Saturday, June 30, 2007

Date #91: Smiles

This gets filed under the category of You-Never-Fricking-Know. Smiles had a decent-enough Match profile and not-bad pics, not exactly swoon-worthy – yet his initial e-mails made me laugh, so I decided to give him a shot, without expecting much. First phone conversation last week made me realize that we didn’t seem to have much in common -- but he was funny and feisty, and worth a one-hour drink. Who could have guessed that it would turn into a five-hour date, with some fabulous smooching?

Smiles is smart, funny, cute, a bit quirky, a great dancer and has an incredible head of hair. I tend to go for lawyer / finance types – he’s neither of those, which I’m realizing is just fine. We’ve already made plans to go for a hike later in the week – I can’t wait. (though now I’m stressing over the fact that I’m not sure I want him to see me with minimal hike-appropriate makeup just yet…)

Now for the part where I try to keep my giddiness at a manageable level – I need to enjoy the excitement and anticipation while staying grounded. Wish me luck. As always, I’m open to any suggestions.

Oh! He’s the first guy I’ve put on my “A” list in ages!

Meanwhile: I have a few other dates planned for this weekend: coffee with Sexy Older Guy, and drinks with Mr. Flashback. Eh. Wish I could just see Smiles again tonight…

Friday, June 29, 2007

Tag, you're it.

My first meme, tagged by London Girl! Four things about Loverville:

Four jobs I've had:
* ladies room attendant in a nightclub
* information desk assistant in college
* intern for a candidate for Manhattan Borough President
* scooper in a Haagen-Dazs shop (gained 5 lbs immediately)

Four films that I can watch repeatedly -- actually, I'm more likely to watch TV, so I'll list those:
* Arrested Development
* Sex and the City
* the Simpsons
* OK, one movie... Annie Hall

Four places in which I have lived:
* the Bronx
* Dublin, Ireland
* London, England
* Long Island

Four places I've been on vacation:
* Trinidad & Tobago
* India
* Honduras
* Vermont

Four sites that I visit daily (other than blogs):
* NY Times
* NY Magazine
* Google
* eGullet

Four of my favorite dishes:
* NY pizza
* chicken tikka masala
* felafel
* the gnudi at the Spotted Pig

Four people that I am tagging:
* Cute Jewess
* A Cali Gurl
* Dating is Warfare
* Amore & Vino

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Date #90: Semi-Local Guy

Thanks to those who commented words of support after my last (depressing) post. The dark cloud has lifted, and I’m feeling a thousand times better today!

Went to a fantastically fun BBQ yesterday, then had an impromptu date last night with Semi-Local Guy. SLG sent an initial e-mail the night before, asking if I was feeling spontaneous -- would I like to have a drink the following night? After a few e-mails back and forth, liking the sound of him, I agreed. He’s Semi-Local in that he lives in another city, but spends weeks on end in NY for work.

We met for a drink, and had plenty to talk about. More friend-ish than romantic – not really flirty – but still a nice time. I’d see him again. He’s going back to his “other” city today, but said he’d like to get together again next time he’s here. As always, we’ll see.

On my radar right now: a few B-listers, two of whom I’m especially looking forward to meeting, and possibly promoting to the A list: James Bond and Mr. H.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Date #89: Nearby Guy

Remember Hot Young Guy? His new name is Supreme Dickwad Number One, and he is officially OUT of the picture. Long story short: we got into a silly text-message spat today, which ended with him telling me “you’ll die single”. Ouch! How bitter and mean!

It put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. I know that only an immature oaf would say something like that, and I should just let this roll off me, but still – it struck a chord. Maybe it’s the PMS, but I’ve been feeling quite lonely these days. (I’m not trying to work the stereotype – I really do get a bit emotional this time of month). Last week I went to a work party, and it felt as though everyone was there with a significant other. I had a hard time enjoying myself because the loneliness just felt so palpable.

I should be happy that I had yet another first date tonight, this time with Nearby Guy – but I’m feeling quite the opposite. It’s frustrating that I had yet ANOTHER first date that will not lead to a relationship. NG was certainly nice enough, but I just didn’t have that “click”. I’m all about giving someone a chance, but when you leave the date thinking that you could never imagine yourself kissing the person? That says a lot.

