Monday, September 29, 2008

Zen guy?

Have had a few more dates with New Guy -- still going swimmingly. Enjoying the getting-to-know-you process, as well as increased intimacy. Suffice to say, the chemistry is definitely there (blushing).

I'm at that strange in-between phase -- I feel it's too soon to date exclusively, but at the same time, it doesn't seem right to date other guys when I'm this excited about New Guy. Obviously -- I have no idea what HE's doing -- have to keep that in mind.

I was supposed to have a second date with the very cute Super Cutie this weekend... but what do you know, he had to cancel! (with appropriate timing, and a very good excuse) We talked about rescheduling for some time next week, which will buy me a little more time to see if / how things develop with New Guy.

It's kind of strange: I'm feeling quite Zen-like about this one. It seems like we have the right balance of seeing each other / texting / talking, as well as taking time in-between. Not too fast -- not too slow.

I must admit, every time he casually mentions something "we" have to do -- "we'll" have to try that restaurant, or "we'll" have to check out that exhibit at the Met -- my giddy levels rise, just a little bit.

Monday, September 22, 2008

New Guy rocks my world.

A few more amazing dates with the wonderful, adorable, smart New Guy. Thought about blog-naming him WOW, but worried that that would jinx things – silly, I know. But thanks anyway for the suggestion, DT! New is good.

Where to begin? There’s so much I want to share about him. We’ve had another nighttime date, as well as a daytime date. Nighttime dating is generally easy – if there’s even a remote attraction to someone, alcohol lubricates those feelings. But to emerge from a (sober) daytime date, feeling even more excited about this person? That says a lot.

It’s just SO easy to be with him. We have a lot of the same interests, as well as a very similar sense of humor – we’re both a bit snarky, a bit irreverent, and very silly. We share the same political leanings – I never mentioned it here, but when Possible, of a few weeks ago, told me he was a Republican? That was the beginning of my loss of interest in him.

He seems into me as well – he’s free with the compliments. He has followed up every date with a text about what a wonderful time he had, and how he was looking forward to the next time.

I’m nervous about saying too much here for fear up getting my hopes up too high, too soon. But I can say in all honesty – I feel that he’s more “right” for me than any other guy I’ve dated in the past year. Just a gut feeling.

More to come. For now, just (still) enjoying being giddy and excited, while actually managing to keep a level head. Plans for the next date are in place.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Date #118: Wow.

When I last wrote, my last paragraph was about New Guy – we’d been writing to each other for over a week while he was out of town on business. Great connection online – but after you’ve been doing this online dating thing a while, you learn that that does NOT necessarily translate to an in-person click. We’d made plans for the weekend, and were both very much looking forward to it.

Finally got a chance to talk on the phone for the first time – right away, I sensed that he was a happy, optimistic person – it’s amazing how much you can learn about a person just by talking for five minutes. Unfortunately, I had to cut the call short, as I was about to meet friends for dinner, but we agreed to continue our chat later that night.

When he called me later, he was just finishing his own dinner with friends, and happened to be in my neighborhood. My spontaneous side kicked in – it was a gut response to say, “Since you’re in the neighborhood, do you want to grab a quick drink tonight?”. He said he’d love to.

I quickly freshened up, and as I walked to meet him, I was more nervous about this first date than any other I could recall. So far I’d liked everything about him – it would be a shame if there weren’t an attraction there.

Truth be told, when I met him I didn’t feel an immediate swoon. It took a little while for my nervousness to subside over drinks, and to just plain relax and enjoy his company. I can’t explain it – it wasn’t the alcohol – and one point, something inside me clicked, and I found myself thinking, WOW! This guy is adorable! And funny! And smart, and sweet, and all the good things I look for in a guy. There was just so much to talk about, and so many anecdotes to share. It was so natural when he eventually leaned in for a kiss – it had the excitement of a first kiss, but the comfort of a familiar kiss, strangely enough. Incredible.

He walked me home, we shared more passionate kisses outside my door – when I went inside, I was shocked to see that the clock on my cable box read 2:05 am. This morning, I woke up to read an e-mail from him about what a wonderful time he’d had, and how he couldn’t wait to see me again.

We exchanged a few e-mails throughout the day, leaving a permanent big, goofy grin on my face. Am keeping a level head about him (or trying to), while enjoying this giddy feeling.

In the back of my mind, however, I’m reminded of an experience a good friend just went through: met a fabulous guy who wooed her like crazy. Took her on wonderful, thoughtful dates. Talking, e-mailing, texting every day, many times a day. Lots of honest talk – or so she thought. And then? He disappeared. Just like that. Re-surfaced briefly to express the tiniest bit of doubt – then dropped off the face of the earth. Refused to return her e-mails and messages. She still has no idea what made him do a complete about-face like that.

