Wednesday, August 27, 2008

To date others... or not?

Things seem to still be going well with Mr. Possible – we e-mailed and texted daily (even several times a day) while I was out of town. Saw each other the night after my return, and had a very nice evening together.

This is interesting, however. His e-mails are very warm and affectionate, but in person? A little less so – almost friend-zone for the first few hours. Last time I saw him, I was the one to initiate a bit of hand-holding, as well as the first kiss of the evening.

I’m starting to wonder, now that my head is coming out of both a work-induced fog, as well as a bit of Cute-New-Guy fog – should I continue to date other guys while I see if things progress with Mr. Possible?

A few weeks ago, I exchanged several e-mails with two other potential J-guys, but warned them that I had a busy month ahead, and would most likely be out of touch for some time. Part of me just wants to date Possible, and enjoy seeing what develops – the other part feels that I shouldn’t put all my eggs in one basket. We haven’t determined that we’re exclusive (too early for that anyway), so who knows if he’s currently dating other women at the moment? It would be especially easy for him, considering I'm out of town occasionally.

I ran this question by my good guy friend A – his response was, absolutely, you should be dating other guys until you reach the point where you determine that you’re exclusive, whenever that is. But you shouldn’t determine that until you’ve been dating a few months anyway.

I’m sure the “logical” answer is, just do what feels right. And right now, dating only Possible feels right. But I’ve tried to trust my gut in the past, and have learned that it can’t always be trusted.

Thoughts?

8 comments:

Samantha said...

100% continue dating other people. You aren't even sure about Possible yet, ie. how affectionate he is in person. Also gives you a basis for comparison. Remember how you were when you were dating UN and Teen Crush? Maybe not the best example, but I think it's too soon to write off other possibilities.

a&v said...

I know how you feel! I have a hard time dating other guys when I'm totally into someone. But if you can, I don't think you'll be making a mistake by keeping your options open. (And by that I don't mean that I don't think things will work out with Mr. Possible!)

A fair fairy said...

I know I am a bad example, since I have been known to state my intentions far too early in the 'game' (like first date or so), whether those intentions were to have a long term relationship or to just have fun... but it's hard for me to understand how you can go so long without actually having that talk...I suppose if you are not sure of his intentions it's good to keep your options open...

jgo said...

Based on what you have said, it seems like you arent even that sure about things when you see him, as you explained by your feeling you were in the friend zone. So I would still date others. How long have you even known this guy? Your friend has a good point about waiting a few months before bringing up exclusivity. You dont even seem like you are ready for that either.

Dating Trooper - Dating is Warfare said...

Go with the flow. Useful advice huh?

Date Possible and if another guy strikes your fancy (doesn't sound like these other J guys really do yet - you know when they do!), go out with him too.

The Friend-Zone thing is kind of annoying (WG did the same thing) but remember that he could just be nervous and maybe a little shy. Plus after someone's been gone for a little bit, it takes some time to "warm up" again - especially since you just met. There's my two cents.

stephanie said...

Definitely continue to date others. Casually is fine, but keep all options open!

This coming from the girl who can't date more than one person at a time, but is trying to change that!

Anonymous said...

Of course you should "date" the other guys, but "date" is an inaccurate word. Chances are that you will meet each of them one time and that will be that. "Date" is the wrong word when it comes to Internet dating. "Meet" is a better word.

*Juliette* said...

I'm in a similar predicament now - I'm on date #5 with a guy who I like a lot. We talk every other day and he texts me a lot too. He's taking things really slow (Maybe he's nervous and shy but it's frustrating), and I still don't know if he's dating me exclusively. As much as I want to stop looking, I keep meeting new men just in case. And I will continue my search until we have "the talk" and I find out one way or another what's up.