Coming home from the date, however, I got a little lift: walking in the opposite direction, towards me, was a young guy sporting the “Jesus” look – longish hair, full beard. As we approached each other, I found myself thinking he was probably quite cute under all that hair. When we passed one another, he lifted his hand up in a little wave, smiled, and kept going. I returned the gesture, and we both continued in our respective directions. I don’t know why – it just struck me as one of those inexplicably sweet moments. Even thinking about it now, an hour later, is putting a smile on my face.
*************
I guess it’s a good thing that work is starting to get incredibly hectic. I’m going to be traveling a lot for work this summer, which will severely limit my social life, especially dating. On one hand, this is a good thing – I can try to lose myself in work for a little while. But I know myself, and I know what my thoughts will drift towards as I’m alone in bed at night, trying to fall asleep.

Supreme Dickwad / Date #89: Nearby Guy

Remember Hot Young Guy? His new name is Supreme Dickwad Number One, and he is officially OUT of the picture. Long story short: we got into a silly text-message spat today, which ended with him telling me “you’ll die single”. Ouch! How bitter and mean!

It put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. I know that only an immature oaf would say something like that, and I should just let this roll off me, but still – it struck a chord. Maybe it’s the PMS, but I’ve been feeling quite lonely these days. (I’m not trying to work the stereotype – I really do get a bit emotional this time of month). Last week I went to a work party, and it felt as though everyone was there with a significant other. I had a hard time enjoying myself because the loneliness just felt so palpable.

I should be happy that I had yet another first date tonight, this time with Nearby Guy – but I’m feeling quite the opposite. It’s frustrating that I had yet ANOTHER first date that will not lead to a relationship. NG was certainly nice enough, but I just didn’t feel that “click”. I’m all about giving someone a chance, but when you leave the date thinking that you could never imagine yourself kissing the person? That says a lot.

Coming home from the date, however, I got a little lift: walking in the opposite direction, towards me, was a young guy sporting the “Jesus” look – longish hair, full beard. As we approached each other, I found myself thinking he was probably quite cute under all that hair. When we passed one another, he lifted his hand up in a little wave, smiled, and kept going. I returned the gesture, and we both continued in our respective directions. I don’t know why – it just struck me as one of those inexplicably sweet moments. Even thinking about it now, an hour later, is putting a smile on my face.
*************
I guess it’s a good thing that work is starting to get incredibly hectic. I’m going to be traveling a lot for work this summer, which will severely limit my social life, especially dating. On one hand, this is a good thing – I can try to lose myself in work for a little while. But I know myself, and I know what my thoughts will drift towards as I’m alone in bed at night, trying to fall asleep.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Date #50, Redux -- Mr. Flashback

Had drinks with Mr. Flashback tonight -- and while we were out, I had this particular flashback: I recall thinking the last time that he was only semi-cute from the front -- and yet, he's VERY dashing from the side! Cute Jewess suggested that I say things to make him look to the side as often as possible. I’m thinking “Is that Angelina Jolie?!” might just do the trick, but that would only work once or twice before he’d start questioning my sanity (or my eyesight).

I was on the fence about him when we went out that one time about six months ago -- there was no second date at that time because I started seeing someone else. Mr. Flashback contacted me again recently after seeing that I was active on Match.

I’m still on the fence – but tonight wasn’t a good date night for me anyway. I had a festive night out with friends last night, and didn’t get enough sleep – tonight I wasn’t feeling 100%.

After drinks, we had a peck on the cheek goodnight (meanwhile, last time we had a little make-out session in his car... I wasn't quite ready for that tonight), and talked about getting together again next week. I'd give him another shot -- I'm kind of neutral about him right now, which my therapist says is a good place to be, on the grounds that it’s better not to have expectations.

And yet – I LIKE that giddy feeling, when you’re excited about someone! It’s a wonderful high. Granted, too often I get excited about the "idea" of a great-sounding guy based on his profile and e-mails. But you know what? What's so bad about being giddy and happy, even if it's temporary? Just need that happy medium. Excited, yet grounded.

On another note: the latest issue of SELF magazine has a cover story promising “Gratifying sex! Have it tonight!”. I immediately turned to the story, and was disappointed to discover that they assume you already HAVE a willing partner. Oh.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

The List

If you’ve ever done internet dating, you know how hard it can be to keep these potential dates straight – namely, early on, when you’re still just in e-mail mode. Is Jack the one who just came back from Australia, or was that Joe?

I keep a little notebook with details about each of them to keep them straight. Eg, Jack, 35, 5’11, lives Upper East, lawyer, speaks fluent Japanese, has a dog named Buford.

I recently went one step further – now I keep a Word document on my desktop, broken down by:

“A” list
Guys I’m excited about – either have a date planned, or have already been out with them, and feel optimistic.

“B” list
Guys with whom I’m just in the early e-mail stage. In some cases, I’ve already sent them my number (I note the date that I sent it to them). They’re listed in order of my excitement / optimism for them.

