Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Please kill me now.

... is what I found myself thinking just now on the phone, as I tried to figure out a polite way to extricate myself from the conversation with Mr Yawnzers, a new Match guy. Why I agreed to talk on the phone is beyond me, after this morning's email, where he photoshopped a picture of me, so I appeared to be next to him in his profile picture. The name of the attached pic was [Mr Yawnzers] + [Loverville]. Hot, right?

I've decided: I'm (mostly) taking a break from dating for the next few weeks -- it's just getting too agonizing. I'm burned out. Done. Last night I had a second date with a new guy -- let's call him Joe, as in Average Joe (date #160). The small talk / chit-chat became unbearable. The sad thing is: when I got home and looked at the new guys who were waiting in my in-box, "Joe" was looking pretty good.

In the past, even if I had a less-than-stellar first phone conversation with a guy, I'd still give him the benefit of the doubt, and would usually meet him because "you never know" -- not these days. The other day, I had such a conversation: the highlight may have been when we discussed the distance between certain towns in New Jersey. I managed to avoid making plans when I said I left my calendar in the office -- if he follows up, I'll just tell the truth and let him know that I didn't sense a connection.

Then there's Hoffman -- when we met up for our date this weekend, I was already writing the blog in my head: he's not as big as I seemed to recall!

We had a really nice time -- he's incredibly open and honest and hella-interesting -- there seemed to be good chemistry (kissing on the street just after we left the restaurant). And yet -- a part of me is still on the fence. One of those things you just can't explain. We have another date planned for this week - I just need more time to assess what I'm thinking / feeling about him.

I do realize -- all these boring guys I'm complaining about - the thing they have in common is ME. Could I be the boring one? Perhaps. Could it just be that I'm sick of one "interview" after the next? Definitely. My best friend D, a news reporter, put it this way: It's like me covering too many murders, it makes each one impact me less.

So. It's time for a big exhale, and some "me" time. No new dates for a while - I'm on hiatus. I'll still see what happens with Hoffman. Then there's a guy who's a setup by a friend. He's had my number for a few days now -- maybe he'll call, maybe not. IF he calls (and if I don't want to slit my wrists after 15 minutes on the phone with him), I'll go out with him. But no other new, anonymous guys for a while -- not for a few weeks.


Oh! How could I forget to share this winner with you? Two weeks ago, just after Valentine's Day, I got a text from a guy I'd just sent my number to: it was a photo of a bunch of stuffed animals on a bed (his?), with the words: Happy Valentine's Day, from my family to yours.

I was so gobsmacked, I just didn't know how to respond.


mimi of sexagenarian and the city said...

It sounds as if you need a break; your head is spinning. I know the feeling.

Anonymous said...

Hi, don't feel bad, I am on hiatus also, get sick of on line dating at the moment.


marc said...

The Photoshop thing is cringe inducing. I wonder if these guys are just nice guys with bad ideas about how to get women to like them, or if they're one missed pill away from a "If I can't have you, no one else can" breakdown. Either way, you're totally within your rights to blow them off.

As far as the bad phone calls, I suggest the "Fake Hold" move, details at:


Loverville said...

Mimi: OH yes indeed!

Jane: yes -- it's good to take a break, and recharge the batteries!

Marc: a bit scary, huh, the picture thing? Ew. Loved your post on the fake hold!

My way of getting off the phone: "oh, I told my sister I'd call her tonight about our plans for tomorrow -- better call her before it gets too late".

The other night, it was earlier in the evening when I talked to that other boring guy -- then, I said I was meeting friends for drinks in 20 minutes, and had to dash.

Then again: if you simply say, "I have to get going" -- who can really argue with that?

Anonymous said...

I think that "benefit of the doubt" policy because "you never know" is a bad one, and guaranteed to promote burnout. Because you do know.

You should go the other way and meet in person ONLY if you really are enthusiastic after the conversation. Quality over quantity. You will have way fewer dates but better ones.

If you read Mimi/sexagenarian's penultimate post, you will have seen my own happy news, which is that I now have a very serious boyfriend. I am about the last person on earth to have something so wonderful happen to her. I've waited 20 years for this guy!

Interestingly, I don't feel that we've known each other forever, because he feels very new, and yet there is some quality of great familiarity. From the beginning, the comfort level was off the charts. In the middle of our first date, which was at a restaurant in the nabe, I was fairly certain. (I later said that I wanted to hold his hand, which was on the table; he said he put his hand on the table to see whether I would hold it.) By later that evening, I was absolutely certain.

There is no grand lesson or moral or tip in this. I perceive it as strictly dumb luck. So I can't give you a how-to, except that the more people you encounter, the greater the likelihood that one of them will feel right.


Anonymous said...

Oh, and as far as getting off the phone -- I typically have little trouble doing so. It is easier to just be upfront and even to say you don't see much of a match. Then give a polite good luck and good bye statement. The only phone calls I ever get stuck on are business phone calls, when I want something from the person and therefore want to be particularly amiable and cooperative.


FierySaggGirl said...

The importance of the phone call was just proven. There's a conversation on another blog about folks getting insulted when asked to first speak on the phone before meeting. Imagine if you actually met the duds!

Take a break, but it's like watching a train wreck,it's an addiction and after a few days you'll take a peek and then start all over! We all do! LOL

There ought to be a MCA support group; "Hello, my name is ... and I've been online dating for four years. Everyday I say I won't do it but then I find myself rewriting my profile!"

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

Ugh! The photoshopping bit was just so sad and pitiful! And stuffed animals?!? Step away...step slowly away....

Breaks are good. I'm on one right now myself. I just go through these periods where I get tired of meeting strangers. Go back out when you actually feel excited about it. Luck!