Saturday, December 6, 2008

The course of a new relationship...

Still seeing a lot of Camper -- several times a week -- and sometimes it feels like too much, sometimes it feels just right. The course of true love (or in this case, early days of dating) never did run smooth, isn't that right? Just trying to keep a happy medium.

This has been a nice change from most other guys I've dated in the past few years: I never wonder if / when I'm going to hear from him again. I never have that feeling of, "maybe I should wait 24 hours before I write him back...". It's been pretty clear (from both sides) that we're both excited about this.

Last time, I wrote that New Guy was still on my mind -- thankfully, he's been making less and less of an appearance there these days. Here's the thing: it just happened that New Guy and I shared more interests than Camper and I do. In some ways, I felt (feel?) that NG and I were just more suited for each other... but of course, the big picture is: he's not emotionally available at this time (and who's to say he would ever be? And that he'd want to be with ME?).

[of course, it could also just be that curse of wanting the person you can't have -- arrgh, human nature sucks!]

I'm trying to come to grips with the fact that Camper and I have these different interests -- so far, it seems like we're both willing to embrace and learn about the other's differences, so as long as we can keep that going...? We DO have fabulous chemistry and have lots of fun together -- as long as that continues? Well, we'll see.

Sorry to have to be so vague! As always, fear of discovery, however unlikely, keeps me writing in this coy language.

Incidentally: New Guy and I had plans recently for a belated birthday drink (mine) -- however, a few days prior, I wrote to him to cancel. I was up front with him: I told him that if we're going to just be friends, I needed a bit more time and distance -- and it just didn't feel fair to Camper to have drinks with a recent ex.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Poco a poco, se va lejos...

In the several weeks since our first date, Camper and I have seen a LOT of each other. And it's only in this moment of reflection, trying to conjure up words for this blog post, that I'm realizing it's too much, too soon. He tells me often that he's crazy about me... and that he misses me when we're not together. I think we both need to allow for some distance, some mystery.

Saying that -- there have been those moments when I'm just thrilled to be walking down the street holding his hand. Just a few weeks ago, I looked upon those hand-holding couples with envy. Now, I'm suddenly one of them.

Yes, it's official -- we're a "couple". We determined rather early on that neither of us was dating anyone else. We've started to meet each other's friends. There are couple-y pics of us on Facebook... but I'm certainly NOT ready to declare us as being "in a relationship" on Facebook, for the world to see. Save that for a few months down the road.

And yet... I must admit, New Guy lurks in the back of my mind. To be continued...

Friday, November 21, 2008

Quick update.

Finally had that in-person talk with New Guy. It was one of those very rare times that I got the closure I was looking for -- I even got a chance to tell him how angry and hurt I was that he went AWOL. He listened, apologized profusely, and said that if I ever felt that way again, to be sure to tell him.

We agreed to be friends, with the possibility of "something" more down the road, if the time is right for both of us. I was a bit sad, but also felt a huge sense of relief to no longer be in limbo with him.

For a few days afterwards, I missed him a bit... but am feeling that less and less. Partially because of:

Camper: we've been spending quite a lot of time together -- and when we're not together, we e-mail and talk often. Yes, yes, trying to force myself to keep the brakes on, take it slowly, and all that... but it just feels right. (I'm smiling as I type this!) He's a very open, sweet, wonderful guy.

And yet -- as easy as it feels, I need to remind myself: guys want the chase. People tend to value something more if they need to work for it, and that includes relationships. I'm not talking about playing games here... but again, I just need to remind myself: take it slowly. Leave an air of mystery.

Thanks to Mimi's latest blog post for that reminder!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Finally.

FINALLY had a long talk with New Guy. He told me what has been keeping him preoccupied these days (can't share it here) -- but apologized profusely for being so wrapped up in his head that he was out of touch.

We had the talk on the phone while he was out of town -- not an ideal situation. We're going to meet up this weekend to talk more. I don't hate him -- I still believe that he's a really good guy. But the gist is (and I hate this cliche), that we're in different places right now. I'm looking for something serious, something long-term... and he doesn't know what he wants. I know, I know... only two weeks ago, he was giving signs that he felt otherwise. Will have to address that when I see him in person.

You're probably going to wonder why I'm even thinking about New Guy, when I tell you about the wonderful night I had with Camper.

Camper and I had one of those fabulous (but rare) first dates where you can't stop laughing and smiling and telling stories and just enjoying each other's company. Of course, the difference is that this was a first date with someone I knew 25 years ago. And guess what -- he confessed that he DID have a crush on me back then (how cute!), and thought about looking me up throughout the years. In one of those typical NYC coincidences, turns out we lived just two blocks from each other for a few years in the late 90s. Kooky!

It's just icing on the cake that while he was an adorable teenager, he grew up to be quite a hot guy -- he really is yummy to look at.

Since the date, we've e-mailed, texted and talked on the phone quite a bit. The next date is planned for early next week. I'm looking forward to getting to know him (again), and he's made it clear that he's very excited about me... but a part of me worries that he's romanticizing this, that maybe he's excited because as a former teen geek, he finally "got the girl".

Yeah, I know... I can always find something to worry about!

(just for the record, Camper is first date #119 since my last serious relationship ended over 3 years ago)

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Abducted by aliens

What else could explain New Guy's total absence of nearly a week? Total MIA -- no calls, no e-mails, no texts. He hasn't even been active on Facebook (he was only moderately active before).

At first I was upset, then frustrated, then angry. Now I'm merely curious. Really, what the hell could have happened to make him drop off the face of the earth?

I'm kind of surprised at how level-headed I'm feeling about his disappearance at the moment. Might this have something to do with the attention being lavished on me by a certain Camper? Maybe, after sensing that New Guy was taking a step back (which turned into a giant leap off this planet), I allowed the flirtiness in my e-mails with Camper to be amplified... and maybe that led to a very nice catch-up phone call... which led to a date planned for later this week... (a date that I'm really looking forward to).

And maybe there are way too many ellipses and "maybe"s in this e-mail.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Limbo is NOT a fun game.

(at least when it comes to dating!)

But first -- the BIG news of the week: President Obama! I'm still thrilled, giddy, ecstatic beyond belief. But -- back to my dating woes... :-)

Sigh -- oh, New Guy. Where the hell do we stand? After a few days of being incommunicado last week (partially because we were both busy volunteering for Obama) -- he had this to share: he just got some news that is weighing him down, and he needs a few days to digest it. Not a crisis, he assured me -- and not something he wants to share at the moment -- but he's not feeling very social right now, and would it be OK if we talked in a few days?

I was as supportive as I could be, not knowing the situation. After making sure that no deaths, illnesses or jail was involved, we managed to have our usual fun, sweet, flirty banter. I hung up feeling OK about "our" situation -- but that confidence has wavered in the few days since then.

One of the most frustrating things is that I feel that I can't contact him right now -- I have to wait for him to come up for air, whenever he's ready. It's also pretty disappointing that he feels that he can't confide in me about this issue -- then again, can I really say that, given that I don't know what the issue is?

***********
Then there was the night with Good Hair Guy: before New Guy and I talked about the above (or rather, didn't really talk about it), there was a few days of radio silence. During that time, Good Hair Guy asked to meet me for a drink -- while we've been FWB (Friends With Benefits) on and off for a few years, we've had many a platonic drink together. I fully expected this night to be another one of those -- even texted a friend beforehand that I was 99.9% sure this would be one of those platonic evenings, especially because he had some business-related questions for me.

And most of the night was just that -- platonic. Somehow, things got a bit flirtier, legs got a bit closer, more red wine was consumed. Kissing ensued. Wound up back at his place -- we've always had good chemistry and it might have been tempting to spend the night, but my guilty conscience quickly kicked in, and I left soon after.

Technically, would that be cheating? Who knows? New Guy and I haven't gotten as far as having the "exclusive" talk -- still, while it's one thing to kiss someone else, I just couldn't sleep with someone else while there's still a possibility we may have some semblance of a relationship here. So I remain in limbo. It's fricking frustrating.

One ego-boosting distraction: a guy from summer camp 20-something years ago recently found me on Facebook, and our e-mails have begun to take on a slightly flirty tone. Turns out we have a mutual non-camp friend -- let's call him Phil -- I ran into Phil at a party this weekend, and he told me that Camper had recently asked about me, and that he was "trying to get together with me". Oh really...? Nice to have a distraction for now, as I test my patience with New Guy.

Update on Super Cutie: after I "officially" pulled the plug recently, he wrote back a few sweet, supportive e-mail -- turns out he's trying to launch a new work project, and isn't in a relationship state of mind anyway, but he enjoyed my company, and maybe we could stay in touch as movie buddies? Works for me.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Three more days!

After too long of a gap (ok, really not that long... about a week and a half) had a lovely evening of catch-up with New Guy. When we're together, it's fabulous and very promising... but even he admits, he's not great about keeping in touch in between those times. I continue to try to remain patient.

We talked about the frustrations of internet dating -- he hasn't done nearly as much as I have. He added something along the lines of, he doesn't have much free time these days -- but the time he does have, he'd like to spend getting to know me better. I wish I could remember verbatim how he said it -- the implication (at least as I heard it in the moment) was that he's not dating any new people right now.

Damn my foggy memory! At the moment, I was pretty giddy on the inside, while trying to remain cool on the outside. I chose to not dwell on the subject -- will just continue to see how things develop.

However -- this was nice -- I just checked out his J-date profile, and saw that he hasn't logged on in over two weeks. Well, that's encouraging!

Been back in touch with Super Cutie of late -- a few e-mails exchanged (he's been out of town a lot for work), and most recently, he suggested getting together next week.

