Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Date #94: Scooter

Scooter was so promising at first – he was very much a “good on paper” kind of guy. We met for a late drink, and after only an hour he mentioned that it was getting late for him. I got it. We walked outside, he kissed me on the cheek goodnight, and I think he said "I'll talk to you soon".

Here’s the clincher -- he then took off on his scooter while I stood there looking for a cab. NOT cool, dude. You know you're going on a date with someone who lives in your neighborhood? Bring the extra helmet, offer her a ride home. At least wait with her while she hails a taxi. He did neither. Asshat.

In other dating news: got a message from Smiles – he said he had a lovely time with me over the weekend, and while he had hoped to get together before my vacation, he didn’t think there would be time. No problem. I actually wouldn’t have had time to see him anyway.

And I got an e-mail from UN, saying he was looking forward to getting together after my trip – that made me smile.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Date #93: Mr. UN

Had my first “first date” in a month – with Mr. UN (he’s very well-traveled), formerly known as H on the blog, briefly mentioned here.

We had initially planned to go out a few weeks ago, but I cancelled because I had to work late that night. I didn’t rush to reschedule at the time because I was so smitten with Smiles – but decided I needed to still go out with other guys (or at least make the effort to do so) to keep a bit of perspective.

Well – we had a lovely date! It wasn’t the five-hour booze-fest that my first date was with Smiles, which is probably a good thing. I recently discovered that the differences I have with Smiles are starting to bother me – and it just happens that these are some things that UN and I have in common. I’m going on vacation later this week -- UN and I talked about getting together when I get back.

Before saying good night, there was a bit of smooching with UN – and while he was a pretty good kisser, I realized that I’ve gotten used to Smiles’ kissing style. We just had good kissing synergy from the start. Am I going to hell for comparing these two? Probably. But I’m sure I was doomed long ago.

Oh yes – I kept my date with Smiles over the weekend. A nice, ordinary night – no relationship talk. Just rather… ordinary, in a good way. I’m not quite ready to stop seeing him just yet – I do still enjoy our time together. He’s a lot of fun, and has a warmth about him – but again, I’m becoming more and more aware those differences between us.

I asked a friend if she thought I should end things with him, since I’m having these doubts – her response: “if he wants to have the talk about getting more serious, by all means be honest. But I don't think you have to bring anything up -- you know he's not asking to be exclusive right now. I don't think you have a responsibility to "let him down easy" or anything at this point. Just go with the flow, and be honest.”

Sounds good to me!

And as I mentioned earlier – sometimes it’s better to be with an imperfect person than be totally alone. And this has been quite a lonely year for me – maybe that’s why I’m holding on?

Thursday, July 26, 2007

The wake-up call.

I have a feeling I’m not going to be seeing Smiles much longer.

We had a talk tonight – he was brutally honest, and said, amongst other things, that he sensed that I was more into him than he was into me, and that while he does like me, he wants to continue taking it slowly until we (maybe) reach a point when / if we decide we want to date each other exclusively.

Ouch.

This made me think: where can we possibly go from here? Now I’m feeling self-conscious about being too demonstrative. I think this is what happened: in the beginning, he came on strong. I followed his lead. He pulled back. I chose to ignore that he had pulled back, and kept pushing in his direction until he doused me with ice water and opened my eyes to what was really happening.

After I went home, I was in a bit of a funk about this – and it dawned on me. Am I really into HIM, or am I into the idea of having a boyfriend, a lover, a companion? I do have fun with him, and we have good chemistry together. However, there are some striking differences in our worlds that I'm only admitting to myself now: our lifestyles, our careers, just our lives overall. I know relationships are about compromise, and about embracing each other’s differences. But in this case, now that I’ve come down off my cloud, I’m seeing what’s really there. And it’s not what I want in the long run.

We have plans this weekend, and I’ll probably stick to them. But I’m planning on pulling back, staying a bit cool, just keeping my feelings in check.

In my last post, I mentioned that I was communicating with some new guys on Match – at that time, I was really just going through the motions. Now – I’m actively looking again. Might even have another new date this weekend. Wish me luck!

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Zen and the art of dating

Still having a lovely time with Smiles. Still taking it slowly. And feeling 100% OK with that.

After our second date, I was ready to cancel the Match membership. I was smitten. But now, a few weeks down the road, I’m feeling a lot more level-headed about him. (wow… could it be??! Have I managed to turn down the crazy, just a little bit?!)

I do like Smiles, and I’d like to possibly see this go somewhere. But first – we need to get to know each other. Slowly. And I need to think about how much I actually like HIM, and not just worry about how much he likes ME.

I’ve even followed my friends’ advice, and have been e-mailing with a new guy on Match, as well as a few old ones I’d lost touch with. Will I actually go out with any of them? We’ll see.

