Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Déjà-fucking-vu

A few months ago, I wrote that I went on a business trip, and during that one week away, things went from "pretty nice" with Martin to "over". I should just copy and paste that exact same blog post -- it happened again.

Last week, during the first few days of my business trip he wrote lovely emails, saying that he missed me and looked forward to seeing me when I got home. Then... nothing. Four days of radio silence, which is a lot when you've been communicating nearly every day. I got the vibe that something was definitely up.

Tonight, the night after my return, we had plans to go to a party together. We met at my place, and that feeling that *something* was amiss was palpable. I sat next to him on my couch and came right out and asked: I was getting a strange vibe, and was anything wrong?

With difficulty, he finally spit it out: he'd hooked up with another woman last week, someone he used to date, and (I'm paraphrasing here), he's not sure if he's ready for a relationship at this time. We had never said that we were exclusive, but I was always straightforward about the fact that I couldn't be with someone who was sleeping with other people. Up until now, this wasn't an issue.

The strange thing: he was genuinely upset that I couldn't date him any longer. He told me that he adored me and really enjoyed spending time with me, but understood where I was coming from. It was a bizarrely heartfelt discussion -- he actually got a bit teary. I told him I wasn't exactly angry with him (since we'd never said we were exclusive) -- just hurt and disappointed.

The truth is -- this time around, there was always *something* I couldn't place about him -- I just never felt that I could trust him 100%. Sure, we had fun, and the sex was great -- but I just didn't get The Feeling that I had for New Guy. (and maybe still have. Sigh.). But I would have been willing to wait it out and see what developed -- anyway, it just wasn't meant to be.

I skipped the party, and instead met up with a group of friends from work who were out singing karaoke -- it was a great night, and I'm still a bit tipsy. "Love is a Battlefield" felt especially appropriate.

Onward! I'm going to re-join J-date for the first time in ages. There's a guy from J-date from months ago whom I've never met, who just happened to leave a message the other day -- I think it's time for us to finally get together.

PS. A THANK YOU to you readers in this little blogging community! I can't express how cathartic it is to put these words out there and get support, words of encouragement, etc. It just does.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

The guy sounds like a weak, vacillating, spineless weasel. Ugh!!! Good for you for being true to yourself.

I can hear (see) the fatique in your writing. Hope jdate brings some better prospects!

Loverville said...

Anon: you hit the nail on the head -- my feeling is, better for this to happen with him NOW, rather than months down the road when I might be more emotionally invested.

True -- what I'm feeling now is part disappointment over him, but more so over dating in general. No worries, I'll get right back on that horse! Already emailed a few guys last night, and got some responses this morning. I suspect I'll have a new date by the end of the week.

Guy Friend said...

Sorry LV, have to agree with Anon that this guy doesn't sound nearly good enough for you. So I guess I'll be seeing ya on jdate. Let's get a drink soon and toast to the end of the summer and start of fall.

Dating Trooper said...

Good god, men never cease to amaze me with their wimpiness sometimes! Glad you held to your principles.
And yeah, Love is a Battlefield. I should know, huh?
Get out there and kick some dating ass.

Dark Cloud Nine said...

you know... I hate to say (and think) that, but old patterns between two people are hard to break... real hard. It's often easier to change the people than the patterns, except when there is an exceptional connection between the people.

Yeah for future possibilities!

Anonymous said...

What a jerk this guy is. Good riddance.

Actions speak louder than words. He says he adores you but does he show he adores you? No way! He shows that he couldn't care less about you!

--JAC

mimi of 'sexagenarian and the city' said...

lv, i hope you can get to the 'good riddance' phase very quickly. he's far too immature for you, and his other gf is going to see what he's like pretty soon, i bet.

on to the future. i've been there...

AND -- i sent you an email a few weeks ago about someone [male] you might be interested in meeting. i never heard back. shld i resend it?

it was from a different email address, but you have it.

xx

Loverville said...

Thanks, all! All very true words.

And Mimi, I am VERY much in the "good riddance" phase -- even had a first date tonight with a new guy -- post to come!

online dating said...

heve been with other girl and now he is so sorry-while dating- kick his ass

Anonymous said...

is porn the only winner during credit crunch?


----------------
interracialsex