I think I'm going to officially pull the plug on him: one, I already feel that there's not much chemistry there... and two, I like New Guy enough that I'd like to give that fledgling relationship a shot, and just date him (without declaring it out loud at the moment). I'd like to stay friends with SC -- stay tuned!

Question of the day: I have a good friend's party coming up in a few weeks. Trying to decide whether or not to invite New Guy. I haven't met any of his friends yet. He met one of my friends over dinner once, but that was mainly due to timing... she was visiting from LA, and he was just about to go out of town. Will try to get a temperature on the vibe between now and then.

Anyway -- while I do think about New Guy a lot these days, the election is first and foremost in my brain. I'm obsessed with following campaign coverage. Even having trouble focusing at work -- just can't wait for fricking Tuesday already!!!

Go Obama!!!

ps. I mentioned a guy in my last post -- Smiley -- we met at a bar through mutual friends last week and exchanged cards. No word from him. Just as well! I'd almost forgotten about him, til I reread my blog post.

UPDATE: I just e-mailed Super Cutie something along the lines of, "I've been seeing someone else, would like to see where it goes, but would like to stay in touch with you as friends". Will let you know if he responds.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Fricking patience

I miss New Guy.

It's been nearly a week since we've seen each other -- he's been out of town on a business trip for a few days now, but we have plans to see each other when he gets back later this week.

Big "harrumph" -- despite very sweet, warm e-mails just before he left, I haven't heard from him since he's been away. I know how crazed business trips can be... but still. Just trying to exercise patience. It's always harder for the person who is still at home, isn't it?

Then there's Super Cutie -- I finally got an e-mail from him a week and a half after our last date. I'm convinced there's nothing there anyway - but even just having him "available" via e-mail might be a good distraction to prevent me from focusing too much energy on New Guy. No immediate plans with him at the moment -- he's traveling a lot for work these days -- but it's kind of nice to keep him in the picture, even if it's just electronically.

In the "totally unexpected" department: I was at a bar with friends on Friday, and met a guy -- let's call him Smiley. He's a friend of a friend of a friend. Cute, charming, funny. There may have been some mild flirting going on... or was it the booze? We exchanged cards -- maybe I'll hear from him, maybe I won't. Regardless, I can't remember the last time I met a guy in the wild!*

As much as I'd love to focus all my attention on New Guy, I feel it's too soon. Even if I don't do as much as kiss another guy, it's nice to know that there are other options out there.

In another department, this time, "WTF?": I got a Facebook friend request today from Good Voice! Remember him? The douchebag who lied about his age, and started seeing other women while I was out of town (while we were supposedly dating exclusively)? Some details here.

No note of explanation why he wanted to add me as a friend again. I briefly considered accepting his request out of curiosity to see if an explanation would follow. Then I remembered how disgusted I was with him at the end of our time together, and hit IGNORE with great satisfaction.

* thanks to Dating Trooper for the coinage.

Monday, October 20, 2008

One-month recap

A quick update -- swamped with work these days.

New Guy: just passed the one-month point since our first date, and still moving along nicely. Haven't seen him as much as I'd like lately (we've both been out of town on business trips here and there)... but he's still giving signs that he's enjoying our time together. Eg, the other day he mentioned a quaint nearby town where he'd like us to do a day trip.

Doing my best not to analyze and overthink it -- it helps that I'm too busy with work to devote too much brain time to him! But now that I'm mulling over him as I try to write this? I'm smiling and a bit giddy with the thought of him. So yes, I like him... quite a bit.

Super Cutie: I'm getting the "he's just not that into you" vibe from him, which is totally OK. Amusing, even. Had a third date last week, and he seemed a little too quick to want to dash from our brief goodnight kiss. No word since then.

So what does this mean... when work eases up in a few weeks, I'll need to decide if I want to get back on J-date (my membership expired), or just see what happens with the adorable, wonderful New Guy? Will decide at that time.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Just chill.

Things might be OK with New Guy after all – here’s hoping.

It was a small, simple gesture – just a little gift he gave to me. Nothing expensive – not at all – but it was very sweet and thoughtful, and it was something he knew I’d like. I’m still touched.

It had been nearly a week since I’d seen him last, and in the back of my mind, I went into our date feeling that things were somehow different. By the time we said goodnight, however, it seemed that we were back in that happy place.

A bit of forced slowness this month – we won’t have much of a chance to see each other over the next few weeks, as we’re both busy with work, and we both have a few business trips approaching. I’m one of the most impatient people I know, but even I can acknowledge that taking it slowly can only be a good thing.

Then there’s Super Cutie. We had that second date – I went into it expecting (and truthfully, somewhat hoping) that there would be no connection. But we had a lovely time, and I have a feeling we’ll see each other again. Admittedly, I don’t feel that same immediate *zing* that I felt from the start with New Guy – but really, how much importance should one give the zing?

Incidentally – these two guys have the same name. Different variations on the same name (ala, “Phil” and “Philip”) – but yes, same name. This can be a good thing – but the possibility for a misstep is there. Let’s just say that I’m VERY careful about eyeing the guy’s name before I send out that e-mail or text message.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Guys and their patterns

It seems this pattern has been playing over and over – not just for me, but for friends as well:
1. Cool, great guy comes on strong – very flattering, very attentive.
2. Girl tries to keep a level head – but, well, after dating so many crappy guys, the attention is seductive.
3. Things seem absolutely fantastic for a little while – girl thinks, wow, I don’t even want to date anyone else right now!
4. Guy retreats. Sometimes disappears altogether. Girl is left thinking – WTF?

This isn't exactly what’s happening with New Guy… but we’re somewhere in the early moments of Phase Four. His sweet, lovely e-mails from the beginning, filled with excitement about when he can see me again? Now – not so much. Much less frequent – not nearly as flirty.

To be honest – I just realized: THIS is how it really should be. This early on, after a few weeks knowing a person, you really don’t need to talk or e-mail every day – and really, should you be gushing over the other person when you barely know them?

And yet, even with this knowledge – why does it feel like a bit of a downer? (answer: because I’ve received a wake-up call, but I kind of enjoyed the fantasy…)

So – with that knowledge – I’m happy I never cut ties with Super Cutie. We just made plans to get together sometime next week. And there’s another J-guy I need to write back to.

And New Guy? Well – he’s going out of town this weekend, but said he’d be reachable by cell, and that he’d be in touch. Not sure when I’m going to see him again – I HATE not having those plans in place, but am learning to exhale and deal with it.

In the meantime… other plans are being made, and, well – we’ll see where I can fit New Guy in.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Zen guy?

Have had a few more dates with New Guy -- still going swimmingly. Enjoying the getting-to-know-you process, as well as increased intimacy. Suffice to say, the chemistry is definitely there (blushing).

I'm at that strange in-between phase -- I feel it's too soon to date exclusively, but at the same time, it doesn't seem right to date other guys when I'm this excited about New Guy. Obviously -- I have no idea what HE's doing -- have to keep that in mind.

I was supposed to have a second date with the very cute Super Cutie this weekend... but what do you know, he had to cancel! (with appropriate timing, and a very good excuse) We talked about rescheduling for some time next week, which will buy me a little more time to see if / how things develop with New Guy.

It's kind of strange: I'm feeling quite Zen-like about this one. It seems like we have the right balance of seeing each other / texting / talking, as well as taking time in-between. Not too fast -- not too slow.

I must admit, every time he casually mentions something "we" have to do -- "we'll" have to try that restaurant, or "we'll" have to check out that exhibit at the Met -- my giddy levels rise, just a little bit.

Monday, September 22, 2008

New Guy rocks my world.

A few more amazing dates with the wonderful, adorable, smart New Guy. Thought about blog-naming him WOW, but worried that that would jinx things – silly, I know. But thanks anyway for the suggestion, DT! New is good.

Where to begin? There’s so much I want to share about him. We’ve had another nighttime date, as well as a daytime date. Nighttime dating is generally easy – if there’s even a remote attraction to someone, alcohol lubricates those feelings. But to emerge from a (sober) daytime date, feeling even more excited about this person? That says a lot.

It’s just SO easy to be with him. We have a lot of the same interests, as well as a very similar sense of humor – we’re both a bit snarky, a bit irreverent, and very silly. We share the same political leanings – I never mentioned it here, but when Possible, of a few weeks ago, told me he was a Republican? That was the beginning of my loss of interest in him.

He seems into me as well – he’s free with the compliments. He has followed up every date with a text about what a wonderful time he had, and how he was looking forward to the next time.

I’m nervous about saying too much here for fear up getting my hopes up too high, too soon. But I can say in all honesty – I feel that he’s more “right” for me than any other guy I’ve dated in the past year. Just a gut feeling.

More to come. For now, just (still) enjoying being giddy and excited, while actually managing to keep a level head. Plans for the next date are in place.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Date #118: Wow.

When I last wrote, my last paragraph was about New Guy – we’d been writing to each other for over a week while he was out of town on business. Great connection online – but after you’ve been doing this online dating thing a while, you learn that that does NOT necessarily translate to an in-person click. We’d made plans for the weekend, and were both very much looking forward to it.

Finally got a chance to talk on the phone for the first time – right away, I sensed that he was a happy, optimistic person – it’s amazing how much you can learn about a person just by talking for five minutes. Unfortunately, I had to cut the call short, as I was about to meet friends for dinner, but we agreed to continue our chat later that night.

When he called me later, he was just finishing his own dinner with friends, and happened to be in my neighborhood. My spontaneous side kicked in – it was a gut response to say, “Since you’re in the neighborhood, do you want to grab a quick drink tonight?”. He said he’d love to.

I quickly freshened up, and as I walked to meet him, I was more nervous about this first date than any other I could recall. So far I’d liked everything about him – it would be a shame if there weren’t an attraction there.