But this current arrangement has me dwelling less on both Smiles AND on any potential Match guys. Go figure. I’m as close as I’ve ever been to a Zen-like state of dating. At least for this moment.

And if this continues? That’s going to make for some pretty boring blog posts.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Go with your gut.

Looks like my gut was right about Smiles – tonight he admitted that he had indeed pulled away a bit this week. Our extra-long date last weekend had felt a bit too long to him, made even longer by spending the night at my place, when he would have preferred to have gone home. (As far as his canceling on our previously planned date, he really did have a work event.)

I’m happy we were able to talk about this – this kind of thing isn’t always easy to discuss. Too often, I’ve been in relationships where we both sense there’s a problem, but try to bury it – as if not talking about it will make it go away. What almost always ends up happening is that the problem festers until one of us explodes. If things continue with Smiles, this could be a good precedent – this “communication” thing. Go figure. Might be something to it.

In light of this talk, it just felt a bit strange to ask if he’s seeing anyone else right now. Too soon. My sense is that he really does want to give this a chance (as do I), and he certainly doesn’t seem like a player. I do notice that he logs onto Match rather regularly – and the fact that I know this means I’m logging in as well. Touché.

However – I did bring up the fact that I don’t want us to sleep together until we’ve established that we’re dating exclusively. He was in agreement with this.

In the meantime – we’re not sleeping with each other (yet). I think it might be a good distraction to arrange a date or two with other guys in the meantime (my friends advised this as well). Even if the e-mails back and forth don’t actually LEAD to dates (not unusual), the mere fact that someone else may potentially be interested in meeting me may be a good distraction from Smiles, and help me turn down the crazy just a little bit.

Would love to hear your thoughts on this. Do you generally feel it's OK to date other people until you have the "we're exclusive" talk?

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Overthinking things, as usual

I’m a bit nervous about Smiles – we were barely in touch this week, and he cancelled mid-week plans that we’d had – he had a work event that he’d “forgotten about”.

We do have definite plans for this weekend (he’s already called to confirm – good guy). Will have to take a temperature then. I think after four dates, it’s not unreasonable to discuss if we're presently seeing other people – right? I’ll just have to gauge how I’m feeling, what kind of vibe I’m getting from him, etc.

I want to be excited about him, but I’m afraid to get my hopes up. The usual conundrum! You know what “they” say: if you sense someone is pulling away? You’re probably right. Sigh.

Tonight will also be my first chance to ask him about his morning dash from last weekend. I think my approach will be to make a joke out of it and see what he reaction is.

In the meantime: I got an e-mail from H this week – I cancelled our date last week for valid work reasons, and told him I’d be in touch once my work load lightened up. He wrote to check in, to see if I was still buried under work. I think this weekend’s plans with Smiles will determine how I’ll respond.

Remember the guy formerly known as Hot Young Guy, who later morphed into Supreme Dickwad? He texted me one night this week, asking if I’d like to meet for a drink. At 2 am. Dickwad indeed! I decided that no response was the best response.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

A question... and another date with Smiles

I have a question for my fellow bloggers – especially those of you with similar sites to this one, venting about our dating lives.

Do you ever worry about your site being discovered by the guy you like? Of course I’m not using real names (mine, nor his)… and while I keep details sketchy, I’m still nervous about anything that could possibly identify this site as being written by me, about us.

In this case, with Smiles, I only have good things to say – but still, I wonder, if he were to come across this (admittedly, unlikely – but not impossible), would he be offended at having semi-personal details posted for all to read? If our relationship continues, at some point I’d like to share the blog with him – it’s been an important part of my life these past few months. (I remember being quite impressed when Dating Trooper mentioned that she shared her blog with her new guy). Writing this blog has been incredibly cathartic -- I’ve truly enjoyed virtually meeting other bloggers as a result, and even became "real life" friends with another (incredibly cool) blogger, Cute Jewess.

Anyway – on that note – Smiles and I had yet another wonderful date yesterday.

We drove out of town to go biking in the gorgeous countryside that is surprisingly close to NYC. I love biking, and it’s always a huge plus when the guy I’m dating is into it as well.

It was a perfectly gorgeous, sunny day – we sailed down lots of hills (he’s a lot more fearless than I am!), and huffed up other hills. After the ride, went for a swim in a local lake before drying off and going to the nearby town for a lovely dinner. There’s definitely a strong attraction between us, but it’s still a rather pleasant surprise when the GUY says he doesn’t want us to sleep together until we’ve had a chance to get to know each other better.

