Sunday, March 29, 2009

Date #127 / it's a small fricking world

I LOVE that for a big city, New York can be a very small world!

Last time, I wrote that that was going to be the very last mention of Mr Recurring -- but this story is worth mentioning, because it's such a crazy coincidence:

If you recall, only days after Mr R told me that he wanted to be exclusive with the other woman he'd been dating, I saw on Facebook that they were now "in a relationship". Of course, I had to check her out (who wouldn't?). She seemed smart, accomplished, etc -- and she and I shared a mutual Facebook friend -- let's call this friend Hannah.

Hannah and I are really just acquaintances -- we see each other at parties every so often, usually organized by our mutual friend, let's-call-her-Robin. I mentioned this coincidence to Robin -- her response:
Holy cow -- it gets better! Are you sitting down?

It just happened that she was at a party with Hannah and The Other Woman a few weeks ago -- it turns out that those two went to high school together, but were just reconnecting for the first time in years. Robin wrote about The Other Woman (whom she was meeting for the first time):

I have to tell you, I took a fairly strong dislike to her. I wanted to like her -- she's well-spoken and interesting -- but there was something about her that really rubbed me the wrong way. She seemed, well, a bit cold and a bit mean.

Here's the MOST interesting part: at a certain point in the evening we were talking about dating, and this woman said that she had maybe met someone. The sense I got was that they had been dating for a little while, maybe a month or two. She didn't seem to want to talk about him, which is understandable -- I know that feeling of not wanting to jinx something! -- but then someone asked how long they'd been seeing each other, and she said that they'd just had one date. I think she may have even said that they had just had it the night before, although I might be embroidering. One can only assume that that date was with [Mr R]!


Ahhh... small world indeed! I can't help but imagine the awkwardness if I'd been there as well, and we'd discovered that we were both excited about the same guy. Oof!

Moving on...

********

Had date #127 this week with Mr Easy -- I'll explain the name in a minute. Actually, we've already had two dates so far, will get to that as well.

Mr Easy and I had a good rapport via e-mail, and a fun connection on the phone. He mentioned that he'd done a bit of acting, and some of his comedy sketches were online. I looked up his videos -- they were cute and funny, and so was he.

Maybe it was because I had more visual information than I usually have going into a first date, but I just felt predisposed to liking this guy. It was a great date -- dinner, followed by drinks at a cozy lounge, with a nice amount of smooching. By the end of the date, he asked if I was free to get together over the weekend.

Date #2 was last night -- the good vibes continued over dinner. More good smooching. And again, before the date ended, he asked what my work schedule was like this week.

It just feels... easy. In a good way. So, we'll see.

******

Another update: after my date with Mr Sunday last week, I e-mailed him with some information I'd promised. He wrote back: thanks for the links, nice meeting you too. Take care, [Mr Sunday]

Ha! Diss! As Jerry Seinfeld says: when you say "take care", don't you really mean "take off"? Hilarious, very apt clip here.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Date #126: Sunday

Had a lunch date today (date #126 since my last serious relationship ended four years ago) -- I'm not feeling particularly creative with names right now, so for the moment, he'll just be known as Mr Sunday.

Sunday and I had a pretty good e-mail rapport, but when we first talked on the phone last week, the conversation felt a bit forced. Generally, in my experience, when I don't feel a connection by phone, it's rare that I'll have one in person. We wrapped up the convo by making lunch plans for today, but in the days that followed, I considered canceling -- and maybe this is wrong, but at the time, I thought that if a possible date with Mr R were to come up for today, then I'd cancel on Mr Sunday in order to see Mr R.

If you've been keeping up -- Mr R is now history. I decided to keep my date with Mr Sunday with the "you never know" mindset. Maybe we were just a bit nervous on the phone? It's a lot of pressure to say the "right" thing to a stranger during that initial conversation.

I'm glad I didn't cancel -- Mr Sunday was cute, and we had a nice, easy rapport -- we made each other laugh quite a bit. This was potentially telling - after lunch, there would have been the chance for one of us to bail if there was no interest at all. Instead, we took a stroll through the park and continued chatting.

