Sunday, September 30, 2007

Sunday weigh-in / Teen Crush

Very good news on two fronts:
1. Today is my fifth week in my “10 lbs in 10 weeks” weight loss program – and I’m happy to report that as of this morning, I’m down 5.2 lbs! (started at 138, today am 132.8) Halfway to goal!
2. Spent more time with Teen Crush this weekend – details later, but for now I’ll just say that I’m really happy with the way this is going. Keeping fingers crossed…

Friday, September 28, 2007

You're a great guy, but...

Had another date with UN last night. The usual: nice enough conversation. But this was an eye-opener: we were kissing goodnight, and I realized that I felt NO physical attraction to him. (in the past it's been decent, but not exactly ragingly romantic) Not a good sign. Actually -- maybe this is a good sign. It makes it easier to realize that maybe we're just not meant to be.

Hm -- this may complicate things a bit: he invited me to a work function next week. I said yes, but I'm wondering if I should reconsider.

On impulse (maybe because I realized I had nothing to lose!), I brought up a "lite" version of the talk - and as I anticipated, it wasn't exactly relevatory. I told him that I've been having a nice time with him, and just wanted to get his take on things. He was like a deer in fricking headlights -- I could tell that this made him REALLY uncomfortable. He finally sputtered out that he hasn't really thought about "our future", but he's having a nice time, and thinks we've been doing the right thing in taking it slowly.

In case you’re wondering, why bother having this talk with him if I wasn’t sure how I was feeling? Well – if he seemed enthusiastic about me/us, that might have changed my mindset a bit, and I might have wanted to give him more of a chance. But as I suspected, that wasn’t the case.

So now that I've realized that I'm not really that into him, I've been wondering if I should end it now (probably), or keep him on the sidelines as I wait and see what (if) develops with Teen Crush. Hm, the latter option sounds a bit mean...? I mean, is it fair to UN to keep this going if I'm 98% sure I don't see anything there? As a friend commented earlier, I think I wasn't really that into him before, but I was trying to make it work because of all the "good on paper" stuff. He's a nice guy -- smart, considerate, well-traveled -- but there never really was that zing.

Teen Crush update. Now HERE was something different: we actually talked to each other on the phone in between dates. That's been a rarity for me of late. Not just a perfunctory call to plan the next date -- this was more of the "getting to know you / just enjoying talking to you" vibe. So far, I like what I'm seeing and hearing. Very much looking forward to the next date.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Wow

Another amazing date with Teen Crush -- I'm feeling too giddy and goofy to come up with my own words, so I hope Dating Trooper won't mind if I borrow this great description from when she first met Wine Guy:

One of those conversations that both of you can't even keep up with. You're dying to find out the next thing about each other and keep jumping from topic to topic like there won't ever be time to talk again.

Yeah -- it was like that.

That + amazing chemistry + his fabulous smile + a beautiful night + plans to get together again soon = one very happy Loverville.

Trying to stay grounded / cautious. But I must admit, I haven't felt this sort of connection with a guy in, I don't know... years? He seems pretty excited about this as well, as expressed in a lovely follow-up e-mail today.

I have a feeling "the talk" with UN may take a different direction than I had initially anticipated...

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Meet the friends / Sunday weigh-in

Had a fabulous time last night with UN and his friends – his friends really seemed to bring out the best in him. I think I made a good impression – there were good vibes all around, and the friends seemed to like me. (I definitely liked them) Oh, to have been a fly on the wall in the conversation that (maybe?) followed between them after I left!

Amore & Vino recently asked, “if UN weren’t being so standoff-ish, who would you choose?”. (between him and Teen Crush) Ack – no idea. It’s way too soon to tell. While I’m getting a very warm feeling from Teen Crush, we’ve only been out twice so far. And things have been moving extra-slowly with UN. Either of these guys could disappear at a moment’s notice – must keep that in mind.

My main fear? New York can be a very small pond at times. I worry that I’ll be out with one, and run into the other. True, there hasn’t been the “exclusive” talk, so we’re free to date other people. But I can only imagine that it would be “earth, please swallow me up now” awkward.

Sunday weigh-in / 10 in 10 update! Today is week 4 – and I’m JUST shy of losing 4 lbs (3.8 as of today: started at 138, and am now 134.2). Must step up the diet and exercise if I want to see a difference next week!

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Giddiness

Had a second date with Teen Crush, and I’m happy to say – there seems to be a mutual attraction there. Some drinks, some strolling, some smooching. Lots to talk about – not TMI, but he didn’t seem afraid to reveal a bit about himself. When he told me that he "felt lucky to have met a fun, beautiful woman”? I’m still smiling.

And best of all – before we said goodnight, he asked when we could see each other again. Plans are in place for this week, and I’m excited about spending more time with him. I’m bursting to divulge more about him (and the things I like about him), but since there’s always the fear of being “discovered”, I’ll have to leave it at that… for now.

