Saturday, August 29, 2009

Welcome back, A&V! (and some non-updates)

My old blog buddy, formerly known as Amore & Vino, has found herself a new URL home -- Single in the (Napa) Valley. Pay her a visit to say HI, and pass on a few words of encouragement!

Minor updates:

* I heard from Martin for the first time since the breakup early in the week -- a mass email, inviting me to his upcoming birthday party. No thanks -- no response necessary.

I felt a twinge of missing him for a half-day or so after the breakup -- but as I biked through his neighborhood a few days later, I realized that I was feeling relief to NOT be dating him any longer. He just wasn't right for me, but I was initially willing to overlook that for the sake of a good connection and fun companionship. Lesson learned, I hope.

* I'm convinced that DogMan isn't interested in me, despite hours of easy convo on our date the other night. I know -- "The Rules" dictate that a woman should wait for a man to make the first contact after a date, but I got impatient: two days after the date, I emailed him some info that I had promised I'd send, signing off with a breezy "have a great weekend -- talk soon". (eh, I've always been a rule-breaker anyway)

He wrote back a short while later, thanking me for the information, and wished me a great weekend as well. Polite, but not exactly warm. No suggestion of talking soon or getting together again. It's fine. Onward!

* As Guy Friend reminded me: it doesn't seem like it's a match with him, but you've got 5-6 other chickens in the oven, so to speak. It's true. I already have two dates planned in the next few days, in addition to communication with other J-guys simmering away. Details to come!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Date #135: DogMan

As Tiny E recently stated -- the best way to forget about someone is to go out with someone else. I did that tonight, and didn't think about Martin for a nanosecond.

Last night (post-breakup, post-karaoke) I forked over the $39.99 to subscribe to J-date again, my first time in months. I had kept my profile active the past few months, but since I wasn't a paying member, I couldn't read emails that were sent to me. Last night I played a bit of catch-up, writing back to guys who had written to me months ago.

After a few email exchanges, one of them IMd me today. I'm not much of an IM-er, but the timing was perfect -- I was in the process of responding to his email. Some nice chit chat, and next thing I knew, we had a date planned for tonight. (he's going out of town this weekend, and we had conflicting schedules for the rest of the week) He seemed just semi-decent looking in his pics, but I have to admit that I was partially won over by his adorable dog.

We met for a drink at a cocktail bar with good lighting -- very happy surprise, he was much cuter than his pics. (but not *too* cute to be intimidating) Interesting, smart, funny guy -- spent some time living abroad, which is always a plus. The time flew -- we both looked at our watches at one point and were shocked to see it was 11 pm -- we met at 8:30.

He walked me home, and there definitely would have been the opportunity for him to give me a nice kiss goodnight -- but he didn't. Even his body language at the bar earlier kept changing -- sometimes he'd face me, sometimes he'd face away a bit.

It would be nice to see him again, but I won't be heartbroken if I don't. He made a reference to "next time" we get together -- so we'll see.

I'm guessing -- if a guy doesn't grab the opportunity to kiss me at the end of the night when we're just chatting in front of my place -- chances are, he's just not that into me. Thoughts?
PS -- Just had to add this -- this email just came in from some new guy:
I like your profile so if the feeling is mutual, and you don't always wear that orange/red lipstick (sorry, just not a big fan of lipstick in general) then feel free to say hi sometime.

Dillhole! Dude needs some charm lessons.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009


A few months ago, I wrote that I went on a business trip, and during that one week away, things went from "pretty nice" with Martin to "over". I should just copy and paste that exact same blog post -- it happened again.

Last week, during the first few days of my business trip he wrote lovely emails, saying that he missed me and looked forward to seeing me when I got home. Then... nothing. Four days of radio silence, which is a lot when you've been communicating nearly every day. I got the vibe that something was definitely up.

Tonight, the night after my return, we had plans to go to a party together. We met at my place, and that feeling that *something* was amiss was palpable. I sat next to him on my couch and came right out and asked: I was getting a strange vibe, and was anything wrong?

