Thursday, May 29, 2008

Mr. Dramatic

I’m in shock!

This morning, I discovered that I had a package with my doorman: a bag filled with all the little gifts I’d given Good Voice while we were dating -- his birthday gifts, plus small token gifts I’d picked up on the past few business trips (a magnet, a book, etc).

And a note: “[LV], Sad to see you have unfriended me [on Facebook]. I am returning your items to help assuage your anger. Xoxo, [GV]”

Shortly after, he texted me to let me know he left these things, signing off, “Be well”.

Asshole! WTF?

Backtracking: the day after our breakup, I e-mailed him, letting him know that I had discovered that he had lied about his age – and asked, why? My e-mail didn’t have an angry or bitter tone – I simply said that if we were going to be friends down the road, as he had hoped, then I needed him to be honest.

As expected – no response.

I realized I just needed to erase him from my life – I deleted his e-mail address and phone numbers, and deleted him as a Facebook friend.

After this morning’s dramatic gesture, I e-mailed him again, saying I wasn’t really surprised that he never responded to my inquiry about his age – and how could he NOT expect me to be angry, given that he lied to me more than once? (and… he’d forgotten to return one particular gift that I wanted back). I probably won’t hear from him – and I’m not going to lose any sleep over it.

*******
On to bigger and better!

I have a date this weekend with someone I’ll call Great Smile for now. It’s rare that I’m actually looking forward to a first date… but based on cute, witty e-mail exchanges with this guy, plus a fun, long phone conversation… I have a good vibe.

Of course, I know better than to think that good e-mail plus good phone equals great date. But let’s just say that already he seems much more my type than GV was… and much more age-appropriate!

Monday, May 26, 2008

Oh, sunny day!

What a difference a day makes! That, and a solid night of sleep.

Woke up today, and the sun was shining and the birds were singing. The Good Voice cloud had lifted, and once again, I found myself relieved that he was out of the picture. Yeah, dating still sucks, but at least now I feel that I can go back to having a good sense of humor about it.

Had a fabulous day biking with a friend today, and a fun evening singing karaoke with other friends. Life is good again.

As promised… a few updates:

FLIRT
Remember him? We flirted back in December, at a friend’s holiday party, just around the time things were going downhill with Teen Crush.

This guy has some intuition – we haven’t talked in months, but right as I was thinking I needed to have a talk with Good Voice, Flirt e-mailed me to invite me to his jazz performance the next night. I wrote back with a “maybe”.

After GV and I had the talk (part one – “the talk, lite”), that night I went to Flirt’s performance. (he puts on a good show, by the way) After, he asked if I wanted to get a drink. That drink lead to another drink, some meandering around charming downtown streets, some smooching, yet another drink, more smooching, more meandering, a stop in a late-night bakery for banana pudding, and yes, a bit more smooching… before we said goodnight at my door. (outside the door, in case you’re wondering.)

I’d consider keeping him in my back pocket for an occasional fun evening. He’s certainly not boyfriend material – for one, he’s a few years younger than I am. Ha! Since the (possible, but likely) discovery of GV’s real age, I came to realize that there is a 20 (twenty!) year difference between the two guys I’ve kissed this week! Kooky.

MIMI!
Finally met up with Mimi, of the well-written Sexagenarian and the City blog! As you’d expect, she’s lovely (in both looks and personality), vivacious, whip-smart – overall, just a fabulous person. It sounds like she’s really happy with her guy, Plan C (I got to see his picture – he’s dashing!). Turns out we have a degree of one person between us – she went to school with a woman who I occasionally encounter through work. Small world indeed!

Mimi, if you’re reading this – hope to see you again soon!

LAST NIGHT’S DATE -- #109
He was my 109th first date since my last serious relationship ended over 3 years ago. (and my first "first date" in nearly three months) His blog name shall be “Shlub”.

One of those “you know right away it’s a NO” situations – but gotta stick it out for an hour or so to seem polite. On the phone he had seemed interesting and quirky – in person, he was weird and complain-y. Seemed like an un-funny Woody Allen. A bit unkempt and greasy. My radar for detecting a good date by phone must be out of whack.

Alas – I also had two party invitations for last night, but by the time I was done with Shlub, I was too tired and too depressed to socialize.

BUT – today is a new day! I’m planning to ease gradually into dating again, but my main focus right now is on myself, my friends, my family, my work… and losing the five or so extra pounds that mysteriously appeared on my scale recently.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Disappointment

Had another talk with Good Voice last night (and this morning). And THIS time it’s really over. For good.

As I mentioned last time – we had decided we’d see each other casually, and I truly was fine with it. Relieved, even. So why not continue with our plans to go to dinner with a group of my friends?

