Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Still (kind of) on that dating hiatus...

I wasn't ready to admit this the last time I wrote (as I was still grappling with it): at the end of my second date with Hoffman, he came back to my place. The connection was REALLY good, and he was completely respectful when I told him that we really shouldn't sleep together -- til I finally said, "oh, fuck it!". And so we did.

My issues with him having a few pounds? I didn't seem too bothered by it in the moment. We talked about having him spend the night, but I didn't think it was a good idea -- I had to be up early the next day, and I never sleep well when I spend the night with a new guy. So he left, and sent me a very sweet text when he got home.

During our next date a few days later, we had a very candid talk -- the sex was fun, but it was too soon. We continued to have a fabulous, intimate night -- dinner, followed by fun live music in the east village, followed by separate taxis home. We had talked about getting together again over the weekend (ie, this past weekend), but he had a friend coming to visit from out of town, and wasn't sure what they were doing yet. He emailed the next day to confirm as much -- the weekend wouldn't work, but he'd contact me early in the week to make plans.

Over the weekend, he sent a very sweet text -- I had sent him a link to something I'd written (something work-related), and he wanted to let me know how much he'd enjoyed it, adding "you don't cease to amaze me!". Very thoughtful. This meant a lot to me -- there have been times in the past when I've wanted to share some of my work with guys I've dated, and when I'd ask if they'd read it, I'd often hear a sheepish, "Not yet -- I've been soooo busy...". I got it.

By today, I still hadn't heard from him in terms of making plans -- with most other guys, I would have sat back and waited to hear from them, but with Hoffman? I can't explain it, I just feel a certain level of comfort with him. So I emailed him info on a new bar / lounge I'd read about, adding, "we should check this out!". He wrote back suggesting this weekend, and that he "couldn't wait". Nice.

I DO look forward to seeing him again, but am too overwhelmed with work at the moment to really think much about him or any other guys. I'm leaving for a business trip next week that's going to keep me out of town for nearly two weeks, so dating isn't very high on my priority list right now. Just fine by me.


And now: the Awkward Moment That Wasn't.

My friends (let's call them Mr and Ms Cool) were having an Oscar party -- these are the same people who threw the party where I met Mr 2010, aka The Invisible Man (after he, well, disappeared). This would be my first party at their place since his Great Disappearing Act of 2010 -- I saw that he was on the invite list.

I wanted to have backup troops with me, but none of my close friends could make it. I then had a brilliant idea: why not invite Smiley, the guy I dated in December? He knows Mr and Ms Cool as well -- I'd brought him to a few of their parties while we were dating. And oh yes -- there might be that added little jab to Mr 2010. When I told a friend, she said, "I LOVE bringing a guy to a party where an "ex" of some sort will be!". I felt the same way.

Saying that, Smiley and I ARE still just friends, at least in theory. Since we last slept together a month or so ago, he has texted me for a last-minute movie or drink, but I've been unable to make it. Not because I didn't want to see him, but (as anyone who knows me can attest) -- I'm a major planner. It's generally very hard for me to do last-minute stuff. If I'm at home after work in my sweats on the rare night I don't have plans to go out, and someone calls me for a spur of the moment drink? It's NOT easy to get me out of those sweats and into makeup.

But I digress.

I was nervous about seeing Mr 2010 at the party, even with Smiley there with me, and tried to inwardly rehearse how I'd talk to him - I thought cordial-but-cold was best. Turns out the only Oscar-worthy performances were on the TV, as he never showed. I was relieved.

I must admit -- it felt pretty nice to sit next to Smiley on the couch, as we gradually sat closer and closer, and his arm went around my shoulder, eventually playing with my hair, while his other hand caressed mine. He walked me home, and there was some sexy smooching. If things don't work out with Hoffman, I may have to consider some future sexytime with Smiley.

Hm, what's that, you say? Oh, you mean about my recent blog post about not sleeping with a guy again until we're in what may lead to a serious relationship? Well - spring is in the air, yada yada yada... I'm hopeful about Hoffman, but it's always good to have a Plan B.


Anonymous said...

So what if he has a few extra pounds? Or even if he's fat? That stuff is not important. Clearly, he is attractive enough for you to sleep with him on the second date. So complaining about his weight is not allowed.

Of course the second date is "too soon." But you know that. And it's not fatal. Can't wait to see how this unfolds. He sounds like the best one yet! Fingers crossed!


Loverville said...

I wouldn't say I'm "complaining" about his weight -- more like I'm coming to terms with it.

Even if I were complaining -- of course that's "allowed" -- that's what a blog is for! Venting, kvetching, getting stuff off one's chest!

Anyway -- I like him enough to keep seeing him, so we'll see where this goes.

PT, as an aside: congrats on your new beau! I read the details on Mimi's blog. That's wonderful!

mimi of sexagenarian and the city said...

Well, this is good reading, so I trust it's good dating also. Actually I'm just as excited about your trip. I'm trying to suppress the cliche "never a dull moment," but it won't stay down.

mimi of sexagenarian and the city said...

p.s. If this is your idea of a "dating hiatus," your notion of dating-in-full-swing must be exhausting!

Dark Cloud Nine said...

Feeling comfortable (while still attracted) with someone is absolutely priceless... Major major points for him - well for you about him.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, LV. It IS wonderful.

I definitely agree with Dark Cloud about the comfortable factor. I was instantaneously and enormously comfortable with my guy. (Besides thinking he was smart, funny, interesting, cute, etc.) There were things about him that felt utterly familiar, even though he was completely new to me. We dress alike!

Also, the right guy feels completely different from the other guys. There's some kind of inarticulable "fit" or "rightness."

In my case, my guy is not from NY but from out of town (no surprise there), and our first 'date' lasted four days. By the second day, it was pretty clear he was never going to leave, and by the fourth day, it was solidified that he was never going to leave.

What's odd is that it was so hard to find him....and so easy once I did. I wish this would happen for everyone, and then all of the dating blogs would be eradicated.


FierySaggGirl said...

Thank goodness I am not the only one to get hot and heavy on a first or second date! Isn't 'too soon' different for everyone? Only if you never heard from him it would have been too son. Enjoy!