In like with like?

After a few weeks of mentally wanting to give Capt Awesome a chance, I finally had to admit to myself: I'm just not that into him. The attraction just isn't there. It doesn't help that he sometimes makes a facial expression that evokes Don Knotts -- aka, Ralph Furley from "Three's Company":



We haven't seen each other in nearly a week, and aside from a "Happy Thanksgiving" text, haven't been in touch. I thought about how I felt during our brief "honeymoon" period: I liked the attention he lavished on me, and how thoughtfully he planned our dates. But did I like him? I wasn't sure. I had a hunch that I was just enjoying the feeling of maybe liking someone, rather than liking the actual person. Does that make sense?

Now -- it seems like we may be having the mutual fade-away. I feel like maybe we'll have "the talk" soonish -- or maybe not? I'm actually fine with it either way. I generally prefer the "closure" of the talk, but if another week or so goes by with no communication -- well, there's the answer.

In the meantime: I've had two dates with someone new. It's too soon to say I'm feeling giddy about him, but he does make me smile. We have another date planned for this week -- maybe I'll have a blog name for him after that. A nice touch: we met on Jdate, but it turned out that we already knew some people in common -- he went to high school with one of my very good friends.

And -- blast from the past -- I'm seeing New Guy this week for a belated birthday dinner. Refresher: New Guy and I dated for a few months about a year ago, stayed in touch now and then, and I realized that I still had feelings for him. (d'oh! Freudian slip? Just now I typed out "HAVE feelings" rather than the past tense "HAD feelings". Interesting!)

Anyway -- the plan is for a casual, platonic, birthday dinner -- he told me on the phone that we have loads to catch up on. ("Oh, you just remembered that you're crazy about me?", I thought hopefully) It will be lovely to see him -- maybe we'll have one (or more) of those fabulous, passionate kisses -- well, that wouldn't be so terrible...

Over the course of a week...

Someone recently commented on here that I tend to get giddy quickly over guys I like. That's true -- if I meet someone with whom I sense a good connection, I like to focus on that person, and find it hard to get to know other guys while learning about the recipient of my giddiness.

And yet -- I also realize that the giddiness may be fleeting -- but I still like to enjoy that good feeling while it lasts. Better to have felt giddiness temporarily, than never to feel giddiness at all, to paraphrase Tennyson.

Saying that, the update on Capt Awesome: it seems that mutually, the giddiness seems to have waned somewhat. There was that one week where we were emailing and texting just about every day -- this week, not so much. We saw each other one night this week -- it continues to feel easy and comfortable. But when a friend asked if I was excited about him, I had to admit to myself: I wasn't, really. Can't explain why.

I'll continue to date him, and see if anything develops. In the meantime, Smooch and I have been exchanging messages, trying to make plans to get together. I've been exchanging emails with a new guy on Jdate. All very "wait and see" right now, and I'm just fine with that.

Last time I mentioned that Capt Awesome had taken down his Jdate profile. This week, it was back up. And that's OK too.

And in the lead...

Things are feeling really good with Capt Awesome -- "really good", as in, I think I'm not going to date anyone else at the moment. I just can't get to know other guys when I really want to get to know just one guy in particular.

This was pretty evident on my date with Smooch the other night. I warned him earlier in the day that I was getting over a cold -- this was somewhat true (I seem to have had a mild cold for the past few weeks) -- but I mainly wanted to establish that this would be a relatively nookie-free night. (note: not sure what YOUR definition is of "nookie" -- in this case, I'm just referring to kissing)

I'm sure he sensed something was different -- it just wasn't as comfortable and easy as it had been on our two previous dates. Who knows - things might have been different if we had carried on dating consistently after our first date in the end of August. But it just is how it is. So.

Capt Awesome and I have been emailing and texting every day. We have a fabulous, long date planned for tomorrow... and he has already invited me to a party next week.

AND... I did a bit of cybersnooping, and discovered two things:
1. he took down his Jdate profile -- wow!
2. we're not Facebook friends, but he has no privacy settings up, which means I can read his wall, check out his pics, etc even though we're not FB "friends". In one status update, he wrote that he was having a particularly good week -- when a friend inquired about that, he responded that work was going well and he'd "met a new girl".

I'm just feeling giddy and smiley about him right now. And if I hear from Smooch again? I'm not sure. Do I tell him that I've met someone? (perhaps a bit premature) Or do I tell him that work / life is too busy right now, and maybe we can touch base in a few weeks? Hm. Will cross that bridge when I get to it. (interesting sidenote: it just happens that Smooch wrote to one of my friends on Jdate this week -- of course, he has no idea that she's my friend. Coincidence.)

Brace yourself

In rough chronological order -- updates on the dates from the past few weeks. (I DID manage to have a social life in between episodes of "Mad Men"!)

