Wednesday, March 31, 2010

I'm back!

I’m back – and very happy that I’ve returned to a spring-like NYC, with trees blossoming all over the place! (Ok, there are monsoon rains outside right now, but it's better than dealing with temperatures in the upper 90s, which is what I've been sweltering through the past two weeks!)

I’m also happy to report that while I was away in that very hot Other Country, Bond and I communicated nearly every day via email or text – we considered trying to talk via Skype, but with the time difference, it was tough (not to mention that I’d want to look my best if I was going to be video chatting with him – and I generally look like death at 7 am, which would have been the best time to talk).

Several times, we exchanged pics of how we were spending our days – I especially liked when he sent me a video of him biking in the park on one of those beautiful, sunny days that NYC has been enjoying lately. Our emails didn’t have an especially romantic tone – I thought that was a good thing, since we’d only had one date. Romanticism would have seemed premature – but I thought it was telling that he kept in touch, and even told me that he appreciated the fact that I was able to email him regularly, given my busy work schedule.

I received a "welcome home" text from him the second I landed -- I'm still smiling about that!

We made plans for the evening of my return – I knew there was a good chance I’d be jetlagged, but was willing to take the chance…

(to be continued)

Monday, March 15, 2010

Best. First. Date. EVER!

I'm serious -- I write that with no sarcasm whatsoever. I really am smitten with this guy. (#161) I'm giddy and smiling and speechless -- it's a surreal feeling!

I'm at a loss for a blog name for him, so for now he'll simply be Bond -- James Bond. He IS kind of an international man of mystery -- and yet, he comes from humble NYC beginnings, just like me. His life has spanned many countries, and several careers that melded from one to the next.

Seriously, when he first told me about the very interesting life he's had, there was a part of me that was skeptical -- until I Googled him, and found the proof right there on the interweb. Good stuff indeed -- I really wish I could share it with you!

And even more important -- he's warm, and (from what I learned from a five-hour date and several phone convos) very communicative. He's straightforward. He's incredibly polite. And -- this doesn't hurt -- he's very, very easy on the eyes. To be blunt, he's hot. BUT I get the impression that he's the rare person who doesn't realize just how good-looking he is. Did I mention that he's a fabulous kisser? Icing on the cake.

AND he seems equally smitten by me, and by the end of the date he was telling me that he was excited to see where this could go. Really -- everything was perfect.


Except for the fact that I'm about to go on a business trip to another country for two fricking weeks!

Argh. This has happened to me a few times in the past, where I'd meet someone just before going out of town -- and a few times, by the time I'd return, the guy would be history for whatever reason.

So -- wish me luck. Bond said he looks forward to staying in touch, and we'll get together as soon as possible after my return. Sigh.


And what of Hoffman, you ask? Despite the fact that he "couldn't wait" to see me again, I barely heard from him all week. We had a date planned for Saturday -- that morning he emailed and texted that he was under the weather, and had to cancel. He asked when I was going out of town, but didn't ask if I wanted to get together before then.

I admitted to myself then - I had been on the fence about him. If he'd seemed interested, I would have tried to come along for the ride. But since he's obviously not? No problem at all. I'd even contemplate setting him up with a friend (Shmutti, you reading?).

In other news -- I went speed dating with a friend this weekend. I'm hoping to convince her to write a guest post -- stand by!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Blog fodder on a silver platter!

I talked to new Jdate guy last night -- let's call him Mr Sensitive for reasons that will soon become apparent. (I know, I know -- I claim to be on dating hiatus. I guess I'm taking a hiatus from that hiatus!)

We made a plan for Sunday night. I don't know why I agreed to go out with him -- I got a weird vibe about him. He only had one blurry pic on his profile, and was realllly reluctant to give me his real email address. When I'd ask him a question, he just seemed a bit scattered.

Today I decided to cancel, and wrote a very nice email:
My apologies -- I'm going to have to reschedule -- my mom is arranging a family dinner for Sunday night, and I really should go. I'm then leaving town on Tuesday for two weeks for work -- can we reschedule after I get back?

