Sunday, September 13, 2009

Insta-Boyfriend

Oh my. Where to begin. For starters, I found myself a new boyfriend this week – yes, “boyfriend”, as in, someone who wants to date me exclusively and is already talking about the future. And no, this guy wasn’t around the last time I posted here.

Let’s go back a week or so…

Labor Day weekend. I had plans at a lake house with a large group of friends and many extended friends. Insta-Boyfriend was amongst them. After spending some time (with the rest of the group) hiking, biking and drinking over the long weekend, we kissed. He was a good kisser, very charming and sweet, seemed smart and interesting.

He drove me home on Monday, and we talked a lot during the drive. There was a real honesty about him – we both openly shared details of our past relationships, disappointments, failures, successes, etc. It was one of those giddy-making moments where I found myself thinking, “I like this guy! And he likes me! Yay, no more annoying dating websites and blind dates and uncertainty!”. I also thought to myself that if I knew a friend in this same situation, I'd warn her to slooooow the hell down -- but I was too wrapped up in my own head.

The excitement continued as we got together two more times during the week, with texts and phone conversations sprinkled throughout. He cooked me dinner (how thoughtful!) – he snuck a cute note in my bag (how sweet!). Sure, I knew he was just out of an intense relationship, but he assured me he wasn’t on the rebound.

I’m not sure of the moment when I came back down to earth – maybe it was when I realized that he has a slight immaturity about him. Maybe it was when I started to think that maybe it does matter that he doesn’t exactly seem settled right now – he’s in between jobs and apartments at the moment.

I finally had a talk with him and told him we needed to slow things down – it’s way too soon for us to even think about using words like “boyfriend / girlfriend”. He listened and said he'd follow my lead.

So – back to taking things at a slow, normal pace – in the meantime, maybe I’ll follow up with a few J-guys. I’m going to be crazy busy with work over the next few weeks, so most dating will be shelved anyway.

In the “I’m a complete moron” department: while my head was deep in the clouds over Insta-BF, I got a message from last week’s great date, Smooch, asking to get together again. I foolishly emailed him, saying that I’d had a great time with him, but I’d met someone new, and wanted to explore where it would go. No surprise – no response from him. And it seems doubly flaky to email him now to admit that I got carried away with giddiness for this new guy. Maybe I’ll write or call him again in a few weeks. We’ll see.

3 comments:

mimi of sexagenarian and the city said...

I'm glad you had the happy times with I-B, but I'm even gladder that you had the wisdom to slow things down. He does, as you describe him, sound a bit immature, so you do need to stay alert. As for Smooch: you'll have to compose a very careful next message, if you want to see him again! But it can be done.

Loverville said...

I'm already thinking about what I want to write back to Smooch... maybe something along the lines of being overly optimistic. (but of course, I don't want to sound flaky!)

I think I need to wait at least another week or so to write back to him. Any suggestions of what to write are most welcome!

mimi of sexagenarian and the city said...

Well, if I had to write a note like that, I'd be apologetic but not too, and I'd allow for the possibility that he might have been hurt or offended, and that he might have moved on...and then I'd try to find something to say that's both amusing and warm.

Oh god, an almost impossible task.

Almost.