Truth be told, when I met him I didn’t feel an immediate swoon. It took a little while for my nervousness to subside over drinks, and to just plain relax and enjoy his company. I can’t explain it – it wasn’t the alcohol – and one point, something inside me clicked, and I found myself thinking, WOW! This guy is adorable! And funny! And smart, and sweet, and all the good things I look for in a guy. There was just so much to talk about, and so many anecdotes to share. It was so natural when he eventually leaned in for a kiss – it had the excitement of a first kiss, but the comfort of a familiar kiss, strangely enough. Incredible.

He walked me home, we shared more passionate kisses outside my door – when I went inside, I was shocked to see that the clock on my cable box read 2:05 am. This morning, I woke up to read an e-mail from him about what a wonderful time he’d had, and how he couldn’t wait to see me again.

We exchanged a few e-mails throughout the day, leaving a permanent big, goofy grin on my face. Am keeping a level head about him (or trying to), while enjoying this giddy feeling.

In the back of my mind, however, I’m reminded of an experience a good friend just went through: met a fabulous guy who wooed her like crazy. Took her on wonderful, thoughtful dates. Talking, e-mailing, texting every day, many times a day. Lots of honest talk – or so she thought. And then? He disappeared. Just like that. Re-surfaced briefly to express the tiniest bit of doubt – then dropped off the face of the earth. Refused to return her e-mails and messages. She still has no idea what made him do a complete about-face like that.

Man, I felt for her. What kind of advice can you give in that situation? More than anything, I wanted to break the guy’s legs for hurting my friend… but in the back of my mind, I found myself thinking: that could happen to me.

I’m not implying that all (or even most) guys are out to intentionally hurt a woman, but I have to constantly remind myself: Take. It. Slowly. Don’t be so willing to hand over your heart. Even continue to date other guys, to keep a level head. No need to rush things.

Anyway – I can’t think of a blog name for this great new guy! It’s a lot easier to think of these for the negative dates. For now, he just remains New Guy.

Ha – remember last week’s flaky guy, Good on Paper? After I returned his last call, leaving a message, I never heard from him again. Just as well – it was getting tiresome. Anyway, he’s a Wall Street guy, so I’m sure he has enough to worry about right now!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Weekend recap, including date #117

It was an interesting weekend – kissed two different guys (both of whom I’ve kissed before) – and had a date with a third guy (that did not involve a kiss).

First – a Good on Paper update: after the misunderstanding re: the night we were to meet, as I mentioned, he apologized profusely, asking if he could make it up to me by taking me out to dinner, any place I liked.

Maybe because it was almost September 11th – it felt petty to hold a grudge over what may have indeed been a simple misunderstanding – after all, who hasn’t made a mistake? I e-mailed him back along the lines of “these things happen”, and sure, let’s try to reschedule.

He wrote back something quite sweet and self-effacing, and asked when was the best time to call me? That’s a pet peeve of mine – my feeling is, don’t ask when to call – just call!

Still, I gave him a suggested day and time, and he did call during that time. But I happened to be busy and missed his call. When I called him back, I got his voicemail.

I’m at the point where I’m really curious to meet this guy – but if it doesn’t happen, no sweat. I only have one possible night in which I could meet him this week -- if we don't get together then, I'm going to take this as a sign that this is just not meant to happen.

In other news:
Friday’s kiss was short and sweet – it was with a guy I’ll simply call Guy Friend. He’s one of my few guy friends who knows about, and reads, this blog.

Interesting history with GF: we met on J-date about two years ago, but after a few dates, we realized that while we enjoyed each other’s company, there just wasn’t enough of a spark to keep it going. And that was that.

Until a few months (or a year?) later – GF contacted me to ask advice on a country I had just traveled to, and he was thinking of visiting. We met for lunch to discuss, and our friendship picked up from there.

Over time, we became a sounding board for each other’s dating woes – I value his opinion, and was happy to give him advice as well. We tend to meet out for drinks with other friends – but for some reason, a month or so ago, we met for drinks, just the two of us. And somehow ended up kissing. Despite the fact that we’re “just friends”, it didn’t feel at all awkward or uncomfortable. (GF, if you’re reading this – and I’m sure you are! – you’re a very good kisser. I’m sure I’ve mentioned that already).

Some time later -- not sure how this came up – we created a pact that, if we were both single and celibate in a month’s time, we’d consider sleeping together. Flirty, fun e-mails were exchanged.

Not long after that, we went on a group hike, which included swimming in a lake – we managed to have a few discreet kisses in there as well – but after, went back to “friend mode” for the rest of the hike. That’s when I realized this was just a bit too weird for me – if I’m going to kiss someone and continue to hang out with them, I can’t just shut off that intimacy.

I realized that “the pact” probably wasn’t a good idea – I couldn’t exactly sleep with him, then ask about his upcoming date for the weekend. I told him my reasons for calling it off - - he agreed, the potential for things to get awkward was there.

On Friday, we met up with other friends for drinks – and well, what can I say, he looked particularly cute that night. Some mild flirting – I walked him outside when he left, and we snuck in a few kisses before he went on his way.

(I’m rambling… will sum up the rest of the weekend in a few short snippets).

Last night’s kiss: Fun Bobby – met up with me and a few friends – he walked me home, and we shared a few kisses outside my door. He’s a nice guy, I enjoy kissing him every so often, but I just don’t feel that he’s “my” guy. (Fun Bobby recaps here)

Then -- date #117: Super Cutie. We’d been e-mailing for over a month, but because of hectic schedules (mainly mine) only had a chance to meet today, for brunch.

Interesting – just like Possible, last month (update on him to follow) – when I looked up Super Cutie on Facebook, I discovered that we knew someone in common (one of the many reasons why I love Facebook!). That gave it more of a personal touch than most anonymous internet dates.

I enjoyed his company – we had plenty to talk about, especially because we work in similar fields – and I especially enjoyed looking at him. Adorable face, and great smile. Was there a connection? Hard to tell. We hugged goodbye, and he suggested getting together later this week – so we’ll see.

Possible: remember him, from last month? We never “officially” ended things – but it seems that there’s really no need to. Our e-mails simply grew less and less frequent. No need to state the obvious.

New guy, haven’t thought of a blog name for him yet: been e-mailing for a week or so, as he’s out of town for work. He gives VERY good e-mail – he’s funny and charming – we have plans to meet up later in the week. I’m realistic enough to know that an online connection doesn’t always translate to in-person connection – but this is one date I’m really looking forward to, a nice departure from my usual ambivalence.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Stood up -- harrumph!

So -- I was supposed to have a date tonight with Good on Paper (who was already a bit flaky about communication). I went to the appointed bar, just around the corner from my office. And wait. And wait. And ask a guy drinking alone, "(Good on Paper's name)?". Nope. And try calling him (get his voice mail). And text him. No response.

After a half-hour, I left him another message, saying I had no idea what happened, maybe we had some details mixed up, but I was leaving. Fifteen minutes after that, he texts me, apologizing -- he thought we were meeting TOMORROW, Thursday -- so sorry, he was in a meeting, just saw my message now, could he make it up to me?

I haven't written back yet. I checked our previous e-mails, when we made the plan -- I wrote to him yesterday, asking if we were still meeting for a drink tomorrow. He feasibly *could* have gotten that message today, and thought it was for tomorrow, Thursday.

Ugh! Still very annoyed. Maybe I'll text him back later.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Just chugging along

Things with Possible are still chugging along. We're no longer e-mailing / texting every day -- but we're still in touch.

It hit me last night -- one reason I don't want to cut all ties with him just yet is because I still enjoy getting his e-mails addressing me as "sweetie" and "sugar" (albeit, less frequent these days).

In other news: I kissed a new guy this weekend -- let's call him Smooch. Actually, he's not completely new -- I met him the previous weekend in the out-of-town locale where I've spent some time this summer. This Summer Weekend Setting is quite conducive to romantic hookups -- it just never happened for me prior to this weekend.

Had a fun time with Smooch -- just what the doctor ordered. We only kissed - but those kisses were sexy and steamy enough to make me aware of the fact that my kisses with Possible have been lacking fire lately. Hm. Quite an eye-opener.

I might see Smooch again in "real life" (he e-mailed me today), but I'm not sure if I see him as long-term material -- but I'll keep an open mind.

I have a date lined up this week with a guy I'll call Good on Paper -- we'll see if that actually happens. He's been a bit flaky so far (doesn't always call when he says he will -- then will e-mail with an apology a few days later) but I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. For now.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Jumping the shark

My, how things can change in the course of a week!

A week ago, I wrote how Possible’s e-mails were very complimentary and sweet, but in person – not so much.

Now his e-mails have become a bit more distant, more in line with his in-person M.O. No more addressing me as “cutie” or signing off with “besos”. And I’m 100% OK with this.

Turns out I did have some doubts about him after all, but I was trying to let the positive outweigh the negative. Now I’m allowing myself to acknowledge these traits – and I’m realizing that he’s really not my kind of guy after all. When a cute, smart, fun guy comes on strong? AND you have good chemistry? Hard not to get swept up in that.

Yes, he’s still sweet / cute / smart / funny. But in his mid-30’s, he still lives with a roommate. Rather – not just one roommate. More than one… or two… or three. (constant fear of this blog being “discovered” prevents me from including further details). It's like a “Real World” crowded house situation.

There are other ways in which he’s mid-thirties going on mid-twenties. Call me shallow, but I believe that when you first start dating someone, you should be trying to make the best impression possible – this includes dressing in a manner appropriate for an evening out, not dressing as though you’re going to a picnic.

If it sounds like I’m being catty because I feel slighted – that’s not it at all. I’m just admitting to myself that these (and other factors) are making me think that this is not a relationship to pursue. And for reasons of his own, he apparently feels the same way.

