I’m always complaining that guys seem so ill-mannered these days, especially when it comes to canceling dates at the very last minute.
I think this behavior may be contagious – I just did that thing that I hate having done to me – tonight I cancelled on a guy about 30 minutes before we were due to meet. However, there’s a back story here.
Meet “Nice Smile”.
NS and I were initially due to go out nearly a month ago. When I didn’t hear from him by 5 pm the day of the date, I left him a message. He left me a message a little while later – apologized profusely, a work thing came up for that night that he couldn’t get out of. I called him back, we spoke, he seemed genuinely apologetic, could we try to re-schedule for the following week? We agreed to talk a few days later.
Days later: he left a message, asking if I’d like to meet for a drink that same night. I left HIM a message: “Can’t do tonight, maybe later in the week?”
No reply for about a week and a half: he e-mails, saying “sorry we keep missing each other” (?). A few e-mails back and forth. We make plans to go out a few days later, but I quickly realized the planned night wouldn’t work – I was going out of town for the day, probably wouldn’t be back in time. I cancelled days before the planned date -- ample time.
Days later: he leaves a message: free tonight for a drink? My message back to him: “no, I generally plan my whole week in advance – how about Friday? (tonight) I’m going out of town for the day, but if you don’t mind meeting up late, around 10 pm, we could meet then.”.
Tonight: I re-confirmed with him as I was on my way back into the city – but once I got back (later than expected), I had to call him to cancel – too exhausted.
To be honest – if it was a guy I was really excited about, I’m sure I would have mustered up the energy to meet up. But I feel like he set the tone by canceling last minute that first time, then the requests to meet up on the same night gave me the feeling I was his Plan B. I suppose now I’m feeling the same way about him.
Thoughts? Should we do unto others as others have done unto us? Or should we keep the bar high, and just treat others the way we want to be treated?