Had my first “first date” in a month – with Mr. UN (he’s very well-traveled), formerly known as H on the blog, briefly mentioned here.
We had initially planned to go out a few weeks ago, but I cancelled because I had to work late that night. I didn’t rush to reschedule at the time because I was so smitten with Smiles – but decided I needed to still go out with other guys (or at least make the effort to do so) to keep a bit of perspective.
Well – we had a lovely date! It wasn’t the five-hour booze-fest that my first date was with Smiles, which is probably a good thing. I recently discovered that the differences I have with Smiles are starting to bother me – and it just happens that these are some things that UN and I have in common. I’m going on vacation later this week -- UN and I talked about getting together when I get back.
Before saying good night, there was a bit of smooching with UN – and while he was a pretty good kisser, I realized that I’ve gotten used to Smiles’ kissing style. We just had good kissing synergy from the start. Am I going to hell for comparing these two? Probably. But I’m sure I was doomed long ago.
Oh yes – I kept my date with Smiles over the weekend. A nice, ordinary night – no relationship talk. Just rather… ordinary, in a good way. I’m not quite ready to stop seeing him just yet – I do still enjoy our time together. He’s a lot of fun, and has a warmth about him – but again, I’m becoming more and more aware those differences between us.
I asked a friend if she thought I should end things with him, since I’m having these doubts – her response: “if he wants to have the talk about getting more serious, by all means be honest. But I don't think you have to bring anything up -- you know he's not asking to be exclusive right now. I don't think you have a responsibility to "let him down easy" or anything at this point. Just go with the flow, and be honest.”
Sounds good to me!
And as I mentioned earlier – sometimes it’s better to be with an imperfect person than be totally alone. And this has been quite a lonely year for me – maybe that’s why I’m holding on?