The past few times we saw each other, before the end of the date we’d made plans to see each other again. Not this last time. A few e-mails exchanged since, and still no mention of getting together again. If there is indeed a “next time”, I’ll suss out the situation – but might just bring up the talk of what we both seem to already know. Then again, such a talk might not even be necessary.

A few possible new dates on the horizon – talked to one guy about a date next week, and have a tentative date planned with another for later this week. Glad I didn’t write them off last week! (as always, thanks for your advice on that)

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

To date others... or not?

Things seem to still be going well with Mr. Possible – we e-mailed and texted daily (even several times a day) while I was out of town. Saw each other the night after my return, and had a very nice evening together.

This is interesting, however. His e-mails are very warm and affectionate, but in person? A little less so – almost friend-zone for the first few hours. Last time I saw him, I was the one to initiate a bit of hand-holding, as well as the first kiss of the evening.

I’m starting to wonder, now that my head is coming out of both a work-induced fog, as well as a bit of Cute-New-Guy fog – should I continue to date other guys while I see if things progress with Mr. Possible?

A few weeks ago, I exchanged several e-mails with two other potential J-guys, but warned them that I had a busy month ahead, and would most likely be out of touch for some time. Part of me just wants to date Possible, and enjoy seeing what develops – the other part feels that I shouldn’t put all my eggs in one basket. We haven’t determined that we’re exclusive (too early for that anyway), so who knows if he’s currently dating other women at the moment? It would be especially easy for him, considering I'm out of town occasionally.

I ran this question by my good guy friend A – his response was, absolutely, you should be dating other guys until you reach the point where you determine that you’re exclusive, whenever that is. But you shouldn’t determine that until you’ve been dating a few months anyway.

I’m sure the “logical” answer is, just do what feels right. And right now, dating only Possible feels right. But I’ve tried to trust my gut in the past, and have learned that it can’t always be trusted.

Thoughts?

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Mr. Possible

Had another date with the newly blog-named Mr. Possible, formerly and briefly known as 116 (thanks, Mimi!). He continues to be adorable, funny, charming, etc. He also continues to tell me how happy he is that he's met me, and that he has a great time with me. I feel the same way about him -- even though this all feels a bit surreal -- a bit sudden.

Alas, not going to see him for over a week, as I'm going out of town. I have a feeling we'll continue to be in touch -- he gives good e-mail (and text).

Ah -- and those kisses! We've both acknowledged that it's best to move slowly -- but wow, the chills he gives me just from kissing me or caressing my hair? Really. Really. Sweet. The anticipation is sexy... but I'm also looking forward to what may (hopefully) follow. In time.

Interesting timing -- my pre-paid six months of J-date is just about to expire. Even if Mr. Possible weren't around, I wouldn't have much time for new dates in the coming month or so. No sense in wasting money renewing the membership I wouldn't have time to use anyway.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

One hundred sixteen

Last time, I wrote that I was about to go out with a new J-guy. It turned out to be a fabulous date - -and the second one, a week later, was even better. He’s whip-smart – super-funny – incredibly cute. To say I’m very mildly smitten wouldn’t be inaccurate – and from the vibe he’s giving, the feeling seems to be mutual.

I know – whoa, Nelly! Yes, yes, I know – take it slowly, and all that. I certainly am -- or at least, trying. And when he writes to me that he thinks I’m gorgeous and can’t wait to see me again, I’m careful to keep my responses just a bit cooler. I just realized – we’ve e-mailed every single day since that first date, in addition to texts and phone calls sprinkled in there as well. It just feels "right".

Cute Jewess just blogged about this recently – we’ve both had experience with these guys who come on really strong, then fizzle just as quickly. Not to say this new guy will fall into that category – I’m just being cautious, that’s all.

But when someone who seems fabulous also seems to recognize the fabulous in you? Hard not to be a bit seduced by that.

Third date planned for this weekend, then I’m going out of town for work for a week – it’s a good thing to be a bit unavailable, and put the brakes on this for the moment.

I’m having a hard time coming up with a blog name for him! It’s hard to pinpoint just one quality about him. “Mr. Wonderful” could work – but sounds like that’s more of an ironic name for an asshole. Simply “Mr. X”? No – sounds like I’m implying that he is or could be an “ex” – don’t want that! Other references to his great smile, sharp wit, fabulous sense of humor then exclude his other good qualities.

So for now – he’ll simply be 116. (as the 116th first date I’ve had since my last serious relationship) It would be nice if there weren’t any other numbers after that one, wouldn’t it…?

As far as the other guys I’ve smooched lately – I’m not deleting their numbers just yet. We’ve exchanged e-mails, but no solid plans to get together any time soon (I’m too busy anyway). But the fact is, I know that they’re really just smooch-buddies – if there’s been no progression towards relationship-land with any of them by now (the Friend of a Friend… Fun Bobby… Good Hair Guy), then it’s never happening.

But 116? Possible potential. We’ll see.

In the meantime, if you have clever blog name suggestions for a guy who’s adorable, fun, smart, witty, etc – send them my way!

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Recycling, #115, and tonight's date

It’s been a busy summer – while the summer is a quiet time at work for most people, right now I’m ridiculously busy, and will continue to be that way for the next month or so. Those of you with half-day Fridays? I'm jealous!

In the meantime – I haven’t been very active with online dating lately – but I’ve been continuing the “recycling” theme. Last time I wrote about seeing Teen Crush (ex-boyfriend from late last year) and Good Hair Guy (on and off FWB for the past two years).

Some other past guys have resurfaced recently:

Fun Bobby: we had a few dates earlier this year, but I stopped seeing him in order to date Good Voice exclusively. He texted me out of the blue about a month ago – he was in my neighborhood, was I around? I was having dinner with my best friend, so it wasn’t an ideal time to meet up, but we agreed to get together soon.

We met for dinner this week – it was unclear for most of the night if this was going to be just platonic, or if this was a “date” – we shared recent dating stories, but finished the night with some very nice kissing. I enjoy his company, but just don’t see him as a boyfriend – can’t explain why.

He’s much more honest and open with his thoughts and feelings than most guys I know – I can’t remember how it came up, but he brought up the fact that I had written to him earlier this year to let him know that I couldn’t date him any longer. He said he appreciated that I wrote to him, rather than just disappear into the ether.

Another guy who has re-surfaced is the FOF – the Friend of a Friend: last time I saw him, months ago, there was some very passionate smooching, with the temptation to spend the night at his place. (it took some very strong willpower to go home alone!) We were in touch occasionally after that, but there was always something that got in the way of us getting together – I was out of the country, his mom was visiting from out of town, etc.

He IM’d me out of the blue a few days ago – long story short, we had another date, with more passionate kissing – but it's impossible to tell when I’m going to see him again. We’re both about to go out of town for work – he has a job coming up in another city that will keep him there for about three months.

Almost forgot about this one – I had a date with a new J-guy recently – my 115th first date in the past 3½ years. Nice guy, decent phone connection, but no in-person zing.

Tonight: a date with a new J-guy – I’m excited about this one – we discovered that we went to the same college (graduated at different times), and even have some friends in common. Nice – gives it a bit more of a personal connection than the usual anonymous online date. Wish me luck!

While I’ve been having a good time on these dates, and enjoying some first-base intimacy – I’m all too aware that I’d much rather be intimate with just ONE special guy. I’m still optimistic.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

FWB

Summer is just flying by! It’s my favorite season, and there’s so much going on – someone is always organizing a picnic in Central Park to watch the Philharmonic, or there’s a film playing under the stars on a pier, or a happy hour, or bike rides… it’s been a wonderful, social time.

No new guys to report – you’d think that I’d meet some at some of these events, but that just hasn’t happened yet. But there has been a bit, well, “recycling” of late:

Teen Crush:
Last time I wrote that we’d made plans to meet up next time he came to town. And so we did.

I got to the restaurant early to freshen up a bit, and to get a sip or two of wine in me to calm my nerves. No need to worry – the second he walked in, I immediately felt comfortable – and also very relieved. I’d been worried that I’d feel a sense of longing once I saw him, but it wasn’t like that at all. It was more like… oh, that’s it? He still looked attractive, but not quite as much as I seemed to remember. He was still smart and interesting and charming – but not in a way that made my heart a-flutter.

We lingered over drinks for a while, then had a leisurely dinner. Conversation was easy-going – no real talk about “us”. He walked me home. Somehow, we wound up kissing... just a bit.

It was just a nice, casual evening. We e-mailed a few times in the days following, and he left town again. I’m sure we’ll stay friends, but that’s it. Any mystique of what “could have been” just wasn’t there. It is as it should be.

Good Hair Guy:
I met GHG about 2½ years ago though Match – he was clear from the start that he wasn’t looking for anything serious, as he was just out of a relationship. (more info here) A few times since then, we’ve had flings here and there – a fun, casual “friends with benefits” situation.

I enjoy his company – he’s funny, smart and interesting, and yes, cute. Then there’s that fabulous, thick head of hair – I just love running my fingers through it.

We’re currently taking a class together once a week. After the first class, we went to dinner and he walked me home – and we kissed at my door. We had a good laugh about it, mentioning that that was the first time that had happened in a long time – the past few times we hung out were purely platonic. Maybe because it’s summer now, and there’s strappy dresses, and tan bodies…?

After the second class the following week, we once again went out to dinner – a bit more wine was consumed. There was some kissing… and more. Again, just all in good fun.

I’m in two minds about this. On one hand, I’m just enjoying being single and having fun and being flirty. On the other hand – yes, I do want someone to love, who will love me right back. Will this type of flirty behavior be an obstacle to finding a serious relationship?

