I’ve been too busy with work and holiday parties to dwell much on TC (thankfully!). But now that I actually have a moment to stop and unwind? I’m fluctuating between not “feeling the love” from him and realizing that I really have nothing to worry about, that all this angst is unfounded.
One example of not “feeling the love”: he mentioned that he might be going to New Orleans for the next Mardi Gras. A part of me felt a bit “harrumph” – it would have been nice to have been asked to go along. (even though I can’t because of a work conflict… that’s besides the point!)
Then there’s the other side: I just realized that I saw TC three times this past week, all fun nights: my company holiday party, a belated birthday gathering I threw for myself, and a night out with just the two of us being goofy, playing pool and ping-pong before going for burgers. Would he continue to hang out not just with me, but with my friends AND co-workers if he wasn’t enjoying this?
I know I really should just enjoy the moment… but if I have this nagging little voice in the back of my head, how much should I acknowledge it? I’m sure it’s there for a reason. I’m sure a big part of it is self-preservation. After playing the dating game for so long, I’m so happy to finally be dating a guy who I really adore. I’m just scared of having the rug pulled out from under me.
I’ve seen a therapist in the past, but stopped a few months ago because of trouble with insurance. I’m switching to a new insurance plan next month, so it might be good to start seeing a shrink on a regular basis again, and get to the root of this.
Wow – I just looked at a calendar and realized that next weekend will mark three months since my first date with TC! Many people consider the three-month mark to be the “make or break” point. Maybe this means I’ll start feeling more secure if we make it past next week…!
Hm. The question now is, do I point out to him that a celebration is in order, since we have an “anniversary” approaching? (I would be absolutely gobsmacked if he brought it up!) Or save such celebrations for future, more significant “anniversaries”? Methinks the latter.