Saturday, May 30, 2009

The wake-up call: Martin

Just got back from a business trip – on my last night there, I had an epiphany.

I was faffing around on the internet, checking out what people were up to on Facebook – out of curiosity, I checked out Mr Recurring’s page. I check out his page every so often to see if he’s still engaged to soon-to-be Mrs Recurring. So far, it appears that that’s still the case, with the wedding just a few weeks away. Allegedly.

I think there’s a part of me that wants to see that they’ve broken up. Not because I want to be with him… maybe I’m just a little jealous of these two people who seem so ecstatic to have found each other, and I just crave that feeling so much. I don’t even realize I’m craving it until I go to his (then her) Facebook page, and see all the updates (the first get-together with mutual friends, talk of moving in together), the happy photos together, gazing into each other’s eyes (well, THAT one is a bit puke-worthy).

So, this epiphany: I realized that if I want to find someone who is totally crazy about me, maybe I shouldn’t be wasting time with guys who AREN’T crazy about me. My best friend D will be the first to remind me of this: any night I spend on a date with someone like Martin is a night I could be potentially be going out with someone with whom there’s a future. Rocket science, I know.

I’ve been on the fence regarding how much I like Martin, pondering how right he is for me. One factor that’s pushing him further into the “not right” column: he’s been rather inconsistent. Before we both left on our trips, he told me he’d miss me – and yet we only exchanged one brief, not-very-warm text while I was away. Actions much louder than words, see?

Just tonight, a week and a half after our last brief text exchange, he texted me to say “hi” – at 1:30 am. Really, dude?

Alas, I think he needs to be 86’d. I’m going to miss the good chemistry, but I think it’s more important to focus on someone who may have potential.

What timing – I just read this on Evan Mark Katz’s website:
What’s most important is not how a guy makes you feel on a date. Sure, it’s great when you’re tipsy and tingling with excitement in anticipation of his kiss. But that feeling is useless if he doesn’t make a consistent effort to see you.

Literally ALL that matters - if you want a healthy relationship - is how quickly he follows up to say, “When can I see you again?”

Thanks for the reminder, EMK.


mimi of 'sexagenarian and the city' said...

good for you & yr epiphany. if sexagenarian dating is any indication, now -- may/june -- is a Good Time to meet men. they want to be out & about, and not alone. i hope you can meet someone who is 'crazy about' you -- soon. you're worthy of that attention. whatever it takes, go for it, LV.

Anonymous said...

Ah, yes --- where are the guys we are crazy about who are also crazy about us?!

Anonymous said...

That is so true.... my ex bf (who I dated for YEARS unfortunately) was great on dates but I never knew when I was seeing him next. He always had "things" going on that did not involve me. When I met my now husband, within about a month, I said to myself "oh, so this is how is should be...". It was just easy and I always knew when I would see him.

Stay on track and you will find what you are looking for, Jess

Dark Cloud Nine said...

First, I am happy I realized I had somehow lost track of your blog when I closed/opened-a-new-blog/while-changing-my-name crisis (pfft).

Second, wow. Why didn't I think about this on my own? (the "ALL that matters is how quickly he follows up to say, “When can I see you again?”" bit) I sensed it but never connected the dots.

I suppose that is what I read blogs. To connect the dots.

You go girl. You have the right approach.

Dark Cloud Nine said...

that is "why" whyyyyyy not what.

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