Dinner was great, though too much heavy food. GV was his usual charming, friendly self with my friends. I had decided earlier I wouldn’t go back to his place, but maybe it was the wine that got the better of my judgment. There was a party in the apartment next door to his place, and we popped in and drank even more wine.

Back at his place, we were about to fall asleep, when I told him about a dream I’d had a few nights earlier, in which he was dating another woman. It never occurred to me to ask earlier (silly, na├»ve me), but this time I asked him, “were you dating other people when I was out of town?”

And I was shocked by the answer – yes, he had started dating other people. But (he said) he hadn’t slept with anyone, and there was nothing serious happening.

What happened next is a blur – we talked about it for a little bit, and tried to go to sleep. After he fell asleep, I went to the bathroom and started crying out of frustration. I wanted to leave, but people from the party next door were milling about in the hallway, and I couldn’t bear the thought of passing through with my tear-streamed face – passing people I’d just met a few hours earlier. (I know... I shouldn't care about these things, but at that moment, I did)

So I tried to sleep, but between the rich meal that had me running to the bathroom every half hour, and my feeling betrayed… I managed about a total of an hour of sleep, my head spinning with all the things I wanted to ask him.

This morning, he offered to drive me home before he went to pick up his son. I told him we had to talk first – he asked if we could talk in the car, but I said this had to be a proper, sit-down, face-to-face talk.

I unleashed everything that had been in my head all night. I reminded him that I had asked him several times along the way to just be up front and honest with me, including dating other people. I asked him why he had introduced me to his son if he was ambivalent about me, or introduced me to other people as his girlfriend. I told him I felt really hurt, betrayed and disappointed in him... that I felt more hurt now than I would have if he'd told me about his doubts BEFORE he started seeing other people. He was very apologetic, saying he never wanted to hurt me. We said all there was to say.

Anyway... it's all moot. Just a few days ago, I really WAS relieved that it was over with him, as it wasn’t going anywhere anyway, and I was trying to generate stronger feelings for him than I actually felt. Maybe I’m upset about this because I’m sleep deprived, or suffering from PMS – and that’s magnifying this feeling of being rejected.

I think it’s just indicative of the big picture -- I'm just frustrated with the whole dating machine. It really, really sucks.

**********
More to write about … later:
· The other night with Flirt (note: *after* GV and I had had “the talk”)
· Meeting Mimi – finally!
· Date tonight – seems like a nice enough guy, but the way I feel now, I’m wondering if I should cancel. Or… maybe the way I feel now is the reason WHY I should go out with this new guy, and have the best time possible.

ps...
A big THANK YOU to all my wonderful friends who have (already!) been giving me heaps of support and party invitations! Much appreciated!!! I love you all!

UPDATE: I *may* have caught GV in a lie: ever since we started dating, I suspected he may have been lying about his age. IF the two different search websites I just checked (thanks, Mimi!) are indeed correct, his actual age is 51, not 47, as he first told me. It's only four years... but it sets the tone that it's OK to lie. Creepy asshole.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

And that’s that. Again.

I had “The Talk” with Good Voice. Seems that we might continue to see each other, but with no expectations.

Seemingly out of nowhere, right? Well… not so much.

Truth be told – I didn’t want to admit it here (or really to myself) – while I thought GV was a great guy, I never really felt that kind of feeling for him. I actually tried to create those feelings for him – after all, he’s a wonderful guy – sweet, smart, successful. I thought that I *should* have felt more for him than I was actually feeling.

In the beginning, I was swept up in the excitement of this cool guy – and the attention he lavished on me didn’t hurt either. As time went on, and the “new” excitement wore off, I started to see our differences more and more.

When we first met, he mentioned that he did want to get married again at some point, and he did want to have more kids. Somehow, we revisited this topic just before my trip… but now he was saying that he wasn’t sure what he wanted, on both counts. Oh. That, coupled with my lingering doubts about him – well, what the hell were we doing anyway?

We had a little getaway this weekend – in the back of my head, I felt this was “make or break” time. We had a nice time together, but it wasn’t exactly the warm, sweet vibe you want in a lovely setting like that.

After coming back, and after digesting the weekend for a bit, I had to bring up the talk. He understood. It was a friendly, civilized talk, and we're still going ahead with plans for a big group dinner with some of my friends this weekend.

So – that’s how we got here. And I’m 100% OK with it – a bit relieved, actually. I didn’t have quite the emotional investment I had with Teen Crush (almost forgot his blog name for a minute!), so I’ll be just fine.

And … seeing as I pre-paid for six fricking months of J-date just around the time I met Good Voice, I’m certainly going to get my money’s worth now! (though I just had a quick look, and I’m not really impressed)

*******
In other Guy News: had a platonic lunch with Cute Chef today. I mentioned him a while ago – he’s the chef / owner of the uber-trendy restaurant on my block – and I had the hots for him some time back.