“D” list – as in “Doubtful / Back Burner / Possibly Out”.
These might be guys like Hot Young Guy – we’ve had a bit of e-mail banter recently, but I think he’s too busy being a Hot Young Guy with other women lately. Currently the D list also includes Worldly Guy – we went out two weeks ago, he called me a few days later (but didn’t leave a message) – then never responded to my follow-up e-mail. He’s most likely out, but I want to remember his name on the (ha!) off-chance he contacts me – but most likely, he’ll just be deleted soon.

*************

As of today, the A list has no names.

The B list has 7 names. I’m particularly excited about two guys -- let’s call them H and Y for now. A few good e-mails have been exchanged, and I’m hoping to move onto phone contact in time to possibly plan a date with one of them by this weekend.

And the D list has 6 names – sadly, including Witty Banter. I was excited when he wrote to me last week, apologizing about being out of touch. We scheduled a date, which he then had to cancel because of work demands. Time to be realistic about him – he’s just not that into me, and seeing the details written out in front of me makes it all the more apparent.

Other internet daters out there – what’s your method for keeping ‘em straight? Excel document? Squash ladder? Scraps of paper? Do tell.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Erosion of manners -- tonight, I'm the guilty one

I’m always complaining that guys seem so ill-mannered these days, especially when it comes to canceling dates at the very last minute.

I think this behavior may be contagious – I just did that thing that I hate having done to me – tonight I cancelled on a guy about 30 minutes before we were due to meet. However, there’s a back story here.

Meet “Nice Smile”.

NS and I were initially due to go out nearly a month ago. When I didn’t hear from him by 5 pm the day of the date, I left him a message. He left me a message a little while later – apologized profusely, a work thing came up for that night that he couldn’t get out of. I called him back, we spoke, he seemed genuinely apologetic, could we try to re-schedule for the following week? We agreed to talk a few days later.

Days later: he left a message, asking if I’d like to meet for a drink that same night. I left HIM a message: “Can’t do tonight, maybe later in the week?”

No reply for about a week and a half: he e-mails, saying “sorry we keep missing each other” (?). A few e-mails back and forth. We make plans to go out a few days later, but I quickly realized the planned night wouldn’t work – I was going out of town for the day, probably wouldn’t be back in time. I cancelled days before the planned date -- ample time.

Days later: he leaves a message: free tonight for a drink? My message back to him: “no, I generally plan my whole week in advance – how about Friday? (tonight) I’m going out of town for the day, but if you don’t mind meeting up late, around 10 pm, we could meet then.”.

Tonight: I re-confirmed with him as I was on my way back into the city – but once I got back (later than expected), I had to call him to cancel – too exhausted.

To be honest – if it was a guy I was really excited about, I’m sure I would have mustered up the energy to meet up. But I feel like he set the tone by canceling last minute that first time, then the requests to meet up on the same night gave me the feeling I was his Plan B. I suppose now I’m feeling the same way about him.

Thoughts? Should we do unto others as others have done unto us? Or should we keep the bar high, and just treat others the way we want to be treated?

Thursday, June 14, 2007

This week in Loverville's Dating News...

Nothing lately in terms of proper “action”… but a few interesting updates:

Oafish Adam: What a shock – a few days after our ridiculous date he e-mailed me: “Hi [LV]. After the alcohol wore off I realized that I was a little inappropriate which I apologize for. I don't know if we are a match, but you are a truly a lovely woman who deserves a lot.”

He’s right – we’re absolutely not a match – but I accepted his apology, and moved him to the NO, THANKS folder.

Witty Banter: After our seemingly lovely date nearly three weeks ago, he e-mailed once (a few days later), then disappeared. I was disappointed, but eventually resigned myself to the fact that just because I thought it was a great date, doesn’t mean HE felt the same way.

Lo and behold – with all my NOT thinking / talking / blogging about him, his ears must have been ringing. He wrote to me a few days ago with what sounded like a very sincere apology for having been out of touch, and he hoped we could get together again. In the back and forth of trying to sort out a date for the weekend, he appears to have dropped the ball… again. *Sigh* Back to “not thinking about him (no sirreee, Bob)” for now, til I have reason to believe otherwise.

Hot Young Guy: just more talk (via very flirty e-mails and text messages), no action -- and no solid plans to get together any time soon. Eh, what do I expect from someone who I never intended to be more than a fling anyway.

This Guy: remember him? I kinda do. Last I wrote, I was planning on ending it with him, since I didn’t see a future. Well – it pretty much ended itself. I never heard from him again – just as well.