Man, I felt for her. What kind of advice can you give in that situation? More than anything, I wanted to break the guy’s legs for hurting my friend… but in the back of my mind, I found myself thinking: that could happen to me.

I’m not implying that all (or even most) guys are out to intentionally hurt a woman, but I have to constantly remind myself: Take. It. Slowly. Don’t be so willing to hand over your heart. Even continue to date other guys, to keep a level head. No need to rush things.

Anyway – I can’t think of a blog name for this great new guy! It’s a lot easier to think of these for the negative dates. For now, he just remains New Guy.

Ha – remember last week’s flaky guy, Good on Paper? After I returned his last call, leaving a message, I never heard from him again. Just as well – it was getting tiresome. Anyway, he’s a Wall Street guy, so I’m sure he has enough to worry about right now!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Weekend recap, including date #117

It was an interesting weekend – kissed two different guys (both of whom I’ve kissed before) – and had a date with a third guy (that did not involve a kiss).

First – a Good on Paper update: after the misunderstanding re: the night we were to meet, as I mentioned, he apologized profusely, asking if he could make it up to me by taking me out to dinner, any place I liked.

Maybe because it was almost September 11th – it felt petty to hold a grudge over what may have indeed been a simple misunderstanding – after all, who hasn’t made a mistake? I e-mailed him back along the lines of “these things happen”, and sure, let’s try to reschedule.

He wrote back something quite sweet and self-effacing, and asked when was the best time to call me? That’s a pet peeve of mine – my feeling is, don’t ask when to call – just call!

Still, I gave him a suggested day and time, and he did call during that time. But I happened to be busy and missed his call. When I called him back, I got his voicemail.

I’m at the point where I’m really curious to meet this guy – but if it doesn’t happen, no sweat. I only have one possible night in which I could meet him this week -- if we don't get together then, I'm going to take this as a sign that this is just not meant to happen.

In other news:
Friday’s kiss was short and sweet – it was with a guy I’ll simply call Guy Friend. He’s one of my few guy friends who knows about, and reads, this blog.

Interesting history with GF: we met on J-date about two years ago, but after a few dates, we realized that while we enjoyed each other’s company, there just wasn’t enough of a spark to keep it going. And that was that.

Until a few months (or a year?) later – GF contacted me to ask advice on a country I had just traveled to, and he was thinking of visiting. We met for lunch to discuss, and our friendship picked up from there.

Over time, we became a sounding board for each other’s dating woes – I value his opinion, and was happy to give him advice as well. We tend to meet out for drinks with other friends – but for some reason, a month or so ago, we met for drinks, just the two of us. And somehow ended up kissing. Despite the fact that we’re “just friends”, it didn’t feel at all awkward or uncomfortable. (GF, if you’re reading this – and I’m sure you are! – you’re a very good kisser. I’m sure I’ve mentioned that already).

Some time later -- not sure how this came up – we created a pact that, if we were both single and celibate in a month’s time, we’d consider sleeping together. Flirty, fun e-mails were exchanged.

Not long after that, we went on a group hike, which included swimming in a lake – we managed to have a few discreet kisses in there as well – but after, went back to “friend mode” for the rest of the hike. That’s when I realized this was just a bit too weird for me – if I’m going to kiss someone and continue to hang out with them, I can’t just shut off that intimacy.

I realized that “the pact” probably wasn’t a good idea – I couldn’t exactly sleep with him, then ask about his upcoming date for the weekend. I told him my reasons for calling it off - - he agreed, the potential for things to get awkward was there.

On Friday, we met up with other friends for drinks – and well, what can I say, he looked particularly cute that night. Some mild flirting – I walked him outside when he left, and we snuck in a few kisses before he went on his way.

(I’m rambling… will sum up the rest of the weekend in a few short snippets).

Last night’s kiss: Fun Bobby – met up with me and a few friends – he walked me home, and we shared a few kisses outside my door. He’s a nice guy, I enjoy kissing him every so often, but I just don’t feel that he’s “my” guy. (Fun Bobby recaps here)

Then -- date #117: Super Cutie. We’d been e-mailing for over a month, but because of hectic schedules (mainly mine) only had a chance to meet today, for brunch.

Interesting – just like Possible, last month (update on him to follow) – when I looked up Super Cutie on Facebook, I discovered that we knew someone in common (one of the many reasons why I love Facebook!). That gave it more of a personal touch than most anonymous internet dates.

