A pleasant surprise... last time, I wrote that I had a feeling I wouldn't hear from Mr. Recurring again. It took him a few days, but he e-mailed, suggesting we go out again. A few fun, flirty e-mails later, and we have plans for next week. He was a fun date, and he gives good e-mail - I'm looking forward to seeing him again.
Earlier this week I had a first date with a guy I shall dub WTF for reasons that will soon become apparent. (he was my first date #124 since my last serious relationship ended four years ago)
WTF was a setup by some of my female friends -- they went to high school with him, and only became re-acquainted with him within the past few months. Through the magic of Facebook, of course. I was armed with the information that he's a lovely guy and really wants a serious relationship (and of course, I saw a number of pictures of him, and found him quite fetching).
This is an important fact -- HE chose the venue, a wine bar with small plates. We each had a few glasses of wine and shared some apps. It would have been considered a really good date if I didn't have the comparison of my great date with Mr. R just a few days earlier. Still, there was enough of an attraction that we were eventually smooching. (just a bit, not quite enough to disgust other bar patrons -- no private room needed)
When it came time to leave, he handed the bartender his credit card -- turns out it's a cash-only establishment. WTF had to pop out to the ATM, conveniently located right next door. When he came back, he eyed the check... and he plunked down an amount that did not cover the full bill.
Now -- this is always an awkward moment -- and the reason why I generally do NOT like to go out to eat on a first date. I always make a gesture to contribute towards the check - but I'll be honest, it's a test. If a guy takes me up on it, and allows me to split the bill with him? Not cool. I'm happy to take turns paying for things AFTER the first date -- but on that first date, really, it's up to the guy to pay. (ESPECIALLY when he has chosen the venue) This has been written about ad nauseum in dating columns, and 99.9% of the time, that's the consensus.
When I saw that WTF hadn't put down enough money to cover the check, I asked, "Can I contribute...?". His response: "well, with tip it comes to X amount, so that's Y amount each". What the hell can you say to that?
But wait, there's more! We walked to the subway together, but were taking the train in different directions. We started to say goodbye in a central, upstairs platform -- you could hear when a train was coming, but not see it. At one point, I thought I heard my train -- I dashed down the stairs, but it wasn't the correct train, so I came back up to where I'd left him. He was gone.
Turns out it was HIS train, and he had dashed down to get it without saying goodbye -- I mean, dude, it's not like this is the LIRR, where your next train isn't going to come for another hour! He called me a little while later to say that he'd heard his train and we didn't get to say a proper goodbye, as though this was perfectly normal behavior.
When I told our mutual friends about the date, they were appalled. I even asked Guy Friend what his opinion was of a guy who split the check with me -- his feeling was, he wasn't worth seeing again.
Before all this happened, when things appeared to be still going swimmingly, we made plans for this weekend. Now I'm on the fence whether or not to keep those plans. At this point, I feel like my opinion about him is colored in a negative light -- and yet, I wonder if I should give him another shot.