Then there’s UN – we have plans tonight, but it looks like there will be no “talk”. He’s entertaining some out-of-town friends, and asked if was OK if they joined us – of course, I said yes. So, on one hand – he’s introducing me to friends, which is kind of a big deal – he could have easily just re-scheduled our night together. On the other hand? Now that I have this inevitable comparison to a guy who does indeed seem into me, UN’s slight standoffish-ness feels all the more apparent. But he really does have enough good qualities for me to want to keep dating him, at least for the time being.

The impulsive side of me would be happy to take down my Match profile and just date Teen Crush. The rational side of me has finally learned the value of taking it slowly (see: Smiles, July), keep my focus scattered… and play the old “wait and see” game.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

A good distraction

The day after my first date with the adorable Teen Crush*, he texted that he had a wonderful night, and was "really" looking forward to seeing me again. Very giddy-making indeed! After a few text exchanges, we set up a date for this weekend. I'm smiling now just thinking about him.

After what felt like an interminable wait, (a few days after our last date) I got a typically understated e-mail from UN. In the past, I think it's been about 50/50 in terms of who's initiated contact -- this time, I decided that it would be him, as a way of trying to gauge his interest. I shocked myself with my self-restraint -- either I'm getting stronger, OR I'm finding it easier now that there's another potential interest in the picture. So now we're in planning limbo, as we try to sort out our schedules and figure out when we can get together. I'm still planning to have "the talk"!


* Please note: I do NOT have a crush on a teenager! See previous post for blog name explanation.

*****
first date with Teen Crush:
Date #103: Teen Crush
When I was about 12 or 13 years old, I had my first crush ever, the son of some new friends of my parents, and he was just charming and adorable. Tonight’s date wasn’t actually that boy (imagine if he had turned up!) but looked enough like him that I did a double-take when we first met.

Some strolling, some wine – plenty to talk about, and I think I sensed a connection. At the end of the date, he told me he’d had a really nice time, and hoped we could get together again soon. Only a few hours together, and I sensed a level of warmth that I don’t think I’ve ever felt with UN. I know – it’s wrong to compare – but it’s unavoidable.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

UN update / dates 102 & 103 / Sunday weigh-in

Since I last wrote:

Another date with UN – feeling closer to him, and am liking him more and more, but it’s still hard to get a vibe from him. At one point he hinted that one reason he liked me was because I seemed willing to take it slowly. Well. With that on the table, it makes it much harder to bring up the “where are we? / what are you looking for in general?” talk. (This is the earlier cousin to the “boyfriend / girlfriend” talk – I think the three-month mark is generally a good time for that. Not quite there yet.)

Funny – I’ve had guys tell me on the very first date that they’re looking to get married and have kids (not necessarily with me, of course). UN is not quite that open. Do I need to know that at this time? I don’t know. But since that’s what I’m looking for, I think it’s best to be with a guy who is thinking along the same lines.

Looking at this from the outside, it’s easy to dismiss this as yet another case of “he’s just not that into you”. I think I’m being realistic in thinking that he’s at least somewhat into me. He’s respectful, calls in a timely manner, plans fun dates for us, and we have a lovely time together. Can it be that he’s just one of these guys who moves really slowly, and doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve? I really don’t get the sense that he’s a player – if anything, he’s a bit of a geek. (I mean that in a very positive way).

I'm definitely in two minds about this: the logical side says "it's OK to take it really slowly, and you DON'T have to know what his relationship M.O. is after only a month and a half! Just relax, enjoy his company, and take it date by date".

Then of course, the other side wants to be inside his head, is frustrated by the "taking it slowly", wants him to be more effusive about me, and wants him to suggest taking down his profile because he'd like to get to know me better.

With all this in mind, I’m wondering – do I really like HIM, or am I just sick of serial dating and he seems like a very good candidate for the role of Boyfriend?

Oh, that ongoing pesky inner dialogue!

In between dates with UN, I’ve been keeping myself distracted…

Date #102: Dapper Dan
Drinks with Dapper Dan, so named because of his very crisp suit and rather sophisticated (tho not haughty) airs. Easy-going conversation, he was a charming, fun guy. Peck on the cheek goodnight. I’d be happy to go out with him again, but won’t be crushed if I don’t hear from him.


Next time I see UN, I think it’ll be time for that little chat. If that scares him off? Well, better to know sooner rather than later. Wish me luck.

Some good news! If you recall, I’m in the process of trying to lose 10 lbs in 10 weeks – today is week 3, and as of this morning I’m down 3.6 lbs! (start weight was 138, and I’m now 134.4) Whoo-hooo!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Date #101: Muscle Man

I had my suspicions that Muscle Man and I would not be a match – we never had a chance to talk on the phone before meeting for a drink, and his e-mails weren’t exactly intellectual.