Now we’re just in the Friend Zone, which is just fine. (oh yes, and he has a girlfriend now anyway!) He’s still a cutie, and we’re better off being just friends anyway. I don’t know if I could date a chef – the hours are crazy. (sorry, LKL, I know you’ll disagree with me! But I’m right!)

********
Another update in the Guy Newsletter: Flirt e-mailed me yesterday, inviting me to his gig tonight (he’s a jazz musician). I just might go… it doesn’t hurt that it’s only about three blocks from my apartment. He also happened to mention that he’s newly single. Well – whattaya know…

***********
And this is neither here nor there, but I saw Minnie Driver on the street today. She looked radiant.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Puppy-Boy

My friends generally consider me to be an open, friendly social sort. Sometimes, a bit too much.

This was apparent this weekend: I was on the subway en route to a friend’s party. The guy next to me starts up a conversation, mainly about the subway delays, etc. He was adorable in a 20-something-puppy-boy way – seriously, if he were a dog, he’d be spinning in circles, chasing his own tail. I quickly dropped into conversation some info about a recent bike ride my “boyfriend” and I had taken… just so it was out there.

No matter. He still chats away, the sweet little thing. We got off at the same stop, where I was connecting to another subway line to meet a friend en route to the party.

I don’t know why, but next thing I knew, I had invited Puppy-Boy to accompany us to the party. He accepts. I figured, the party was bound to be filled with fun, cool, people… so what’s one more?

Met up at the next subway with friend E, who didn’t seem at all surprised that I’d found a new friend. Puppy-Boy continues to chat away (more chasing his own tail)… and we quickly discover that he’s a bit ADD-ish, hopping from one topic to the next.

At the party, Puppy-Boy quickly befriends everyone in the place, in his friendly, loud, goofy manner. The hostess, my friend Party Girl, asks if he came with me – I stammered, “um, yeah, he’s kind of a new friend”, thinking that if he were to burn the house down or steal the family jewels, it would be a bit embarrassing to admit that I’d picked him up on the subway a half-hour earlier.

Luckily, there were no major mishaps – actually, Puppy-Boy was quite handy with the grill, and did a great job keeping everyone’s plates filled. AND I spotted him helping to clean up, unasked.

If he were 10 years older, I’d consider introducing him to some of my single friends… but alas, he’s just a young pup…

Friday, May 16, 2008

I like big ducks and I cannot lie

(slightly tipsy post, but the story was so hilarious I had to share it right away!)

Met some friends for drinks tonight. Many drinks into the evening, and we're sharing online dating stories. J’s story was so hilarious, I made her repeat it for any friends who came along later in the night:

She had exchanged a few e-mails with a new guy, when he asked for her number. A few days later he texts her (note: texts, not calls), asking if she was free that night. Damned if she was going to be someone’s last minute plans (especially if he was too lazy to call!), so after a few exchanged texts, they made plans to meet a few days later.

Later that night, she gets another text from this same guy, asking, “Do you like big d*cks?” (verbatim, including the asterisk) As if his inclusion of the asterisk would make his query more polite, somehow?

After pondering for a while how to respond to this unexpected text, she finally decides that a short and to-the-point response was best: “Lose my number”.

The next day he texted her, apologizing (“I’m sorry, I was drunk!), and e-mailed a similar apology AND tried to call her (no message). Of course, she didn’t bother responding, smart cookie that she is.

****

After hearing this story, I (jokingly!) tried to play devil’s advocate: maybe he meant DUCKS? Like the guys in the big Daffy Duck costumes you see at Disneyland? Or maybe he meant DOCKS? We have some rather oversized docks here in NYC…?

But seriously folks! WTF is with some of these guys? Actually, we should be grateful for them, in a way, for all the blog fodder they provide.

And – they make normal guys like Good Voice look that much better.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

The reunion

I’m back!

Had a wonderful trip – part business trip, part vacation – but I’m happy to be back home in my wonderful New York, all blooming and spring-like.

While I was away, I was in touch with Good Voice on a regular basis – mostly e-mail, a few phone calls, usually sprinkled with some “miss you”s. Had our reunion this weekend – sexy and passionate – but at the same time, I feel that we need to get re-acquainted with each other a bit. After all, when you’ve been dating someone for just a few months, a few weeks apart is a rather big chunk of time.

I’m doing my best to live in the present these days – not just with GV, but overall in life. Sure, a part of me is noticing that he doesn’t seem quite as effusive as he was in those early days – but part of staying in the present is keeping in mind that he has already asked when we can see each other again. We’ve also talked about taking a short out-of-town trip together soon. I just can’t shake that “waiting for the other shoe to drop” feeling that sometimes permeates my new relationships.

I did such a good job of NOT stressing about him these past few weeks while I was away – I really shouldn’t start now!