Thursday, April 8, 2010

Backtrack -- date #2 with Bond:

Before he disappeared, then resurfaced, I had this wonderful second date with Bond -- I wrote this account a day or two later, then got too busy to post it:

We made plans to meet up at my place first, then we’d decide where to go out for a bite or a drink. As soon as he walked through the door, we had a passionate, long, deep, close kiss. Rather, kisses. There had been a lot of buildup in the two weeks since we'd seen each other, through almost-daily emails. After a few minutes of this, we both laughed and said we should cool down a bit.

I gave him a tour of my place – he admired it, and said he could definitely tell that a woman lived here. It’s not especially girly, just neat and tidy.

We sat on my couch to talk about my trip, and I showed him pics on my laptop. With the monsoon rains outside, we decided to just hang out at my place – neither of us were hungry. We laughed about our previous date, when we smooched shamelessly in public in the corner of a (mostly empty) bar.

We kissed, we talked, we looked at pictures, we kissed some more. His hand began to wander up my skirt and I told him it was too soon. We had a very frank discussion about sex, and about the importance of waiting – as he put it, “let’s see if there’s something here first”.

Ever since that electric first kiss on that first date, I’ve been thinking about what sex would be like with him – only thinking about it, mind you. When I like a guy, there’s definitely extra incentive to hold off on doing the deed.

Lucky Girl wrote this very eloquent post on the virtues of waiting to sleep with someone – LG, seriously, thank you – you put together the words that had been swimming around my head, but couldn’t come together in a cohesive manner, especially this part:

Sex can be an important part of falling in love with someone, but it can also be a pair of blinders. I’ve learned that having sex before I really know a person confuses me. It clouds my judgment, makes me feel love that has no foundation.

So – we’ll see. At this point, my goal is to try to wait til at least date 4 or 5 – not that we’ll be “in love” yet (far from it), but we’ll hopefully have more of a vibe about each other.

I wish I had a videotape of this last date – as it is, I’ve been replaying moments of it in my head, like when he told me he wanted to visit my old neighborhood with me. When he asked genuine questions about my family, my job, my life. I also wouldn’t mind seeing some video of those sexy kisses.

He left after 2 am.

Staying optimistically cautious.

So... after that, he disappeared, then emailed me that he was feeling guilty about dating other women. I wrote back that I never assumed I'd be exclusive with someone after only two dates.

Update: he then wrote back with a thank you, and he appreciated my positive attitude. He's out of town for a few days for work, but he hoped I was enjoying the beautiful NY weather. He did NOT suggest scheduling another date.

So -- I do hope I'll see him again, but I'm more cautious than optimistic at the moment. Several other dates lined up in the near future, some new guys, some guys from the past -- stay tuned for info!

Speaking of guys from the past: I went to a baseball game with Martin last night. Although "dating" in the conventional sense didn't work for us in the past, I do enjoy his company as a friend. With occasional benefits. Ahem -- you could say there were several home runs last night. And this morning.

I do want a boyfriend. But with this gorgeous weather, spring / summer flings are also sounding good to me right now...


Plentymorefishoutofwater said...

Tell us more about the moments when you're thinking about 'doing the deed' with him...
*Plentymorefishoutofwater - One Man's Dating Diary*

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

I hate it when you have a good snog, and the boy disappears. I think he's trying to decide how much he wants to keep snogging you. I'll be curious to see if he pops up again.

Ooh, aren't Martin's fun? ;)

MARC said...

I have never uttered, “let’s see if there’s something here first," or anything like it to a woman while in the midst of potential fornication. That takes discipline.

Dark Cloud Nine said...

Love and sex huh? I've always had sex rather very early in a relationship and it never helped nor prevented me from falling in love. But maybe it mattered to them... I always followed my instinct and it's interesting how I suppose I would do things different now - maybe. Maybe not.

Slinky Redfoot said...

Im with you on the sex thing - ie. need to retrain, or you'll be in pain. But it's pretty difficult.