Sunday, January 18, 2009

On again, off again... part 1.

Oh my... so much to tell you! Hope you have a fabulous glass of wine in hand (or, if you're reading from work, a cup of coffee).

Remember last time, I wrote that the breakup with Camper was easy-peasy? Well -- we'd already had brunch plans for later that week, and he asked if we could still get together. I thought sure, why not. Over brunch, he put his heart on the table and said he realized he didn't want us to break up, and could we give it another shot?

I told him I still had my doubts about us -- and we *could* try again, but we should just take it day by day, and not have expectations. I had a business trip coming up, and thought the time apart would do us good.

That night, we each had plans with separate friends. I had just gotten home when he called me about 12:30 am -- I wasn't in the mood to talk, so I hit "ignore" on the phone. He immediately called right back -- thinking something could be seriously wrong, this time I picked up.

On the other end was a very drunk Camper, blathering on about how he was nearly arrested (?!) -- I eventually pulled it out of him that he'd had so much to drink that he'd "forgotten" to pay for his taxi home. The driver then called the police, who tracked him down at home and walked him back to the taxi to pay his fare.

Dealing with an incoherent drunk person is never fun -- I told Camper to try to get some sleep, and we'd talk the next day. After hanging up, he called me back, telling me he loved me, to please not forget about him, and so on. Again -- I told him he should just go to bed, and we'd talk the next day. Hung up. He called back. Repeat, for OVER A FRICKING HOUR. Same thing, "baby, I lurve you...". etc. Oy... fricking painful. If I didn't pick up the phone, he'd slur his messages into my answering machine.

Somehow I finally convinced him to go to bed. When we talked the next day, he apologized profusely for his behavior -- he even looked at the call records on his cell phone: he'd called me about 12 times. I was still pissed -- if we were going to give this relationship another shot, this was NOT an auspicious beginning, him acting like a drunken frat boy / stalker. He felt that I was being too hard on him -- after all, he'd never done anything like this, so why couldn't I just let it go?

To be continued...


Anonymous said...

Nope. If you let it go like no big deal, you set up that this is ok behavior when drunk. Don't give him the message that "you must behave yourself unless you are drunk. Then it is ok if you are inappropriate." Absolutely be hard on him.

Smart Cookie said...

I agree with anonymous and then some. Actually, if that were me, I would break up with him and that would be the end of it.

A guy I dated last year for many months got really drunk with his friends the night before Thanksgiving. He kept calling and sending me text messages, things like "wake up" and "what are you doing?" The next day he didn't remember doing any of it.

I continued to date him for another 2 months. In hindsight, that was enough to justify breaking up with him, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

As I look back on it, I was accepting bad behavior even though I called him on it because I continued to date him.

It's tough out there in the dating world, but I realize I'm still compromising myself too much because I give the other person too much of the benefit of the doubt.

dv in the 51st state said...

Hallo LV. I'm gonna leap in here and say, from a chap's perspective, that alarm bells are ringing after reading your post. I hope he has "never done anything like this" before, and I guess I'm curious (like you probably are) what triggered it in this instance... am looking forward to Pt 2! x