I read recently that if you want to attract something into your life, make sure your actions don’t contradict your desires. Even my shrink has warned me about this – why spend an evening with a guy with whom there’s no future, when I could be meeting someone with potential? Saying that… I’m not exactly spending all my time with guys like GHG or TC. Currently playing phone tag and exchanging e-mails with a few J-guys, but no dates lined up right now.

It’s a tough call – wanting to live in the moment, versus thinking long-term. To be continued – would love your thoughts in the meantime.

Friday, July 4, 2008

The Italians... and this week's updates

I love nights like this, a few nights ago.

Was out with Best Friend, trying to decide where to go for dinner. We put our names on the waiting list for a restaurant that had an hour-long wait for a table, and wandered in the area, looking for a place to have a drink.

Stopped into a lovely, elegant (but not stuffy) bar / restaurant – the only available seats were next to a good-looking, dapper man. I don’t have low self-esteem, but I generally write off guys like this as being too hot for me.

Five minutes later, Hot Guy starts chatting to us – and not only is he hot, he’s Italian, speaks excellent English, and lives here in New York. Even hotter.

After we mentioned that we were celebrating Best Friend’s new job, he insisted on buying our drinks for us. How could we say no? He stepped away for a moment to take a call, and Best Friend said that she thought he mentioned that he was waiting for his wife to join him for dinner. (it was rather loud in the restaurant, and I couldn’t hear everything he was saying) I thought that would be the end of that, and we’d go our merry ways -- him with his wife, and us with our celebratory glasses of wine.

When his two male colleagues showed up a few minutes later, I nudged BF and whispered, “that doesn’t look like a wife!”. She realized she’d heard incorrectly. No wife… just colleagues.

They invited us to join them for dinner, and in a “why not?” moment, we accepted. Best Friend and I used to go out a lot in our 20s – serious clubbing / bar-hopping til 4 am kind of nights – and we'd always have unexpected adventures. Spontaneous invites to parties in mansion-like apartments. A Halloween party in a nightclub, discovering that the guy in the gorilla mask at the next table was Leonardo DiCaprio. Staying at clubs like Spy and Wax til closing, then going to Yaffa Café for breakfast with guys we’d just met – then watching the city wake up as we took the bus home.

These days, we’re not quite the spontaneous party gals that we once were – but for us, this was a fun adventure.

***********
A few other updates:

Robot Man: after he e-mailed to thank me for a nice night, I did what I felt was the right thing – I wrote back saying while it was lovely to have met him, I just didn’t feel that kind of chemistry I was looking for. So – that was that.

Smarty Pants: after a third date with him, I came to realize – all that talking he does? Mainly about himself. Often on tangents, far and wide. He’s sometimes interesting – definitely smart – but after a while, I began to find him tiresome. I doubt there will be another date.

Teen Crush: blast from the past! Recap: we dated for about 4 months late last year. I liked him a lot – he felt his life was too “up in the air” for anything serious – we broke up.

After I nearly had a scary car accident about a month ago, I thought, life’s too short for this – I’d like to have him in my life, even just as friends. (we’re probably better off as friends anyway)

At that time I got back in touch – he was happy to hear from me, said he’d like to be friends as well. Has been working on the west coast, but said he’d love to meet for dinner next time he came to town.

Well – he e-mailed me this week, saying he’s going to be in town next week, and could we meet up? A few e-mails later, plans were set. I’m really looking forward to it. And while I know that in my head that we’re better off as friends, I can’t help but wonder if we’ll wind up kissing…? Stay tuned.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Date #114: Robot-Man

As I was walking down the block to the bar to meet Robot-Man, I saw a guy from behind, going the same direction, walking slowly, looking at his phone. I had a feeling that might be him, and prayed that it wasn’t – this guy was a bit portly, wearing sports sandals and too-casual-for-a-first date shlubby pants and t-shirt.

I went to the bar and waited – five minutes later, in walks my date for the evening – and of COURSE he was the shlubby guy I passed on the street.

When I talked to Robot on the phone, I noticed that after I spoke, there was a longer-than-normal pause before he replied. In person, he just seemed a little psychologically… off. When talking to me, he was like a robot – wide-eyed, barely blinked, was largely expressionless. He was certainly nice enough, but would go on and on about random facts in excruciating detail.

After a respectable amount of time (an hour that felt like ten) I did the old “boy, am I really tired” routine, said I needed to get going. Most people get what that means. Not poor Robot-Man. He insisted on walking me most of the way home, even as I’d occasionally motion, “isn’t this your subway…?”. When he told me that this was the most enjoyable night he’d had in a long time – well, I just felt for him.

Finally, a few blocks from my apartment, I said, “Ok, this is my stop!”. He asked if I’d like to go for a drink again soon – how can you say to someone’s face that you’re kind of creeped out by them? You just can’t. If he e-mails, I’ll have to send the standard “I didn’t feel the kind of chemistry I’m looking for” line.

*******
In other news: had a second date with Smarty Pants this weekend. Still finding him fun and interesting. We were both pretty tired, so we didn’t stay out as late as we might have otherwise. At least I think he was just tired…! Hopefully not the kind of tired I was with Robot-Man.

Exchanged a few text messages with the Visitor – it looks like we may be able to get together again before he leaves town in a few days. I’m excited – even though we only kissed, the chemistry in those kisses? Wow. Definitely looking forward to more of that.

UPDATE: he texted about 3 hours before we were due to get together, saying he was afraid he was going to have to cancel, for work-related reasons – but he hoped we could get together next time he was in town. Um, last-minute canceling, dude? So not cool.

No big deal. There’s other J-guys I need to write back to – replenish the list!

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Date #113: The Visitor

Wow – who would have thought it would be possible to have two very good first dates with two different guys in the same week?

Last night was date #113 with The Visitor. Visitor lives in another state, one that requires a flight --- but he comes to New York often on business, and he’s thinking of moving here permanently. Generally, I don’t respond to J-date guys who don’t live in NY – why bother? – but the Visitor seemed like a smart, interesting guy. After I got a good vibe about him by phone, we agreed to meet up next time he was in town. That time was last night.

We met for a drink, and he looked exactly like his pictures – great head of hair, fabulous smile (I'm a sucker for those qualities). Drinks led to dinner, which led to more drinks, and eventually some meandering.

You know that moment right before you have a first kiss with someone? You feel the buildup, and you sense that you both want to kiss, but you’re both waiting for the unspoken go-ahead from the other person. Yeah… it was like that. I have to admit, I kind of like those moments of anticipation.

Finally, walking along the street, I stopped to face Visitor to ask him a question, and he swooped in for the first kiss. (for the record, I have no problem making the first move… but I generally prefer to wait for the guy to do so). It was a great kiss. Rather, kisses. We eventually found a stoop on which to sit and have a wonderful make-out session, stopping and laughing every time people walked by.

He walked me home, and we talked about possibly getting together before he leaves town. He’d already told me that he’d be back in town a few weeks down the road, and would like to see me again then.

So there you have it – two great-seeming guys currently on the agenda. Obviously, either (or both) of them could disappear any moment – and there’s the chance that I won’t like one (or both) as I get to know them. But for now? My plan is to not overthink, and to simply enjoy the ride.

Second date with Smarty Pants coming up. And I need to write about the other night with Best Friend – an unexpected dinner with three Italian strangers. Watch this space!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Date #112: Smarty Pants

This past weekend I had a first date with a guy I'll call Smarty Pants -- I had a hard time thinking of an appropriate blog name for him, and I'm not sure if this will stick. This name is meant in a positive way -- he's certainly not a know-it-all, just struck me as a very interesting, intelligent guy.

Over drinks, we talked about topics as diverse as religion, family, and how your tastes in the kind of people you date change as you get older – and every so often he would say that he was surprised that we were talking about this on a first date – but it was just that comfortable.

After a few hours of talking (gradually sitting closer to one another), when he just went in for a kiss out of the blue? I liked that. He's an excellent kisser.

All very nice, but I’m not having any expectations at the moment. Talked about getting together again soon, but made no solid plans -- we'll see if I hear from him.

UPDATE: he called in a timely manner, and we talked for nearly an hour -- a rare thing with guys these days! We made plans for this weekend, and (another rarity) he actually had some solid suggestions for restaurants based on what we'd talked about the last time.

I have to admit, I really like doing bar / restaurant research, and have found that I usually have better ideas of where to go than most guys I date. This time? I may have met my match.

I have another date before then. I can't help but think that Date #113 (the next one) may have some tough competition...

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Surely, abducted by aliens

Any guys out there – question for you. And women, of course I’d love your insight on this as well.

Background: Great Smile and I had what seemed to be a really nice, six-hour date last weekend. Fun, flowing conversation. Some very nice kisses.

A few days passed. No word from him. I decided to throw caution to the wind, sent a light, breezy e-mail, including some information he’d asked for on the date.

More days pass. Still nothing. Part of me got a bit worried – maybe something happened to him, run over by a garbage truck, perhaps? Well – unless someone else is logging onto J-date for him, he seems to be alive and well, considering he logged on today.

I get it. After only two dates, he certainly doesn’t “owe” me an explanation. And yet – how do you go from e-mailing almost every day for two weeks to NOTHING?

Common courtesy? Not so common, apparently, in the wonderful world of dating.

Sigh. Guys. I wrote this to CJ earlier today:
This "dropping of the face of the earth" thing -- I can understand if the guy is in his 20s. But this one is in his late 30s -- he should know better. Dillhole.

Her hilarious response:
I think dropping off the face of the earth knows no age. Only knows penis.

[DISCLAIMER: I’m certainly not putting ALL guys in that category – and yes, I know women can be flaky as well.]

Moving on! Currently in talks with some decent-sounding new J-guys. It remains to be seen if any of them push my buttons. Somehow, I remain optimistic.

