Friday, June 12, 2009

And another one's gone, and another one's gone...

Just a few days ago, I wrote:

I recently stopped dating Martin because I felt it wasn't going anywhere, and I made a decision to actively seek a meaningful relationship. So why am I still dating Mr Easy, even though it doesn't feel like it has the makings of a great romance? Good question. It is easy, and we do have a good time. But is that enough? I think I need more time to figure it out.

I came to the conclusion: fun and easy wasn't enough. Tonight, I ended it with Mr Easy. He was disappointed, but in the honest discussion that followed (we'd never talked about "us" before), he said he's not in a place for anything serious at the moment. And truthfully, while I enjoyed his company, I'm not sure I was feeling a future with him. We had a lovely hug goodbye (along with what seemed like one of our most passionate kisses ever), and that was that.

I know I made the right decision, but I'm just in a funk right now. I'm really, really sick of dates that don't go anywhere. I had dates #130 and 131 this week -- I wasn't swept off my feet by either of them, but I'd consider a second date if I hear from them. Thankfully, neither was doing the Master Cleanse during the date.


Beth said...

You know, I think you need to do something extraordinary. Something. Not internet dating. Not work stuff. But something that puts the spark in your step. And then I think an extraordinary love will find you. That's just my feeling.

Bella said...

Why do these guys so often say to you that they are not ready for something serious right now? Doesn't it seem like you hear that a lot? It makes me want to smack them upright the head. These aren't 22 year olds you're dating, right? These are guys in their 30's. What in the world is so fascinating in their lives right now, that it distracts them from having a relationship?

Samantha said...

Try to do something different to meet guys. I fell into the same rut with internet dating. So I stopped for a month or 2, then (even though I hate sports dirt and oh did i mention sports?), I joined a kickball league and was asked out by 4 guys in 2 weeks, started dating one of them and I actually think I have found the love of my life. And it turns out, I love playing the game. Will wonders never cease? Do it.

jgo said...

I think you have some very good goals about finding a meaningful relationship. I understand that after you had the talk he admitted he wasnt looking for something serious, but how did you know before hand that you didnt really like him? How does one tell if they really like someone?

Loverville said...

Beth: re, something extraordinary - actually, I have an exciting vacation coming up with a friend. It won't necessarily help me find a boyfriend, but it'll be good to clear my mind for a little while!

Bella: oy, indeed! But I'd rather have this info now, rather than 6 months from now.

Samantha: congrats on finding a great guy... and that sounds fun, I should try it! I actually do a lot of biking with a fun group, but have never met anyone through that.

JGO: I think it's just that gut feeling -- either you feel it for this person, or you don't.

Anonymous said...

Bella, I once had a man in his 40s, divorced with a teenage son, say he "wasn't ready." My thought was: What does he need in order to be ready?

It's fine if they aren't into me or don't like me or think I am too smart for them or too ugly or too short or whatever. It is idiotic and annoying, however, for them to invoke the time factor.

It totally makes me want to smack them as well.


Loverville said...

I really hate to say this, and sound like I'm making excuses for guys: I've heard people say that with guys, it's more about timing... and with women, it's more about meeting the right person.

Not to say this is always the case... I've just heard it from more than one person. It's an endless source of frustration.

Anonymous said...

I just watched the movie "He's just not that into you..." last night. It's about always trying to make excuses for why guys don't want to be with you. I think if a guy does not call you, says he is not ready for a relationship, it is not timing, it is that he is just not that into you. Period. My guy friends have confirmed it many, many times. It's time to move LV and find someone you are crazy about and is crazy about you.

Anonymous said...

I agree that with men it is about timing and with women it is about the right person.

But it is still the case that when a guy says "I'm not ready for a relationship," he is saying he's not into you.

The above facts are not mutually exclusive!


bella said...

Anonymous: Where and why do you recommend she move?

Anonymous said...

The anon who said she saw "He's Not That Into You" meant that LV should not make excuses and move ON, not move. Sorry, missed the word ON.

Loverville said...

By the way -- I'm still a believer that timing *can* be a factor at times -- I'm proof.

Years ago, I was just out of a four-year relationship, and the last thing I wanted to do was jump right into a new serious relationship. It just happened that the first guy I dated after my breakup was a great guy, and was looking for something serious... but I wasn't. If I'd met him a year later, we might have had a different outcome.

Anonymous said...

LV, it is too bad you were so short-sighted.
In my experience, there is no better balm for a broken heart than a new guy who is better than the old one.

Time passes, but personalities don't change. So you can do things to adjust the timing and work within a reasonable time frame but you cannot ever make someone be the right guy.


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