One of the best moments of the day: driving to town in the late-afternoon sun, surrounded by woods and dappled sunlight. We were both giddy at what a beautiful day it was, and at one point Smiles just looked over at me and smiled. It was a Moment. A lovely, romantic Moment that I want to hold on to, and keep replaying over and over.

After dinner, we lingered in the town for a bit before returning back to the city – stopped at his apartment, my first visit to his place. It was quite clean for a guy’s apartment – he confessed that he had cleaned up on the chance that I’d be coming by. Then back to my place – we hadn’t planned a sleepover, but he started dozing off while we watched TV, and we (I) thought it would be best for him to not risk driving while he was that exhausted.

It was a chaste sleepover, with him sleeping in shorts, and me in shorts and a tank top. I never sleep well the first time I have a new guy over, and this time was no exception. As a result, he was wide-awake at 8 am, while I still felt the need for another hour or two of sleep – he said, “why don’t I get going, so you can get a little more sleep?” and he left. The goodbye felt a bit abrupt, and I’m trying not to overanalyze it – trying to remind myself to look at the big picture (yet another wonderful date with a guy I like, who also seems to like me) rather than what could be a multi-interpreted moment (he wanted to leave quickly so I could go back to sleep – I was disappointed that he didn’t want to linger longer).

Sure, I’m neurotic and overly analytical. But writing it out here forces me to realize that, address it and keep it in perspective.

Follow-up to yesterday’s post, where I wondered aloud if I should consider a date with new guy, H. I’m just not feeling it, so I’m not going to do it. I’m enjoying getting to know Smiles too much right now. So I’m putting all my eggs in one basket (his)? So be it.

Saturday, July 7, 2007

Looking forward to more smiles with Smiles

I’m getting ready for my third date with Smiles – we’re planning a day-into-evening date today. I have a good feeling about this guy – it’s been a long time since I’ve felt this way. I have to keep reminding myself: Simmer down, girl! You’ve only known him a week!

Maybe this is a cliché, but it feels like so much longer – we’ve talked and e-mailed and texted between our dates. There have been a few little moments that made my heart go pitter-patter: he knew I was going to have a tough day at work yesterday, and he texted me in the morning to wish me good luck. When he picked me up for our second date the other day, he told me how beautiful I looked. (that’s especially meaningful: my last semi-boyfriend, last summer’s Bike Racing Guy, NEVER said anything along those lines, a huge source of contention). Smiles actually compliments me quite frequently – and I think he’s quite dreamy-looking as well.

I have to make a decision about this: I was supposed to have a date last night with a new guy, H – this was planned before I even met Smiles. I cancelled the day before because something came up at work (really!), but said we’d talk early next week to re-schedule.

So – do I give this other guy a shot? After all, it’s still early with Smiles, don’t keep your eggs in one basket, and all that. OR… tell him I’ve met someone and would like to see where it goes? OR just procrastinate, and tell him I’m swamped with work this week, or some other excuse like that… and buy a little more time while I get to know Smiles?

You know how they say to go with your gut (whoever “they” are). My gut (and the rest of me) doesn’t want to see anyone else right now. My gut doesn’t want to sit through yet another interview of a first date. My gut wants to cancel the online dating memberships and pack away the notebooks that remind me the little details about each guy.

But then my head (which overrides the gut) says – just go on today’s date with Smiles. Just enjoy it. Don’t overthink this.

For now – head wins. But my gut will surely make a re-appearance very soon. (better cut down on the pizza)

Thoughts?

Happy 7-7-07!

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Smiles makes me smile

Had a fabulous second date with Smiles yesterday. Will write details later... for now, I'll just say it was nine hours of laughing, more laughing, and some great snogging. Next date planned for the weekend.

Watch this space for further details!

Monday, July 2, 2007

Date #92: Sexy Older Guy

Almost forgot to blog about my last date – I guess that’s saying something about the impact it had on me!

Normally I’ll date guys up to about 4 or 5 years my senior… but when Sexy Older Guy wrote to me, he seemed so vibrant and interesting that I was willing to overlook the fact that he’s 11 years older than I am. I know – huge difference.

We had a perfectly nice afternoon coffee date, and I went home feeling that he was just a “maybe”. Maybe it was the venue – I’ve never felt a zing on a coffee date. Or maybe my opinion of him was colored by my great date with Smiles a few nights ago.

The conversation with Smiles was like a carnival ride (without the nausea) – always fun, rather non-stop. With Sexy Older, it was more like a slow horse and buggy ride… it would amble along, then pause… amble… pause.

Also – he wasn’t quite as hot as his pics. I guess that makes him “OK-looking Older Guy”. Eh.

Some good news about Smiles: he texted me yesterday to say he had a great time the other night, and was looking forward to next time. Very giddy-making indeed! Yet still staying grounded. Really.