Sunday, January 10, 2010

For Coatman: the dating updates

Coatman: a reward for your patience! Details of my dates so far this year -- as I mentioned, all these are guys who I met "in the wild", as opposed to online -- pretty miraculous for me these days!

(note: date numbers refer to the number of first dates I've had since my last *really* serious relationship ended -- oh my -- nearly five years ago).

Date #151: Mr 2010. I'm not sure yet if this is the "right" blog name for him -- our first date was the evening of New Years Day, so for now, this feels appropriate.

Mr 2010 and I first met in early December at a party thrown by mutual friends -- actually, I went to this party with Smiley (who could also be known as Mr December, just as Capt Awesome could be Mr November). I thought I sensed a slight bit of a connection with Mr 2010 at the party, but figured he was just a friendly guy. We became Facebook friends (I took lots of the pics at the party, and friended not only him, but a few other people).

After things ended with Smiley, I emailed Mr 2010 a question about another upcoming party -- the emails continued, and soon led to him suggesting that we meet for a drink sometime. I suggested getting together that Friday, and plans were soon in place.

Friday came, and we met at a cocktail lounge where he had thoughtfully made a reservation. After a little while, I managed to work into the conversation that I was no longer seeing Smiley -- he admitted that he'd been wondering about that.

More drinks over several hours, then he walked me home, and we had a lovely, if somewhat chaste, kiss goodnight at my door. I really enjoyed the evening together -- he's smart, cool, somewhat unconventional -- but I wasn't sure if he was really interested in me.

Our mutual friends were having another party just a few days later, and I knew I'd see him there. I was delighted when, the afternoon before the party, he texted me to say that he'd had a fabulous time on Friday, and was looking forward to seeing me again. I actually did a little happy dance.

At the party, I was suddenly back in high school -- I felt uncharacteristically awkward: how much attention should I give him around his friends? Should I seem cool and busy, or give him some attention to remind him that I'm interested? Once I got out of my silly head (and chilled out with a drink), all was fine. Chatted with him an appropriate amount, and was inwardly pleased when he put his arm around my waist at one point. Even more pleased when he told me he thinks I'm fantastic, and that he likes me. The feeling is very much mutual.

He walked me home -- a bit more kissing. We then had another date later in the week -- more smooching, this time in the subway. Another date planned for tomorrow -- very much looking forward to it.

Feeling happy and optimistic about this guy, and am certainly not-not-not going to ask anytime soon if he's looking for a long-term relationship! I'm hoping I've learned my lesson based on recent history with Smiley.

The other dates that didn't go quite as well:

Date #152: Rob-John. Years ago, I dated this guy Rob who just wasn't right for me, but he was "safe". He was very white bread -- maybe even a bit boring and provincial -- but he was a devoted boyfriend, and I probably kept him around longer than I should have. My friend D dated a very similar guy, named John. We now use "Rob-John" as a general description for that type of guy, as in, "nice guy, but he's just SO Rob-John".

Rob-John was a setup by my very sweet friend L -- she warned me that he's new to dating, as he just got out of a nine (nine!) year relationship. I wanted to like him -- he was actually quite good-looking, and slightly more interesting than I had anticipated. But it just wasn't enough - there was just something missing.

Date #153: The Diplomat. (not really, but he's lived all over the world) I met the Diplomat a month or two ago at a bar, where he awkwardly cast a rather wide net, as he gave his card to both me and my friend D after chatting with both of us for a while. She wasn't interested, and jokingly coached him on the "proper" way to ask out a woman, nudging him my way.

He and I exchanged a few texts and emails, but I remained noncommittal until I ended things with Smiley. Diplomat and I finally met for a drink, but the terrible cold that he'd thought was going away only seemed to get worse, so we cut the evening short after only an hour or so. He was a "maybe" -- I wasn't wowed, but I'd consider seeing him again if I heard from him. It's been a few days, and no word.

Well -- one reason may be: I saw him in a restaurant last night (and I know he saw me) -- and I happened to be with another guy***. Neither of us approached the other. No big whoop.

Funny: I've written here in the past that I'm always worried that I'll be out with a date, and will run into someone else I'm dating, and awkwardness will ensue. This wasn't quite that situation -- but the run-in IS possible, even in this big city. At this moment, I'd hate to be out with another guy and run into Mr 2010 (my primary interest right now).

*** The "other guy" I happened to be out with last night was none other than Martin. Yes, the guy who cheated on me twice last year, then proclaimed his love for me after I told him I couldn't see him any longer. After he asked me several times, I finally agreed to meet him for a drink a month or so ago, just as friends. We've had dinner a few times since -- occasionally with a bit of smooching -- but I absolutely know better than to attempt any semblance of a relationship with him again. But as a friend? I'm thinking that could be possible. Forgiving being divine, and all that.


CoatMan said...

All those possibilities and you've only tagged Martin? And thank you for dedicating a rather wonderful post to me! I am most honoured.

Firstly, Mr. 2010 is delightful. I love that you suggested a specific date; and that he reserved a table. But what, may I ask, is a chaste kiss? And did you, indeed, at the party, give him some attention and remind him that you're interested?

In any event - this sounds very promising: a delightful start to a new year. Keep us updated! Shall look forward very much to your description of no. 2.

The Diplomat sounds as if things could have gone a lot better in slightly different circumstances. And I'd be most interested to know in what way you'd remained non-committal in your text and e-mail exchanges.

And Martin - is being friends with somebody like that (who, I imagine, would rather want more) really wise - especially if it has the potential to get in the way of lovely diplomats?

Loverville said...

Coatman, glad you enjoyed it! To answer your Q's:

* I only tagged Martin because he already has several posts -- I'd like to tag Mr 2010, but let's see how long he sticks around! (ie, more opportunity for further writeups)

* The "chaste kiss" was just a minute or two of smooching on the lips -- nothing particularly sexy or deep -- just enough to show some attraction. I told a friend about this, and she felt it was a *good* thing, in a "leave them wanting more" way.

* re: the Diplomat -- not sure if I was "feeling the love" from him anyway. Sometimes you can just tell by the way a date says goodnight: when someone says, "take care, have a good night!" (rather than, "let's talk soon", or similar), chances are, I won't be seeing them again.

* Martin: I do enjoy his company once in a while, but you have a point: any night I'm with him is a night I could instead with with someone who has real potential. Actually, this most recent evening together was a last-minute plan: I'd had plans with a friend for that evening, but she had to cancel that day -- by coincidence, Martin texted me, asking if I was free for dinner. Anyway, I don't see him that often -- on average, once a month.

Whew, long response -- hope you're having a fab day, and can't wait to hear what happens with Kate!

Anonymous said...

My advice: don't sleep with any of these guys for at least two months. Sleeping with a guy too early kills the mystery and excitement. Make them work for it. This is from a guy's perspective.

Teri said...

sounds like your year is off to a good start! congratulations and keep us posted how your next date with Mr. 2010 goes!