I enjoyed his company – we had plenty to talk about, especially because we work in similar fields – and I especially enjoyed looking at him. Adorable face, and great smile. Was there a connection? Hard to tell. We hugged goodbye, and he suggested getting together later this week – so we’ll see.

Possible: remember him, from last month? We never “officially” ended things – but it seems that there’s really no need to. Our e-mails simply grew less and less frequent. No need to state the obvious.

New guy, haven’t thought of a blog name for him yet: been e-mailing for a week or so, as he’s out of town for work. He gives VERY good e-mail – he’s funny and charming – we have plans to meet up later in the week. I’m realistic enough to know that an online connection doesn’t always translate to in-person connection – but this is one date I’m really looking forward to, a nice departure from my usual ambivalence.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Stood up -- harrumph!

So -- I was supposed to have a date tonight with Good on Paper (who was already a bit flaky about communication). I went to the appointed bar, just around the corner from my office. And wait. And wait. And ask a guy drinking alone, "(Good on Paper's name)?". Nope. And try calling him (get his voice mail). And text him. No response.

After a half-hour, I left him another message, saying I had no idea what happened, maybe we had some details mixed up, but I was leaving. Fifteen minutes after that, he texts me, apologizing -- he thought we were meeting TOMORROW, Thursday -- so sorry, he was in a meeting, just saw my message now, could he make it up to me?

I haven't written back yet. I checked our previous e-mails, when we made the plan -- I wrote to him yesterday, asking if we were still meeting for a drink tomorrow. He feasibly *could* have gotten that message today, and thought it was for tomorrow, Thursday.

Ugh! Still very annoyed. Maybe I'll text him back later.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Just chugging along

Things with Possible are still chugging along. We're no longer e-mailing / texting every day -- but we're still in touch.

It hit me last night -- one reason I don't want to cut all ties with him just yet is because I still enjoy getting his e-mails addressing me as "sweetie" and "sugar" (albeit, less frequent these days).

In other news: I kissed a new guy this weekend -- let's call him Smooch. Actually, he's not completely new -- I met him the previous weekend in the out-of-town locale where I've spent some time this summer. This Summer Weekend Setting is quite conducive to romantic hookups -- it just never happened for me prior to this weekend.

Had a fun time with Smooch -- just what the doctor ordered. We only kissed - but those kisses were sexy and steamy enough to make me aware of the fact that my kisses with Possible have been lacking fire lately. Hm. Quite an eye-opener.

I might see Smooch again in "real life" (he e-mailed me today), but I'm not sure if I see him as long-term material -- but I'll keep an open mind.

I have a date lined up this week with a guy I'll call Good on Paper -- we'll see if that actually happens. He's been a bit flaky so far (doesn't always call when he says he will -- then will e-mail with an apology a few days later) but I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. For now.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Jumping the shark

My, how things can change in the course of a week!

A week ago, I wrote how Possible’s e-mails were very complimentary and sweet, but in person – not so much.

Now his e-mails have become a bit more distant, more in line with his in-person M.O. No more addressing me as “cutie” or signing off with “besos”. And I’m 100% OK with this.

Turns out I did have some doubts about him after all, but I was trying to let the positive outweigh the negative. Now I’m allowing myself to acknowledge these traits – and I’m realizing that he’s really not my kind of guy after all. When a cute, smart, fun guy comes on strong? AND you have good chemistry? Hard not to get swept up in that.

Yes, he’s still sweet / cute / smart / funny. But in his mid-30’s, he still lives with a roommate. Rather – not just one roommate. More than one… or two… or three. (constant fear of this blog being “discovered” prevents me from including further details). It's like a “Real World” crowded house situation.

There are other ways in which he’s mid-thirties going on mid-twenties. Call me shallow, but I believe that when you first start dating someone, you should be trying to make the best impression possible – this includes dressing in a manner appropriate for an evening out, not dressing as though you’re going to a picnic.

If it sounds like I’m being catty because I feel slighted – that’s not it at all. I’m just admitting to myself that these (and other factors) are making me think that this is not a relationship to pursue. And for reasons of his own, he apparently feels the same way.

The past few times we saw each other, before the end of the date we’d made plans to see each other again. Not this last time. A few e-mails exchanged since, and still no mention of getting together again. If there is indeed a “next time”, I’ll suss out the situation – but might just bring up the talk of what we both seem to already know. Then again, such a talk might not even be necessary.

A few possible new dates on the horizon – talked to one guy about a date next week, and have a tentative date planned with another for later this week. Glad I didn’t write them off last week! (as always, thanks for your advice on that)