UPDATE:
In a "why not" moment, I e-mailed Great Smile this morning -- asked if he'd want to get a drink next week, to "let me know either way".

He wrote back shortly after... apologized for not being in touch, and that while he had a nice time last weekend he's not "feeling the love, and doesn't want to waste anyone's time".

I wrote back simply, "thanks for the update, wish you the very best". Of course, what I really wanted to know was, WHY bother kissing me til 1 am if you're not "feeling the love"??! (unless of course, he thought he was going to get more than just a few kisses)

Anyway! Right now I have too many potential J-guys on my platter... I'm starting to forget what I've told to whom. Must take better notes.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Great Smile is a Great Kisser

After two weeks of almost daily e-mails filled with light, fun banter, Great Smile and I finally had our second date last night. It was a really lovely evening – dinner, drinks and (eventually) a bit of smooching.

Verdict? I like him -- we have a good rapport, and he's smart, cute and funny. Does he like me? I don’t know. He's definitely not a gushy guy -- which may be a good thing, since, in my experience, those tend to disappear quickly anyway.

When GS left, it was with a breezy "talk to you soon". So -- we'll see. I'd like to see him again, but not feeling anxious about the situation.

Currently in talks with a few other J-guys (e-mails and phone messages have been exchanged), but I’m not particularly excited about any of them. Plus, I don't have much time for other guys at the moment -- nights are pretty full these days, with all the wonderful social events that NYC summer brings: Philharmonic in Central Park, outdoor movies, parties on patios.

Shout out to the West Coast bloggers: this is a great time of year to come visit us here!

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Date #111: White Bread

WHY do I do this? Why bother going on a first date with a guy when I sense (via phone and e-mail) that he's not going to be my kind of guy?

I like to think it's because "you never know". Well - as my wise sage friend M reminded me -- sometimes you DO know. (see more of her advice in previous post) Tonight was one of those times.

The date with White Bread went as expected -- an hour and a half of polite chit-chat. He was certainly a nice enough guy, extremely well-mannered. But he just seemed a bit, well, conventional. He struck me as the kind of guy you'd meet at happy hour near Wall Street. I think it was pretty apparent to both of us that there wouldn't be a second date.

Oh! He did have REALLY nice teeth, however! Possibly professionally whitened -- I have no problem with that -- definitely prefer that to someone with yellowing teeth. (see: Good Voice -- I only realized it towards the end, looking at pics of both of us)

New resolution: ONLY agree to go on a first date with someone with whom I sense *some* kind of phone / e connection. If he doesn't seem like my type? Then he probably isn't.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Dating domino effect. And HELLO Teen Crush.

It occurred to me recently -- looking back at some of the guys I dated in the past year or so -- each new guy was, in some way, a direct improvement on his predecessor - a kind of dating domino effect:

* starting with UN -- nice enough, but a bit too staid
* Teen Crush -- more gregarious and outgoing than UN -- but didn't quite have his life "together"
* Good Voice -- his life / career seemed more together than Teen Crush -- but then there was that little problem of him lying about his age
* Great Smile -- much more age-appropriate for me than Good Voice was. AND he seems very personable... AND his life seems "together". On paper, so far so good.

Alas -- after our one date last weekend, Great Smile got so sick, he was out of the office for a few days (indeed - as several of you commented, good thing we didn't kiss on that first date!). We've e-mailed nearly every day this week, and while he said he's starting to feel better and would like to get together this week, no solid plans have been made. I'm well aware that he could disappear at a moment's notice -- abducted by aliens, no doubt -- but I remain hopeful that we'll at least get to a second date.

****************

In other news -- I recently got back in touch with Teen Crush, about four months after our breakup. JUST as friends.

Why, you ask, when things ended on a sour note? Here's the thing: I always liked him as a person -- I truly believe that he's a really good guy.

And recently, I was thisclose to having what could have been a devastating car accident. I'm 100% ok -- was just shaken up at the time -- but it made me re-evaluate some things in my life. He was one of those things.

One of my best friends is an ex-boyfriend from about 10 years ago -- sure, I was hurt at the time when things didn't work out for us as a couple. But today, he's one of my dearest friends, and I can't imagine not having him in my life.

So -- I wrote to TC -- a short HI, here's what's going on in my life, nearly had this crazy accident, just wanted to get back in touch.

He wrote back the same day, a very sweet, thoughtful e-mail: he was happy to hear from me, would like to be friends, and that it would be a shame not to be -- when he thinks of me, he always has good thoughts. He's been working on the west coast the past few months, but said when he comes back to NY in a month or so, he'd love to meet for a drink.

When I told my friend M about this exchange, her response was, remind me -- why did you two break up again?

If we hadn't broken up at that time, I'm sure it would have ended shortly after -- I don't believe in bi-coastal relationships. She reminded me -- you broke up for reasons to do with timing, and timing changes -- I'm just saying!

Anyway -- I'm in the mindset that we'll JUST be friends - let's see what happens from there.

But there is that part of me that's thinking that I might want to kiss him...

Monday, June 2, 2008

Date #110: Great Smile

Can a first date still be considered successful even if it doesn’t end with a kiss?

Had a fun, chatty night with Great Smile this weekend – one silly, easy conversation after the next. We spent four hours together, and probably would have stayed out later and drank more, except that he was starting to get a sore throat, and was actually losing his voice. It didn’t help that the noise level in the bar gradually increased in volume, until we could barely hear each other – we had to leave and find a quieter place. Man, we’re old farts.

Later, had a bit of a lingering goodbye -- in other circumstances, there might have been a real kiss goodnight at that moment. But the combination of the harsh lights of the subway platform and the fact that he may be coming down with something put the kibosh on any romantic possibilities. So we had one of those awkward hug/kiss combos.

Will there be a second date? I hope so. I thought we had a good connection. He’s someone I’d like to get to know better. But as we all know, there’s no formula to this crapshoot known as “dating”.

There is *one* thing -- his Match profile showed one pic of him with a beard, and three very cute pics without the beard. In real life, he was bearded. I prefer a clean shave. So, if this continues, we'll find out just how often he grows the fuzz!

No other potential dates at the moment – I’m expecting a busy week at work this week, so it will be good to have that distraction for now.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Mr. Dramatic

I’m in shock!

This morning, I discovered that I had a package with my doorman: a bag filled with all the little gifts I’d given Good Voice while we were dating -- his birthday gifts, plus small token gifts I’d picked up on the past few business trips (a magnet, a book, etc).

And a note: “[LV], Sad to see you have unfriended me [on Facebook]. I am returning your items to help assuage your anger. Xoxo, [GV]”

Shortly after, he texted me to let me know he left these things, signing off, “Be well”.

Asshole! WTF?

Backtracking: the day after our breakup, I e-mailed him, letting him know that I had discovered that he had lied about his age – and asked, why? My e-mail didn’t have an angry or bitter tone – I simply said that if we were going to be friends down the road, as he had hoped, then I needed him to be honest.

As expected – no response.

I realized I just needed to erase him from my life – I deleted his e-mail address and phone numbers, and deleted him as a Facebook friend.

After this morning’s dramatic gesture, I e-mailed him again, saying I wasn’t really surprised that he never responded to my inquiry about his age – and how could he NOT expect me to be angry, given that he lied to me more than once? (and… he’d forgotten to return one particular gift that I wanted back). I probably won’t hear from him – and I’m not going to lose any sleep over it.

*******
On to bigger and better!

I have a date this weekend with someone I’ll call Great Smile for now. It’s rare that I’m actually looking forward to a first date… but based on cute, witty e-mail exchanges with this guy, plus a fun, long phone conversation… I have a good vibe.

Of course, I know better than to think that good e-mail plus good phone equals great date. But let’s just say that already he seems much more my type than GV was… and much more age-appropriate!

Monday, May 26, 2008

Oh, sunny day!

What a difference a day makes! That, and a solid night of sleep.

Woke up today, and the sun was shining and the birds were singing. The Good Voice cloud had lifted, and once again, I found myself relieved that he was out of the picture. Yeah, dating still sucks, but at least now I feel that I can go back to having a good sense of humor about it.

Had a fabulous day biking with a friend today, and a fun evening singing karaoke with other friends. Life is good again.

As promised… a few updates:

FLIRT
Remember him? We flirted back in December, at a friend’s holiday party, just around the time things were going downhill with Teen Crush.

This guy has some intuition – we haven’t talked in months, but right as I was thinking I needed to have a talk with Good Voice, Flirt e-mailed me to invite me to his jazz performance the next night. I wrote back with a “maybe”.

After GV and I had the talk (part one – “the talk, lite”), that night I went to Flirt’s performance. (he puts on a good show, by the way) After, he asked if I wanted to get a drink. That drink lead to another drink, some meandering around charming downtown streets, some smooching, yet another drink, more smooching, more meandering, a stop in a late-night bakery for banana pudding, and yes, a bit more smooching… before we said goodnight at my door. (outside the door, in case you’re wondering.)

I’d consider keeping him in my back pocket for an occasional fun evening. He’s certainly not boyfriend material – for one, he’s a few years younger than I am. Ha! Since the (possible, but likely) discovery of GV’s real age, I came to realize that there is a 20 (twenty!) year difference between the two guys I’ve kissed this week! Kooky.

MIMI!
Finally met up with Mimi, of the well-written Sexagenarian and the City blog! As you’d expect, she’s lovely (in both looks and personality), vivacious, whip-smart – overall, just a fabulous person. It sounds like she’s really happy with her guy, Plan C (I got to see his picture – he’s dashing!). Turns out we have a degree of one person between us – she went to school with a woman who I occasionally encounter through work. Small world indeed!

Mimi, if you’re reading this – hope to see you again soon!

LAST NIGHT’S DATE -- #109
He was my 109th first date since my last serious relationship ended over 3 years ago. (and my first "first date" in nearly three months) His blog name shall be “Shlub”.

