Monday, June 30, 2008

Date #114: Robot-Man

As I was walking down the block to the bar to meet Robot-Man, I saw a guy from behind, going the same direction, walking slowly, looking at his phone. I had a feeling that might be him, and prayed that it wasn’t – this guy was a bit portly, wearing sports sandals and too-casual-for-a-first date shlubby pants and t-shirt.

I went to the bar and waited – five minutes later, in walks my date for the evening – and of COURSE he was the shlubby guy I passed on the street.

When I talked to Robot on the phone, I noticed that after I spoke, there was a longer-than-normal pause before he replied. In person, he just seemed a little psychologically… off. When talking to me, he was like a robot – wide-eyed, barely blinked, was largely expressionless. He was certainly nice enough, but would go on and on about random facts in excruciating detail.

After a respectable amount of time (an hour that felt like ten) I did the old “boy, am I really tired” routine, said I needed to get going. Most people get what that means. Not poor Robot-Man. He insisted on walking me most of the way home, even as I’d occasionally motion, “isn’t this your subway…?”. When he told me that this was the most enjoyable night he’d had in a long time – well, I just felt for him.

Finally, a few blocks from my apartment, I said, “Ok, this is my stop!”. He asked if I’d like to go for a drink again soon – how can you say to someone’s face that you’re kind of creeped out by them? You just can’t. If he e-mails, I’ll have to send the standard “I didn’t feel the kind of chemistry I’m looking for” line.

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In other news: had a second date with Smarty Pants this weekend. Still finding him fun and interesting. We were both pretty tired, so we didn’t stay out as late as we might have otherwise. At least I think he was just tired…! Hopefully not the kind of tired I was with Robot-Man.

Exchanged a few text messages with the Visitor – it looks like we may be able to get together again before he leaves town in a few days. I’m excited – even though we only kissed, the chemistry in those kisses? Wow. Definitely looking forward to more of that.

UPDATE: he texted about 3 hours before we were due to get together, saying he was afraid he was going to have to cancel, for work-related reasons – but he hoped we could get together next time he was in town. Um, last-minute canceling, dude? So not cool.

No big deal. There’s other J-guys I need to write back to – replenish the list!

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Date #113: The Visitor

Wow – who would have thought it would be possible to have two very good first dates with two different guys in the same week?

Last night was date #113 with The Visitor. Visitor lives in another state, one that requires a flight --- but he comes to New York often on business, and he’s thinking of moving here permanently. Generally, I don’t respond to J-date guys who don’t live in NY – why bother? – but the Visitor seemed like a smart, interesting guy. After I got a good vibe about him by phone, we agreed to meet up next time he was in town. That time was last night.

We met for a drink, and he looked exactly like his pictures – great head of hair, fabulous smile (I'm a sucker for those qualities). Drinks led to dinner, which led to more drinks, and eventually some meandering.

You know that moment right before you have a first kiss with someone? You feel the buildup, and you sense that you both want to kiss, but you’re both waiting for the unspoken go-ahead from the other person. Yeah… it was like that. I have to admit, I kind of like those moments of anticipation.

Finally, walking along the street, I stopped to face Visitor to ask him a question, and he swooped in for the first kiss. (for the record, I have no problem making the first move… but I generally prefer to wait for the guy to do so). It was a great kiss. Rather, kisses. We eventually found a stoop on which to sit and have a wonderful make-out session, stopping and laughing every time people walked by.

He walked me home, and we talked about possibly getting together before he leaves town. He’d already told me that he’d be back in town a few weeks down the road, and would like to see me again then.

So there you have it – two great-seeming guys currently on the agenda. Obviously, either (or both) of them could disappear any moment – and there’s the chance that I won’t like one (or both) as I get to know them. But for now? My plan is to not overthink, and to simply enjoy the ride.

Second date with Smarty Pants coming up. And I need to write about the other night with Best Friend – an unexpected dinner with three Italian strangers. Watch this space!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Date #112: Smarty Pants

This past weekend I had a first date with a guy I'll call Smarty Pants -- I had a hard time thinking of an appropriate blog name for him, and I'm not sure if this will stick. This name is meant in a positive way -- he's certainly not a know-it-all, just struck me as a very interesting, intelligent guy.

