Sunday, September 16, 2007

UN update / dates 102 & 103 / Sunday weigh-in

Since I last wrote:

Another date with UN – feeling closer to him, and am liking him more and more, but it’s still hard to get a vibe from him. At one point he hinted that one reason he liked me was because I seemed willing to take it slowly. Well. With that on the table, it makes it much harder to bring up the “where are we? / what are you looking for in general?” talk. (This is the earlier cousin to the “boyfriend / girlfriend” talk – I think the three-month mark is generally a good time for that. Not quite there yet.)

Funny – I’ve had guys tell me on the very first date that they’re looking to get married and have kids (not necessarily with me, of course). UN is not quite that open. Do I need to know that at this time? I don’t know. But since that’s what I’m looking for, I think it’s best to be with a guy who is thinking along the same lines.

Looking at this from the outside, it’s easy to dismiss this as yet another case of “he’s just not that into you”. I think I’m being realistic in thinking that he’s at least somewhat into me. He’s respectful, calls in a timely manner, plans fun dates for us, and we have a lovely time together. Can it be that he’s just one of these guys who moves really slowly, and doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve? I really don’t get the sense that he’s a player – if anything, he’s a bit of a geek. (I mean that in a very positive way).

I'm definitely in two minds about this: the logical side says "it's OK to take it really slowly, and you DON'T have to know what his relationship M.O. is after only a month and a half! Just relax, enjoy his company, and take it date by date".

Then of course, the other side wants to be inside his head, is frustrated by the "taking it slowly", wants him to be more effusive about me, and wants him to suggest taking down his profile because he'd like to get to know me better.

With all this in mind, I’m wondering – do I really like HIM, or am I just sick of serial dating and he seems like a very good candidate for the role of Boyfriend?

Oh, that ongoing pesky inner dialogue!

In between dates with UN, I’ve been keeping myself distracted…

Date #102: Dapper Dan
Drinks with Dapper Dan, so named because of his very crisp suit and rather sophisticated (tho not haughty) airs. Easy-going conversation, he was a charming, fun guy. Peck on the cheek goodnight. I’d be happy to go out with him again, but won’t be crushed if I don’t hear from him.

Next time I see UN, I think it’ll be time for that little chat. If that scares him off? Well, better to know sooner rather than later. Wish me luck.

Some good news! If you recall, I’m in the process of trying to lose 10 lbs in 10 weeks – today is week 3, and as of this morning I’m down 3.6 lbs! (start weight was 138, and I’m now 134.4) Whoo-hooo!


sexagenarian and the city said...

sounds like a lot of really good possibilities all at once, and in addition a good weight loss. keep doing whatever you're doing....

Anonymous said...

I don't think taking it slow means not into you, perhaps he has fallen fast in the past and it blew up in his face. I always say the best time for "the discussion" is before you get intimate. It is totally reasonable not to sleep with someone who is dating others. If a guy (or girl) is not willing to be exclusive before having sex, than you know what he is looking for.

Fool's Gold said...

you go girl!

londongirl said...

It sounds to me like your inner dialogue about UN is quite similar to mine with Craig! It's so hard to know, isn't it?

And fantastic on the weight loss. Good on you.

Anonymous said...

I am going through the same thing. I have been dropping hints...and some have worked. For example, he hasn't logged on to the datng website where we met. It is hard to have the full blown talk, and i do know that. My advice is that 3 months can be a long time to waste if you are not on the same path. I myself am finding it hard not to talk about status after a month and a half, but when a boy really lkes a girl he doesnt get spooked that easily. I would give it try. If he flees you know where he stands, but if he doesnt you will progress.

Schmutti Weber said...

By all means, be true to yourself: If you feel like having a serious talk with UN, do it. But reading between the lines, I wonder if that's what you really want? It sounds to me like *you're* the one who's just not that into him; you want a man who's warmer and more enthusiastic. Why not just give him a bit more time to thaw? If he doesn't, he's clearly not what you're looking for.

Cute Jewess said...

Waiting patiently for blog update...even though I get the real thing every day! :-)

Loverville said...

SATC: I'm trying!

Anon: Good advice... but a bit too late for that!

FG: thx - trying!

LG: Yes -- when I read your blog, I'm reminded of UN!

Anon: True, that's my thinking. If he's freaked out, well, I'd rather know sooner rather than later.

SW: there are so many things I *do* like about him... but I'm also being cautious until I get more of a vibe about what he's thinking. You know, a bit of self-preservation.

CJ: I hear you... but having it "out there" is different somehow. I get it!