Friday, March 6, 2009

Unexpected pang.

I'm a little tipsy on an empty stomach right now, so this is going to be blunt and very stream-of-consciousness.

Saw New Guy tonight -- we went out with our two mutual friends. Before the friends arrived, we were catching up, and he casually mentioned that he's been dating someone -- I think he said it's been going on a month or two. He's been clear with her that he doesn't know what he wants, and he's not exactly looking for a quote-unquote "relationship" right now (just to reiterate, he and I have been in the "friend zone" for a few months now... but the attraction pops up now and then -- we kissed the last time we saw each other, about a month ago).

Anyway... just hearing that he was dating someone put a knife in my heart, and it occurred to me: I still have feelings for this guy. He's really an amazing, exceptional guy, and it's hard for me NOT to have these feelings for him. It sucks.

It *does* help to know that even if he wasn't dating this other woman, we wouldn't exactly be in a "relationship" per se, since he's just not in that place. Still... I'd rather him not be dating anyone else, and for us to just have occasional dalliances... anyway... onward.

** and yes, I know it's hypocritical for me to not want him to date other people, when of course, I AM dating other guys. Did I ever claim to be rational in matters of love?

fyi -- as far as I know, he has no idea I have these feelings for him. Unless he somehow senses it intuitively... but I think I've been doing a pretty good job playing it cool.

But -- some good news:

Had a second date with Mr. Recurring -- the thought of him makes me smile. It was a fabulous date -- drinks, then dinner, then a bit of smooching. Towards the end of the date (I wish I could remember the context), he started listing the things he likes about me: he thinks I'm easy to talk to, smart, fun, easy on the eyes. Next date is set for this weekend -- I'm excited about him.

Had another first date (#125) this week. I'm not sure what to think of him yet -- good looking, smart, gregarious... and short. He's about my height. For now, let's call him Martin - as in, Martin Short. He left a message on my voicemail tonight -- I'd see him again.

No word from WTF after our second date last weekend -- 100% ok by me.

I'd been having that fun-flirty-single feeling since Camper and I broke up -- but only tonight, those pangs of wanting to be in a relationship came pounding on my door again.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

always squelch the urge to ask you who New Guy is. (ok, I'm asking......are his initials RB?) Keep thinking I know him. But if he is casually dating someone else, and not casually dating you in his "not ready for whatever reason" phase, then he is someone you should not have hope for EVER. He might be a " I'm stinging you along, because I can" kind of guy. There are so so many out there. And if it is the previously alluded to above RB guy, he is great, gorgeous, super smooth, and a slick player. You almost don't care, 'cuz he is that gorgeous and smooth. But it hurts to hope and sorta wait. I know, 'cuz I did it, too.

BTW, I love your blog. You are fantastically interesting! Thanks for sharing so much.

Oliveira said...

"** and yes, I know it's hypocritical for me to not want him to date other people, when of course, I AM dating other guys. Did I ever claim to be rational in matters of love?"

That is sooooooo familiar :D

Loverville said...

Anon: nope, he's not RB. The thing about New Guy is that he's NOT particularly gorgeous, and certainly not slick -- I happen to find him adorable because he's a wonderful person, with a great personality.

He's actually been very straightforward with me, that he values our friendship first and foremost... that doesn't stop me from having these pangs of wanting him!

As expected, the pangs have subsided since I last wrote. Seeing Mr Recurring again tomorrow, and very excited about that.

Loverville said...

ps... Anonymous, I'm curious, who is this RB you're referring to? E-mail me at loverville@gmail.com

I promise... it'll be in the vault!

Loverville said...

To: Anon who wrote on March 6 -- so sorry, I JUST got your e-mail (I almost never check that account, but should) -- and I don't know either of those guys. The names don't ring a bell at all.

Thanks for reading and commenting, and best of luck to you as well!

Anonymous said...

No problem. And thanks anyway! I'm glad you don't know those two. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think they both are bad news. Who knows though....Have a good one! :)

Beth

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