Wednesday, July 16, 2008

FWB

Summer is just flying by! It’s my favorite season, and there’s so much going on – someone is always organizing a picnic in Central Park to watch the Philharmonic, or there’s a film playing under the stars on a pier, or a happy hour, or bike rides… it’s been a wonderful, social time.

No new guys to report – you’d think that I’d meet some at some of these events, but that just hasn’t happened yet. But there has been a bit, well, “recycling” of late:

Teen Crush:
Last time I wrote that we’d made plans to meet up next time he came to town. And so we did.

I got to the restaurant early to freshen up a bit, and to get a sip or two of wine in me to calm my nerves. No need to worry – the second he walked in, I immediately felt comfortable – and also very relieved. I’d been worried that I’d feel a sense of longing once I saw him, but it wasn’t like that at all. It was more like… oh, that’s it? He still looked attractive, but not quite as much as I seemed to remember. He was still smart and interesting and charming – but not in a way that made my heart a-flutter.

We lingered over drinks for a while, then had a leisurely dinner. Conversation was easy-going – no real talk about “us”. He walked me home. Somehow, we wound up kissing... just a bit.

It was just a nice, casual evening. We e-mailed a few times in the days following, and he left town again. I’m sure we’ll stay friends, but that’s it. Any mystique of what “could have been” just wasn’t there. It is as it should be.

Good Hair Guy:
I met GHG about 2½ years ago though Match – he was clear from the start that he wasn’t looking for anything serious, as he was just out of a relationship. (more info here) A few times since then, we’ve had flings here and there – a fun, casual “friends with benefits” situation.

I enjoy his company – he’s funny, smart and interesting, and yes, cute. Then there’s that fabulous, thick head of hair – I just love running my fingers through it.

We’re currently taking a class together once a week. After the first class, we went to dinner and he walked me home – and we kissed at my door. We had a good laugh about it, mentioning that that was the first time that had happened in a long time – the past few times we hung out were purely platonic. Maybe because it’s summer now, and there’s strappy dresses, and tan bodies…?

After the second class the following week, we once again went out to dinner – a bit more wine was consumed. There was some kissing… and more. Again, just all in good fun.

I’m in two minds about this. On one hand, I’m just enjoying being single and having fun and being flirty. On the other hand – yes, I do want someone to love, who will love me right back. Will this type of flirty behavior be an obstacle to finding a serious relationship?

I read recently that if you want to attract something into your life, make sure your actions don’t contradict your desires. Even my shrink has warned me about this – why spend an evening with a guy with whom there’s no future, when I could be meeting someone with potential? Saying that… I’m not exactly spending all my time with guys like GHG or TC. Currently playing phone tag and exchanging e-mails with a few J-guys, but no dates lined up right now.

It’s a tough call – wanting to live in the moment, versus thinking long-term. To be continued – would love your thoughts in the meantime.

Friday, July 4, 2008

The Italians... and this week's updates

I love nights like this, a few nights ago.

Was out with Best Friend, trying to decide where to go for dinner. We put our names on the waiting list for a restaurant that had an hour-long wait for a table, and wandered in the area, looking for a place to have a drink.

Stopped into a lovely, elegant (but not stuffy) bar / restaurant – the only available seats were next to a good-looking, dapper man. I don’t have low self-esteem, but I generally write off guys like this as being too hot for me.

Five minutes later, Hot Guy starts chatting to us – and not only is he hot, he’s Italian, speaks excellent English, and lives here in New York. Even hotter.

After we mentioned that we were celebrating Best Friend’s new job, he insisted on buying our drinks for us. How could we say no? He stepped away for a moment to take a call, and Best Friend said that she thought he mentioned that he was waiting for his wife to join him for dinner. (it was rather loud in the restaurant, and I couldn’t hear everything he was saying) I thought that would be the end of that, and we’d go our merry ways -- him with his wife, and us with our celebratory glasses of wine.

When his two male colleagues showed up a few minutes later, I nudged BF and whispered, “that doesn’t look like a wife!”. She realized she’d heard incorrectly. No wife… just colleagues.

They invited us to join them for dinner, and in a “why not?” moment, we accepted. Best Friend and I used to go out a lot in our 20s – serious clubbing / bar-hopping til 4 am kind of nights – and we'd always have unexpected adventures. Spontaneous invites to parties in mansion-like apartments. A Halloween party in a nightclub, discovering that the guy in the gorilla mask at the next table was Leonardo DiCaprio. Staying at clubs like Spy and Wax til closing, then going to Yaffa CafĂ© for breakfast with guys we’d just met – then watching the city wake up as we took the bus home.

These days, we’re not quite the spontaneous party gals that we once were – but for us, this was a fun adventure.

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A few other updates:

Robot Man: after he e-mailed to thank me for a nice night, I did what I felt was the right thing – I wrote back saying while it was lovely to have met him, I just didn’t feel that kind of chemistry I was looking for. So – that was that.

Smarty Pants: after a third date with him, I came to realize – all that talking he does? Mainly about himself. Often on tangents, far and wide. He’s sometimes interesting – definitely smart – but after a while, I began to find him tiresome. I doubt there will be another date.

Teen Crush: blast from the past! Recap: we dated for about 4 months late last year. I liked him a lot – he felt his life was too “up in the air” for anything serious – we broke up.

After I nearly had a scary car accident about a month ago, I thought, life’s too short for this – I’d like to have him in my life, even just as friends. (we’re probably better off as friends anyway)

At that time I got back in touch – he was happy to hear from me, said he’d like to be friends as well. Has been working on the west coast, but said he’d love to meet for dinner next time he came to town.

Well – he e-mailed me this week, saying he’s going to be in town next week, and could we meet up? A few e-mails later, plans were set. I’m really looking forward to it. And while I know that in my head that we’re better off as friends, I can’t help but wonder if we’ll wind up kissing…? Stay tuned.