I wasn’t wrong. Though cute, and lives in my neighborhood, that definitely wasn’t enough. When I mentioned that I'd gone salsa dancing over the weekend, he asked, “that’s where you shake your ass a lot, right?”

Enough said.

Hm. I could never see UN saying something like that on a first date. I'm liking him more and more, but am cautiously keeping feelings in check. Not easy.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Sunday weigh-in – the weekend – UN

Sunday weigh-in, Week Two: 136.2, just a smidge over last week’s WI of 136 -- which evens out to a two-pound loss over the past two weeks. I’m shocked that I didn’t gain more – it was a very fattening week. Must be more disciplined this week.

Just finishing up a fabulous weekend, filled with biking, time spent with friends doing very New York-type stuff… and there was a lovely date with UN.

It’s still going slowly, but I feel like he’s coming out of his shell more and more. Each time I see him, I learn more things about him that I really like and respect. He’s very “good on paper” in terms of what I look for in a guy – and I’m enjoying the process of getting to know him beyond that. And I’m getting more signs from him that he’s enjoying this as well.

Dinner and drinks last night were followed by, ahem, coffee this morning. Next date planned for later this week.

Long weekend = not much energy to write more at this time!

Saturday, September 8, 2007

UN, you mysterious man, you...

Another date planned with UN this weekend – this is something like our 5th or 6th date, and I have a feeling a sleepover may be involved for the first time. Will have to see if it feels “right” in the moment.

I like him, but as I’ve written earlier, I’m having trouble getting a vibe from him. He’s certainly fun, funny, witty, very smart, and I enjoy the times I’ve spent with him – but he’s not the gushy type. Probably a good thing, in hindsight – it seems that the gushy guys who adore you quickly seem to disappear just as quickly. (Hello, Smiles…. hi, Big Smile, of Cute Jewess fame… ha, just realized the coincidence of the similar blog names for these guys!).

I know, I know… it’s good to take it slowly, and all that. Just give me a sign, dude!

Someone mentioned this to me recently: the main way to tell a guy is into you (early on) isn’t by what he says – it’s what he does, especially in how quickly he calls or gets in touch to plan the next date. UN has been (generally) pretty reliable in this respect.

The usual “wait and see” approach applies. (not easy for impatient me!)

Monday, September 3, 2007

Date #100!: Vanilla Man

Well – I tried.

In my efforts to only go on dates where a connection was established by phone, Vanilla Man thwarted my radar. He was very good on paper, had decent (yet not very clear) pics, and on the phone he was witty and charming.

In person – eh. He’d said he was my age, but he looked and seemed years older. I just found him so terribly uninteresting.

Walking home, I picked up Tasti D-Lite “frozen dessert”, as they call their low-fat product. I chuckled as I considered the comparison between the dessert and my date: bland, not a whole lot of flavor, and easily forgettable.

I think I’m going to go on dating hiatus for a while, with the exception of UN. I like him, but still mentally trying to take it very slowly.

Lots of fun plans with friends coming up over the next week (a baseball game, parties), so there will be plenty of worthwhile distractions from dating. Good.

After 100 first dates, I need a break.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Sunday weigh-in: Week 1

Today was my first full week on my new 10 in 10 plan – and I’m happy to say that I’m down two pounds, to 136! (start weight: 138) Granted – I got down to 136 after just 3 days on this plan, but after the fattening week I just had, I’m thrilled that I stayed at that number. It was a week of dinners out, bad bar food, movie popcorn and too much late-night grazing.

The pressure is on! Can I get to 135 by next Sunday? I’m certainly going to try!

Saturday, September 1, 2007

Date #99: Abs Guy

Ok – this is it – really, this time!

From this moment on, I will ONLY meet up with dates where there’s some semblance of a connection by phone first. I’ve been overly optimistic one too many times in thinking that even though there’s not much of a phone connection, it might be different in person. Newsflash: it never is!

Case in point: today’s coffee date with Abs Guy (so named because he’s showing off his well-sculpted abs in his profile pic). We first talked on the phone maybe a year or two ago – he didn’t recall this fact – and I clearly remember that we had no click at that time. He contacted me again recently.

Over coffee, it was quite apparent that there was no zing. We did the polite one-hour thing, then went our separate ways. So why did I agree to meet up in the first place, when I sensed that there was next to no chance of an in-person click? Maybe my usual Pollyanna optimism… the thought that it’s “only” an hour, and I was going to be in his neighborhood anyway… who the hell knows.

My New Month Resolution (since I don’t want to wait for the New Year): to ONLY go out on dates after we’ve had a chance to talk on the phone for at least 15 minutes – AND I sense there may be a connection. Hopefully by doing this, I’ll start getting exciting about meeting these guys again!

I don’t have any first dates scheduled in the near future, but I’ve been exchanging e-mails with a few new guys lately. The next first date will be my one hundredth first date since February 2005 – yikes.

Seems like the perfect time to change my approach to dating!