Over drinks, we talked about topics as diverse as religion, family, and how your tastes in the kind of people you date change as you get older – and every so often he would say that he was surprised that we were talking about this on a first date – but it was just that comfortable.

After a few hours of talking (gradually sitting closer to one another), when he just went in for a kiss out of the blue? I liked that. He's an excellent kisser.

All very nice, but I’m not having any expectations at the moment. Talked about getting together again soon, but made no solid plans -- we'll see if I hear from him.

UPDATE: he called in a timely manner, and we talked for nearly an hour -- a rare thing with guys these days! We made plans for this weekend, and (another rarity) he actually had some solid suggestions for restaurants based on what we'd talked about the last time.

I have to admit, I really like doing bar / restaurant research, and have found that I usually have better ideas of where to go than most guys I date. This time? I may have met my match.

I have another date before then. I can't help but think that Date #113 (the next one) may have some tough competition...

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Surely, abducted by aliens

Any guys out there – question for you. And women, of course I’d love your insight on this as well.

Background: Great Smile and I had what seemed to be a really nice, six-hour date last weekend. Fun, flowing conversation. Some very nice kisses.

A few days passed. No word from him. I decided to throw caution to the wind, sent a light, breezy e-mail, including some information he’d asked for on the date.

More days pass. Still nothing. Part of me got a bit worried – maybe something happened to him, run over by a garbage truck, perhaps? Well – unless someone else is logging onto J-date for him, he seems to be alive and well, considering he logged on today.

I get it. After only two dates, he certainly doesn’t “owe” me an explanation. And yet – how do you go from e-mailing almost every day for two weeks to NOTHING?

Common courtesy? Not so common, apparently, in the wonderful world of dating.

Sigh. Guys. I wrote this to CJ earlier today:
This "dropping of the face of the earth" thing -- I can understand if the guy is in his 20s. But this one is in his late 30s -- he should know better. Dillhole.

Her hilarious response:
I think dropping off the face of the earth knows no age. Only knows penis.

[DISCLAIMER: I’m certainly not putting ALL guys in that category – and yes, I know women can be flaky as well.]

Moving on! Currently in talks with some decent-sounding new J-guys. It remains to be seen if any of them push my buttons. Somehow, I remain optimistic.

UPDATE:
In a "why not" moment, I e-mailed Great Smile this morning -- asked if he'd want to get a drink next week, to "let me know either way".

He wrote back shortly after... apologized for not being in touch, and that while he had a nice time last weekend he's not "feeling the love, and doesn't want to waste anyone's time".

I wrote back simply, "thanks for the update, wish you the very best". Of course, what I really wanted to know was, WHY bother kissing me til 1 am if you're not "feeling the love"??! (unless of course, he thought he was going to get more than just a few kisses)

Anyway! Right now I have too many potential J-guys on my platter... I'm starting to forget what I've told to whom. Must take better notes.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Great Smile is a Great Kisser

After two weeks of almost daily e-mails filled with light, fun banter, Great Smile and I finally had our second date last night. It was a really lovely evening – dinner, drinks and (eventually) a bit of smooching.

Verdict? I like him -- we have a good rapport, and he's smart, cute and funny. Does he like me? I don’t know. He's definitely not a gushy guy -- which may be a good thing, since, in my experience, those tend to disappear quickly anyway.

When GS left, it was with a breezy "talk to you soon". So -- we'll see. I'd like to see him again, but not feeling anxious about the situation.

Currently in talks with a few other J-guys (e-mails and phone messages have been exchanged), but I’m not particularly excited about any of them. Plus, I don't have much time for other guys at the moment -- nights are pretty full these days, with all the wonderful social events that NYC summer brings: Philharmonic in Central Park, outdoor movies, parties on patios.

Shout out to the West Coast bloggers: this is a great time of year to come visit us here!

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Date #111: White Bread

WHY do I do this? Why bother going on a first date with a guy when I sense (via phone and e-mail) that he's not going to be my kind of guy?

I like to think it's because "you never know". Well - as my wise sage friend M reminded me -- sometimes you DO know. (see more of her advice in previous post) Tonight was one of those times.