One of those “you know right away it’s a NO” situations – but gotta stick it out for an hour or so to seem polite. On the phone he had seemed interesting and quirky – in person, he was weird and complain-y. Seemed like an un-funny Woody Allen. A bit unkempt and greasy. My radar for detecting a good date by phone must be out of whack.

Alas – I also had two party invitations for last night, but by the time I was done with Shlub, I was too tired and too depressed to socialize.

BUT – today is a new day! I’m planning to ease gradually into dating again, but my main focus right now is on myself, my friends, my family, my work… and losing the five or so extra pounds that mysteriously appeared on my scale recently.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Disappointment

Had another talk with Good Voice last night (and this morning). And THIS time it’s really over. For good.

As I mentioned last time – we had decided we’d see each other casually, and I truly was fine with it. Relieved, even. So why not continue with our plans to go to dinner with a group of my friends?

Dinner was great, though too much heavy food. GV was his usual charming, friendly self with my friends. I had decided earlier I wouldn’t go back to his place, but maybe it was the wine that got the better of my judgment. There was a party in the apartment next door to his place, and we popped in and drank even more wine.

Back at his place, we were about to fall asleep, when I told him about a dream I’d had a few nights earlier, in which he was dating another woman. It never occurred to me to ask earlier (silly, naïve me), but this time I asked him, “were you dating other people when I was out of town?”

And I was shocked by the answer – yes, he had started dating other people. But (he said) he hadn’t slept with anyone, and there was nothing serious happening.

What happened next is a blur – we talked about it for a little bit, and tried to go to sleep. After he fell asleep, I went to the bathroom and started crying out of frustration. I wanted to leave, but people from the party next door were milling about in the hallway, and I couldn’t bear the thought of passing through with my tear-streamed face – passing people I’d just met a few hours earlier. (I know... I shouldn't care about these things, but at that moment, I did)

So I tried to sleep, but between the rich meal that had me running to the bathroom every half hour, and my feeling betrayed… I managed about a total of an hour of sleep, my head spinning with all the things I wanted to ask him.

This morning, he offered to drive me home before he went to pick up his son. I told him we had to talk first – he asked if we could talk in the car, but I said this had to be a proper, sit-down, face-to-face talk.

I unleashed everything that had been in my head all night. I reminded him that I had asked him several times along the way to just be up front and honest with me, including dating other people. I asked him why he had introduced me to his son if he was ambivalent about me, or introduced me to other people as his girlfriend. I told him I felt really hurt, betrayed and disappointed in him... that I felt more hurt now than I would have if he'd told me about his doubts BEFORE he started seeing other people. He was very apologetic, saying he never wanted to hurt me. We said all there was to say.

Anyway... it's all moot. Just a few days ago, I really WAS relieved that it was over with him, as it wasn’t going anywhere anyway, and I was trying to generate stronger feelings for him than I actually felt. Maybe I’m upset about this because I’m sleep deprived, or suffering from PMS – and that’s magnifying this feeling of being rejected.

I think it’s just indicative of the big picture -- I'm just frustrated with the whole dating machine. It really, really sucks.

**********
More to write about … later:
· The other night with Flirt (note: *after* GV and I had had “the talk”)
· Meeting Mimi – finally!
· Date tonight – seems like a nice enough guy, but the way I feel now, I’m wondering if I should cancel. Or… maybe the way I feel now is the reason WHY I should go out with this new guy, and have the best time possible.

ps...
A big THANK YOU to all my wonderful friends who have (already!) been giving me heaps of support and party invitations! Much appreciated!!! I love you all!

UPDATE: I *may* have caught GV in a lie: ever since we started dating, I suspected he may have been lying about his age. IF the two different search websites I just checked (thanks, Mimi!) are indeed correct, his actual age is 51, not 47, as he first told me. It's only four years... but it sets the tone that it's OK to lie. Creepy asshole.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

And that’s that. Again.

I had “The Talk” with Good Voice. Seems that we might continue to see each other, but with no expectations.

Seemingly out of nowhere, right? Well… not so much.

Truth be told – I didn’t want to admit it here (or really to myself) – while I thought GV was a great guy, I never really felt that kind of feeling for him. I actually tried to create those feelings for him – after all, he’s a wonderful guy – sweet, smart, successful. I thought that I *should* have felt more for him than I was actually feeling.

In the beginning, I was swept up in the excitement of this cool guy – and the attention he lavished on me didn’t hurt either. As time went on, and the “new” excitement wore off, I started to see our differences more and more.

When we first met, he mentioned that he did want to get married again at some point, and he did want to have more kids. Somehow, we revisited this topic just before my trip… but now he was saying that he wasn’t sure what he wanted, on both counts. Oh. That, coupled with my lingering doubts about him – well, what the hell were we doing anyway?

We had a little getaway this weekend – in the back of my head, I felt this was “make or break” time. We had a nice time together, but it wasn’t exactly the warm, sweet vibe you want in a lovely setting like that.

After coming back, and after digesting the weekend for a bit, I had to bring up the talk. He understood. It was a friendly, civilized talk, and we're still going ahead with plans for a big group dinner with some of my friends this weekend.

So – that’s how we got here. And I’m 100% OK with it – a bit relieved, actually. I didn’t have quite the emotional investment I had with Teen Crush (almost forgot his blog name for a minute!), so I’ll be just fine.

And … seeing as I pre-paid for six fricking months of J-date just around the time I met Good Voice, I’m certainly going to get my money’s worth now! (though I just had a quick look, and I’m not really impressed)

*******
In other Guy News: had a platonic lunch with Cute Chef today. I mentioned him a while ago – he’s the chef / owner of the uber-trendy restaurant on my block – and I had the hots for him some time back.

Now we’re just in the Friend Zone, which is just fine. (oh yes, and he has a girlfriend now anyway!) He’s still a cutie, and we’re better off being just friends anyway. I don’t know if I could date a chef – the hours are crazy. (sorry, LKL, I know you’ll disagree with me! But I’m right!)

********
Another update in the Guy Newsletter: Flirt e-mailed me yesterday, inviting me to his gig tonight (he’s a jazz musician). I just might go… it doesn’t hurt that it’s only about three blocks from my apartment. He also happened to mention that he’s newly single. Well – whattaya know…

***********
And this is neither here nor there, but I saw Minnie Driver on the street today. She looked radiant.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Puppy-Boy

My friends generally consider me to be an open, friendly social sort. Sometimes, a bit too much.

This was apparent this weekend: I was on the subway en route to a friend’s party. The guy next to me starts up a conversation, mainly about the subway delays, etc. He was adorable in a 20-something-puppy-boy way – seriously, if he were a dog, he’d be spinning in circles, chasing his own tail. I quickly dropped into conversation some info about a recent bike ride my “boyfriend” and I had taken… just so it was out there.

No matter. He still chats away, the sweet little thing. We got off at the same stop, where I was connecting to another subway line to meet a friend en route to the party.

I don’t know why, but next thing I knew, I had invited Puppy-Boy to accompany us to the party. He accepts. I figured, the party was bound to be filled with fun, cool, people… so what’s one more?

Met up at the next subway with friend E, who didn’t seem at all surprised that I’d found a new friend. Puppy-Boy continues to chat away (more chasing his own tail)… and we quickly discover that he’s a bit ADD-ish, hopping from one topic to the next.

At the party, Puppy-Boy quickly befriends everyone in the place, in his friendly, loud, goofy manner. The hostess, my friend Party Girl, asks if he came with me – I stammered, “um, yeah, he’s kind of a new friend”, thinking that if he were to burn the house down or steal the family jewels, it would be a bit embarrassing to admit that I’d picked him up on the subway a half-hour earlier.

Luckily, there were no major mishaps – actually, Puppy-Boy was quite handy with the grill, and did a great job keeping everyone’s plates filled. AND I spotted him helping to clean up, unasked.

If he were 10 years older, I’d consider introducing him to some of my single friends… but alas, he’s just a young pup…

Friday, May 16, 2008

I like big ducks and I cannot lie

(slightly tipsy post, but the story was so hilarious I had to share it right away!)

Met some friends for drinks tonight. Many drinks into the evening, and we're sharing online dating stories. J’s story was so hilarious, I made her repeat it for any friends who came along later in the night:

She had exchanged a few e-mails with a new guy, when he asked for her number. A few days later he texts her (note: texts, not calls), asking if she was free that night. Damned if she was going to be someone’s last minute plans (especially if he was too lazy to call!), so after a few exchanged texts, they made plans to meet a few days later.

Later that night, she gets another text from this same guy, asking, “Do you like big d*cks?” (verbatim, including the asterisk) As if his inclusion of the asterisk would make his query more polite, somehow?

After pondering for a while how to respond to this unexpected text, she finally decides that a short and to-the-point response was best: “Lose my number”.

The next day he texted her, apologizing (“I’m sorry, I was drunk!), and e-mailed a similar apology AND tried to call her (no message). Of course, she didn’t bother responding, smart cookie that she is.

****

After hearing this story, I (jokingly!) tried to play devil’s advocate: maybe he meant DUCKS? Like the guys in the big Daffy Duck costumes you see at Disneyland? Or maybe he meant DOCKS? We have some rather oversized docks here in NYC…?

But seriously folks! WTF is with some of these guys? Actually, we should be grateful for them, in a way, for all the blog fodder they provide.

And – they make normal guys like Good Voice look that much better.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

The reunion

I’m back!

Had a wonderful trip – part business trip, part vacation – but I’m happy to be back home in my wonderful New York, all blooming and spring-like.