Sorry for any inconvenience!

True -- the thing about the family dinner was a little white lie, but I saw no harm in that.

He emailed back (verbatim):
We cannot, but an hour tomorrow is ok... Otherwise things get Too non-immediate and lose their flavor

Huh? Flavor....? And who said anything about tomorrow?

Before I had a chance to respond, he texted me (again, verbatim -- I can't make this shit up!):
Incredibly poor form (and clearly not my type person) to cancel a date via text. I rescind all date offers. Thank u.

For the record, I canceled via email, not text -- and I think that's absolutely acceptable -- especially when it's FOUR DAYS before said "date". Dude, I didn't cancel our WEDDING via email / text, for Christmas sakes!

I wrote back, being sweetly diplomatic:
Was just about to write back -- I agree. We're just not a match. However, thank you for the excellent blog material.

There you have it. On a silver platter, with a doily and some decorative flowers thrown in.

UPDATE: the next morning, he wrote back:
I couldnt be happier that we arent a match, as by definition, i'm a match for class, grace and beauty. Blog away!

I was tempted to write back to tell him to grow some balls, but by this point, we were like two kids on the playground, yelling, "YOU're stupid!"... "No, YOU're stupid!". Sometimes the best answer is just NO answer. I shall take the high road, and be done with it.

Unless of course, you have a fabulously witty retort -- comment away!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Still (kind of) on that dating hiatus...

I wasn't ready to admit this the last time I wrote (as I was still grappling with it): at the end of my second date with Hoffman, he came back to my place. The connection was REALLY good, and he was completely respectful when I told him that we really shouldn't sleep together -- til I finally said, "oh, fuck it!". And so we did.

My issues with him having a few pounds? I didn't seem too bothered by it in the moment. We talked about having him spend the night, but I didn't think it was a good idea -- I had to be up early the next day, and I never sleep well when I spend the night with a new guy. So he left, and sent me a very sweet text when he got home.

During our next date a few days later, we had a very candid talk -- the sex was fun, but it was too soon. We continued to have a fabulous, intimate night -- dinner, followed by fun live music in the east village, followed by separate taxis home. We had talked about getting together again over the weekend (ie, this past weekend), but he had a friend coming to visit from out of town, and wasn't sure what they were doing yet. He emailed the next day to confirm as much -- the weekend wouldn't work, but he'd contact me early in the week to make plans.

Over the weekend, he sent a very sweet text -- I had sent him a link to something I'd written (something work-related), and he wanted to let me know how much he'd enjoyed it, adding "you don't cease to amaze me!". Very thoughtful. This meant a lot to me -- there have been times in the past when I've wanted to share some of my work with guys I've dated, and when I'd ask if they'd read it, I'd often hear a sheepish, "Not yet -- I've been soooo busy...". I got it.

By today, I still hadn't heard from him in terms of making plans -- with most other guys, I would have sat back and waited to hear from them, but with Hoffman? I can't explain it, I just feel a certain level of comfort with him. So I emailed him info on a new bar / lounge I'd read about, adding, "we should check this out!". He wrote back suggesting this weekend, and that he "couldn't wait". Nice.

I DO look forward to seeing him again, but am too overwhelmed with work at the moment to really think much about him or any other guys. I'm leaving for a business trip next week that's going to keep me out of town for nearly two weeks, so dating isn't very high on my priority list right now. Just fine by me.


And now: the Awkward Moment That Wasn't.

My friends (let's call them Mr and Ms Cool) were having an Oscar party -- these are the same people who threw the party where I met Mr 2010, aka The Invisible Man (after he, well, disappeared). This would be my first party at their place since his Great Disappearing Act of 2010 -- I saw that he was on the invite list.

I wanted to have backup troops with me, but none of my close friends could make it. I then had a brilliant idea: why not invite Smiley, the guy I dated in December? He knows Mr and Ms Cool as well -- I'd brought him to a few of their parties while we were dating. And oh yes -- there might be that added little jab to Mr 2010. When I told a friend, she said, "I LOVE bringing a guy to a party where an "ex" of some sort will be!". I felt the same way.

