Saturday, May 30, 2009

The wake-up call: Martin

Just got back from a business trip – on my last night there, I had an epiphany.

I was faffing around on the internet, checking out what people were up to on Facebook – out of curiosity, I checked out Mr Recurring’s page. I check out his page every so often to see if he’s still engaged to soon-to-be Mrs Recurring. So far, it appears that that’s still the case, with the wedding just a few weeks away. Allegedly.

I think there’s a part of me that wants to see that they’ve broken up. Not because I want to be with him… maybe I’m just a little jealous of these two people who seem so ecstatic to have found each other, and I just crave that feeling so much. I don’t even realize I’m craving it until I go to his (then her) Facebook page, and see all the updates (the first get-together with mutual friends, talk of moving in together), the happy photos together, gazing into each other’s eyes (well, THAT one is a bit puke-worthy).

So, this epiphany: I realized that if I want to find someone who is totally crazy about me, maybe I shouldn’t be wasting time with guys who AREN’T crazy about me. My best friend D will be the first to remind me of this: any night I spend on a date with someone like Martin is a night I could be potentially be going out with someone with whom there’s a future. Rocket science, I know.

I’ve been on the fence regarding how much I like Martin, pondering how right he is for me. One factor that’s pushing him further into the “not right” column: he’s been rather inconsistent. Before we both left on our trips, he told me he’d miss me – and yet we only exchanged one brief, not-very-warm text while I was away. Actions much louder than words, see?

Just tonight, a week and a half after our last brief text exchange, he texted me to say “hi” – at 1:30 am. Really, dude?

Alas, I think he needs to be 86’d. I’m going to miss the good chemistry, but I think it’s more important to focus on someone who may have potential.

What timing – I just read this on Evan Mark Katz’s website:
What’s most important is not how a guy makes you feel on a date. Sure, it’s great when you’re tipsy and tingling with excitement in anticipation of his kiss. But that feeling is useless if he doesn’t make a consistent effort to see you.

Literally ALL that matters - if you want a healthy relationship - is how quickly he follows up to say, “When can I see you again?”


Thanks for the reminder, EMK.

6 comments:

mimi of 'sexagenarian and the city' said...

good for you & yr epiphany. if sexagenarian dating is any indication, now -- may/june -- is a Good Time to meet men. they want to be out & about, and not alone. i hope you can meet someone who is 'crazy about' you -- soon. you're worthy of that attention. whatever it takes, go for it, LV.

Anonymous said...

Ah, yes --- where are the guys we are crazy about who are also crazy about us?!

Anonymous said...

That is so true.... my ex bf (who I dated for YEARS unfortunately) was great on dates but I never knew when I was seeing him next. He always had "things" going on that did not involve me. When I met my now husband, within about a month, I said to myself "oh, so this is how is should be...". It was just easy and I always knew when I would see him.

Stay on track and you will find what you are looking for, Jess

Dark Cloud Nine said...

First, I am happy I realized I had somehow lost track of your blog when I closed/opened-a-new-blog/while-changing-my-name crisis (pfft).

Second, wow. Why didn't I think about this on my own? (the "ALL that matters is how quickly he follows up to say, “When can I see you again?”" bit) I sensed it but never connected the dots.

I suppose that is what I read blogs. To connect the dots.

You go girl. You have the right approach.

Dark Cloud Nine said...

that is "why" whyyyyyy not what.

Anonymous said...

hmmm.. some free dating sites make money with adsense etc..



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