While I was away, I was in touch with Good Voice on a regular basis – mostly e-mail, a few phone calls, usually sprinkled with some “miss you”s. Had our reunion this weekend – sexy and passionate – but at the same time, I feel that we need to get re-acquainted with each other a bit. After all, when you’ve been dating someone for just a few months, a few weeks apart is a rather big chunk of time.

I’m doing my best to live in the present these days – not just with GV, but overall in life. Sure, a part of me is noticing that he doesn’t seem quite as effusive as he was in those early days – but part of staying in the present is keeping in mind that he has already asked when we can see each other again. We’ve also talked about taking a short out-of-town trip together soon. I just can’t shake that “waiting for the other shoe to drop” feeling that sometimes permeates my new relationships.

I did such a good job of NOT stressing about him these past few weeks while I was away – I really shouldn’t start now!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Hiatus

A few weeks ago, I wrote that I was feeling pretty confident that GV was quite into me – but it seems that now, he’s just not as effusive as he was then. Must stop overthinking things, and keep in mind that there’s bound to be an ebb and flow in a relationship – especially in a new relationship. (while paying attention to any potential warning signs!).

At the same time… this week, in a group setting, he (pleasantly) surprised me by introducing me to someone as “my girlfriend, [LV]”. It’s just that old “wait and see” game, isn’t it? I’ve never been good at that one – patience is NOT my strong point.

And now –we’re about to go on hiatus, of a sort. I’m heading out of town this week, to be gone for several weeks. On my last business trip, GV and I kept in touch regularly, so we’ll just have to see what this latest separation brings. We’ve already talked about planning another little getaway together when I return, so that’s something to look forward to.

In case I don’t have a chance to write from the road, Happy Spring, everyone!

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

The fear

Despite a lovely weekend with Good Voice – walks in the woods... cuddling in front of a fireplace, getting sleepy from the heat and red wine – I’m currently wrapped up inside my own head, and can’t seem to find a way out.

I feel that I’m getting “the fear”.

The fear that we may have too much of an age difference. The fear that I might start to really like him, but not vice versa. The fear that he may like me, but not vice versa. The fear that this might not work out, and I’ll have to get “out there” again. The fear that I’ll never find someone to fall in love with me again.

I know… way too much overthinking. By all accounts, this seems like it’s going well – we already have plans set for later this week.

UPDATE: while I was brooding and writing the above (it didn’t help that I had a massive fight via e-mail, text AND voicemail with an acquaintance today, and was in a crappy mood), my best friend D called to say she was having dinner and drinks with some friends nearby and I just HAD to join them.

Spirits are much better now. Perspective has been gained. At the moment, am able to just chill, and take this day by day. (emphasis on "at the moment")

Saturday, April 5, 2008

When it rains, it truly pours

Good Voice updates for this week – brace yourself, some big developments here!
1. I took him out for his birthday (you knew that was coming)
2. I met his teenage son (I can hear a collective, “I didn’t know he had a son!”. Details to follow)
3. We’re going away for (part of) the weekend.
4. I’m really falling in “like” with this guy.

Starting with the birthday: he was wowed by the royal treatment we received at the cozy new restaurant I had chosen (my friend knows the owner, put in the good word for me). I partially ignored your advice, and had compiled a small bag of gifts – nothing extravagant – a book I knew he would like, as well as some silly, some kitschy little gifts. He was very touched by this – said the whole evening made him feel special. (I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy and smiley just thinking about the night!)

Other big development – meeting his son. I mentioned earlier, GV is a few years older than I am – and yes, he has a teenage son. On one of our early dates, I heard him talking to his son on the phone – the warmth and love in his voice was very endearing.

A few hours before GV and I were to go out for his birthday, he casually e-mailed me, asking if I’d like to meet at his place – and I could meet GV Jr., who would be there that night.

I immediately got so nervous, I developed a stomachache and actually felt a bit queasy for much of the afternoon (it’s a good thing I don’t get nervous all that often, since there’s the problem of this terrible side effect!). Lots of deep breaths as I took the elevator up to his place. And I met him – a sweet, good-looking, polite, just plain normal teenager. Some casual conversation about school and TV shows before GV and I left for dinner.

In the taxi to the restaurant, I told GV that I was touched and honored that he wanted me to meet his son. I really wish I could remember things as they’re said verbatim – in my nervousness it becomes a big blur – but he said something like, “well, that’s pretty indicative of how I feel about you”. Wow. (once again, I’m getting that lovely, giddy feeling as I’m sitting here typing, trying to recapture that moment!).

The next Big Thing: we’re going to a lovely B&B for part of the weekend, leaving tomorrow – our first time spending a significant chunk of time together. He chose the place, and I’m thrilled just thinking about it.

For the first time, I’m starting to allow myself to think, we may really have something here! He’s a wonderful, funny, smart, cute, vivacious guy – and he seems into me as well. I’m a little nervous about a longer-than-usual business trip I have coming up later this month, wondering what kind of effect a few weeks apart will have on our fledgling relationship. Will just have to enjoy the moments together until that time, and continue to hope for the best.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

The "B" word...?

This was a first: Good Voice met some of my friends this weekend at an informal dinner party. AND he mentioned the “B” word. (which B word, you ask? Read on…)

Whenever you bring a new romantic interest to a gathering like this, it provides new insight into his personality. Does he mingle easily with others? Or does he cling to you, expecting you to entertain him?

Thankfully (but not surprisingly) – Good Voice passed with flying colors. He was charming and amicable, and was happy to chat with people on his own if I happened to be in another room. After, he told me that he was happy to have been introduced to that part of my world. Later, the report from two friends was an enthusiastic “I like him!”.

Another development: earlier in the night, when we were heading to the party, GV asked me about his choice of clothing. He was dressed in all black, and asked something along the lines of "will your friends think your boyfriend is depressed if he's wearing all black?". Hmmm... did someone say boyfriend?! (we’ve yet to have “THE” talk)

I reassured him that he looked very nice, and was dressed appropriately – but in the back of my mind I was savoring his use of the B word. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him about it jokingly – but I felt that even joking about it would carry some weight, leading to a discussion about “us”. And I’m feeling resolute that it’s still too early for that – and that I want HIM to be the one to bring it up – eventually.

However, I later came to sense that he may have used this B word loosely, and he probably doesn't think about semantics the way I do. This seemed apparent when we talked about a guy my friend M has been seeing -- GV made a reference to her "boyfriend", and I corrected him, saying the guy wasn't a boyfriend, more of a fling. He dismissed it, "oh, whatever". Ah.

Regardless, things seem to be moving along nicely. I’m liking him more and more – which is slowly resulting in more angst-ridden thoughts of how much does he like me – where is this going – will we be OK even though I have a lengthy out-of-town trip coming up? (more on that later)

So much for all my mellow / relaxed / one-day-at-a-time blather! Oy -- I should have known that was too good to last!

Friday, March 28, 2008

Birthday dilemma

Good Voice's birthday is coming up soon.

So far, I have a surprise dinner planned at a romantic-sounding new restaurant -- it sounds like it'll be a lovely evening, though not over-the-top expensive. I've thought about also buying him a gift certificate for a class in which he's expressed interest... but do you think that's too much?

My friend M suggested that in a case like this, perhaps less is more. After all, it hasn't even been two months since our first date (with occasional gaps due to one of us being out of town). We haven't had the "exclusive" talk yet, but we either talk on the phone or e-mail quite regularly, about every other day.

In a nutshell: I like this guy, and would like to do something thoughtful for him. But should I save these gestures for down the road, if / when we're a bit more established?

Thoughts?

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Hi honey, I'm home!

Got back a few days ago from my business trip – it was one of those places where the people were lovely and hospitable, and the food was wayyyy too good! I think I’ve put on a few pounds this past week, will have to get into “warrior woman” workout mode to take them off, stat.

I was in touch with Good Voice a few times over the week, and even got to hear his lovely, deep voice on the phone a few times. He made it clear that he missed me, and was looking forward to seeing me when I came home.

I was quite busy during my trip, and didn’t have a whole lot of time to pine for him – but at one point, while sending a late-night e-mail to a friend about him, I had a sudden longing for him. And it felt good to miss him, knowing that he was missing me as well.

I’m feeling a good vibe here… and yet it’s not that drunken, heady feeling that I had in the beginning with TC. Maybe that’s a good thing? As I told shrink recently – even from the beginning with TC, I felt like it was too good to last, that I’d have the rug pulled out from under me. Looking back, the rug wasn’t exactly pulled out – but the warning signs that he didn’t really want to get serious were there (after a month or so), I just chose to ignore them at the time.

I don’t feel that with Good Voice. It really does feel like a nice, mellow, “one day at a time” vibe. Maybe because I feel pretty confident that he likes me as well? Maybe it’s because, even before I left town, we had already made plans for when I returned -- and he called and e'd regularly while I was away.

Funny – as I recently wrote to a friend: I find that I’m NOT obsessing about him as much as I usually do over other guys, and find myself worrying about THAT fact… does this mean I don’t like him that much? Oy! It never ends! (no worry, this is just a thought that has crossed my mind… I’m not dwelling on it!).

******
Did you read about the interesting coincidence with Cute Jewess? A few weeks ago, we nearly had dates with the same guy, Zoolander, on the same day (he was going to meet me for lunch, and meet her for an after-work drink). Alas, I got slammed at work, and had to cancel – but that would have made for a great story!

He recently dropped a line to see if we could re-schedule, but I’m going to write back and let him know that I’m seeing someone exclusively now.

******
On that note – GV and I haven’t had the “exclusive” talk yet. But guess what? For once, I’m not in a hurry to stick on the “boyfriend / girlfriend” label. When it happens, it happens. At this moment, I don’t need that to feel that we may* have a good thing going here.

* “may” because it’s still early, and I’m trying to stay realistic and somewhat cautious.