Friday, February 26, 2010

The Big Plush Button

If you lived in Manhattan in the mid to late 90s, you may recall an Upper West Side coffee shop called Drip. This was before there was a Starbucks on every corner, so this type of place was quite unique: you could linger over your coffee for hours, just like on Friends! (what's the font for sarcasm?)

There was an added draw: a free dating service. You'd fill out a questionnaire, they'd stick it in a book, and if someone perusing the book liked what they read about you, Drip would put you in touch (and you'd ostensibly give Drip even more business by having your first Drip date there). Unfortunately, there were no pics involved, so you had to decide if you wanted to meet someone based on their words alone -- which sounds so archaic now!

This guy requested a date with me, and something I read in his profile gave me pause: he wrote, "I'm as cute as a button -- a big, plush button". Being the eternal optimist that I am (or just a sucker for a good story), I still decided to meet him.

And he was right -- he was a big, plush button. He was a large, round fella, quite a few pounds overweight. Not really my type. There was no second date, but the expression "a big plush button" has become part of my vernacular with my best friend D to this day.

Fast-forward to February 2010. Date #159. I knew from his pics that he had a few extra pounds, but he was still rather good-looking and seemed exceptionally interesting: had traveled all over the world, had a job that he loved, and other positive stuff.

We hit it off. Drinks led to dinner, which led to kisses in the street, which led to plans for this weekend even before the date was over. He thinks I'm smart and gorgeous, and tells me so. His email to confirm our weekend date was appropriately enthusiastic.

He's not exactly a "big plush button" -- but yes, he does have a little extra around the middle, more than I'm used to. A bit like this guy, which is why I'm now blog-naming him Hoffman.

I'm certainly no twig (and oy -- not doing well in the weight-loss department, but more on that later) -- but I'm trying to wrap my head around Mr Teddy Bear Man's girth. Um, maybe just get past date two first, and take it from there? Thanks for the advice, self.


Since I last wrote, I've had two more dates with Einstein. I can't figure him out: he's fun and funny one minute, and a bit strange and pedantic the next. On our second date, we wound up at his place for a bit of kissing and more drinking. He wanted me to stay over (note: we were fully clothed the whole time) -- it just felt too soon. I left his place at 2:50 am, a bit tipsy and tired.

It was only when I was already in the taxi on my way home that it occurred to me: he didn't walk me downstairs to said taxi, and he really should have. He did offer a half-hearted, "you'll be OK?", and my automatic response was simply to say yes. I decided that wasn't a deal-breaker, but a lesson to myself: ask for what you want, especially when it comes to personal safety at 2:50 am.

Date #3 with Einstein: easy-flowing conversation over drinks, then a bite, then back to my place. More smooching, this time shirts were removed. I had to work early the next morning, so at about 11 pm, I started to mention that we really should start to wrap things up...

You would have thought I'd put a gun to the guy's head. He leapt up, quickly put his shirt on and within a minute was at the door, fiddling with the locks -- I half-joked about at least giving me a kiss goodnight. He did, but seconds later was out the door, with a terse "bye".

I mentioned this to Best Friend D, and her feeling was: "when someone wants me to go, I'd be out the door quickly too!". But something about this just didn't feel right.

Overall, something about HIM just didn't feel right, and this was magnified on my first date with Hoffman days later. THIS was a sweet, warm, not-strange-seeming guy. You know how meeting someone new can show you what was wrong with the last one? Yeah -- that.

Anyone else have Drip date stories? Let's hear them!


Anonymous said...

People can lose a few extra pounds more easily than they can gain good manners.

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

I say go with your gut! If he seems weird, then he's weird.

I say go with the feelings with Hoff. 60% of people in this country are overweight or obese, so...I'd say he's normal! Picture didn't look too bad. Maybe do some active dates that involve exercise?

*Juliette* said...

I love PSH! Guys with a little "plush" are very attractive in my opinion. And it's true that pounds can be shed, but good manners are hard to acquire by the time you are an adult.

mimi of sexagenarian and the city said...

YES to all the previous comments. I once did a lot of serious making-out (okay, it was June 2007) with a guy at his apt, and when he asked, "Do you want me to get you a taxi?" I said, "Yes! I do." BTW it was about midnight.

Now, for other reasons, we never went out again, but I thought about that a lot. I would not want a second date with someone who did _not_ ask that question.
And my ideal man (okay, Funny Guy!) would not even ask; he'd just get the taxi. One of my other dates (after we had just been drinking tea in his apt) not only got the taxi but accompanied me home in it, and then took it back to his apt.

As for Hoffman, I agree with Juliette: I like a little girth and in fact am not attracted to super skinny guys. I really like the sound of him, so I hope things continue to go well w. him.

Loverville said...

Mimi, funny that you mention the guy who took you home in a cab - the other night, Hoffman offered to do that, but I insisted that I was fine (well, this was also after he mentioned that he wanted to come over...!). Anyway, he saw me to a cab, then insisted I text him to let him know I got home safely.

Something else I've been thinking about: a few weeks ago, I spent the night with This Guy. He has a lean, muscular body -- while nice to admire, it doesn't make me want him as a boyfriend. (I DO like him just as a friend)

I'm actually giddy about tonight's date with Hoff -- he suggested some really fun things for us to do, including salsa dancing. (so -- 30, YES, great suggestion -- active dates!)

marc said...

I went to Drip with a friend once, and I remember asking him why he would even consider paying to contact a girl. A few years later, I wound up doing the same online.

Guy who walks you to a cab = guy who's into you. Guy who asks "are you okay?" = guy who isn't. I know because I've been both those guys.

Dating Trooper said...

I wish I knew about Drip when I was living there in mid-90s. I remember during my loneliest post-college days in NYC lamenting how anyone met anyone else?! I tried one of those phone-voicemail dating things but could never bring myself to leave a message. How strange to consider that nowadays.

I have no problem with heavier guys by the way. I MUCH prefer it when they outweigh me and, although I'm not "fat," I do weigh a lot more than I look. So chubby is fine by me.
Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Dear L-ville,
Manners count for a lot. Respect is what manners indicate; also, there is awareness of where the hell we live(a large metro-area). So, yeah, the taxi thing is important; so is listening and not looking at the tube when someone is talking to you...and on and on.
As for pounds, you've just got to see if the rest of the deal is so much upside that the fat kind of melts away...metophorically speaking.
Good luck and how's my frying pan doing?


Anonymous said...

Basically sounds like you have to rip his clothes off and see how it all fits together?

Ruby said...

Einstein sounds like he might have some serious issues, in addition to being rude.

I like Hoffman (love the name!) and while it's true that I'm also not used to dating guys with a little extra, I'd say give it shot. (BTW, love the "big plush button"--I'm adopting that phrase, too!)

d in the 51st state said...

My therapist was just around the corner from Drip, so I ended up having several dates there. I don't recall ever having a second date. No photos = pot luck. I once met a woman who was well over 200lbs who had described herself in her profile as 'athletic'. Turns out she had played tennis once or twice the summer before...

jgo said...

I say give the chubby guy a chance. Of course Im biased being chubby myself but you could miss out on a good thing.

FierySaggGirl said...

Kevin James. Say no more. I wouldn't kick him to the curb.

Two stories that I keep in my wee little brain. 1) I met a really good looking man and his girlfriend was very large. Not just a little. I figured he met her when she was thin but that was not the case. She ended up losing all of the weight and they are still in love. 2) I work with a woman that weighs 90lbs soaking wet Wears Prada etc. When she met her husband he was almost 290lbs! They fell in love. He lost the weight and kept his niceness!