THANK YOU, everyone, for your feedback to my latest dating query.
After discussing with shrink, and telling her that, in my gut this just didn’t feel right, I sent an e-mail to Fun Bobby that I thought it best for us to not see each other right now. I didn’t feel the need to go into detail, but told him that certainly, if he wanted to call me to discuss this, he should feel free to do so.
A few of your comments hit home – how would I want to be treated in this situation? It reminded me of my situation with TC a few months ago – I sensed for a while before we broke up that he was losing interest, but I was afraid to ask (deep down, I knew what the answer would be). When we actually broke up, I asked him why he hadn’t brought this up sooner – his response was that he didn’t want us to break up just before the holidays and just before I was leaving the country for a few weeks. What wound up happening was that even though I was on vacation, I was still pretty miserable, wondering what was happening with “us”. It sucked. In retrospect, I wish we had nipped that thing in the bud earlier.
With that in mind, I feel like I did the right thing with FB. Now just waiting for his response.
I had a lovely conversation with Good Voice earlier today, and it’s pretty clear that we’re both excited to see each other again later this week.
And yet – in the meantime, I had a date with a new guy tonight (which we had arranged last week) – my 108th first date in the past three years. And guess what – that didn’t feel right either.
Let’s just call him Nice Guy. Nice Guy, under other circumstances, could have been a contender (no, I’m not trying to evoke Marlon Brando here). Smart, reasonably good-looking, interesting, well-traveled. And yet – I kept thinking about Good Voice, wishing I were there with HIM, holding his hand instead of trying to think of things to say to the perfectly nice guy sitting across from me.
I wrote earlier that I had planned to still date other guys as a distraction from Good Voice until I get to know him better – but now that just doesn’t feel right. I feel like I’m just using them – and in a sense, I am.
I’m thinking that there has to be other ways to stay level-headed about a guy in these early days of dating, without dating other guys for sport. I’m happy that I have lots of plans with friends in the near future – that’s a good distraction. Work is also keeping me busy these days. And – I’ve been meaning to blog about this, more details to come – I’ve embarked on a new “10 in 10” plan (lose 10 lbs in 10 weeks), which means I’m going to try to spend more time in the gym – another good distraction.
I’m open to any advice! What’s YOUR suggestion for turning down the crazy in the early days of dating someone with potential?
UPDATE: got a response from Fun Bobby that he appreciated my honesty, and that he had sensed that I wasn't fully into this. A few e-mails exchanged after that -- he truly is a very nice guy -- I could see us staying friends.