Several months ago, I wrote about an evening out with New Guy (I really need to come up with a better name for him) -- a refresher: he and I dated for a few months last fall, but he was just out of a serious relationship (and a long marriage just before that), and needed to have some solo time. We stopped dating, but remained friends.
On that last night out (platonic, with mutual friends), he mentioned that he was dating someone new, but was clear with her that he absolutely was not looking for anything serious. I realized at that time that I couldn't help myself: I still had feelings for this guy.
He and I have remained friends, but hadn't seen each other since then -- until this weekend. We've been meaning to catch up for ages, but one of us always seems to be traveling lately, so we finally picked a date a month in advance and made plans to cook dinner at his place.
It was a fabulous night, eating in his yard on a perfect, balmy summer evening -- but holy cow -- I realized that I *still* have feelings for him. He's just one of the most remarkable guys I've ever met -- smart, considerate, a great listener, funny (and he happens to be a good cook) -- we just click.
And yet -- very appropriate that the issue of timing has come up on this blog of late -- maybe it's bad timing, maybe he's just not into me. Whatever it is -- it's a sucky feeling that I still care for him (a lot), but he's just not available right now.
Oy… for so long, I had done such a good job of filing him away in the recesses of my mind. Seeing him brought all those feelings back to the surface, maybe more so because I’m in a frustrating place right now. Nothing I can really do about it, except try to stifle these feelings (again) and hope they stay buried. And maybe meet someone equally amazing who IS available.
The next day, I had lunch plans with a new J-guy -- let's call him George, since he resembles my high school boyfriend with that name (he's First Date #132 since March 2005). I went into the date feeling physically heartsick over the situation with New Guy, and found myself thinking that if this was a bad date, that would only drive me deeper into the black hole I'd dug for myself.
Thankfully, George was a good distraction. Funny, cute, fun. He expressed interest in seeing me again, so I'm hoping that happens sometime this week.
And then -- another good distraction from New Guy, and the NY dating scene in general -- as of next week, I'm going to be out of town for almost three weeks, on vacation with a good friend to Some Exotic Country. The timing couldn't be better! (for a change)