Saying that, Smiley and I ARE still just friends, at least in theory. Since we last slept together a month or so ago, he has texted me for a last-minute movie or drink, but I've been unable to make it. Not because I didn't want to see him, but (as anyone who knows me can attest) -- I'm a major planner. It's generally very hard for me to do last-minute stuff. If I'm at home after work in my sweats on the rare night I don't have plans to go out, and someone calls me for a spur of the moment drink? It's NOT easy to get me out of those sweats and into makeup.

But I digress.

I was nervous about seeing Mr 2010 at the party, even with Smiley there with me, and tried to inwardly rehearse how I'd talk to him - I thought cordial-but-cold was best. Turns out the only Oscar-worthy performances were on the TV, as he never showed. I was relieved.

I must admit -- it felt pretty nice to sit next to Smiley on the couch, as we gradually sat closer and closer, and his arm went around my shoulder, eventually playing with my hair, while his other hand caressed mine. He walked me home, and there was some sexy smooching. If things don't work out with Hoffman, I may have to consider some future sexytime with Smiley.

Hm, what's that, you say? Oh, you mean about my recent blog post about not sleeping with a guy again until we're in what may lead to a serious relationship? Well - spring is in the air, yada yada yada... I'm hopeful about Hoffman, but it's always good to have a Plan B.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Please kill me now.

... is what I found myself thinking just now on the phone, as I tried to figure out a polite way to extricate myself from the conversation with Mr Yawnzers, a new Match guy. Why I agreed to talk on the phone is beyond me, after this morning's email, where he photoshopped a picture of me, so I appeared to be next to him in his profile picture. The name of the attached pic was [Mr Yawnzers] + [Loverville]. Hot, right?

I've decided: I'm (mostly) taking a break from dating for the next few weeks -- it's just getting too agonizing. I'm burned out. Done. Last night I had a second date with a new guy -- let's call him Joe, as in Average Joe (date #160). The small talk / chit-chat became unbearable. The sad thing is: when I got home and looked at the new guys who were waiting in my in-box, "Joe" was looking pretty good.

In the past, even if I had a less-than-stellar first phone conversation with a guy, I'd still give him the benefit of the doubt, and would usually meet him because "you never know" -- not these days. The other day, I had such a conversation: the highlight may have been when we discussed the distance between certain towns in New Jersey. I managed to avoid making plans when I said I left my calendar in the office -- if he follows up, I'll just tell the truth and let him know that I didn't sense a connection.

Then there's Hoffman -- when we met up for our date this weekend, I was already writing the blog in my head: he's not as big as I seemed to recall!

We had a really nice time -- he's incredibly open and honest and hella-interesting -- there seemed to be good chemistry (kissing on the street just after we left the restaurant). And yet -- a part of me is still on the fence. One of those things you just can't explain. We have another date planned for this week - I just need more time to assess what I'm thinking / feeling about him.

I do realize -- all these boring guys I'm complaining about - the thing they have in common is ME. Could I be the boring one? Perhaps. Could it just be that I'm sick of one "interview" after the next? Definitely. My best friend D, a news reporter, put it this way: It's like me covering too many murders, it makes each one impact me less.

So. It's time for a big exhale, and some "me" time. No new dates for a while - I'm on hiatus. I'll still see what happens with Hoffman. Then there's a guy who's a setup by a friend. He's had my number for a few days now -- maybe he'll call, maybe not. IF he calls (and if I don't want to slit my wrists after 15 minutes on the phone with him), I'll go out with him. But no other new, anonymous guys for a while -- not for a few weeks.


Oh! How could I forget to share this winner with you? Two weeks ago, just after Valentine's Day, I got a text from a guy I'd just sent my number to: it was a photo of a bunch of stuffed animals on a bed (his?), with the words: Happy Valentine's Day, from my family to yours.

I was so gobsmacked, I just didn't know how to respond.