Nearby Guy: lives right near my office. After several e-mails, we talked on the phone for the first time last night – I believe I came off sounding like a complete imbecile. I hadn’t slept well for the previous two nights, and was exhausted and loopy – definitely not the best state for making a good first impression. He’s heading out of town for a week, so I’ll just have to see if I made a decent enough impression for him to call me again when he’s back.

Mr. Flashback: so named for two reasons: one, we had one date about six months ago, a half-decent, “maybe” date. But then I started seeing someone else, so there was no second date. He just wrote to me again this week, out of the blue, after seeing that I was once again active on Match. I’ve agreed to go out with him again, maybe this weekend.

The second reason he’s Mr. Flashback: he picked me up for that one date in his car, which happened to be the Exact. Same. Car. that my ex had – a rather unique European car. My ex picked me up from work every Friday for four years, and we went off to his place in Suburbia for the weekend – as our relationship worsened, I grew to loathe suburbia more and more.

So you can imagine the wave of emotions that came flooding back when I sat down in the passenger seat of Mr. Flashback's car! Saying that… I’m curious to see what a second date would be like.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Lull

I’m officially in the midst of a dating dry spell. I don’t have any dates lined up in the near future – quite unusual for me. See – and all my friends know this – I’m a planner. I like to have my full week mapped out in front of me. I’m happy that this week is filled with plans with friends, a work party, an outing with my biking group – not a whole lot of free time for dates.

Yet – I miss the feeling of anticipation, of getting excited about someone new. But these days, I’m also wary of that feeling. The last time I felt that was with Witty Banter, and unfortunately, he didn’t work out. (as in, he never called back) My resolve to "absolutely not think" about him didn't go very far.

New Plan: in the spirit of strappy summer dresses and mojitos, I’m hoping to have a sexy fling with Hot Young Guy. Since we last saw each other two weeks ago, we’ve had a few flirtatious exchanges of texts and e-mails, but he doesn’t seem to be making much of an effort to get together. I suspect he has his share of other flings, which doesn’t bother me – as long as we can plan at least one hot, sexy night together. Soon, I hope.

Oh! On my date with Oafish Adam the other night, not only did I meet this Really Cool Couple, but I fell deeply in like with the bartender. He was adorable, sweet, charming… and knew his wine. Of course, there’s a good chance that every other female customer (and many of the male ones) will feel the same way.

Saturday, June 9, 2007

Date #88: "Adam Sandler"

“Adam” – what a weird, quirky dude. We met at a local wine bar, and shortly after I met him, a new guy sat next to us. Adam seemed more into talking to this new guy than to me -- his date – the person upon whom he should have been trying his best to make a good first impression. (if this is improper English, so be it – several glasses of wine were drunk tonight for the sake of sanity)

The whole night, “Adam” was just too strange. He eventually got worse, making inappropriate comments (“Liv Tyler is a nice piece of ass” and “I’ve got to pee”). When he chatted up the 40-something blond to his right with the deep cleavage, I was happy to let him go.

The highlight of the night? The new guy next to us, and his girlfriend, who joined him a little while later – what a lovely couple! I invited them to an upcoming happy hour I’m hosting.

Another highlight of the evening: discovering this lovely new wine bar. This region was previously verboten for dates because it was around the corner from This Guy… but since This Guy has been abducted by aliens, I’ve reclaimed this mini foodie Mecca.

More tomorrow, when sober.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Date #87: Worldly Guy

Worldly Guy and I have been e-mailing for quite a while now, and finally met for a first date tonight. He had several pics on his J-date profile in various international locales – but his main pic was a bit scary looking. Still – I liked the way he came across in his e-mails, and decided he was worth an hour and a glass of wine, at the very least.

I wasn’t disappointed – he resembled the better-looking version of his pics, which is always a rare and pleasant surprise. We had lots to talk about – we’ve traveled to a lot of the same locations. Made plans to get together again for a favorite Japanese street food “one of these days”. And I was off, with a chaste kiss on the cheek. It would be nice to hear from him again, but I’m not as worked up as I was after my six-hour date with Witty Banter – who, incidentally, has dropped off the face of the earth. Asshat.

Earlier today, I had a session with my therapist -- it’s become routine to talk about my dates of the previous week. I mentioned that I ended my night on Saturday with Sweet Tall Guy asking to get together the following night, but then never called – my therapist was incredulous that someone would bother asking if he didn’t mean it. I tried to convey that this is quite routine, and that I’ve had to lower my expectations in recent years to avoid disappointment.

