Sunday, February 14, 2010

Vow of celibacy.

I generally don't intentionally engage in casual sex, but looking back at my most recent escapades, you wouldn't guess as much.

I suppose Smiley could have been characterized as a "casual relationship" -- we saw each other a few times a week during our six weeks or so of dating. The sex was really, really good with him (possibly one of the best I've ever had) -- however, he was clear rather early on that he wasn't in a place for a serious relationship, yet I still continued to date him til I finally admitted to myself that it was pointless.

I last saw him three weeks ago -- we had two more dates, after which I decided: we really are just best off as friends.

Then there's Martin. We've been *mostly* just friends, with occasional smooching -- except for one night, shortly after I ended things with Smiley. We had dinner, drinks, and one thing led to the another. Since then, we've been out a few more times, going back to the "just friends / smooching" thing. It's better that way.

I enjoy the familiarity of his company, but I think I need to limit seeing him to group situations, like a party or happy hour. Any night I spend alone with him is a night I could be with someone who actually has potential.

Which brings me to: my vow of celibacy. I've made a promise to myself: I'm not going to sleep with anyone again unless it's with a guy who seems to have potential as a boyfriend. True -- you can't always know this from the start. "Seems" is the operative word here. I generally don't sleep with someone til at least the 5th date anyway -- usually by that point, you have some idea if this person is looking for just a quick fling or something more substantial.

So -- no more recycling of past lovers. Wish me luck in meeting someone with potential!

I have two dates with new guys this week, as well as a second date with Dog Guy -- we'd talked about getting together last week, but he had to go out of town. I'm not getting the warmest "into you" vibes from him, but I'm trying to stay neutral for now.

"Dominic" -- the brunch date from last week -- never called. Just as well.

Sunday weigh-in, week three: argh! Not good! I'm loath to admit this, but my weight is back up to 142.8 -- which means I've only lost a pound since I began this challenge three weeks ago. Time to get serious! I want to feel thin and confident for myself first and foremost -- but also for when I eventually get around to having sex again...


mimi of sexagenarian and the city said...

A lifetime of sex /love experiences
leads me to believe that -- trumpet fanfare! -- There Are No Rules. At least, no rules that work for everyone. So if this vow feels right for you now, then it's the appropriate way to proceed. -- I have no further wisdom on this subject, because no rule I've ever made has stayed put.

Good luck with the diet, and be glad you're not hypothyroid: I live on green veg & non-fat yogurt and ** never ** lose weight.

Anonymous said...

mimi - little known fact - soy can slow your thyroid down. Cut down on the soy. Might help you.

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

I just not to want be celibate, ha! Want to trade for a while?

But seriously, kudos to you for realizing that your current path wasn't getting you what you wanted. Cause knowing is half the battle! ;)

Dark Cloud Nine said...

I agree with Lifebeginsat30, knowing is half the battle. Now, whether you follow through with it or not, (there are exceptions to all rules) you know what you want... Good luck on the coming dates!!

Anonymous said...

good luck with the vow of celibacy. it's a good idea. i have taken a similar vow myself. i'm not sleeping with someone again until it is in a relationship, or at least with someone that there is potential for a relationship with.

in regards to the weigh-in, i think i'm gaining weight, not losing it BUT my gym FINALLY got TVs on each of the cardio machines, so i can jog on the treadmill and watch America's Next Top Model at the same time. this should help my istuation :)

Anonymous said...

A disappointing 1/2 lb for me this week. Was annoyed as I thought I'd done better than that.

I'm having a self imposed break from women for a little while. I slowly realised that actually some 'me time' was more important right now. Not sure how long that might last though!

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

p.s. Have left something for you on my blog ;)

A Yellow Butterfly said...

Celibacy is about more than just not having sex. It's about learning who are and what you really want out of life. I too believe in being celibate and have created a website and book dedicated to called The Kama Sutra of Celibacy: 101 Ways to be Successfully Celibate. The Kama Sutra of Celibacy is designed to help singles live a successful life of celibacy through practical exercises that addresses the mental, emotional, spiritual and physical aspects of celibacy while providing guidance, encouragement and support. Check us out at