Friday, January 1, 2010

"One plus one equals everything"

Just a few gems that popped up in my Jdate in-box over the past few months:

Subject: i'd like stand beside you and bask in your light..
I don't imagine a man can be touched by a photo in any way greater than I am touched by you.

Were you to take a moment to know me, you'll know quickly, why it is you will wish to know more...

You will find all in me.

Warmly,
[Bizarre Guy]

*************

When I read your profile I knew you were different than the other women on this site. I knew there was something special about you.

I highly respect and am attracted to a smart woman. I am very attracted to one who is very pretty, and with a warm, bubbly personality such as yourself.

I am a special guy in my own right. I am old fashioned, yet enjoy modern things. I am of good character and integity and believe that a person's word is their bond. I also believe that actions speak louder than words. I don't like people who talk the talk but don't walk the walk. I am considered attractive to handsome (look better in person than my photos), tall, intelligent, funny, successful, kind-hearted and generous-sometimes to a fault.

I am looking for a serious relationship with a special lady. Once I find her, she will see that I know how to appreciate her and treat her in the special way that she deserves to be treated.

I hope that I have piqued your interest.

They say that if you don't take chances in life, you may miss out on something good.

I look forward to hearing from you.


Warmly,
J****
(does anyone else sense that this is a "copy and paste" job?)

**************

(a “flirt" -- for those too lazy to write up their own words -- kind of like the "fill in the box" postcards kids used to get for camp)
How is it that you haven't been snatched up yet?

*********

Subject: are you the destined woman for me?
Hello how are you doing i am D*** and am so sorry if I have intruded by writing you this little message of mine, the reason is i came in contact with your beautiful profile .. Your profile really looks awesome and I just decide to write a few words of introduction to say hello and probably get know more about you.

Hmm generally Am a cheerful and positive person, a MAN [note: caps his] with deep passion and great sense of humility, and I appreciate making good friends,and about the distance issue i believe that relationship never count on miles or distance it only measure by the heart and the feelings we have for each other really matters........

And In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing so i will be looking forward hearing from you,and get back to me with your e-mail so i can send you my photos and probably tell you more about me ok, mine is...........(xxx(at) yahoo dot com) and it is also my yahoo ID you can IM me on it anytime ok i will get back to you ok
Best regards
D*****


Happy New Year!

7 comments:

CoatMan said...

Ohh dear - the last fellow seems as clueless about punctuation as mathematics. Hilarious lunatics!

Might I suggest that you post some of the good messages that you get, to help out those who never get any replies? (I was originally going to write, "to help out those like the people in your post", but I suspect that they're beyond help).

Loverville said...

Coatman -- here's a good example of an email that resonated with me -- an excerpt from Smiley's first email:

"I really liked your profile and wanted to get in touch... What can I say? I can't remember the last time I read one of these things & found myself smiling and nodding about almost every single thing someone has written."

He then listed some of the things we had in common (details -- not just "I like cake"). AND it helped that I liked his profile, as well as his pics.

(sigh. I miss him).

*Juliette* said...

Thanks for reminding me how crazy it can be weeding through all of the bad grammar and messages from men who are beyond help. There has got to be a better way to meet men (or should I say MEN).

Anonymous said...

I don't want to be overly generous, but maybe English is not their native language?

Because otherwise, these are unfathomable.

--PT

Teri said...

hahaha. i'd like to stand beside you and bask in your light. here is a lovely email i received from a potential suitor on match.com:

subject: slip, slide, divine (BARF!)I must say I am bit intrigued by your profile...though I sense you are more complex than you divulge. What turns you on in life?... is it having your body thrust you to a higher place, or your mind contemplating the complexities of intra-relations, or feeling the sensuous caress of a forbidden touch?

Needless to say, I didn't respond :S

Anonymous said...

Dear God - what clowns! This was always one of the best parts of online dating for me - the endless fodder/entertainment!

Simone Grant said...

I used to messages like those funny, but I don't anymore. Now they make me a little sad. Because these guys think they're really trying (even the copy and pasters) and they don't understand why you (and everyone else) isn't writing back.

I like online dating but it does make me sad.