Wednesday, September 16, 2009

The bet.

Insta-Boyfriend still seems to be in the picture, though things have taken a much more chill pace. We haven't seen each other since the weekend, and won't have much time to see each other this weekend -- I'm really busy at the moment with work and a friend's wedding.

In the meantime, we've been emailing and texting here and there. He generally signs off with something sweet and sappy like, "good night, beautiful". I'm staying a bit cooler. No need to rush into anything, especially while I'm still trying to figure out what I think about him.
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Remember Martin? He's the guy I dated semi-casually twice this year, but I ended it most recently when he told me he'd slept with someone else while I was out of town. He was rather emotional when we had that breakup talk a few weeks back.

Nearly two weeks after the breakup, he emailed me:

Hi [LV],

I thought of writing earlier but thought it better to let more time pass.

When we spoke last, all the things I said to you, I just want to reiterate. I think the world of you and really adore you. I really, really miss you. I miss your company. You will always be one of my favorite people in the whole world and I want you to know that I would be there for you for almost anything.

My heart was broken before we met and I am still finding out it is not so easy to mend. But If I ever get down on the world and want to think of something good, I just need to think of you.

I would always do my best not to hurt or harm you so I might only commit to loving you like a sister. But please know that, easier and quicker than any woman I have met before, I fell for you.

I'll let you call the shots if and when you are ever ready.

Love always,
[Martin]


I'm still not sure what the "loving you like a sister" part meant. I happened to be with my wonderful but very cynical friend D when the email came in, and even she had to admit that it was nicely written. I just wasn't sure how I wanted to respond.

I wrote back nearly a week later, explaining that maybe we could be friends at some point, but he couldn't blame me for remaining skeptical. I pointed out that he had hurt me not once, but twice -- and to my recollection, I don't think I ever got an apology.

He wrote back:
Maybe I took it for granted that you should know how sorry I am for hurting you. I am sorry. Those were not crocodile tears of mine that night. I agonized and hated having to have that conversation with you. I do care for you much more than you know.

I am sorry. I never wanted to or meant to hurt you. I wish that love was easier.
[Martin]


I still didn't quite get the "love" reference, since we were never even close to that -- we hadn't even dated all that long. We'd had 17 dates in total (yes, I keep track of these things).

A few innocuous emails were exchanged after that -- a happy birthday wish (for him), what I'm doing at work these days, etc. He left a message on my phone (while I happened to be with Insta-Boyfriend), but I later emailed that I wasn't ready to move our friendship to phone lines just yet. I hate to admit, I do feel some kind of pull towards him, but I'm going to keep that can of worms closed.

I told Guy Friend about this most recent exchange, and he remarked that it's probably just a matter of time before I see Martin again. I insisted that I absolutely will NOT -- after all, I have *some* semblance of integrity and pride.

We now have a bet going: if I see Martin before Halloween, I lose, and I have to take Guy Friend to dinner at the restaurant of his choosing. If I stay strong and do NOT see Martin, I win, and GF pays for dinner.

Per Se, here we come! (or, more likely, some East Village noodle joint)

7 comments:

Guy Friend said...

I can't wait for you to buy me dinner, you're going down.

And for the record, I am not buying what Martin is selling.

Those messages -- sent from his iphone, no less -- are just words.

Just my opinion, but all the "love talk" is out of line.

Anonymous said...

Totally passive-aggressive.

My interpretation is that he really likes you but isn't on fire for you, and he wishes he were more attracted to you than he is.

--JAC

Loverville said...

GF: remember, if I buy you dinner, that means I've caved -- and that would NOT be good for me!

JAC: I agree -- he has some issues, and seems very confused.

I need to remind myself to stay far, far away. Added incentive: dinner on Guy Friend!

mimi of 'sexagenarian and the city' said...

I hope you win yr bet! Okay maybe I'm even more cynical than you, but I think Martin is self-deceived...he actually believes everything he's saying.

Beth said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beth said...

Loverville, you are such a sweet girl, because to me, from those emails the only thing I got was Martin likes drama! Maybe this is why he is single? I want you, but go away. I like you, but like a sister. I miss you, but I'm not ready. I've been so hurt, but I'm drawn to you. Enough already, Martin! We all have been hurt! Welcome to life! Have some respect and stop playing with Loverville's feelings! No wonder you're confused and pulled to him, hon! Arggggg! And what is he just trying to see if you are still pining for him! I hate that! Bleh! I'm sitting over here outraged for you.

Loverville said...

Mimi, thanks -- I DO plan on winning!

Beth: thanks for the compliment! And you're so spot-on with your interpretaton.

Right now I'm just avoiding him, and didn't respond to his last email (which was pretty innocuous - "thanks for the bday wishes", etc). I unfriended him on Facebook when we broke up, so at least I don't need to see him pop up there.

I think this is the last of him... at least for now.