Being a bright, sunny, sober afternoon, we wrapped up the date with a kiss on the cheek, and a mention that we should get together for a drink soon. Next time, at night. So -- we'll see.

********

Question: when you start dating someone new, do you search for whatever clues you can find about them? I sure do. Maybe Google, maybe Facebook -- probably both. I'm curious to see if we have any mutual friends, where they went to school (if they haven't already told me), etc.

DISCLAIMER: one last comment on Mr R, then he's going to be banished from these pages for good! I'll admit, after I met him, every so often I'd look at his Facebook page to see if there were any clues I could learn about him -- he has one of those pages where you can see all the information even if you're not his FB "friend".

Out of curiosity, I had a look at his FB page yesterday -- and he's already announced that he's "in a relationship" with this new woman! Whoa, Nelly! Just three days earlier, he had told me that they'd just had three dates together -- of course, there's a good chance that was a lie, and they'd gone out many more times than that.

But the fact remains... dude, you were telling me on Monday that you wanted to play strip poker with me, and we were planning our next dates... and by the weekend you're declaring to the world that you're in a relationship with someone else? This just reeks of "ew".

And let's not even mention the fact that relationships that take off really quickly often tend to crash and burn just as fast. Anyway: it's official -- that will be the last mention here of Mr R (unless he does something ridiculous, like contact me), because he really doesn't deserve any more typing energy.

Onward!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Four days of ups, downs, and ups again.

How can it only have been four days since I've updated here? I have so much info for you! I'll give you the play-by-play as if I were reporting it on each day.

Monday: feeling very happy and optimistic about Mr Recurring! We're back to our previous fun e-mail banter -- in a flirty moment, he joked about playing strip poker -- and interestingly, we have not only our next date planned, but the next two dates: a lunch date mid-week, then a proper weekend night out. Am very much looking forward to both, and it seems that he is as well.

Wednesday: my work day was off to a hectic start, so rather than the lunch date we had initially planned, I called Mr R to ask if he was free that night, maybe we could do a casual after-work thing instead. He started, "actually..."

He admitted to me that he's been on a few dates with someone else -- he feels that there's a special connection there, and he'd like to explore that... and as a result, feels we shouldn't be seeing each other any longer. He gave me more info than I really needed to hear: this felt like a one-in-a-million, and you can't control when this happens, blah blah blah.

I told him I appreciated his honesty, and that telling me this was preferable to him disappearing -- and wished him the best of luck.

(as written to a friend just after the call) I'm actually crying at my desk in my cubicle right now, hoping no one comes by -- maybe this dark cloud is a little bit about him, but more about the frustration of feeling that I had finally met someone I liked, only to have it go out the window -- and a little envy over the fabulous connection he seems to have with this other woman.

I'll be fine... but it just sucks right now.

Spend rest of the day brooding / crying in my cubicle / eating bad junk food. Several friends offered to take me out for a drink, and I wound up meeting M and her friend This Guy -- long time readers may remember that This Guy and I had a handful of dates about two years ago, but it never went anywhere. We run into each other occasionally at M's parties, and it has always been perfectly comfortable, no awkwardness whatsoever.

(strange -- just now, re-reading my almost two-year-old blog post about one of our early dates, I'm surprised -- I don't recall liking him as much as I seem to in this writeup! Anyway. I fall quickly sometimes -- surprise, surprise).

So -- M, TG and I went for a bite, and my spirits were lifted immediately thanks to their company and a few glasses of wine. We were about to walk to our respective subways when we passed by New Hip Restaurant -- M impulsively suggested we go there for just one more drink, which didn't take much convincing.

However -- at the door, the doorman / bouncer-type informed us: no reservation, no dice. We insisted, we just wanted to get a drink at the bar. Nope -- sorry.

M and I stood there looking at each other for a minute -- I wasn't ready to give up just yet, and just had a feeling that if we persevered or brainstormed, surely, there had to be a way in.