With difficulty, he finally spit it out: he'd hooked up with another woman last week, someone he used to date, and (I'm paraphrasing here), he's not sure if he's ready for a relationship at this time. We had never said that we were exclusive, but I was always straightforward about the fact that I couldn't be with someone who was sleeping with other people. Up until now, this wasn't an issue.

The strange thing: he was genuinely upset that I couldn't date him any longer. He told me that he adored me and really enjoyed spending time with me, but understood where I was coming from. It was a bizarrely heartfelt discussion -- he actually got a bit teary. I told him I wasn't exactly angry with him (since we'd never said we were exclusive) -- just hurt and disappointed.

The truth is -- this time around, there was always *something* I couldn't place about him -- I just never felt that I could trust him 100%. Sure, we had fun, and the sex was great -- but I just didn't get The Feeling that I had for New Guy. (and maybe still have. Sigh.). But I would have been willing to wait it out and see what developed -- anyway, it just wasn't meant to be.

I skipped the party, and instead met up with a group of friends from work who were out singing karaoke -- it was a great night, and I'm still a bit tipsy. "Love is a Battlefield" felt especially appropriate.

Onward! I'm going to re-join J-date for the first time in ages. There's a guy from J-date from months ago whom I've never met, who just happened to leave a message the other day -- I think it's time for us to finally get together.

PS. A THANK YOU to you readers in this little blogging community! I can't express how cathartic it is to put these words out there and get support, words of encouragement, etc. It just does.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Thanks for the blog material, Dillhole!

I last wrote that I was considering a date with a new J-guy (now known as "Dillhole", for reasons revealed below) -- we IM'd, then talked, then made a plan to get together a few days later.

I decided to cancel the day before. I wrote to him that I'd met someone new, and wanted to see where it would go -- this being only a small part of the real reason that I decided to cancel on him. He just didn't seem all that interesting, but being the tactful person that I am, I didn't feel the need to state that.

He, on the other hand? Not so tactful. His response:

No issue here - I wasn't going to come into the city to meet you anyway. As cool as the IM we exchanged was, as soon as we got on the phone the conversation felt dead. I have enough experience with JDate to know not to expend the effort to meet someone with whom any kind of initial connection is missing.

It's all part of the process. Best wishes on your quest to find a mate.

- Dillhole

Note: this was *after* he'd already made plans to meet me... so does this mean he was simply planning on standing me up? Don't know, and don't care at this point.


In other news -- things seem to be going nicely with Martin. I'm trying not to read into the fact that he just emailed me info on an event that's taking place in October with a note that read, "this looks like fun!". Nosirree, no thoughts along the lines of, "does this mean he still sees us dating then?" Nope, nothing of the sort. Just cool as a cucumber. More or less.

I have a business trip coming up -- will take a temperature when I'm back in town in a week.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Martin, Part Two

A few weeks (and a few more dates) in -- still enjoying Martin's company. It doesn't seem like the casual fling that I had envisioned -- go figure, I'm starting to like like the guy! And the feeling seems to be mutual. Over a lovely dinner this week, he told me that he was really happy to be at that place at that very moment... with me.

I still have my guard up, but at the moment, I'm just taking this day by day, and enjoying it.

This dilemma always seems to come up in the early days of dating someone: we're nowhere close to declaring exclusivity with each other, but it just doesn't feel right to date other guys at this time. This mainly comes from my ridiculous paranoia, imagining the awkwardness of being out with Some New Guy, and running into Martin (after having said goodbye to him maybe ten hours prior, that very morning). I know -- New York is a big city, and it's unlikely -- but not impossible.

Saying that -- I recently talked to a new J-guy, and while I'm not exactly wowed by him, I'm contemplating a drink with him this week. I've been trying to think of places to meet for a drink where I'm unlikely to run into Martin... but I'd rather not shlep up to the Upper East Side unless absolutely necessary.