The date with White Bread went as expected -- an hour and a half of polite chit-chat. He was certainly a nice enough guy, extremely well-mannered. But he just seemed a bit, well, conventional. He struck me as the kind of guy you'd meet at happy hour near Wall Street. I think it was pretty apparent to both of us that there wouldn't be a second date.

Oh! He did have REALLY nice teeth, however! Possibly professionally whitened -- I have no problem with that -- definitely prefer that to someone with yellowing teeth. (see: Good Voice -- I only realized it towards the end, looking at pics of both of us)

New resolution: ONLY agree to go on a first date with someone with whom I sense *some* kind of phone / e connection. If he doesn't seem like my type? Then he probably isn't.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Dating domino effect. And HELLO Teen Crush.

It occurred to me recently -- looking back at some of the guys I dated in the past year or so -- each new guy was, in some way, a direct improvement on his predecessor - a kind of dating domino effect:

* starting with UN -- nice enough, but a bit too staid
* Teen Crush -- more gregarious and outgoing than UN -- but didn't quite have his life "together"
* Good Voice -- his life / career seemed more together than Teen Crush -- but then there was that little problem of him lying about his age
* Great Smile -- much more age-appropriate for me than Good Voice was. AND he seems very personable... AND his life seems "together". On paper, so far so good.

Alas -- after our one date last weekend, Great Smile got so sick, he was out of the office for a few days (indeed - as several of you commented, good thing we didn't kiss on that first date!). We've e-mailed nearly every day this week, and while he said he's starting to feel better and would like to get together this week, no solid plans have been made. I'm well aware that he could disappear at a moment's notice -- abducted by aliens, no doubt -- but I remain hopeful that we'll at least get to a second date.

****************

In other news -- I recently got back in touch with Teen Crush, about four months after our breakup. JUST as friends.

Why, you ask, when things ended on a sour note? Here's the thing: I always liked him as a person -- I truly believe that he's a really good guy.

And recently, I was thisclose to having what could have been a devastating car accident. I'm 100% ok -- was just shaken up at the time -- but it made me re-evaluate some things in my life. He was one of those things.

One of my best friends is an ex-boyfriend from about 10 years ago -- sure, I was hurt at the time when things didn't work out for us as a couple. But today, he's one of my dearest friends, and I can't imagine not having him in my life.

So -- I wrote to TC -- a short HI, here's what's going on in my life, nearly had this crazy accident, just wanted to get back in touch.

He wrote back the same day, a very sweet, thoughtful e-mail: he was happy to hear from me, would like to be friends, and that it would be a shame not to be -- when he thinks of me, he always has good thoughts. He's been working on the west coast the past few months, but said when he comes back to NY in a month or so, he'd love to meet for a drink.

When I told my friend M about this exchange, her response was, remind me -- why did you two break up again?

If we hadn't broken up at that time, I'm sure it would have ended shortly after -- I don't believe in bi-coastal relationships. She reminded me -- you broke up for reasons to do with timing, and timing changes -- I'm just saying!

Anyway -- I'm in the mindset that we'll JUST be friends - let's see what happens from there.

But there is that part of me that's thinking that I might want to kiss him...

Monday, June 2, 2008

Date #110: Great Smile

Can a first date still be considered successful even if it doesn’t end with a kiss?

Had a fun, chatty night with Great Smile this weekend – one silly, easy conversation after the next. We spent four hours together, and probably would have stayed out later and drank more, except that he was starting to get a sore throat, and was actually losing his voice. It didn’t help that the noise level in the bar gradually increased in volume, until we could barely hear each other – we had to leave and find a quieter place. Man, we’re old farts.

Later, had a bit of a lingering goodbye -- in other circumstances, there might have been a real kiss goodnight at that moment. But the combination of the harsh lights of the subway platform and the fact that he may be coming down with something put the kibosh on any romantic possibilities. So we had one of those awkward hug/kiss combos.

Will there be a second date? I hope so. I thought we had a good connection. He’s someone I’d like to get to know better. But as we all know, there’s no formula to this crapshoot known as “dating”.

There is *one* thing -- his Match profile showed one pic of him with a beard, and three very cute pics without the beard. In real life, he was bearded. I prefer a clean shave. So, if this continues, we'll find out just how often he grows the fuzz!

No other potential dates at the moment – I’m expecting a busy week at work this week, so it will be good to have that distraction for now.