Saturday, December 8, 2007

That little voice (again)

I’ve been too busy with work and holiday parties to dwell much on TC (thankfully!). But now that I actually have a moment to stop and unwind? I’m fluctuating between not “feeling the love” from him and realizing that I really have nothing to worry about, that all this angst is unfounded.

One example of not “feeling the love”: he mentioned that he might be going to New Orleans for the next Mardi Gras. A part of me felt a bit “harrumph” – it would have been nice to have been asked to go along. (even though I can’t because of a work conflict… that’s besides the point!)

Then there’s the other side: I just realized that I saw TC three times this past week, all fun nights: my company holiday party, a belated birthday gathering I threw for myself, and a night out with just the two of us being goofy, playing pool and ping-pong before going for burgers. Would he continue to hang out not just with me, but with my friends AND co-workers if he wasn’t enjoying this?

I know I really should just enjoy the moment… but if I have this nagging little voice in the back of my head, how much should I acknowledge it? I’m sure it’s there for a reason. I’m sure a big part of it is self-preservation. After playing the dating game for so long, I’m so happy to finally be dating a guy who I really adore. I’m just scared of having the rug pulled out from under me.

I’ve seen a therapist in the past, but stopped a few months ago because of trouble with insurance. I’m switching to a new insurance plan next month, so it might be good to start seeing a shrink on a regular basis again, and get to the root of this.

Wow – I just looked at a calendar and realized that next weekend will mark three months since my first date with TC! Many people consider the three-month mark to be the “make or break” point. Maybe this means I’ll start feeling more secure if we make it past next week…!

Hm. The question now is, do I point out to him that a celebration is in order, since we have an “anniversary” approaching? (I would be absolutely gobsmacked if he brought it up!) Or save such celebrations for future, more significant “anniversaries”? Methinks the latter.


mimi of 'sexagenarian and the city' said...

October 2006, about 4 months after i started dating again (after 24 ys w. my ex), i realized i couldn't manage the new men & new relationships w/out a psychiatrist. my women friends, wonderful as they were, were not enough. and i continue seeing him, though i don't always agree w. him on everything(as per recent posts), but that's all right. i don't want to make mistakes i've made in the past, and i need his perspective and good sense. i recommend it, if you can get the insurance to cover part.

Loverville said...

Thx, Mimi. I agree -- seeing a shrink for a year (ending this past summer) had a very positive impact on my life. Am definitely keeping the "mental health" angle in mind when choosing this new insurance plan!

Anonymous said...

No anniversary celebrations yet! I have to say, I 100% get where you are coming from. I was a serial dater, rarely making it past date 3. I am almost at a year with a guy I adore and who loves me very much right back, and I STILL sometimes get nervous that the rug is going to get pulled out. The good news is, that feeling is now at least getting to be a rareity, and I am allowing myself to be confident in my relationship. As someone who considers herself a dater though, I guarantee that what you are feeling is totally normal. Enjoy the good fun beginnings, but don't give yourself such a hard time for questioning the goodness every so often - TOTALLY normal!

Anonymous said...

The three month "rule" is only a guideline really. Ultimately, you have to follow what your heart/intuition tells you. I find that an internal conflict or mixed signals are often a harbinger of not-so-good things to come, but there's also a part of you that'll just need to get over yourself already. I suppose that it really depends on what you want out of this; if it's to have fun with a good person who makes you feel good, ride the wave. If it's something quite a bit more substantial, i.e. marriage and the like, you can still enjoy yourself while you continue to introspect. After all, isn't that part of what dating is all about?


Anonymous said...

It sounds like things are going great, you are just trying not to get to comfortable. Don't blame you. One huge thing that happened with my now husband that did not happen with a long term ex is that after a short period of dating, it was assumed we would spend Sat nights together. If one of us had something going on that the other for some reason could not be included, we would tell each other early in the week. On the other hand, my long term ex (4 yrs) always seemed to have "something" going on that I was not included, I never knew if we were going out that weekend. Hmmm, wasn't I the dummy for taking so long to figure that one out (I was younger but still..... Think about what it is like with you guys and your assumptions.. may help

Anonymous said...

Lady, I have to intervene to say RELAX! The fact he is spending so much time with you and you are having fun together, rather than fights or huffs or misunderstandings, is enough! I think it's the pressure and the anxiety about finally finding the one after lots of searching that makes life hell for us daters....London Lady