Monday, June 15, 2009

Sigh.

Several months ago, I wrote about an evening out with New Guy (I really need to come up with a better name for him) -- a refresher: he and I dated for a few months last fall, but he was just out of a serious relationship (and a long marriage just before that), and needed to have some solo time. We stopped dating, but remained friends.

On that last night out (platonic, with mutual friends), he mentioned that he was dating someone new, but was clear with her that he absolutely was not looking for anything serious. I realized at that time that I couldn't help myself: I still had feelings for this guy.

He and I have remained friends, but hadn't seen each other since then -- until this weekend. We've been meaning to catch up for ages, but one of us always seems to be traveling lately, so we finally picked a date a month in advance and made plans to cook dinner at his place.

It was a fabulous night, eating in his yard on a perfect, balmy summer evening -- but holy cow -- I realized that I *still* have feelings for him. He's just one of the most remarkable guys I've ever met -- smart, considerate, a great listener, funny (and he happens to be a good cook) -- we just click.

And yet -- very appropriate that the issue of timing has come up on this blog of late -- maybe it's bad timing, maybe he's just not into me. Whatever it is -- it's a sucky feeling that I still care for him (a lot), but he's just not available right now.

Oy… for so long, I had done such a good job of filing him away in the recesses of my mind. Seeing him brought all those feelings back to the surface, maybe more so because I’m in a frustrating place right now. Nothing I can really do about it, except try to stifle these feelings (again) and hope they stay buried. And maybe meet someone equally amazing who IS available.

*******
The next day, I had lunch plans with a new J-guy -- let's call him George, since he resembles my high school boyfriend with that name (he's First Date #132 since March 2005). I went into the date feeling physically heartsick over the situation with New Guy, and found myself thinking that if this was a bad date, that would only drive me deeper into the black hole I'd dug for myself.

Thankfully, George was a good distraction. Funny, cute, fun. He expressed interest in seeing me again, so I'm hoping that happens sometime this week.

And then -- another good distraction from New Guy, and the NY dating scene in general -- as of next week, I'm going to be out of town for almost three weeks, on vacation with a good friend to Some Exotic Country. The timing couldn't be better! (for a change)

Friday, June 12, 2009

And another one's gone, and another one's gone...

Just a few days ago, I wrote:

I recently stopped dating Martin because I felt it wasn't going anywhere, and I made a decision to actively seek a meaningful relationship. So why am I still dating Mr Easy, even though it doesn't feel like it has the makings of a great romance? Good question. It is easy, and we do have a good time. But is that enough? I think I need more time to figure it out.

I came to the conclusion: fun and easy wasn't enough. Tonight, I ended it with Mr Easy. He was disappointed, but in the honest discussion that followed (we'd never talked about "us" before), he said he's not in a place for anything serious at the moment. And truthfully, while I enjoyed his company, I'm not sure I was feeling a future with him. We had a lovely hug goodbye (along with what seemed like one of our most passionate kisses ever), and that was that.

I know I made the right decision, but I'm just in a funk right now. I'm really, really sick of dates that don't go anywhere. I had dates #130 and 131 this week -- I wasn't swept off my feet by either of them, but I'd consider a second date if I hear from them. Thankfully, neither was doing the Master Cleanse during the date.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Date #129: the Guru

This was my first "first date" in over two months, and I was a bit nervous. The Guru and I had nearly missed each other, like the proverbial two ships in the night: we'd had a few encouraging e-mails via Match, until he said he was getting off the site, and to write to him at his real email address.

I did -- no response. I was a little surprised, but not so much -- it's not unusual for a Great Connection Guy to go MIA on the internet.

About a week ago, I got an alert that he wrote to me again via Match (I couldn't read the content, as I was no longer a paying member). Again, I wrote to him at his e-mail address. Nothing.

I finally did a bit of detective work, and discovered that I'd misspelled his e-mail address. Once I realized this, I let him know, and he quickly wrote back, and a date was planned. I couldn't help but think that if we hit it off, what a great story that would be -- the romance that almost didn't happen, thwarted by technology!

However, that was not to be.

My request to talk on the phone prior to the date was met with "I'm not much of a phone person, but ok...". We wound up leaving messages for one another, and went into the date un-talked. Had I talked to him beforehand, I might not have had to write to this e-mail to a friend immediately after the date:

So... the date with (Mr Guru): for one, those pics on his profile are really old. Two: he suggested we meet for Thai food, but when he showed up (about 20 minutes late) he revealed that he was doing a cleanse - why bother meeting me for *dinner* then? I ate real food, while he got a bowl of broth. I had beer, he had hot water with lemon. Three: when the check came, I did the polite "can I contribute?" offer -- he said, "ok, we can split it, even though mine was less". Um... okay...

He was a bit too New Agey for me. He's not of this coast, and has only been living here a few months. The word "tantric" was bandied about. Interesting to talk to from a sociological stance, but no chemistry at all.


Onward!

*******
I recently stopped dating Martin because I felt it wasn't going anywhere, and I made a decision to actively seek a meaningful relationship. So why am I still dating Mr Easy, even though it doesn't feel like it has the makings of a great romance? Good question. It is easy, and we do have a good time. But is that enough? I think I need more time to figure it out.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Another one bites the dust.

I did it. After waffling all weekend, I finally called Martin and ended things. (he restored my faith that he wasn't a total dillhole when, the day after he texted me at 1:30 am, he called and left a proper message).

It wasn't easy -- we have a good connection, and great chemistry, and I was torn between doing what feels good right now, vs what I want in the long run. This doesn't happen often with me, but logic won. Maybe I'm finally becoming a grown-up?

During this warmer-than-expected talk, he reminded me that during an earlier talk we'd had months ago, he told me that he was not long out of a serious relationship, which was preceded by another long-term relationship -- and thus, wasn't in a place to be serious right now. Oh yes... that. I remembered that, kind of.

He said he understood where I was coming from, but hoped we could still stay friends, and "we'll see what happens" down the road. So that's that. I'm missing him a little, but am still confident that this is for the best.

I'm just really ready to meet someone already who is crazy about me, whom I'm crazy about as well. Sigh.