It’s true – WHY give the impression that you’re so into someone, when you have no intention of following up? Are these guys just caught up in the moment? (OK, women do this as well). I’m sure the reasons are endless.
***********
Over the weekend, I talked to a new guy on the phone – let’s call him Blah Blah Blah. Man, this guy provided soliloquies over the phone – he barely came up for air, and I’m sure he didn’t gauge that I’d lost interest about he blah’d on for about 10 minutes straight.

Normally, I’d still give someone like this a chance – after all, maybe he was just nervous? But I’m thinking I have to go with my gut – it’s a rare time indeed that I’ll get that negative vibe by phone, but actually like the guy in person. Nope – bad phone almost always = no vibe on date. He followed up by e-mail today, asking if I’d like to get together this week. I’m wondering if I should take the typical guy response – ie, no response at all. We’ll see.

On a happy note: on my way home from my date with Worldly Guy, I passed my favorite pizzeria, and was tempted to pop in for a slice, though I wasn’t particularly hungry. Instead, I soldiered on and had a slice of whole wheat toast and an apple when I got home. 120’s, here I come!

Monday, June 4, 2007

The Party

As Cute Jewess already reported – it was quite a lively party last night! The booze was flowing, and it was a fun, mixed crowd. I must admit – I have the hots for the guy who hosted the party – let’s call him Smiley. He’s a relatively new acquaintance, and via e-mail I subtly suggested that we go for a drink – but he didn’t take the bait, so now I think we’re in the Friend Zone. Who knows, maybe once we get to know each other a bit better…?

As CJ mentioned, it was a long, boozy night with lots of drinking – I think we both managed to stay “fun” tipsy without getting sloppy drunk. We were at this party for about 5 hours, and witnessed many guests coming and going. Somehow, throughout the course of the night, I exchanged numbers with three guys:

Guy #1: Israeli Guy
Guy #2: Downtown Dude
Guy #3: Sweet Tall Guy (aka Jackpot Guy on CJ’s blog)

I met Sweet Tall Guy during the last hour or so at the party – by this point, it was about 2 am, and the party was winding down. He seemed quite enthusiastic about me immediately, but I have a feeling it was because I was one of the few single women left in the room. Not trying to be disparaging – I’m just saying.

He walked me home, and we had some very nice kisses en route – when we reached my building, we kissed a bit more. He’s over a foot taller than me – a bit too tall for my liking. He asked to come inside, I told him maybe another time. He asked if we could get together “tomorrow night”, suggested a few places for us to go – and surprise, surprise, I never heard from him today. Just as well. Will I hear from him again? Who knows. Don’t really care.

What’s that expression? Something like, the candle that burns the brightest / fastest also burns out the quickest. I’ve encountered a few guys like that lately – they come on strong, then disappear just as quickly.

So – Sweet Tall Guy never called today, but Guy #1, Israeli Guy, texted and we made plans for drinks for this evening. I later texted back to cancel – had some work I needed to do from home, and I just wasn’t in the mood to deal with getting into “date mode”: makeup, the right outfit, etc.

I suggested to him via text that we get together another night this week, perhaps Wednesday?

His response, also via text: “I can’t plan that far ahead – 3 hours was challenging as is – but let’s touch base and play it by ear.”

AH. He’s that guy. We’ve all met him – Mr. Spontaneous / Can’t Make Plans Just in Case Something Better Comes Along. No thanks. I’ll save both of us the trouble.

UPDATE on Witty Banter, who I was very excited about last week: I e-mailed him 5 days after our date, and he wrote back saying he was swamped with work, but would call once he's less stressed. I gave it one last effort (yes, I know, I shouldn't have) -- left him a message over the weekend. Never heard back.

I know -- it's plain as day. He's just not that into me. Grrr.

Moving on... !

Saturday, June 2, 2007

GOOOOOOOOOaaaallllll!!!

A few months back, I set a goal for myself (prompted by a friend's comment): lose 10 lbs in 10 weeks. I'm happy to say that as of today -- nine weeks later, a week ahead of schedule -- I've reached my goal! I started at 142.8, and as of this morning's scale, I'm 132.4, and I'm thrilled beyond belief! (and frankly, shocked that I lost 2 lbs this past week, as it was quite laden with booze, nachos and other evil calories)

Now I just have to keep this train rolling -- another 5-8 lbs, and I'll be at my FINAL goal weight. It just happens that work is about to get hectic, so I won't be able to exercise as much as I'd like -- plus some business trips are coming up, and I always tend to gain weight on those.

Next short-term goal: to get below 130, and into the 120s. I haven't been in that place in about 10 years, and I'm looking forward to seeing it again!

Whoo-hooooooo!