my family about you but even that kind of remark waits for a few dates. I agree it would b smart to avoid meeting this guy. Did you tell him yet (because you know hes gonna keep calling)?

acaligurl said...

not so charming to come off so desperate!

Loverville said...

JGO -- I haven't said anything to Chandler yet. I asked a guy friend for advice, and he said I should simply not return any of his e-mails and calls. I'm taking that approach for now.

Cute Jewess said...

I'm trying to figure out whether I could date a guy purely for the physical benefits. I don't know yet! But it certainly sounds fun.

jgo said...


Your guy friend is right. You owe him absolutely nothing at this point. However if he doesnt get the hint and continues to call and email then you may have to say youre not interested.

I find that purely physical relationships are easier if both parties are absoluely clear about what is happening. That way theres no wondering and you are free to enjoy. I think it takes maturity to be able to do it.

Anonymous said...

I think this guy is too intense from the get go. Make up an excuse and then ignore his constant contacts.PS-Love this blog! Mo :)

Anonymous said...

Poor Guy! His mother wants a Nice Jewish Girl for him! Touching, albeit misguided.
I don't think you should ignore him, but you could reply to his next e-mail with a polite and brief explanation about your lack of interest. That way, he isn't sitting around waiting -- we all know how awful that is.

Butch said...

Oh. My. Gawd!

Why do I get the feeling that Mother might be Chandler wearing an old lady wig?

sexagenarian & the city said...

not only does he show the profile to his mother but he _tells_ you he did! this is a definite No.

Eve said...

I agree with anonymous, about letting him go, either by email or next time he phones you. That way you don't have to dodge his calls.

a&v said...

Oh yuck! This reminds me of my red flag guy. Scary, scary stuff! A summer fling, though--that sounds like just the thing. Especially with such fantastic chemistry!