Monday, February 25, 2008

The pros and cons of serial dating

** Good for the ego. There’s something to be said for looking at your calendar, and realizing you have five dates lined up in the next week.

** More possibilities = more chances to meet someone you just might jive with.

** I tend to project a bit too early (if I really like a guy, by the second date I may find myself wondering, hmm, would we eventually move into my place or his?) – having other options / distractions helps me turn down the crazy a little bit.

** It can become easy to forget what stories have been shared with which guys. One time, I was IM-ing with a guy I hadn’t yet met (we’d exchanged a few e-mails) – and I told him I hoped he was feeling better, thinking he was a guy who had been sick earlier that week. He called me on it – and did NOT have a good sense of humor about it.

** Even an hour spent on a bad first date can be agonizing – time better spent at the gym, or with friends / family, or volunteering, or just about ANYTHING else. However, I’ve gotten better at trusting my gut, and realizing that no connection by phone generally means no connection in person.

** These dates generally involve alcohol and sometimes food – too much of both (and fewer nights at the gym) can quickly lead to a few extra pounds.

** The tedium of telling yet another new person about your work / life / adventures, etc.

Man update – recent dates:

Fun Bobby: we had a second date – dinner, a cocktail lounge. It was a fun time, with a bit of smooching at the end of the night. He seems quite keen, asking to make plans for the next date even before the night was over, then e-mailing me after he got home. However, these days, I’m allll about taking it slowly. And I’m trying to keep in mind that, in my experience, guys who come on super-strong fade away just as quickly.

One day at a time – anyway, I’m too busy at the moment to see him for another week or so.

Neighbor Dude: date #107. I had a great time with him, and I’d definitely see him again – but I just need to wrap my head around the fact that looks-wise, he’s not my usual “type”. I’m trying to keep an open mind – since I haven’t had much luck lately with guys who supposedly are my type, then maybe it’s time to change the idea of what my “type” may be?

He certainly IS my type in that he seems smart, fun, funny, and open-minded. AND he lives nearby, and shares my enthusiasm for exploring different facets of our wonderful neighborhood. I know, I know… I don’t need to decide today if I’m going to marry him. Simple question: would I like to see him again for another date? Simple answer: yes. That’s all I need to think about right now.

I’d love to hear your thoughts – what do YOU think are some pros / cons of serial dating?


midnite99 said...

I think you hit all the pros and cons pretty well! Honestly, for me that's one of the best things about blogging -- if I write about a date (or e-mail a friend about it, if I don't want to put it online), it helps me remember the details a lot better.

Fun Bobby sounds - well, fun! As for Neighbor Dude - it's OK if he's not your usual "type," as long as you feel some degree of attraction. Just be honest with yourself, that's the best thing you can do.

Samantha said...

My pros and cons are the same as yours. Weight gain is the biggest con and it's so funny because you want to look good on these dates, but dating makes you gain weight so it's just a vicious cycle!

jgo said...

From a guy's perspective:

*keep your options open, see who you best click with
*good practice of your game

*with so many options, are you really giving people a chance?
*food+drink+less gym = weight gain. I'm not naturally skinny, hell im not even skinny when i work out
*money - even if you just do drinks, it can get costly. I need to listen to my friend who recently told me: if the date isnt good then shes not worth more then one drink. But how do you escape a date within 30 minutes? I always drink my first drink quickly.

When I date multiple people, i tend to get really guilty about it. You ladies ever feel that?

eva said...

Looks like you've got your hands full there.

Dating Trooper - Dating is Warfare said...

A few pros:
* Sushi (I rarely have it except on first dates when I am pretty sure the guy is paying - I know, terrible, but true.

* After a few bad dates and a rejection or two, you start to get thicker skin and maybe even a sense of humor about the whole thing.

As for cons:
* When your schedule is chock full 'o dates, you tend to forget that there are other things in life worth dedicating your emotional energy too. What I mean is, you spend ALL your time thinking about being single and your efforts NOT to be single anymore. That can get really sad and tiring after awhile.

* And jgo, yes, for the most part we do feel guilty when we date more than one person. Heck, that's what half these lady dating blogs are about! We try to say we shouldn't feel bad (and we shouldn't), but we do anyway. Good to know at least some guys feel the same!

Loverville said...

As far as feeling guilty: as long as I'm still within the early dates with someone, I have no problem seeing other people.

Once I reach 5, 6, 7 dates with a guy, chances are pretty good that I like him enough to date only him by that point.

DT: very true, you do need to keep things in perspective, re: NOT letting this take over your life! I tend to serial date in cycles... after 5 dates this week, I'll probably be tired of dating, and will ease up next week.

mimi of sexagenarian and the city said...

PROs: ego boost; my nails look good [no date, no new polish until i need it]; i actually stay _thinner_, because i need to fit into and look nice in my dating clothes, and i eat very, very little on dates ['cheap date', yes] and drink only one glass of pinot grigio diluted with water; keeps me hopeful, because i think, gee, maybe i won't be lonely forever after all!

CONs: it's hard work; like an actress putting on a performance, getting the costume and makeup ready night after night; when a lot in a row are no-go, it's a bit of a downer (will i _ever_ meet someone? how many more of these do i have to endure? does my doorman think i work for an escort service?); and you begin to long for an emotional connection.

but in my experience, something good often comes out of a lot of dates... if you have that many, lv, you must be projecting something Good.

a&v said...

Wow, between you and your noters I think the pros/cons have been covered! (interesting that jgo feels guilty when serial dating--how endearing in a guy! I tend to feel guilty, too.)

How great to have a couple of guys on the line. Any day now I'll rejoin the search. It just takes so much energy, you know?

Anonymous said...

I think you covered them well but a real con is not giving your current date a real chance, a kind of attitude like hmm, he's nice but maybe something is missing, let's see what tomorrow's date brings... Personally, although it is fun to go out I do think if you are ultimately looking for "the one" you will not find him in the midst of serial dating. jess

meg said...

I would go for the neighbor dude. Fun Bobby seems like the clingy type, given enough time. :-(

kelsea parker said...

Well this is something to think about.