Monday, December 28, 2009

Gray clouds, coming and going and coming

Let me start this on a sunny note: the fabulous Mimi invited me to her place for a lovely Christmas Day brunch (my family does a very casual Jewish Christmas Eve get-together -- ie, we just sit around and eat all day). I not only met her mom and a few friends -- I met the famous Funny Guy! He IS funny -- and charming and smart, as you might expect. They look so happy together, and I'm thrilled for them.

I wrote this on Saturday:
Thanks again for your words of support re: the situation with New Guy. Deep down, I still don’t think he’s a bad guy – but at this point, it feels rather pointless to try to continue a friendship with him. If I have even an inkling of feelings for him (which I guess I do, considering my reaction to the news about his girlfriend having their baby) – then I can only imagine how awful it would be to eventually MEET this girlfriend (and baby, in the future).

It’s as if a strong wind came along and blew away that dark cloud I was under – thankfully, it only lasted about 24 hours (and was exacerbated from the lousy night of sleep I had that night). I’m pretty much fine now – the funk has lifted. Life goes on!

In other news (also written on Saturday):

I have a feeling Smiley will soon be history. (hm, yet another one-month “relationship”, following Capt Awesome). I knew more or less from the start that he wasn’t looking for anything serious (he’s currently unemployed and considering a career transition, and needs to focus on himself right now). For a little while, I figured, we’re having such a good time, so it’s OK – a part of me was thinking, in a few months’ time he’ll have a job, and we’ll have grown closer, and all will be fabulous. We were spending so much time together that it certainly felt like the makings of a relationship.

But now – the little signs that he’s just not for me are adding up, and I’m finally paying attention to them. He can be very sweet and lovely – but he can also go on these 15-minute soliloquies, talking about whatever subject interests him at the moment (a certain type of music or the intricasies of brewing beer), without gauging MY interest. I do listen, and try to give input – but sometimes it’s just a bit much, a bit self-absorbed. I didn’t mind at first, but the fact that I DO now is quite telling. Just one example.

Even more telling: I’ve noticed that he seems a bit less into “us” than on previous dates. The last time or two I saw him (we had dinner a few nights ago), he didn’t seem as affectionate as in the past. I haven’t decided yet if we should have “the talk”, or if this will die of natural causes. Will feel it out.

Seeing Quentin again tonight – and even more exciting, I’m meeting his dog! I have a serious case of dog envy, as I can’t have one in my apartment. I’m sure I’ll absolutely adore his pooch, which will surely only garner points for me.

Today's update:
I did have the talk with Smiley after all -- you know when something is just building up inside you, and you just have to get it out? Yes -- that.

I don't have the energy to go into details right now, but to sum it up: same issue as from the start -- I want something serious, and he doesn't. There was more to it -- it was a very sweet, open, honest talk -- why do these talks usually seem to come at the end? Seriously.

We were at his place, and he asked if I'd like to spend one last night together -- I did. I'm having trouble putting this into words (maybe because I'm crying... again!), but it might have been the most romantic, warmest, most affectionate time we've had together. Saying goodbye this morning was quite bittersweet. We talked about maybe hanging out every so often, and he said he'd follow my lead -- but that might be tough, emotionally. We'll see.

Oh, how cliched, not appreciating something til it's gone! Or -- maybe it's just wanting what you can't have? Or both? I think I'm extra-emotional right now from not sleeping well, combined with a hefty dose of PMS -- what a lethal combination! AND combined with overall dating frustration / fatigue -- oy!

Then there's Quentin -- we had another date over the weekend. I met the dog, who was sweet as anything. But later, kissing Quentin, I realized -- we don't have very good kissing chemistry. Can't explain it... and I felt terrible, as I couldn't help but think of the wonderful chemistry I have (had) with Smiley. Anyway, it's not a deal-breaker. These things can sometimes work themselves out. Not sure if / when I'll see him again.

It's been a rough week. 2010 can only be better!


mimi of 'sexagenarian and the city; said...

I'm really sorry you had such a bad week (but very glad you were able to join us for our chaotic xmas brunch!). But those 15-minute monologues....they did not bode well. I'm reminded of someone I dated in 1980 who used to talk that long, non-stop: I fell asleep during one of our dates, *and he didn't notice.*

So here's hoping for someone really good for you, and ** soon. **

Dating Trooper said...

Oy. You are not having the best of Decembers. Luckily a New Year (and maybe Mr. Right) await!
So jealous you got to hang out with Mimi and Funny Guy. It's so cool you two actually get to know each other in real life. I know I've said this before, but perhaps 2010 will be the year I actually get back to NYC and meet you both!
Happy(er) New Year, LV!

Anonymous said...

Ugh - I hate those "the goodbye was better than most of the relationship" moments! I think part of why that can happen is a freedom that comes from admitting/acknowledging the elephant in the room. When you're both good people, who genuinely care for each other and wish there was just a little something more, it's hard to end things. And when you do, you can acknowledge all the good feelings in a "no strings attached" kind of way - so that's why I think it can, occasionally, be possible to have that kind of parting. Don't beat yourself up that you acted prematurely, or overly romanticize him in hindsight, just acknowledge that your gut instinct is always right but that doesn't mean he isn't a great guy who had genuine feelings for you - just that he's not THE guy, at least right now.

Happy New Year! Hope 2010 brings you much joy, laughter, and romance.


*Juliette* said...

Sorry I missed you once again at Mimi's!
Sorry about Smiley -I had a rotten December too. Things will get better soon. Lots of good wishes for successful dates for the both of us in 2010!

Anonymous said...

Yeah really? What was up with December? I had a rotten one too guy-wise! And I thought it was going to be a good one actually. Something in the air..I think Cupid took the last two weeks of December off.
2010 will DEFINITELY be better!

Loverville said...

Mimi: thanks again for the invite... and it didn't seem chaotic at all!

DT: Yes, you must come visit!

Elizabeth: SO perfectly articulated! Holy cow... I'm saving that in my dating notes! (yes, I have an actual word doc on my computer with notes...)

Juliette: you have to come visit again! And I just caught up on your blog -- yowza! Comment to follow...

Anon: crazy, right??!

New post to follow shortly on tonight's date (yes, already!).