Just then, that "way" became apparent: the door swung open, and an acquaintance appeared -- let's call him Funny Guy. FG apparently had some connection there, and the fact that he knew me was all the doorman needed to know -- he whisked us inside, and insisted we join him and his friends. They generously shared some of their delicious apps with us (even though we just ate, we *had* to sample -- this restaurant is a bit pricey, and I probably won't be eating there anytime soon). Every so often, it's fun to pretend to be one of the Beautiful People.

Funny Guy and friends left before M, TG and I did -- when we asked for the check for our drinks, we were informed that it had been taken care of. I was touched by their generosity, and basked in the feeling that my day was finishing on a much better note than it had started.

But wait... it gets even better!

M hopped in a cab, and This Guy offered to walk me part of the way home. We then walked a bit more... and a bit more... until we were in front of my place, kissing. Then in my living room, kissing. And so on.

Thursday: did *not* get a good night of sleep at all... but it was 100% worth it. I thought this to myself as I said goodbye to This Guy at 9 am...

Sunday, March 15, 2009

That familiar old frustrating feeling. Again.

Had a third date with Mr. Recurring last week. I had a fabulous time, and thought he did as well. A friend had given me tickets to a show (lots of fun), followed by dinner a wonderful, warm restaurant where I know the owners -- amazing, lovely people who treat you like family. He texted me the next day to say "thank you" for a fabulous evening.

A few days went by before I heard from him again -- he apologized for not being in touch, as he'd been a bit under the weather. No mention of getting together again... and since I pretty much helmed the last date, I'm leaving the next one in his hands.

That is... if there is indeed a next one? Maybe I'm jumping the gun, but I just have a feeling that this is it. Done. If a guy is really into you, wouldn't he want to know (within a reasonable amount of time) when he'll have the chance to see you again?

A friend told me that since it's only been a few days since I've heard from him, it's too soon to tell whether or not he'll contact me for another date yet -- but I need to trust my gut, and mentally, at this point it's easier for me to write him off. If he contacts me -- great, I'll be pleasantly surprised, and will be very happy to see him again. But for now, I'm not going to be sitting by the proverbial phone.

Reminder: I'm being a little cautious in regards to him because as I wrote in an earlier post, he pulled one of those dating disappearing acts on a friend of a friend of a friend. Don't know details, but that has remained in the back of my mind.

Other guy news:
Martin, the short guy: we had a first date two weeks ago. Had a second date planned for last week -- he called that afternoon to cancel. That was fine by me -- I shouldn't have planned a Sunday evening date to begin with, as I like that chill time before a busy week.

He then left a message a few days later -- he had a friend visiting from out of town, but would like to get together once he's free. I e-mailed back, sure, just let me know when.

He then texted today, saying he was going to be in my neighborhood this afternoon, and would "love to hang" with me. I generally have no problem with being spontaneous, but I'm not a fan of the last-minute date request. I texted back that I wasn't free today, but to let me know if he'd like to plan something for later in the week. (note use of the word "plan").

Ha - then there's this guy I'll call Red Flag Guy -- there were a few red flags from the start:
1. his profile said he lived in Brooklyn, but in his first e-mail it came out that he lived in Bumfuck, New Jersey -- over an hour away. BUT he's planning on moving back to the city later this year.
2. no pics in his profile -- when I asked him to send some, he had only one to send. Really...?
3. right away, his e-mails were ridiculously gushy: he was smitten by my eyes, etc.

For some reason, I continued the e-mail exchange for a few days -- part social experiment, part staying-distracted-from-Mr-Recurring. When RFG left a message on my voicemail addressing me as "hey, sexy...", it just felt too icky to continue.

And -- not surprising -- when I told my friend A about him, she said he sounded familiar -- turns out he'd done the same thing to her when he contacted her last year, sexy-talk and all.

