Saturday, January 3, 2009

Happy '09!

I'm back!

And officially broken up with Camper, as of this week. And it's OK -- I'm feeling a little melancholy, but it's for the best.

As I mentioned, things moved very quickly with us from the start. It was so refreshing, after quite a long time of dating uncertainty, to have a guy so clearly crazy about me. (in between the times that I worried that it was too much, too soon with him)

As the weeks progressed, I began to notice little things that bothered me. Nothing that made him a bad person -- but as I got to know him better, I just realized more and more that we weren't really a match. And yet - he was (and remains) such a lovely, sweet guy that I really, truly wanted to make it work.

However -- without realizing it at first, I found myself exhibiting classic passive-aggressive behavior. I'd start little spats, probably in an effort to get him mad at me. And I began liking myself less and less in the process.

We finally had "the talk", and he said he appreciated my honesty. I think we'll be able to be friends down the road. While I feel a sense of relief, I'm a little sad at the same time.

This situation reminded me of a job interview I had years ago, when I was just starting my career. I wasn't particularly enthused about the company I was interviewing for -- and the interviewer sensed it. She said to me, "I don't think you want a job with X company... you just want a job.". I was rendered speechless, because she was absolutely right.

I think that was the case with Camper at first -- I was just so excited to have a "boyfriend", that at first it didn't matter that he might not be the right candidate. We had a great story behind us (reunited after 20-something years!), and I envisioned someone telling that story while giving a toast at our wedding. But in the end, that just wasn't enough.

****
Good story that made me laugh -- a friend had a second (or was it a third?) date with a guy tonight. She was feeling a bit lukewarm about the guy, but was excited to meet his new puppy.

I got this text from her after the date: Um. Unexpected sex with [date]. The dogs get me every single friggin time!

For all you guys who think Barry White and dim lighting is the way to woo your lady... try a canine companion!

7 comments:

mimi of 'sexagenarian and the city; said...

hi lv, happy new year to you. sorry to hear about camper; i know you'll be sad for a while. how well i know that feeling. i wish you the absolute best of dating luck in the new year.
xx mimi

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about the break up and that you are feeling sad for now. It is great that you are trusting your gut when a lot of people would just keep going along with it. Don't settle. Wishing you a very successful year overall and especially on the dating scene. Love that dog story!

Mo

Dating Trooper - Dating is Warfare said...

I know it probably doesn't feel like it but what a positive way to start the year - being honest with yourself, with others, and not wasting time on false hopes. Admirable move.

As for the dogs...hell yes that works! I once went on a date with a guy I knew I wasn't interested in simply because he had two St. Bernard puppies I was dying to meet. Hey, guys date girls so they can touch their huge DDs. Why can't I date a guy so I can touch his huge St. B's!

Happy New Year LV!

Anonymous said...

Aw, pooh. I had humongous hopes! But I agree with what your other wise noters said: To thine own self be true. And it is a good way to start a new year. --a&v (full of my own doubts, too bad I nixed the blog!)

*Juliette* said...

LV - Good for you, realizing that you deserve better and holding out for it. I recently had a therapist tell me that I'm being "too picky" for doing the same thing, but I stand by my decision.
A&V - I still have you on my blogroll hoping that you will somehow start up your blog again! If you do, or if you start a new one, please let me know!

Louisa said...

Puppies! :)

Tiny E said...

(Belated) Happy New Year! I'm sorry to hear that things didn't work out but kudos for going with your gut. Here's to a new year of great dates!