Thursday, February 26, 2009

Surprise from Mr. R... and date #124: WTF

A pleasant surprise... last time, I wrote that I had a feeling I wouldn't hear from Mr. Recurring again. It took him a few days, but he e-mailed, suggesting we go out again. A few fun, flirty e-mails later, and we have plans for next week. He was a fun date, and he gives good e-mail - I'm looking forward to seeing him again.

Earlier this week I had a first date with a guy I shall dub WTF for reasons that will soon become apparent. (he was my first date #124 since my last serious relationship ended four years ago)

WTF was a setup by some of my female friends -- they went to high school with him, and only became re-acquainted with him within the past few months. Through the magic of Facebook, of course. I was armed with the information that he's a lovely guy and really wants a serious relationship (and of course, I saw a number of pictures of him, and found him quite fetching).

This is an important fact -- HE chose the venue, a wine bar with small plates. We each had a few glasses of wine and shared some apps. It would have been considered a really good date if I didn't have the comparison of my great date with Mr. R just a few days earlier. Still, there was enough of an attraction that we were eventually smooching. (just a bit, not quite enough to disgust other bar patrons -- no private room needed)

When it came time to leave, he handed the bartender his credit card -- turns out it's a cash-only establishment. WTF had to pop out to the ATM, conveniently located right next door. When he came back, he eyed the check... and he plunked down an amount that did not cover the full bill.

Now -- this is always an awkward moment -- and the reason why I generally do NOT like to go out to eat on a first date. I always make a gesture to contribute towards the check - but I'll be honest, it's a test. If a guy takes me up on it, and allows me to split the bill with him? Not cool. I'm happy to take turns paying for things AFTER the first date -- but on that first date, really, it's up to the guy to pay. (ESPECIALLY when he has chosen the venue) This has been written about ad nauseum in dating columns, and 99.9% of the time, that's the consensus.

When I saw that WTF hadn't put down enough money to cover the check, I asked, "Can I contribute...?". His response: "well, with tip it comes to X amount, so that's Y amount each". What the hell can you say to that?

But wait, there's more! We walked to the subway together, but were taking the train in different directions. We started to say goodbye in a central, upstairs platform -- you could hear when a train was coming, but not see it. At one point, I thought I heard my train -- I dashed down the stairs, but it wasn't the correct train, so I came back up to where I'd left him. He was gone.

Turns out it was HIS train, and he had dashed down to get it without saying goodbye -- I mean, dude, it's not like this is the LIRR, where your next train isn't going to come for another hour! He called me a little while later to say that he'd heard his train and we didn't get to say a proper goodbye, as though this was perfectly normal behavior.

When I told our mutual friends about the date, they were appalled. I even asked Guy Friend what his opinion was of a guy who split the check with me -- his feeling was, he wasn't worth seeing again.

Before all this happened, when things appeared to be still going swimmingly, we made plans for this weekend. Now I'm on the fence whether or not to keep those plans. At this point, I feel like my opinion about him is colored in a negative light -- and yet, I wonder if I should give him another shot.

Thoughts?

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Brief hiatus... and I'm back. (with date #123)

My -- it's only been two weeks since I last wrote, but it feels like ages.

Around that time, I started to feel incredibly apathetic towards dating -- I was just bored with it, and couldn't be bothered to put any time into endless internet searching, writing, chatting that would go nowhere.

That lasted about two weeks. I'm not sure what spurred it (maybe a story of a friend's great date?), but I re-signed up for J-date a week or so ago and jumped back on the wagon.

One of the first e-mails exchanged was with a guy I'll call Mr. Recurring -- his e-mail was waiting for me when I joined again, and I thought he looked familiar. Turns out he and I have been exchanging e-mails for a year and a half -- one of us would write just as the other got off the site, and vice versa.

This time, we finally got past that first e-mail -- subsequent e-mails revealed that we had a lot in common -- this led to a phone call, and a date this past weekend. (date #123)

It was a great date -- drinks, then dinner, then some lovely smooching outside my building. The conversation not only flowed, but it felt like there just wasn't enough time to talk about everything we wanted to talk about, with promises to continue all 50 unfinished convos at a future time. He joked more than once that this was a lovely way to celebrate our 18 month anniversary (since it's been that long since we first connected online).

By all accounts, a perfect first date, right? And yet -- I can't explain this feeling -- I just sense that I'm not going to hear from him. Don't get me wrong, I'd very much like to see him again, but at this point, I'm not convinced that's going to happen. Just a gut feeling.

It could be because, in the very small world of NYC dating, it turns out that my friend H had a friend of a friend who went out with Mr. R -- H wasn't sure of the details, or how many times they'd gone out -- but Mr. R pulled a disappearing act on her. That has planted the seed in my head that he's capable of such behavior.

Anyway, I have enough going on right now to distract me from thinking about him too much. I'm in Phase One (e-mail banter) with a few J-guys, as well as a date planned for this week with a Real Live Guy -- a friend of a friend who saw my picture in one of her Facebook albums and asked about me.

Ah yes, then there's the fun distraction of HS Guy -- we've gotten together a few times for this casual fling thing we have going on. While I'm not interested in him as a boyfriend, I do enjoy his company very much on a purely casual basis. (the fact that he has an absolutely hot body doesn't hurt).

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Date #122 and other updates

I have a sudden urge to post an update, though I have no time at the moment. Full details to come!

Date #122: "NOT New Guy". A lunch date never leads anywhere, in my experience -- but due to time crunching, that's where we ended up. One of the reasons I was drawn to his J-date profile was because he resembled New Guy a bit in his photo -- in person, not so much.

If you've ever done online dating, I'm sure you, too, have had a thousand dates like this: the date was nice enough that you'd agree to see the guy again if he called -- but not so exciting that if you didn't hear from him, you'd be 100% OK with it. It's been over a week, and no word from NNG -- onward!

In other news: as I mentioned, New Guy have hung out as friends several times. I'm in a pretty good mindset with him.

And... there was one night where we wound up kissing passionately, and were very, very tempted to go home together. Not an easy decision to go home alone, but that's what I did, and I was happy about that choice the next day.

I feel more chemistry with this guy than with anyone I can remember in recent history... and I just happen to really like him as a person. But -- again -- we're just friends. (and if we're friends who happen to kiss every so often, I have no problem with that)

I'm contemplating a little fling with High School Guy (sorry, Mimi!). He's a Republican, but he's also very hot and he knows I'm not looking for anything serious right now -- AND he finds me incredibly sexy and beautiful. Our e-flirting has been getting more intense, and I'm thinking that he could be a fun companion for some of those cold winter nights. We'll see...