In my funk over Mr. Recurring, I found this ridiculous, hilarious website and it immediately improved my mood. Enjoy!
Unicorns and Cupcakes

Friday, March 6, 2009

Unexpected pang.

I'm a little tipsy on an empty stomach right now, so this is going to be blunt and very stream-of-consciousness.

Saw New Guy tonight -- we went out with our two mutual friends. Before the friends arrived, we were catching up, and he casually mentioned that he's been dating someone -- I think he said it's been going on a month or two. He's been clear with her that he doesn't know what he wants, and he's not exactly looking for a quote-unquote "relationship" right now (just to reiterate, he and I have been in the "friend zone" for a few months now... but the attraction pops up now and then -- we kissed the last time we saw each other, about a month ago).

Anyway... just hearing that he was dating someone put a knife in my heart, and it occurred to me: I still have feelings for this guy. He's really an amazing, exceptional guy, and it's hard for me NOT to have these feelings for him. It sucks.

It *does* help to know that even if he wasn't dating this other woman, we wouldn't exactly be in a "relationship" per se, since he's just not in that place. Still... I'd rather him not be dating anyone else, and for us to just have occasional dalliances... anyway... onward.

** and yes, I know it's hypocritical for me to not want him to date other people, when of course, I AM dating other guys. Did I ever claim to be rational in matters of love?

fyi -- as far as I know, he has no idea I have these feelings for him. Unless he somehow senses it intuitively... but I think I've been doing a pretty good job playing it cool.

But -- some good news:

Had a second date with Mr. Recurring -- the thought of him makes me smile. It was a fabulous date -- drinks, then dinner, then a bit of smooching. Towards the end of the date (I wish I could remember the context), he started listing the things he likes about me: he thinks I'm easy to talk to, smart, fun, easy on the eyes. Next date is set for this weekend -- I'm excited about him.

Had another first date (#125) this week. I'm not sure what to think of him yet -- good looking, smart, gregarious... and short. He's about my height. For now, let's call him Martin - as in, Martin Short. He left a message on my voicemail tonight -- I'd see him again.

No word from WTF after our second date last weekend -- 100% ok by me.

I'd been having that fun-flirty-single feeling since Camper and I broke up -- but only tonight, those pangs of wanting to be in a relationship came pounding on my door again.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Introducing Guy Friend! (and followup WTF date)

I've been telling my guy friend (known here as, you got it, Guy Friend) for ages that he needs to start a dating blog. Not only does he go on many more dates than I do, his tend to be a bit more risque -- and I love hearing his stories from a guy's point of view.

He finally did it! Please visit his new blog -- appropriately titled Guy Friend. (awww, my very own spinoff, like "Joanie Loves Chachi" or "Joey"!)

Our views sometimes differ -- and we've discussed this in person. For example (as you'll read in his first post) -- he feels that after only a date or two, it's OK to simply do the "fade away" if you're not interested in the other person (aka, the Disappearing Act, aka Dropping Off the Face of the Earth).

I feel that if there's obviously no connection on the first date from both parties, then the mutual fade is fine. BUT, I think that if one party has contacted the other after the date, expressing interest to go out again, it's up to the disinterested party to somehow say, "thanks, but no thanks". He feels that the disinterested party can still do the fade away at that point... even if he's on the receiving end.

Thoughts?

************

I have a very interesting WTF update: we had a second date, and while I was skeptical going in, I wound up having a very nice time. I'm not sure if our mutual friend mentioned anything to him... or maybe he just paid for everything on the second date because he simply wanted to? (we went for dinner and a movie -- since he'd already paid for dinner, I offered to get the movie... he insisted, "I've got it"). We then went out for dessert, and he was about to pay for that as well, but I insisted that he let me take care of it.

He's very sweet, cute and smart. Was there chemistry? Hard to tell... I was coming down with a cold, so I wasn't really in a mindset to focus on that. If I hear from him, I'd see him again. Stay tuned!

(at the moment, I'm more excited about Recurring -- some mildly flirty e-mails and texts this weekend means I'm especially looking forward to our next date, later this week).