Tuesday, April 8, 2008

The fear

Despite a lovely weekend with Good Voice – walks in the woods... cuddling in front of a fireplace, getting sleepy from the heat and red wine – I’m currently wrapped up inside my own head, and can’t seem to find a way out.

I feel that I’m getting “the fear”.

The fear that we may have too much of an age difference. The fear that I might start to really like him, but not vice versa. The fear that he may like me, but not vice versa. The fear that this might not work out, and I’ll have to get “out there” again. The fear that I’ll never find someone to fall in love with me again.

I know… way too much overthinking. By all accounts, this seems like it’s going well – we already have plans set for later this week.

UPDATE: while I was brooding and writing the above (it didn’t help that I had a massive fight via e-mail, text AND voicemail with an acquaintance today, and was in a crappy mood), my best friend D called to say she was having dinner and drinks with some friends nearby and I just HAD to join them.

Spirits are much better now. Perspective has been gained. At the moment, am able to just chill, and take this day by day. (emphasis on "at the moment")

9 comments:

bella said...

Can I just tell you: I KNOW what you mean! I just had to applaud you for your honesty in this blogpost about what it really feels like to be single and vulnerable in the dating world. Ain't it the truth: Anxiety is a girl's best friend. :-)

midnite99 said...

Nothing like drinks with friends to put things into perspective, right? I'm glad you are feeling more relaxed, it sounds like you had a fabulous weekend, and I hope things continue to go well!

mimi of sexagenarian and the city said...

i wonder what 'too much of an age difference' means. a friend of mine was very happily married for years to a man 20 years older; they had one child, and he died at 60. after a number of years she married a man 15 years older, and then they had a child. they're still married, very happily. it's late at night and i'm not putting this very subtly, but the point is simply that if you love one another and are happy together, you won't care about the age difference. don't worry about conventional paradigms, e.g., the man must be taller, older, richer, more successful, same religion as you, etc etc. Go with what works for you, and screw convention. [bedtime for me, as my prose style no doubt indicates!]

Samantha said...

I totally know what you mean. Friends are great to take you out of your head and shake you sometimes, aren't they?

London-Lass said...

Good luck with your `chilling' - I was never very good at this and it's a wonder I ever made it through the early days of dating :) O, and by the way, there's nowt wrong with getting `the fear'. It's not paranoia, it's self preservation. Good luck with Good Voice :)

Single Girl said...

We all know "the fear" and it's really a pain! So don't worry about it too much. Having great friends to help you work through it is the best.

Anonymous said...

I know what you mean, but do yourself a HUGE favor and do not overthink. You may not want to share this ,but what is the age difference? I am guessing it is not really all that much. Pls don't worry about it. Just enjoy what you have and know that it is moving in the right direction (and of course, pick up on the signs if if stops flowing nicely), eva

Heather said...

Look at Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher! It could work ya know--I know, I know they're celebs but still-they are human! I don't think the age difference should put you in a state of fear. Your other fears are certainly understandable and I think anyone starting a new r'ship has fears such as that. Have a good time. If you like him-enjoy that feeling. I would imagine the feeling is mutual-why else would he introduce you to his son and take you away for a weekend?!

a&v said...

As evidenced by my blog, I know The Fear so well! I've come to believe that it's part of the whole Process--but the sooner we can get rid of it the better. Dinner and drinks is a great solution--and I hope The Fear has waned considerably since!