Mr Cool: To recap: we'd had a great first date, with some back and forth followup, before he disappeared. I was disappointed, but quickly got over it -- I simply resigned myself to the fact that this sort of thing happens all the time.

Well -- surprise, surprise -- two weeks after I last wrote to him, he wrote back: he was very sorry that he'd lost touch. He had moved out of his place, and it turned out to be quite taxing. He's currently working in Another Country for a month or two, and wasn't sure when he could see me again -- "probably not til next year". He said he'd had a wonderful night with me, but it was a shame we met at such a crazy time in his life, and could we please stay in touch?

I took my time in writing back -- sure, let's stay in touch. Meanwhile, I still think it's rather lame -- if you like someone, you CAN find the 30 seconds to respond to their text message. Not giving him any further thought at the moment, but if / when he comes back, depending on what's going on in my life, I'd maybe -- MAYBE -- see him again.

Smooch: we have our third date tomorrow night. We're averaging one date per month (he was just out of the country the past few weeks, but did a pretty good job at staying in touch). I think it may have a bit of a "first date" feel, it's been that long... but there's also someone else on my mind at the moment... that would be:

Captain Awesome: (date #142) We've been out four times now -- he's a great guy. So why is there some part of me that's holding back? Details to come soon -- but first, the other dates that didn't progress further...

Date #143: Tom -- not his real name, he just looked like a "Tom" to me. Took me to a jazz show on our first and only date -- quite generous of him. Perfectly nice guy, just no spark on either end. He wrote a followup email saying as much a week later.

Date #144: Elvis (as in, Costello - not Presley) Smart, quirky guy -- just lacking a certain sophistication. It's hard to describe this without sounding elitist, so I'll just leave it at that. Saying that -- for some reason I felt that he's someone I could have as a friend. We'll see if that happens.

Date #145: the Sourpuss. I think he cracked half a smile in our 90 minutes spent together. Reminder to self: ALWAYS talk on the phone first to get a pulse on the guy before a date! (we kept missing each other, and the date was arranged via email and text)

Date #146: Kojak. A rare NON-internet date -- we met at a party, where we shared many mutual friends. We had our second (and last) date tonight, watching the World Series in a bar. I was excited about him at first because it was a nice change to have met someone where there was actually a personal connection -- but it just wasn't enough. Nice guy, a true gentleman, but the vibe just wasn't there.

Date #147: Opie. New to NY, his "gee, whiz", wide-eyed personality just didn't do it for me. Actually, it was quite painful for this cynical New Yorker -- the words "fucking agony" keep appearing in my mind during our brief brunch date.

Back to Captain Awesome - we have plans in place to see each other this weekend. Just the thought of him makes me smile -- and recalling all these other lame dates is certainly helping to put things in perspective. I'm just not getting that immediate giddy feeling that I had for Teen Crush and New Guy -- maybe I'm just more cautious these days?

More to come!

** note: his blog name came from some Mad Men-related blog. I just loved the name.

My new boyfriend.

I have a new boyfriend, and he's been occupying nearly all my free time these past few weeks. His name is Don Draper.

I was a bit late to hop on the Mad Men phenomenon -- but once I did, it was full steam ahead. Netflix couldn't get the DVDs to me fast enough -- I had to start downloading them from iTunes. Every night, I was sucked into the goings-on at Sterling Cooper. On weekend days, entire afternoons were devoted to the latest drama between Don and Betty.

FINALLY, I'm caught up! I watched all three seasons in as many weeks, and I'm relieved to have my life back. I did manage to have a few real-life dates in the meantime -- updates to follow soon. There's even one guy who has my attention more than the others (besides Don Draper, that is -- our relationship has nearly run its course, as this season is about to end).

One last tidbit of amusement:

A few days ago, I got a call from a number I didn't recognize. I didn't pick up. I then received this text from the same number a few minutes later:

Hi, it's Joe Shmoe from a few years ago. I have a crazy idea, and would like to discuss if you have an open mind -- if you know what I mean.

Background: "Joe" and I dated about 3 years ago (pre-blog) for a few months, but it was never serious. It just didn't have the makings of a great romance. (or even a not-so-great one, for that matter)

I texted back asking for details, and he said it was easier to discuss on the phone. I called him, more out of curiosity than anything else -- he said that he got married last year, and he and his wife have been talking about having a threesome, and would I be interested?

I laughed out loud, and sarcastically thanked him for thinking of me, but it just wasn't my thing. It's especially bizarre because he does NOT seem like the kind of guy who would be into that at all -- I recall that he was a pretty straight-laced, button-up kind of guy.

Check back in a few days for updates on Mr Cool, Smooch, a new guy I shall dub "Captain Awesome", and someone who will simply be known as "Sourpuss". (just one guess on how well that date went!)