Friday, November 21, 2008

Quick update.

Finally had that in-person talk with New Guy. It was one of those very rare times that I got the closure I was looking for -- I even got a chance to tell him how angry and hurt I was that he went AWOL. He listened, apologized profusely, and said that if I ever felt that way again, to be sure to tell him.

We agreed to be friends, with the possibility of "something" more down the road, if the time is right for both of us. I was a bit sad, but also felt a huge sense of relief to no longer be in limbo with him.

For a few days afterwards, I missed him a bit... but am feeling that less and less. Partially because of:

Camper: we've been spending quite a lot of time together -- and when we're not together, we e-mail and talk often. Yes, yes, trying to force myself to keep the brakes on, take it slowly, and all that... but it just feels right. (I'm smiling as I type this!) He's a very open, sweet, wonderful guy.

And yet -- as easy as it feels, I need to remind myself: guys want the chase. People tend to value something more if they need to work for it, and that includes relationships. I'm not talking about playing games here... but again, I just need to remind myself: take it slowly. Leave an air of mystery.

Thanks to Mimi's latest blog post for that reminder!

Saturday, November 15, 2008


FINALLY had a long talk with New Guy. He told me what has been keeping him preoccupied these days (can't share it here) -- but apologized profusely for being so wrapped up in his head that he was out of touch.

We had the talk on the phone while he was out of town -- not an ideal situation. We're going to meet up this weekend to talk more. I don't hate him -- I still believe that he's a really good guy. But the gist is (and I hate this cliche), that we're in different places right now. I'm looking for something serious, something long-term... and he doesn't know what he wants. I know, I know... only two weeks ago, he was giving signs that he felt otherwise. Will have to address that when I see him in person.

You're probably going to wonder why I'm even thinking about New Guy, when I tell you about the wonderful night I had with Camper.

Camper and I had one of those fabulous (but rare) first dates where you can't stop laughing and smiling and telling stories and just enjoying each other's company. Of course, the difference is that this was a first date with someone I knew 25 years ago. And guess what -- he confessed that he DID have a crush on me back then (how cute!), and thought about looking me up throughout the years. In one of those typical NYC coincidences, turns out we lived just two blocks from each other for a few years in the late 90s. Kooky!

It's just icing on the cake that while he was an adorable teenager, he grew up to be quite a hot guy -- he really is yummy to look at.

Since the date, we've e-mailed, texted and talked on the phone quite a bit. The next date is planned for early next week. I'm looking forward to getting to know him (again), and he's made it clear that he's very excited about me... but a part of me worries that he's romanticizing this, that maybe he's excited because as a former teen geek, he finally "got the girl".

Yeah, I know... I can always find something to worry about!

(just for the record, Camper is first date #119 since my last serious relationship ended over 3 years ago)

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Abducted by aliens

What else could explain New Guy's total absence of nearly a week? Total MIA -- no calls, no e-mails, no texts. He hasn't even been active on Facebook (he was only moderately active before).

At first I was upset, then frustrated, then angry. Now I'm merely curious. Really, what the hell could have happened to make him drop off the face of the earth?

I'm kind of surprised at how level-headed I'm feeling about his disappearance at the moment. Might this have something to do with the attention being lavished on me by a certain Camper? Maybe, after sensing that New Guy was taking a step back (which turned into a giant leap off this planet), I allowed the flirtiness in my e-mails with Camper to be amplified... and maybe that led to a very nice catch-up phone call... which led to a date planned for later this week... (a date that I'm really looking forward to).

And maybe there are way too many ellipses and "maybe"s in this e-mail.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Limbo is NOT a fun game.

(at least when it comes to dating!)

But first -- the BIG news of the week: President Obama! I'm still thrilled, giddy, ecstatic beyond belief. But -- back to my dating woes... :-)

Sigh -- oh, New Guy. Where the hell do we stand? After a few days of being incommunicado last week (partially because we were both busy volunteering for Obama) -- he had this to share: he just got some news that is weighing him down, and he needs a few days to digest it. Not a crisis, he assured me -- and not something he wants to share at the moment -- but he's not feeling very social right now, and would it be OK if we talked in a few days?

