Monday, July 30, 2007

Date #93: Mr. UN

Had my first “first date” in a month – with Mr. UN (he’s very well-traveled), formerly known as H on the blog, briefly mentioned here.

We had initially planned to go out a few weeks ago, but I cancelled because I had to work late that night. I didn’t rush to reschedule at the time because I was so smitten with Smiles – but decided I needed to still go out with other guys (or at least make the effort to do so) to keep a bit of perspective.

Well – we had a lovely date! It wasn’t the five-hour booze-fest that my first date was with Smiles, which is probably a good thing. I recently discovered that the differences I have with Smiles are starting to bother me – and it just happens that these are some things that UN and I have in common. I’m going on vacation later this week -- UN and I talked about getting together when I get back.

Before saying good night, there was a bit of smooching with UN – and while he was a pretty good kisser, I realized that I’ve gotten used to Smiles’ kissing style. We just had good kissing synergy from the start. Am I going to hell for comparing these two? Probably. But I’m sure I was doomed long ago.

Oh yes – I kept my date with Smiles over the weekend. A nice, ordinary night – no relationship talk. Just rather… ordinary, in a good way. I’m not quite ready to stop seeing him just yet – I do still enjoy our time together. He’s a lot of fun, and has a warmth about him – but again, I’m becoming more and more aware those differences between us.

I asked a friend if she thought I should end things with him, since I’m having these doubts – her response: “if he wants to have the talk about getting more serious, by all means be honest. But I don't think you have to bring anything up -- you know he's not asking to be exclusive right now. I don't think you have a responsibility to "let him down easy" or anything at this point. Just go with the flow, and be honest.”

Sounds good to me!

And as I mentioned earlier – sometimes it’s better to be with an imperfect person than be totally alone. And this has been quite a lonely year for me – maybe that’s why I’m holding on?


M said...

Keep seeing him. I'm envious -you've turned a corner I have yet to - realizing that there may be some 'dealbreakers' before you become so smitten you choose to ignore them! As long as you're not too anxious about if/when you're going to see him next, and if you don't think you're falling in love with him, why not? Getting a bit deeper under the surface of 'dating in manhattan' doesn't happen all that often and you might make a really good friend. if you're super busy you may not want to invest the time but if, as you say, it's been a bit lonely this year, why not just enjoy his company and his sense of humor and have a good time? he sounds pretty entertaining, I wouldn't want to pass up a fun night out with him. As you take the time to know him I doubt you’ll be asking friends whether or not to keep seeing him – you’ll know the answer for sure and all the reasons why.

sexagenarian and the city said...

i think it's marginally better to keep going out w. people you know aren't perfectly right for you than to stay home & mope. i've done both...the downside is that dating begins to seem more & more like work, especially those first dates. but if you're still having some fun w. Smiles, why not? your own good instincts will tell you when to quit. and it sounds as if you've gotten off to a good start with UN. keep on widening the pool -- and have a good vacation.

pt said...

You asked a friend if you should end things with Smiles.... Hmmm. What makes you think this is your choice? Do we have evidence you will even see Smiles again?

I like Mr. U.N. better anyway.

molly said...

Pretend for a moment that there is no internet dating, and you are have gone out on a few dates w/a nice guy that you are not sure about. Remember, you can not run home and see who has popped up in your inbox, viewed your profile, etc. You would probably (at least I would) continue to date him for a while, but certainly keeping your options open. Internet dating has (IMO) made it so much easier to write someone off after 1-2 dates because you know you can find a few more dates in the very near future. Give guys (and girls for the guys reading) a chance! Let it evolve naturally.

Anonymous said...

Are we all forgetting that this is a guy who told Loverville "I get the feeling you're more into me than I'm into you."? I don't know that I could ever get that out of my head. I feel it's hurtful. And I'd rather be with someone who's "into me" than who just feels "ok" about me. Any time spent with him is time that you could be dating others, with friends, cleaning your apartment, or at the gym. Loverville isn't the type of girl with the luxury of staying home and moping. Of course, this is just my opinion. Me, I'd rather clean out my inbox than waste time with a mediocre guy who doesn't see how great I am, for whatever his reason is.

Loverville said...

Lots of valid points here.

M & Sexagenarian: he IS fun. We have fun together. Just taking it day by day.

PT: good point -- no guarantee HE will want to see me again. "Wait and see" mode right now.

Molly: so true! SO often I've believed I had a great first date with a guy, and never heard from them again. If this was 10 years ago, I probably would have seen him again. But because it wasn't perfect for them? Well, there's a thousand other options out there.

Anon: yes, I definitely do think about that. And while it stings, it was a good wake-up call -- he's a brutally honest guy. I think I'd rather know that, than just have him think that. That has caused me to pull wayyyy back.