When I last wrote, I mentioned that I'd been out twice with someone as-yet-unnamed. I'm at a loss for a really creative blog name for him, so let's just call him Smiley. It's appropriate - he has a lovely smile that he flashes often. Suffice to say, I like this guy. He's smart and thoughtful, and we just seem to fit well together.
In the past three weeks, we've hung out quite a lot. We've been to parties together, we've cooked, we've become Facebook friends, we've smooched, etc. It was starting to feel a bit relationship-y, but I had to keep reminding myself: it's only been a few weeks. Seven (or eight?) dates does not a boyfriend make.
To try to keep the crazy at a manageable level, I thought it best to still see other guys. I had a date with a guy I'll call Quentin (#149) - he bears a strong resemblance to Tarantino (just a little better-looking). I was very much in a "Smiley" mindset when I met him, and while I thought he was a cool guy, I didn't exactly emit strong liking vibes his way. Regardless, he emailed the next day that he'd had a nice time, and we should hang out again soon.
I know myself -- I tend to get a bit too emotionally invested in a new guy too soon. I'm mindful of that, and have been doing my best to keep that in check with Smiley. With that in mind, I wrote back to Quentin: yes, let's plan another date soon. (second date is planned for later this week). However, I felt that I was just going through the motions, that this was something I "should" do, rather than something I was excited about doing.
And well -- I'm glad that my brain took the lead for once, rather than my heart. Smiley and I had a talk a few days ago (we'd had quite a bit of wine, so the details are fuzzy) -- it wasn't set up as "the talk", but we did cover some important ground: namely, that since he's in between jobs right now, he feels that he needs to get his life in order before he can really think about a relationship.
I'd had a feeling this might be the case, having been in similar situations before (see: Teen Crush, two years ago -- and there have been others). It's actually kind of a relief to know where we stand -- I feel that I can go on other dates with a clear conscience now. Before the talk, I had felt, by default, that we were on a relationship track – now, this actually makes me take a step back and assume nothing – just enjoy moment by moment. (which I should have been doing anyway... )
That could also be the reason I found myself kissing Flirt last night. I met Flirt through a mutual friend a few years ago, and while we sometimes wind up kissing in the corner of a party, we've never actually "dated".
We discovered through Facebook that we were both taking part in yesterday's SantaCon madness, and by coincidence, found ourselves in the same part of town at the same time. Our groups merged, and we spent the rest of the day (and evening) bar-hopping together. I can't remember when we started kissing -- it just seemed to happen.
Many hours (and drinks) later, my friend Red said she simply couldn't understand why Flirt and I aren't a couple: we're both great people, with similar interests, etc. For one, he's currently living in California -- so there's that. I guess I just never thought of him "that" way. Maybe it was the booze talking, but he and I decided that if / when he moves back to NY, if we're both available, we should give this a shot.
Last time I wrote that it seemed the mutual fade-away was happening with Capt Awesome, aka Ralph Furley. I finally decided: we'd been dating for a month -- I DID want some acknowledgment of "us" being no more. I emailed him that it seemed we were on the same page -- that we'd had a nice time, but sometimes these things just don't work out, but I thought he was a lovely person. He wrote back a similar message. I felt satisfied to have that closure.