I was as supportive as I could be, not knowing the situation. After making sure that no deaths, illnesses or jail was involved, we managed to have our usual fun, sweet, flirty banter. I hung up feeling OK about "our" situation -- but that confidence has wavered in the few days since then.

One of the most frustrating things is that I feel that I can't contact him right now -- I have to wait for him to come up for air, whenever he's ready. It's also pretty disappointing that he feels that he can't confide in me about this issue -- then again, can I really say that, given that I don't know what the issue is?

Then there was the night with Good Hair Guy: before New Guy and I talked about the above (or rather, didn't really talk about it), there was a few days of radio silence. During that time, Good Hair Guy asked to meet me for a drink -- while we've been FWB (Friends With Benefits) on and off for a few years, we've had many a platonic drink together. I fully expected this night to be another one of those -- even texted a friend beforehand that I was 99.9% sure this would be one of those platonic evenings, especially because he had some business-related questions for me.

And most of the night was just that -- platonic. Somehow, things got a bit flirtier, legs got a bit closer, more red wine was consumed. Kissing ensued. Wound up back at his place -- we've always had good chemistry and it might have been tempting to spend the night, but my guilty conscience quickly kicked in, and I left soon after.

Technically, would that be cheating? Who knows? New Guy and I haven't gotten as far as having the "exclusive" talk -- still, while it's one thing to kiss someone else, I just couldn't sleep with someone else while there's still a possibility we may have some semblance of a relationship here. So I remain in limbo. It's fricking frustrating.

One ego-boosting distraction: a guy from summer camp 20-something years ago recently found me on Facebook, and our e-mails have begun to take on a slightly flirty tone. Turns out we have a mutual non-camp friend -- let's call him Phil -- I ran into Phil at a party this weekend, and he told me that Camper had recently asked about me, and that he was "trying to get together with me". Oh really...? Nice to have a distraction for now, as I test my patience with New Guy.

Update on Super Cutie: after I "officially" pulled the plug recently, he wrote back a few sweet, supportive e-mail -- turns out he's trying to launch a new work project, and isn't in a relationship state of mind anyway, but he enjoyed my company, and maybe we could stay in touch as movie buddies? Works for me.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Three more days!

After too long of a gap (ok, really not that long... about a week and a half) had a lovely evening of catch-up with New Guy. When we're together, it's fabulous and very promising... but even he admits, he's not great about keeping in touch in between those times. I continue to try to remain patient.

We talked about the frustrations of internet dating -- he hasn't done nearly as much as I have. He added something along the lines of, he doesn't have much free time these days -- but the time he does have, he'd like to spend getting to know me better. I wish I could remember verbatim how he said it -- the implication (at least as I heard it in the moment) was that he's not dating any new people right now.

Damn my foggy memory! At the moment, I was pretty giddy on the inside, while trying to remain cool on the outside. I chose to not dwell on the subject -- will just continue to see how things develop.

However -- this was nice -- I just checked out his J-date profile, and saw that he hasn't logged on in over two weeks. Well, that's encouraging!

Been back in touch with Super Cutie of late -- a few e-mails exchanged (he's been out of town a lot for work), and most recently, he suggested getting together next week.

I think I'm going to officially pull the plug on him: one, I already feel that there's not much chemistry there... and two, I like New Guy enough that I'd like to give that fledgling relationship a shot, and just date him (without declaring it out loud at the moment). I'd like to stay friends with SC -- stay tuned!

Question of the day: I have a good friend's party coming up in a few weeks. Trying to decide whether or not to invite New Guy. I haven't met any of his friends yet. He met one of my friends over dinner once, but that was mainly due to timing... she was visiting from LA, and he was just about to go out of town. Will try to get a temperature on the vibe between now and then.

Anyway -- while I do think about New Guy a lot these days, the election is first and foremost in my brain. I'm obsessed with following campaign coverage. Even having trouble focusing at work -- just can't wait for fricking Tuesday already!!!

Go Obama!!!

ps. I mentioned a guy in my last post -- Smiley -- we met at a bar through mutual friends last week and exchanged cards. No word from him. Just as well! I'd almost forgotten about him, til I reread my blog post.

UPDATE: I just e-mailed Super Cutie something along the lines of, "I've been seeing someone else, would like to see where it goes, but would like to stay in touch with you as friends". Will let you know if he responds.