Thanks again, everyone, for your words of advice and support. I’m truly grateful for this little blogging community, and the feedback we give each other! So again… thank you.
I’m a planner. I do a lot of planning for work, ironing out every minute detail, needing to know what’s going to happen for this particular project, when, how, where, etc. And I love it. I’m often the planner involving social events with my friends as well. (um… control issues much?)
As my friend CJ often reminds me – you can’t plan relationships, no matter how hard you try. There’s no roadmap. You can’t predict what’s going to happen next week, or next month. All you can really know is, are things going well today? And do you still want to date each other beyond today? I’m trying hard to keep this in mind.
After the “talk” with TC the other day, I was worried that things would be a bit awkward between us, and decided to step back a bit. I was relieved when things seemed completely normal from his end – he e-mailed me the next day, saying that he was looking forward to our upcoming plans for next weekend, but was I free to get together before then?
Day by day.
I didn’t write about this earlier, but there were other reasons why I got overly emotional after the talk with TC the other day. Yesterday was the four-year anniversary of the death of a close family member who died way too young – a terrible, unexpected death. His death happened the day before Thanksgiving that year – and naturally, every family Thanksgiving since then has been emotionally charged. (I can’t even type this without my eyes watering up).
After that traumatic experience, I developed a new philosophy on life: don’t sweat the small stuff. After experiencing the worst grief I’ve ever felt in my life, I realized that (short of another close friend or family death – perish the thought) nothing else could ever be that bad. When people moan about flight delays or traffic or not being able to get into the “restaurant of the moment”? Please. I scoff at those “problems”.
Granted – I guess I’m sounding hypocritical, as I’m clearly not coming across as being as Zen-like as I claim to be. As I’m writing this, I’m realizing that I need to apply this philosophy towards my situation with TC. For now – for today – I should consider myself lucky that I’ve met this wonderful person – for as long as it lasts.
And if it doesn’t last? So be it. I’ll always have my network of wonderful friends and family. (though I really do want to fall in love, possibly get married, possibly have a child)
Again… day by day.